AB/BtVS FF: Nightmares in Waking Life 28/?
TITLE: Nightmares in Waking Life
AUTHOR: 38gnihsurc
RATING: en.sea.xvii overall
PAIRINGS: All the pairings from the previous two stories---and some new ones, too
SPOILERS: Up until Micah for AB; the whole TV series for the Buffyverse; Alive at Last and Living Underground.
WARNINGS: A little bit of fur... bdsm... the usuals for Anita's crazy, crazy world.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone---except for any original characters that I whip up to do my bidding ;)
NOTE: This story is a sequel to Living Underground.
Previous chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9-11, 12, 13, 14-5, 16-7, 18-9, 20-1, 22, 23, 24-5, 26-7
PART TWENTY-EIGHT
Willow woke up, sputtering and coughing.
"Willow? Willow?! Please answer me!"
She slowly opened her eyes and found herself looking into Nathaniel's violet eyes. There was a long scratch on his cheek and she wondered if she had done that while she was dreaming.
"Did I...?"
He smiled a bit and shrugged. "Yeah, but it's okay. It'll heal quickly." His smile faded into a frown as he cupped her face in his hands and smoothed his thumbs over her cheeks. "Are you alright? I came in to get an elastic... saw you submerged and flailing---"
"I was dreaming," Willow said, cutting him off. She didn't want to give him more information than she had to. She already knew when Asher found out, he would act more protective of her than he already did; she didn't mind the guards but she didn't want to lose the rest of her privacy and freedom, either. "I'm okay. Thanks for pulling me up," she added in a softer tone of voice. "I'm sorry about scratching your face."
"You seemed really scared," Nathaniel told her. He reached towards the shelf for a couple of towels. After pulling the plug from the drain, he helped her stand and he towelled off her body. Willow almost resisted his efforts, but she knew the contact was just as important for him as it was for her. "Maybe you want to talk about it?"
Willow sighed. "It was just a dream about Xander," she told him cryptically.
Nathaniel frowned. "Did he hurt you... in the dream?"
"Something like that," she admitted.
The wereleopard stood and wrapped her in the bigger towel. He took the other one and carefully wrapped it around her head, as if it were a turban, so her hair could dry a bit.
"You need real rest," Nathaniel said quietly. "You've been burning the candle at both ends since Buffy got here... it's no wonder you're having bad dreams." He looked into her eyes. "Do you want pajamas?" he asked.
"Just a t-shirt and shorts," she suggested. "Or, am I alone? Because, then I might want something warmer."
He shot her a look that clearly said 'of course not,' and then he went into the bedroom to get her something to wear to bed. When he helped her into a t-shirt, he told her, "Jason'll be home soon and he'll come here looking for you, I'm sure. So, you'll have both of us."
Willow nodded. She took the shorts from him and stepped into the garment; as she pulled the waistband to her hips, part of her wanted to remove the restricting fabric from her body. She looked at Nathaniel and knew she'd feel better with her flesh pressed to his, but after her dream and the events of the previous day, she wasn't sure she wanted to welcome any more weirdness into her life. She didn't want to embrace the changes in her impulses and desires; she just wanted to sleep. Nathaniel was right: she was exhausted.
"I'll go turn the bed down... then I'll come back and brush your hair," Nathaniel insisted.
She nodded again. He seemed to be taking charge; she didn't completely understand why. Apparently she had almost drowned, but had it been that scary? She couldn't remember. She remembered how the sun burned her skin, as if she were a vampire, and she remembered how the bullet felt as it pierced her heart, but she didn't know how those events were interpreted by Nathaniel. The drowning seemed secondary to everything else she had endured in the past couple of hours.
"Do you want me to call Asher?"
Willow turned her head towards the door. "No, Nathaniel, it's okay. He deserves to have some fun... I had planned to spend the night alone... to rest," she said.
"Oh." He paused. "Asher'd want to know."
The witch didn't want Asher to know about her dream. She forced herself to chuckle. "You're going to call him and tell him I had a bad dream?" she asked as she walked to the doorway and leaned against its frame. She watched Nathaniel as he turned down the comforter and top sheet. "Nathaniel, it'll be okay. He doesn't need to know about it."
"But needing and wanting are two different things."
"Please," Willow insisted, "don't tell him. I'll be fine after some sleep."
He stood and squared his shoulders. "If I hadn't come in, you would have died!" he exclaimed. His eyes widened, as if he were surprised with his outburst. "He would definitely want to know... if he doesn't already---"
"Just get in bed," Willow interjected. She rolled her eyes. "It was just a bad dream in the wrong place. I didn't plan on falling asleep."
"Are you going out with Buffy again, tomorrow?"
"Maybe."
He sighed. "You need real rest. We've all been going from one thing to another... and... it's gotta be hard on you, too." He smiled a bit. "At least if you're warm and I'm purring, you'll sleep."
Willow smiled. He was right about that. She always slept well when she was near Nathaniel and when he was purring. They didn't share a bed often, because his home was with Anita, but when they did, she enjoyed it.
But, as an added precaution, she was going to take a dose of the potion she had recently made.
"What are you drinking?" the wereleopard asked, when he went into the bathroom, surprised her, and saw what she was bringing to her lips.
"Sleeping potion," she said after swallowing the contents of one vial.
"Is it safe?"
"Yes, Nathaniel."
He huffed. "I'm just asking logical questions. No need to take that tone of voice, Willow," he reminded her. He touched her arm. "When did you make it?"
"When Buffy got here."
"So, you've been having trouble sleeping for a few days, at least."
Willow nodded as she felt the magical drink coursing through her veins. Nathaniel pulled her into a hug and kissed her temple. "You can always tell me stuff," he whispered. "Even if you feel silly sharing it. I promise to listen and not make it feel... insignificant. If it's important to you, it's important to me, okay?"
