I think I'm doing a bit better these days. I'm getting out more and spending time with friends whereas before, I was just sort of shut in the house. I still have a hard time with mornings and afternoons, though. I wake up and immediately feel like I don't want to be awake. I usually eat and then go back to bed. It seems to take me most of the day ( Read more... )

Things are still not great. It's this constant restlessness that plagues me day and night. When I am at home, I don't know what do to with myself. I pace, I smoke. I sit down and try to read my emails but find that I don't want to engage in that for longer than a minute. I don't want to pratice my guitar or do any housework. I continually sabotague ( Read more... )

My presence weighs heavy upon this house. There is only anger and weariness in my parents' voices when they speak to me now. My episodes are constant fuel for their reactionary behavior. If I choose to stay in at night and sleep, I can see them visibly crumble. They only want me around when I am happy go-lucky Stef, not the person I am now. They ( Read more... )

Things are still not great for me. I am in a low point, as we've taken to calling it, where I just constantly feel ill at ease and like I want to get away from myself. It's not even an "I'm feeling bad about myself" sort of thing... it's a literal feeling of dread and wanting to escape ( Read more... )

This was a big decision for me, to come back here, to this shrine of the self. There was a time, a long period, in fact, when the dazzling superficiality of Facebook and absorbtion into the world of celebrity gossip and fashion blogs was all I needed. I was strong, vibrant, fearless, caring nothing for the inner working of the soul and the tedious ( Read more... )

So, where have *I* been, you ask?

To the ends of the earth and back.

Up to my armpits in it again, and loving it.

Camping was amazing. So was floating at Durrance Lake this afternoon, on what was officially the Hottest Day of the Year (35 + degrees??) Everything's just a jolly bowl of cherries right now.. too bad I don't feel like talking about any of it ( Read more... )

If anyone cares, I'm off to picturesque Port Alberni tomorrow to perform with the Doukhobors at Forest Fest, and to (in the inimitable words of Bryce Wray) "camp the shit out of it" over the weekend at Sproat Lake ( Read more... )

When someone tells you that they're only happy when you hate them, you have no choice but to try. It's the least you can do ( Read more... )

I am now ready to assume my throne as the Queen of Awkward Moments That Could Otherwise Have Been Avoided Had I Even A Modicum of Common Sense ( Read more... )