She nodded again. She didn't think she'd ever tell anyone how much it hurt to be burned by the sun---or how it felt to be shot, even though more people around her knew how that felt than she did. She didn't know how to admit that she had dreamed Xander was back, with Buffy on his side, and that Anita had given Edward the order to kill her. She didn't know how to admit that she was afraid of being betrayed and then chased down. She didn't know how to admit that she was afraid of turning into a vampire. She wasn't even sure if that was what the dream meant!
Nathaniel eventually guided her to bed. She felt better, between the potion's effects and the warm body, and she felt the tension seep away as she drifted off to sleep.
&&&&
Richard sighed when he peeked into Willow's and Asher's bedroom and saw Willow curled up with one of Anita's wereleopards. He didn't want Nathaniel to see him weak; he didn't even want Willow to see him in his current condition, but he needed to go to a safe place to put himself back together.
The past couple of days had been very hard for him. He had to call in sick from school---he didn't want to accidentally feed from a minor---and he had spent some time with pack members, trying to learn how to control his emotions so he could feed the ardeur that had apparently diversified into the much murkier territory of emotions.
He hadn't had much luck until Asher had come to visit him. Asher had been Willow's control and it seemed as if he could be Richard's control, too. The discovery wasn't much help but it did give Richard a sense of safety he needed to get comfortable with the power. He could feed from a distance---Asher shared Jean-Claude's theory with the Ulfric---but he preferred to feed through contact. Feeling his happiness or sadness affect the other person and generate more emotions with little thoughts and images... it was a rich meal.
Of course, that realisation had shamed Richard into trying to throw everyone from his home.
Asher protected the others from his rage and he guided them to their vehicles.
But, the vampire didn't leave before asking Richard to stop hiding from his true nature.
But, the next night, he had gone to the restaurant with Buffy, Willow, and Asher. Beforehand, he knew he needed to feed---even before Asher reminded him.
Asher volunteered himself as food for the 'emotional ardeur,' but only if he could feed from Richard's neck at the same time.
Richard was sure the vampire had done something to his mind, to get him to agree to such terms. He couldn't believe that he had agreed and offered his neck to the blond. But, then, he felt a brief flutter of Asher's powers and his mind wasn't entirely functioning anymore.
Overall, Richard could admit that Asher had behaved. Unlike the first time he had fed from the Ulfric, Asher didn't push too much power into his body. He didn't seek release. He simply fed and lowered his shields enough so that Richard could draw upon his emotions for metaphysical sustenance. Still, Richard had been uncomfortable.
He wasn't sure why Asher had asked him to stop hiding from his true nature. He didn't know what that meant, either. Did he mean his true nature as a wolf---which would explain his awful nightmare---or did he mean his true nature as a man?
Neither was incredibly appealing.
"Richard?"
He startled to see Nathaniel sitting up in bed. His hair was braided and that braid trailed down his bare chest and into a sea of bedclothes.
"You want Willow? She's finally asleep, but I can---"
"Is she having trouble sleeping?"
Nathaniel nodded. He eased off of the mattress, away from Willow, and then he padded softly towards the Ulfric. "She took a potion and then pretty much nodded off straight away," he whispered. "She has some left. Do you want to try it? It doesn't smell bad... different... but like a whole bunch of difference spices and things, all at once."
"Do you think she'd mind?"
The wereleopard shook his head. "She has a few bottles here." His cheeks flushed a bit. "After she fell asleep, I went looking for it, because I was worried she was taking drugs or something," he confessed.
Richard didn't know why Nathaniel was being so honest with him. He found it a little amusing, beacuse the grown man had rummaged through Willow's cupboards, and endearing, because he clearly cared about the witch. But, he still didn't know why Nathaniel had admitted such a truth to him.
"You should get a bath first," Nathaniel said. "The heat will help you relax. I could get a werewolf to come in and wash your hair, if you want? The touch'd help, too."
He shook his head, the action jarred his already-whirring brain. "No... no. I don't want... I mean..." he trailed off and looked at the wereleopard. "You don't even know why I'm here."
"I just have to look at you to know why you're here," he said softly, no challenge in his voice or body language. "You don't have to talk about it with me... but I can help you feel better."
Richard caught a glimpse of a memory behind his eyes.
Nathaniel's throat gripped by one of Asher's hands as the other---
"N-no."
Nathaniel's eyes widened. "Richard?"
Richard blinked and jarred himself from his jumbled thoughts and feelings. He saw lilac-coloured eyes before he saw the man in front of him.
"I saw... something. I... just now, I mean."
Nathaniel nodded slowly. "Asher's or Willow's thoughts? Or... your own?"
"I don't know."
"Honest enough," the younger man said with a little smile. "Now, do you want me to run you a bath? I know you said you don't want anyone else here, but---"
"I don't like you seeing me like this," Richard interjected quietly. "But, I don't want my pack to see me like this either."
Nathaniel nodded again. "Alright," he said. Richard got the impression that he was choosing his words very carefully. "You sit here, on the bed, and I'll fill the tub. You can get cleaned up... and then, you can get into bed with Willow." He paused and then added, "She'll be glad to see you when she wakes up."
"How long does the potion last?" Richard asked.
The wereleopard shrugged. "I don't know. I've never seen her take it before. Probably a while, though... enough for a good night's sleep."
"Oh."
"You shouldn't take it until after your bath," Nathaniel advised.
"Good tip," Richard said wryly.
Nathaniel smiled a bit and then darted into the bathroom. Richard heard the water running and some clinking and shuffling as the younger man moved around and prepared the Ulfric's bath. The werewolf couldn't believe what was happening; they did not get along and Richard could usually go as far as saying he hated the wereleopard most days, but he was in the other room drawing a bath.
Richard sighed and stretched his arms over his shoulders and head. Then, he pulled off his sweatshirt and balled it up in his hands before throwing it onto the floor. He absentmindedly rubbed a hand over his bare chest as he paced around the bed. He watched Willow as she slept peacefully; he wondered if she was having similar bad dreams or if she was simply having trouble sleeping with all the stress that seemed to be finding them lately.
"Um... hi."
The Ulfric startled. He hadn't heard the wereleopard return to the bedroom.
"Sorry," Nathaniel said with a little tilt of his head. "I just wanted to know... is there a particular oil you want me to put in the water?"
"Oil?"
"Asher's been keeping scented oils in the bathroom. Usually, just lilac oil for Willow, but he's added other scents, too... more, um, manly scents, in case anyone else is in here and wants a bath. Y'know."
"Oh... uh, whatever."
Nathaniel smiled. "Is that a yes or no?"
"I just want to relax and try to put this night behind me," Richard admitted. "I didn't plan much beyond 'get to the Circus.'"
Nathaniel's smile grew. "Fair enough. So, you're trusting yourself in my hands?"
"Yeah." Richard's eyes widened as he realised how many implications his response held. "Oh, I... no, uh---"
The wereleopard chuckled. "Don't worry, I figured you meant only as far as preparing the bath."
Richard sighed and relaxed. "Okay. Thanks."
"Come in when you're ready," Nathaniel said. "The tub's almost full."
The werewolf nodded. The auburn-haired man disappeared into the other room.
A few minutes later, Richard decided he couldn't put it off any longer. He also realised that as soon as he finished his bath, he could try to sleep again. He was curious to know if Willow's magical potion would work; he was curious to know if he could actually get a few hours of sleep without dreaming about bloody destruction and his public outing.
He stepped into the bathroom and saw the tub, full of steaming water, before he saw Nathaniel, in shorts, sitting on its tiled edge.
The wereleopard seemed to be testing the water's temperature. His back was to the Ulfric; his hand was in the water. Richard watched the way the man's long braid hung and swayed before he caught himself and shook his head.
"I put towels on the rack," Nathaniel said calmly. He seemed to be completely at ease. "And there isn't much oil in the water. You should soak and relax... but try not to fall asleep in here, okay?"
"I'm not that tired."
"Well, I think you are," the wereleopard responded, "but you don't want to close your eyes."
"Are you always this perceptive?"
Nathaniel craned his neck and looked over his shoulder at the other man. He smiled. "Only when I won't bug the people I'm with," he replied.
Richard thought he looked rather impish---if men could, in fact, appear that way. He smiled, despite his foul mood.
"You gonna get in with your jeans on?" Nathaniel asked when silence fell between them.
"Oh. No... I just... oh, hell." Richard stopped talking with a grunt. He tugged his jeans off and left them to rest upon the floor while he sank himself into the hot water. Nathaniel moved off of the ledge, carefully giving Richard plenty of space and privacy. He put some soap and cloths on the edge of the tub and then he moved to the door; however, he hesitated and smiled when Richard groaned. "This is... pretty close to perfect," he muttered as he leaned back and stretched out his legs.
"Do you want anything from the kitchen?"
The werewolf looked up at the other lycanthrope. "Why are you being so nice to me?" he asked, before he could control the impulse to ask such a question.
Nathaniel shrugged and smiled. "You're important to Anita and to Willow," he said. "You're the leader of my friends' pack."
"But---"
"You think you hate me because of how quickly I moved into Anita's life," Nathaniel continued. "You probably did for a while. Now, I just confuse you... and you don't like that. So, you don't like me much."
"What don't you like about me?"
Nathaniel smiled again, but the smile wasn't his own. Richard thought it looked a lot like Micah's neutral smile---the expression he wore when he didn't want to show his true feelings.
"Well, I don't like how you treat Anita sometimes... and I wish you were more comfortable in your own skin, but---"
Richard sighed. "Why does everyone say that?"
"Maybe because we're not always sure if you're here, with the rest of us."
"I'm trying."
Nathaniel's next smile was warmer. "I know you are," he said, "and I'm glad."
"It's hard," Richard confessed.
The wereleopard took one step back towards the tub. "Is this... some of what you dreamed about?" he asked quietly.
Richard nodded. He swallowed against the memory of how the flesh and blood felt in his mouth; to distract himself, he picked up the soap and one of the clothes and started to wash his upper body.
"What did you do when you had those nightmares right after you were infected?" Nathaniel asked. When Richard didn't say anything, he pressed onwards. "Everyone has them. We're different beasts but we both had to learn to control ourselves." Nathaniel shrugged and leaned against the door---the farthest away from Richard he could be and still be in the room. "I remember the first time I saw someone and thought 'prey.' If Gabriel hadn't been there..." he trailed off and Richard saw a wistful expression haunt his eyes. "Of course, I paid for almost losing control, but once I knew the rules it got better."
"You talk about it like it's an S and M show."
"Well, you treat it that way," Nathaniel commented. "You're either hurting yourself or hurting others."
Richard growled. Nathaniel didn't flinch.
"I apologise," the wereleopard whispered into the silence. "I'm not helping you relax much, am I?"
"No," Richard grunted, after thinking that Nathaniel was a very pushy submissive. His apology hadn't been for analysing Richard's behavior or making accusations about how he lives and deals with others; his apology had only been for riling Richard far from relaxation. He sighed. "Thanks for the bath," he mumbled.
"Do you want me to go get a---"
"No, I'll be okay."
Nathaniel nodded. "I'll check on you in thirty minutes," he said, before disappearing from the room.
&&&&
Asher hesitated before crossing the threshold of his bedroom. Jean-Claude, who had joined him as he often did in the pre-dawn hours, almost bumped into him from behind. They were both startled by what they saw in front of them.
Nathaniel sat up, grinning. He slipped out of bed and slinked towards the vampires. "They're both sleeping, finally," the wereleopard said with a little grin. At Jean-Claude's arched eyebrow, his smile faltered. "They were having bad dreams," he confessed. "Richard came over because he didn't know where else to go."
"Where is Emily?"
"With Jamil and some of the pack," Nathaniel said as he averted his eyes from the Master of the City's face. "Or, that's what I learned when Richard called his house before going to bed."
"And what role do you play in all of this?" Asher inquired.
"I... well, I was here checking on Willow, when... well, I was sleeping with her and then Richard showed up and---"
"When, what, mon chaton?" Asher interrupted.
Nathaniel worried his lower lip with his teeth. "She asked me not to say anything," he admitted.
Asher brought a finger up to Nathaniel's bare chest. He used the pad of his finger gently before turning his wrist and letting the edge of his fingernail rest against some of the wereleopard's soft skin.
"I could withhold just to see how far you'd go in front of others," Nathaniel purred, a smirk tweaking his lips.
"You would, too," the blond snorted. "Tell me," he said as he pulled his hand away from Nathaniel's chest.
"She didn't make me promise, but she didn't want to make you worry."
Asher nodded. That sounded like something Willow would think or say. On impulse, he drew Nathaniel against one side of his body; the lycanthrope sighed and invisible tension seemed to seep out of him.
"Are you afraid to tell me?" he asked.
Nathaniel shook his head. "No... but... I know she doesn't want you to know," he whispered.
"If she is not in any immediate danger," Asher said after a quick glance to Jean-Claude, "I keep my concerns to myself."
The wereleopard nodded. He seemed to like that suggestion and it seemed to make it easier for him to tell the vampires everything that had transpired that night.
Asher quickly learned that Willow had had a dream about Xander, but she wouldn't talk about it after she nearly drowned in the tub, and that Richard had had a dream about being outed and then eating some of his colleagues, and he had talked about it with Nathaniel. He also learned that he and Nathaniel had spent some time together, talking of all things, and that the werewolf had asked the other man to wash his hair.
"And then... Richard got into bed on one side of Willow, and since... since... well, since Anita's with Haven and Micah's with Merle and Noah... I decided to stay here," Nathaniel said as he finished telling them both what had happened.
"Surely you would have been welcome to join your king," Jean-Claude said.
"I wanted to be here," Nathaniel told him. "I didn't know if someone would need a meal... or if Willow would want company... and after work, I was too tired to walk home."
"Well, perhaps you should get back into bed and keep our hummingbird warm," Jean-Claude suggested as his lips slowly curved into a smile. "It would not do for her to catch a chill."
"Are you guys going to stay or go?"
Asher sighed. "I do not think our presence will please Richard," he said in reply. He rubbed the wereleopard's back. "Perhaps we should retire to your room, mon corbeau?"
"Oui," Jean-Claude agreed.
The blond vampire thanked Nathaniel for rescuing Willow when she had been in trouble and for looking after both her and Richard, even though he did not have to---especially in the case of the Ulfric. Nathaniel seemed to glow after receiving his appreciation; his cheeks flushed and his eyes seemed brighter, somehow. Once ensuring that the wereleopard was tucked into bed, he allowed himself to be led from the room and then from the suite.
"So that was the pain in your chest you felt while we were out," Jean-Claude murmured in the safety of his chambers. He started to unfasten some of the clips and buttons to Asher's clothes. "And you thought your were having a heart attack," he added teasingly.
Asher snorted. "I did not. I just... I knew something was wrong."
"She did not want you to worry," the Master of the City said, as if to soothe Asher's hidden, but frayed, nerves. "But, you know she will eventually turn to you. She does not hide much at all from you, even when she wants more privacy."
"Do you know something I don't?"
"That you're worrying without cause, mon chardonneret," he replied.
"Does she confide in you?"
Jean-Claude eased the suit jacket off of Asher's shoulders and caught it before it slipped off of him and onto the floor. He draped it over the back of a chair and returned to his lover. Asher watched every movement in the vampire's body and face for signs of the response he was expecting to hear.
"She tells me some things," Jean-Claude told him, "but it is only when her head is so full... to the brim, as she would say. Or, it is only when I push for information. The things we discuss are never too personal, except when we discuss or jealousies or heartaches..."
"Has she been aching recently?"
"Non."
"Have you?"
Jean-Claude smiled. His dark blue eyes seemed warmer, somehow, as his smile became a more genuine expression of happiness. "Not recently," he assured the blond. He opened enough buttons so he could see most of Asher's chest. He would have covered himself again but Jean-Claude's pale, perfect hand pressed over the exposed flesh---both smooth and scarred---and it stroked gently over his sternum. "And even the last aches have not been unbearable."
"Je ne veux pas que tu souffres," Asher whispered.
(Je ne veux pas que tu souffres = I don't want you to get hurt)
The Master of the City slipped closer; he pressed his body to Asher's as his arms slid around his waist. He didn't say anything; he let his body language speak for itself. He held Asher and stroked his fingers up and down his spine, always lingering around the skin behind his heart. His head rested upon Asher's shoulder; his mouth nuzzled and kissed some of the scarred skin he found at his lips. He sighed and hummed, relaxed and satisfied with the moment they were sharing.
It wasn't always about sexual fulfillment.
Asher wasn't an idiot; he loved sex and he knew it was important. He was a vampire of Belle Morte's line, but even if he wasn't, he would not have been able to ignore the pull of desire through his life. It was as necessary as blood; it was a biological imperative; it was a release or an escape or a way to heal.
But, he didn't necessarily need that joining on that night.
There was something inexplicably right about being held and appreciated. He fleetingly wondered if that was why Nathaniel's eyes sparkled earlier, before Jean-Claude made a quiet noise of contentment and snuggled into him even more.
"Si on s'allonge, on ferait des câlins," Asher whispered.
( Si on s'allonge, on ferait des câlins = if we lie down, we could cuddle.)
Jean-Claude chuckled at that. Asher smiled and kissed his lover's temple. He could feel Willow sleeping peacefully and he sensed the contentment around her. He savoured her situation before he turned himself back towards his own.
AUTHOR: 38gnihsurc
RATING: en.sea.xvii overall
PAIRINGS: All the pairings from the previous two stories---and some new ones, too
SPOILERS: Up until Micah for AB; the whole TV series for the Buffyverse; Alive at Last and Living Underground.
WARNINGS: A little bit of fur... bdsm... the usuals for Anita's crazy, crazy world.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone---except for any original characters that I whip up to do my bidding ;)
NOTE: This story is a sequel to Living Underground.
Previous chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9-11, 12, 13, 14-5, 16-7, 18-9, 20-1, 22, 23, 24-5, 26-7
PART TWENTY-EIGHT
Willow woke up, sputtering and coughing.
"Willow? Willow?! Please answer me!"
She slowly opened her eyes and found herself looking into Nathaniel's violet eyes. There was a long scratch on his cheek and she wondered if she had done that while she was dreaming.
"Did I...?"
He smiled a bit and shrugged. "Yeah, but it's okay. It'll heal quickly." His smile faded into a frown as he cupped her face in his hands and smoothed his thumbs over her cheeks. "Are you alright? I came in to get an elastic... saw you submerged and flailing---"
"I was dreaming," Willow said, cutting him off. She didn't want to give him more information than she had to. She already knew when Asher found out, he would act more protective of her than he already did; she didn't mind the guards but she didn't want to lose the rest of her privacy and freedom, either. "I'm okay. Thanks for pulling me up," she added in a softer tone of voice. "I'm sorry about scratching your face."
"You seemed really scared," Nathaniel told her. He reached towards the shelf for a couple of towels. After pulling the plug from the drain, he helped her stand and he towelled off her body. Willow almost resisted his efforts, but she knew the contact was just as important for him as it was for her. "Maybe you want to talk about it?"
Willow sighed. "It was just a dream about Xander," she told him cryptically.
Nathaniel frowned. "Did he hurt you... in the dream?"
"Something like that," she admitted.
The wereleopard stood and wrapped her in the bigger towel. He took the other one and carefully wrapped it around her head, as if it were a turban, so her hair could dry a bit.
"You need real rest," Nathaniel said quietly. "You've been burning the candle at both ends since Buffy got here... it's no wonder you're having bad dreams." He looked into her eyes. "Do you want pajamas?" he asked.
"Just a t-shirt and shorts," she suggested. "Or, am I alone? Because, then I might want something warmer."
He shot her a look that clearly said 'of course not,' and then he went into the bedroom to get her something to wear to bed. When he helped her into a t-shirt, he told her, "Jason'll be home soon and he'll come here looking for you, I'm sure. So, you'll have both of us."
Willow nodded. She took the shorts from him and stepped into the garment; as she pulled the waistband to her hips, part of her wanted to remove the restricting fabric from her body. She looked at Nathaniel and knew she'd feel better with her flesh pressed to his, but after her dream and the events of the previous day, she wasn't sure she wanted to welcome any more weirdness into her life. She didn't want to embrace the changes in her impulses and desires; she just wanted to sleep. Nathaniel was right: she was exhausted.
"I'll go turn the bed down... then I'll come back and brush your hair," Nathaniel insisted.
She nodded again. He seemed to be taking charge; she didn't completely understand why. Apparently she had almost drowned, but had it been that scary? She couldn't remember. She remembered how the sun burned her skin, as if she were a vampire, and she remembered how the bullet felt as it pierced her heart, but she didn't know how those events were interpreted by Nathaniel. The drowning seemed secondary to everything else she had endured in the past couple of hours.
"Do you want me to call Asher?"
Willow turned her head towards the door. "No, Nathaniel, it's okay. He deserves to have some fun... I had planned to spend the night alone... to rest," she said.
"Oh." He paused. "Asher'd want to know."
The witch didn't want Asher to know about her dream. She forced herself to chuckle. "You're going to call him and tell him I had a bad dream?" she asked as she walked to the doorway and leaned against its frame. She watched Nathaniel as he turned down the comforter and top sheet. "Nathaniel, it'll be okay. He doesn't need to know about it."
"But needing and wanting are two different things."
"Please," Willow insisted, "don't tell him. I'll be fine after some sleep."
He stood and squared his shoulders. "If I hadn't come in, you would have died!" he exclaimed. His eyes widened, as if he were surprised with his outburst. "He would definitely want to know... if he doesn't already---"
"Just get in bed," Willow interjected. She rolled her eyes. "It was just a bad dream in the wrong place. I didn't plan on falling asleep."
"Are you going out with Buffy again, tomorrow?"
"Maybe."
He sighed. "You need real rest. We've all been going from one thing to another... and... it's gotta be hard on you, too." He smiled a bit. "At least if you're warm and I'm purring, you'll sleep."
Willow smiled. He was right about that. She always slept well when she was near Nathaniel and when he was purring. They didn't share a bed often, because his home was with Anita, but when they did, she enjoyed it.
But, as an added precaution, she was going to take a dose of the potion she had recently made.
"What are you drinking?" the wereleopard asked, when he went into the bathroom, surprised her, and saw what she was bringing to her lips.
"Sleeping potion," she said after swallowing the contents of one vial.
"Is it safe?"
"Yes, Nathaniel."
He huffed. "I'm just asking logical questions. No need to take that tone of voice, Willow," he reminded her. He touched her arm. "When did you make it?"
"When Buffy got here."
"So, you've been having trouble sleeping for a few days, at least."
Willow nodded as she felt the magical drink coursing through her veins. Nathaniel pulled her into a hug and kissed her temple. "You can always tell me stuff," he whispered. "Even if you feel silly sharing it. I promise to listen and not make it feel... insignificant. If it's important to you, it's important to me, okay?"
She nodded again. She didn't think she'd ever tell anyone how much it hurt to be burned by the sun---or how it felt to be shot, even though more people around her knew how that felt than she did. She didn't know how to admit that she had dreamed Xander was back, with Buffy on his side, and that Anita had given Edward the order to kill her. She didn't know how to admit that she was afraid of being betrayed and then chased down. She didn't know how to admit that she was afraid of turning into a vampire. She wasn't even sure if that was what the dream meant!
Nathaniel eventually guided her to bed. She felt better, between the potion's effects and the warm body, and she felt the tension seep away as she drifted off to sleep.
&&&&
Richard sighed when he peeked into Willow's and Asher's bedroom and saw Willow curled up with one of Anita's wereleopards. He didn't want Nathaniel to see him weak; he didn't even want Willow to see him in his current condition, but he needed to go to a safe place to put himself back together.
The past couple of days had been very hard for him. He had to call in sick from school---he didn't want to accidentally feed from a minor---and he had spent some time with pack members, trying to learn how to control his emotions so he could feed the ardeur that had apparently diversified into the much murkier territory of emotions.
He hadn't had much luck until Asher had come to visit him. Asher had been Willow's control and it seemed as if he could be Richard's control, too. The discovery wasn't much help but it did give Richard a sense of safety he needed to get comfortable with the power. He could feed from a distance---Asher shared Jean-Claude's theory with the Ulfric---but he preferred to feed through contact. Feeling his happiness or sadness affect the other person and generate more emotions with little thoughts and images... it was a rich meal.
Of course, that realisation had shamed Richard into trying to throw everyone from his home.
Asher protected the others from his rage and he guided them to their vehicles.
But, the vampire didn't leave before asking Richard to stop hiding from his true nature.
But, the next night, he had gone to the restaurant with Buffy, Willow, and Asher. Beforehand, he knew he needed to feed---even before Asher reminded him.
Asher volunteered himself as food for the 'emotional ardeur,' but only if he could feed from Richard's neck at the same time.
Richard was sure the vampire had done something to his mind, to get him to agree to such terms. He couldn't believe that he had agreed and offered his neck to the blond. But, then, he felt a brief flutter of Asher's powers and his mind wasn't entirely functioning anymore.
Overall, Richard could admit that Asher had behaved. Unlike the first time he had fed from the Ulfric, Asher didn't push too much power into his body. He didn't seek release. He simply fed and lowered his shields enough so that Richard could draw upon his emotions for metaphysical sustenance. Still, Richard had been uncomfortable.
He wasn't sure why Asher had asked him to stop hiding from his true nature. He didn't know what that meant, either. Did he mean his true nature as a wolf---which would explain his awful nightmare---or did he mean his true nature as a man?
Neither was incredibly appealing.
"Richard?"
He startled to see Nathaniel sitting up in bed. His hair was braided and that braid trailed down his bare chest and into a sea of bedclothes.
"You want Willow? She's finally asleep, but I can---"
"Is she having trouble sleeping?"
Nathaniel nodded. He eased off of the mattress, away from Willow, and then he padded softly towards the Ulfric. "She took a potion and then pretty much nodded off straight away," he whispered. "She has some left. Do you want to try it? It doesn't smell bad... different... but like a whole bunch of difference spices and things, all at once."
"Do you think she'd mind?"
The wereleopard shook his head. "She has a few bottles here." His cheeks flushed a bit. "After she fell asleep, I went looking for it, because I was worried she was taking drugs or something," he confessed.
Richard didn't know why Nathaniel was being so honest with him. He found it a little amusing, beacuse the grown man had rummaged through Willow's cupboards, and endearing, because he clearly cared about the witch. But, he still didn't know why Nathaniel had admitted such a truth to him.
"You should get a bath first," Nathaniel said. "The heat will help you relax. I could get a werewolf to come in and wash your hair, if you want? The touch'd help, too."
He shook his head, the action jarred his already-whirring brain. "No... no. I don't want... I mean..." he trailed off and looked at the wereleopard. "You don't even know why I'm here."
"I just have to look at you to know why you're here," he said softly, no challenge in his voice or body language. "You don't have to talk about it with me... but I can help you feel better."
Richard caught a glimpse of a memory behind his eyes.
Nathaniel's throat gripped by one of Asher's hands as the other---
"N-no."
Nathaniel's eyes widened. "Richard?"
Richard blinked and jarred himself from his jumbled thoughts and feelings. He saw lilac-coloured eyes before he saw the man in front of him.
"I saw... something. I... just now, I mean."
Nathaniel nodded slowly. "Asher's or Willow's thoughts? Or... your own?"
"I don't know."
"Honest enough," the younger man said with a little smile. "Now, do you want me to run you a bath? I know you said you don't want anyone else here, but---"
"I don't like you seeing me like this," Richard interjected quietly. "But, I don't want my pack to see me like this either."
Nathaniel nodded again. "Alright," he said. Richard got the impression that he was choosing his words very carefully. "You sit here, on the bed, and I'll fill the tub. You can get cleaned up... and then, you can get into bed with Willow." He paused and then added, "She'll be glad to see you when she wakes up."
"How long does the potion last?" Richard asked.
The wereleopard shrugged. "I don't know. I've never seen her take it before. Probably a while, though... enough for a good night's sleep."
"Oh."
"You shouldn't take it until after your bath," Nathaniel advised.
"Good tip," Richard said wryly.
Nathaniel smiled a bit and then darted into the bathroom. Richard heard the water running and some clinking and shuffling as the younger man moved around and prepared the Ulfric's bath. The werewolf couldn't believe what was happening; they did not get along and Richard could usually go as far as saying he hated the wereleopard most days, but he was in the other room drawing a bath.
Richard sighed and stretched his arms over his shoulders and head. Then, he pulled off his sweatshirt and balled it up in his hands before throwing it onto the floor. He absentmindedly rubbed a hand over his bare chest as he paced around the bed. He watched Willow as she slept peacefully; he wondered if she was having similar bad dreams or if she was simply having trouble sleeping with all the stress that seemed to be finding them lately.
"Um... hi."
The Ulfric startled. He hadn't heard the wereleopard return to the bedroom.
"Sorry," Nathaniel said with a little tilt of his head. "I just wanted to know... is there a particular oil you want me to put in the water?"
"Oil?"
"Asher's been keeping scented oils in the bathroom. Usually, just lilac oil for Willow, but he's added other scents, too... more, um, manly scents, in case anyone else is in here and wants a bath. Y'know."
"Oh... uh, whatever."
Nathaniel smiled. "Is that a yes or no?"
"I just want to relax and try to put this night behind me," Richard admitted. "I didn't plan much beyond 'get to the Circus.'"
Nathaniel's smile grew. "Fair enough. So, you're trusting yourself in my hands?"
"Yeah." Richard's eyes widened as he realised how many implications his response held. "Oh, I... no, uh---"
The wereleopard chuckled. "Don't worry, I figured you meant only as far as preparing the bath."
Richard sighed and relaxed. "Okay. Thanks."
"Come in when you're ready," Nathaniel said. "The tub's almost full."
The werewolf nodded. The auburn-haired man disappeared into the other room.
A few minutes later, Richard decided he couldn't put it off any longer. He also realised that as soon as he finished his bath, he could try to sleep again. He was curious to know if Willow's magical potion would work; he was curious to know if he could actually get a few hours of sleep without dreaming about bloody destruction and his public outing.
He stepped into the bathroom and saw the tub, full of steaming water, before he saw Nathaniel, in shorts, sitting on its tiled edge.
The wereleopard seemed to be testing the water's temperature. His back was to the Ulfric; his hand was in the water. Richard watched the way the man's long braid hung and swayed before he caught himself and shook his head.
"I put towels on the rack," Nathaniel said calmly. He seemed to be completely at ease. "And there isn't much oil in the water. You should soak and relax... but try not to fall asleep in here, okay?"
"I'm not that tired."
"Well, I think you are," the wereleopard responded, "but you don't want to close your eyes."
"Are you always this perceptive?"
Nathaniel craned his neck and looked over his shoulder at the other man. He smiled. "Only when I won't bug the people I'm with," he replied.
Richard thought he looked rather impish---if men could, in fact, appear that way. He smiled, despite his foul mood.
"You gonna get in with your jeans on?" Nathaniel asked when silence fell between them.
"Oh. No... I just... oh, hell." Richard stopped talking with a grunt. He tugged his jeans off and left them to rest upon the floor while he sank himself into the hot water. Nathaniel moved off of the ledge, carefully giving Richard plenty of space and privacy. He put some soap and cloths on the edge of the tub and then he moved to the door; however, he hesitated and smiled when Richard groaned. "This is... pretty close to perfect," he muttered as he leaned back and stretched out his legs.
"Do you want anything from the kitchen?"
The werewolf looked up at the other lycanthrope. "Why are you being so nice to me?" he asked, before he could control the impulse to ask such a question.
Nathaniel shrugged and smiled. "You're important to Anita and to Willow," he said. "You're the leader of my friends' pack."
"But---"
"You think you hate me because of how quickly I moved into Anita's life," Nathaniel continued. "You probably did for a while. Now, I just confuse you... and you don't like that. So, you don't like me much."
"What don't you like about me?"
Nathaniel smiled again, but the smile wasn't his own. Richard thought it looked a lot like Micah's neutral smile---the expression he wore when he didn't want to show his true feelings.
"Well, I don't like how you treat Anita sometimes... and I wish you were more comfortable in your own skin, but---"
Richard sighed. "Why does everyone say that?"
"Maybe because we're not always sure if you're here, with the rest of us."
"I'm trying."
Nathaniel's next smile was warmer. "I know you are," he said, "and I'm glad."
"It's hard," Richard confessed.
The wereleopard took one step back towards the tub. "Is this... some of what you dreamed about?" he asked quietly.
Richard nodded. He swallowed against the memory of how the flesh and blood felt in his mouth; to distract himself, he picked up the soap and one of the clothes and started to wash his upper body.
"What did you do when you had those nightmares right after you were infected?" Nathaniel asked. When Richard didn't say anything, he pressed onwards. "Everyone has them. We're different beasts but we both had to learn to control ourselves." Nathaniel shrugged and leaned against the door---the farthest away from Richard he could be and still be in the room. "I remember the first time I saw someone and thought 'prey.' If Gabriel hadn't been there..." he trailed off and Richard saw a wistful expression haunt his eyes. "Of course, I paid for almost losing control, but once I knew the rules it got better."
"You talk about it like it's an S and M show."
"Well, you treat it that way," Nathaniel commented. "You're either hurting yourself or hurting others."
Richard growled. Nathaniel didn't flinch.
"I apologise," the wereleopard whispered into the silence. "I'm not helping you relax much, am I?"
"No," Richard grunted, after thinking that Nathaniel was a very pushy submissive. His apology hadn't been for analysing Richard's behavior or making accusations about how he lives and deals with others; his apology had only been for riling Richard far from relaxation. He sighed. "Thanks for the bath," he mumbled.
"Do you want me to go get a---"
"No, I'll be okay."
Nathaniel nodded. "I'll check on you in thirty minutes," he said, before disappearing from the room.
&&&&
Asher hesitated before crossing the threshold of his bedroom. Jean-Claude, who had joined him as he often did in the pre-dawn hours, almost bumped into him from behind. They were both startled by what they saw in front of them.
Nathaniel sat up, grinning. He slipped out of bed and slinked towards the vampires. "They're both sleeping, finally," the wereleopard said with a little grin. At Jean-Claude's arched eyebrow, his smile faltered. "They were having bad dreams," he confessed. "Richard came over because he didn't know where else to go."
"Where is Emily?"
"With Jamil and some of the pack," Nathaniel said as he averted his eyes from the Master of the City's face. "Or, that's what I learned when Richard called his house before going to bed."
"And what role do you play in all of this?" Asher inquired.
"I... well, I was here checking on Willow, when... well, I was sleeping with her and then Richard showed up and---"
"When, what, mon chaton?" Asher interrupted.
Nathaniel worried his lower lip with his teeth. "She asked me not to say anything," he admitted.
Asher brought a finger up to Nathaniel's bare chest. He used the pad of his finger gently before turning his wrist and letting the edge of his fingernail rest against some of the wereleopard's soft skin.
"I could withhold just to see how far you'd go in front of others," Nathaniel purred, a smirk tweaking his lips.
"You would, too," the blond snorted. "Tell me," he said as he pulled his hand away from Nathaniel's chest.
"She didn't make me promise, but she didn't want to make you worry."
Asher nodded. That sounded like something Willow would think or say. On impulse, he drew Nathaniel against one side of his body; the lycanthrope sighed and invisible tension seemed to seep out of him.
"Are you afraid to tell me?" he asked.
Nathaniel shook his head. "No... but... I know she doesn't want you to know," he whispered.
"If she is not in any immediate danger," Asher said after a quick glance to Jean-Claude, "I keep my concerns to myself."
The wereleopard nodded. He seemed to like that suggestion and it seemed to make it easier for him to tell the vampires everything that had transpired that night.
Asher quickly learned that Willow had had a dream about Xander, but she wouldn't talk about it after she nearly drowned in the tub, and that Richard had had a dream about being outed and then eating some of his colleagues, and he had talked about it with Nathaniel. He also learned that he and Nathaniel had spent some time together, talking of all things, and that the werewolf had asked the other man to wash his hair.
"And then... Richard got into bed on one side of Willow, and since... since... well, since Anita's with Haven and Micah's with Merle and Noah... I decided to stay here," Nathaniel said as he finished telling them both what had happened.
"Surely you would have been welcome to join your king," Jean-Claude said.
"I wanted to be here," Nathaniel told him. "I didn't know if someone would need a meal... or if Willow would want company... and after work, I was too tired to walk home."
"Well, perhaps you should get back into bed and keep our hummingbird warm," Jean-Claude suggested as his lips slowly curved into a smile. "It would not do for her to catch a chill."
"Are you guys going to stay or go?"
Asher sighed. "I do not think our presence will please Richard," he said in reply. He rubbed the wereleopard's back. "Perhaps we should retire to your room, mon corbeau?"
"Oui," Jean-Claude agreed.
The blond vampire thanked Nathaniel for rescuing Willow when she had been in trouble and for looking after both her and Richard, even though he did not have to---especially in the case of the Ulfric. Nathaniel seemed to glow after receiving his appreciation; his cheeks flushed and his eyes seemed brighter, somehow. Once ensuring that the wereleopard was tucked into bed, he allowed himself to be led from the room and then from the suite.
"So that was the pain in your chest you felt while we were out," Jean-Claude murmured in the safety of his chambers. He started to unfasten some of the clips and buttons to Asher's clothes. "And you thought your were having a heart attack," he added teasingly.
Asher snorted. "I did not. I just... I knew something was wrong."
"She did not want you to worry," the Master of the City said, as if to soothe Asher's hidden, but frayed, nerves. "But, you know she will eventually turn to you. She does not hide much at all from you, even when she wants more privacy."
"Do you know something I don't?"
"That you're worrying without cause, mon chardonneret," he replied.
"Does she confide in you?"
Jean-Claude eased the suit jacket off of Asher's shoulders and caught it before it slipped off of him and onto the floor. He draped it over the back of a chair and returned to his lover. Asher watched every movement in the vampire's body and face for signs of the response he was expecting to hear.
"She tells me some things," Jean-Claude told him, "but it is only when her head is so full... to the brim, as she would say. Or, it is only when I push for information. The things we discuss are never too personal, except when we discuss or jealousies or heartaches..."
"Has she been aching recently?"
"Non."
"Have you?"
Jean-Claude smiled. His dark blue eyes seemed warmer, somehow, as his smile became a more genuine expression of happiness. "Not recently," he assured the blond. He opened enough buttons so he could see most of Asher's chest. He would have covered himself again but Jean-Claude's pale, perfect hand pressed over the exposed flesh---both smooth and scarred---and it stroked gently over his sternum. "And even the last aches have not been unbearable."
"Je ne veux pas que tu souffres," Asher whispered.
(Je ne veux pas que tu souffres = I don't want you to get hurt)
The Master of the City slipped closer; he pressed his body to Asher's as his arms slid around his waist. He didn't say anything; he let his body language speak for itself. He held Asher and stroked his fingers up and down his spine, always lingering around the skin behind his heart. His head rested upon Asher's shoulder; his mouth nuzzled and kissed some of the scarred skin he found at his lips. He sighed and hummed, relaxed and satisfied with the moment they were sharing.
It wasn't always about sexual fulfillment.
Asher wasn't an idiot; he loved sex and he knew it was important. He was a vampire of Belle Morte's line, but even if he wasn't, he would not have been able to ignore the pull of desire through his life. It was as necessary as blood; it was a biological imperative; it was a release or an escape or a way to heal.
But, he didn't necessarily need that joining on that night.
There was something inexplicably right about being held and appreciated. He fleetingly wondered if that was why Nathaniel's eyes sparkled earlier, before Jean-Claude made a quiet noise of contentment and snuggled into him even more.
"Si on s'allonge, on ferait des câlins," Asher whispered.
( Si on s'allonge, on ferait des câlins = if we lie down, we could cuddle.)
Jean-Claude chuckled at that. Asher smiled and kissed his lover's temple. He could feel Willow sleeping peacefully and he sensed the contentment around her. He savoured her situation before he turned himself back towards his own.