AB/BtVS FF: NIghtmares in Waking Life 13/?
TITLE: Nightmares in Waking Life
AUTHOR: 38gnihsurc
RATING: en.sea.xvii overall
PAIRINGS: All the pairings from the previous two stories---and some new ones, too
SPOILERS: Up until Micah for AB; the whole TV series for the Buffyverse; Alive at Last and Living Underground.
WARNINGS: A little bit of fur... bdsm... the usuals for Anita's crazy, crazy world.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone---except for any original characters that I whip up to do my bidding ;)
NOTE: This story is a sequel to Living Underground.
Also, this chapter may change. Right now, I'm okay with it... but I've been looking at my notes for the rest of the story, and I'm not sure how I'm going to get from Point A to Point B. So, I'm going to post it... let it simmer... take a break... and see what my brain comes up with in the next few days while at home :P
Previous chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9-11, 12
PART THIRTEEN
"I don't want to roll anyone. Even if they're willing."
Jean-Claude looked into Willow's eyes, but not before casting a quick look to Anita. The black-haired woman sighed and shrugged.
"Some days, it sounds as if she is channeling you, ma petite," the Master of the City said with an amused, but small, smile. "How will we cope, mon chardonneret, if we cannot seduce or push boundaries?"
"We will still try to seduce and push boundaries," Asher assured him, a teasing tone in his voice.
Willow looked from one vampire to the other. "You are listening to me, right?" she asked them.
Jean-Claude nodded. "Oui, bien sûr, ma chérie," he told her. "You do not wish to roll anyone. You do not wish to have anyone emotionally bound to you, whatever that may mean in your case. We understand and agree."
"You do?"
Asher smiled at her. "We are testing a blade. We do not want to bloody anyone too badly."
"Good... okay."
Willow looked from Asher, to Richard, and to the group of werewolves and wereleopards that were on the other side of the sitting room. The group had decided that with Buffy's visit a a few days away, they would have time to test Willow's and Richard's effect upon two of the wereanimal groups in St. Louis. Jean-Claude was also going to provide a few vampires and some humans---some new 'employees' or meals---at a later time, but the 'normals' were not to be brought into the room until the Master of the City approved it. No one thought it was safe to unleash an unknown power in a room of predators and prey.
Richard looked very unsure, but the presence of pack was helping him. He was between Sylvie and Jamil---the former was food while the latter was guard---and Jason was sitting at his feet on the plush carpet. Two of Richard's former lupa candidates were there, as were Stephen and Seeley---for Anita as well as the others---and Graham. Anita was sitting next to Micah. Nathaniel mirrored Jason's position; he was at the feet of his Nimir-Ra and -Raj. Cherry, Zane, Gregory, and Caleb were around them. Merle and Noah were there, too; Noah was Jamil's counterpart and Merle was acting as the others were. They had decided on minimal guards. With Anita in the room, they had three, should anything go awry, and there were wererats in the corridor should anything get too out of hand.
No one had volunteered, but everyone had been asked first. If they consented without reservation, they were permitted into the experiment. Neither Willow nor Anita wanted to drag anyone into the ardeur without their permission.
"How do we start?" Micah asked, interrupting the silence.
"Who goes first?" Willow asked as she felt the blood in her body seem to sink somewhere down to her toes. Asher reached out and touched her hand; she felt better, but his touch didn't soothe all of her anxiety. "I mean... this is so weird."
Micah shrugged. "It's only weird if we make it that way," he said. He stood up and walked towards her. Anita made a quiet noise of protest; he turned back and looked at her. "I'm strong. I can keep her out if I want. And we're not tied in any way. Maybe it's a good idea to start with me." He looked at Willow. "You want to go first?"
"You're so calm, though," Willow said, not directly responding to his question. "How will I be able to find... I mean, with some of the others, it's been 'wow'---like, way out there."
He gave her a small, sad smile. "How I act and how I feel are two different things, Willow," he reminded her. "Besides, I'm alpha enough to protect myself."
She smiled a bit, too, and nodded. "Okay... so... how do we do this?"
"Take my hand," he suggested. "It's through touch, right?" When she nodded, he grinned playfully. "I promise not to bite."
The witch chuckled nervously and slowly put her hand into his.
She knew he was warm, but she had no idea how warm he was until she used her other hand on his other arm. She cupped his upper arm in her hand and threaded her fingers through his; it was like completing a circuit of some kind, and once those gates were sealed, a flood of warmth passed through her body.
"Warm," he mused quietly as he took one step and pressed his body against hers---making her wonder if she wasn't giving him some warmth in response.
Willow closed her eyes; she was afraid they had turned black in reaction to the power onto which she was holding. When she inhaled deeply, Micah leaned in and rubbed his cheek against hers. However good it felt, she could not reach his heart. She didn't know how to do it on purpose, but she knew she wasn't doing it in that moment.
"Let down your shields, mon minet," Jean-Claude suggested. "She will not decide to force them, even if her own are down."
Micah nodded. Some of his curly hair tickled her neck and shoulder. She shivered. He sighed and put his hand around her waist and held her to him as he did as the Master of the City suggested. Willow had been thinking about her own nerves, generated from being on display and having an audience and from being so close to someone she knew only as a friend---but certainly not one of her best friends. She had wanted to get to know him better---but only platonically---and she had silently hoped that the experiment wouldn't ruin her chance at building upon their friendship.
She had been thinking about all of that when Micah let down his internal defenses and submitted to the warmth threading them together; when he let her in, she cried out as an onslaught of feelings and images rushed through her.
Not through her mind, not through her heart. Through her was the only way to explain it.
Everything was jumbled, and since everything had been seen through Micah's eyes, it was as if they were experiencing everything again. She caught sight of Merle teaching them how to embrace the change and the nature of the beast. She saw someone very official leaning over him asking questions about an attack. She saw a man change from lion to bear before slamming his fist into their face. She could feel the fear and the anger and the desperation as it had eroded every other feeling in the man's heart.
She cried out again, the feelings too potent for her to express any other way, and then she tried to pull free of Micah's grip. She was done. She felt warm---although scared and confused---and she wanted to be free of Micah and his earlier memories.
The Nimir-Raj gripped her hip in his hand. "No, you won't only feel those things," he growled. "Do better."
"Why?"
"Your first deliberate experiment shouldn't be those feelings," he replied.
Willow nodded and she tried to concentrate on the flow of images and emotions. She wasn't sure what she was doing. She had used magic before to gather knowledge from Richard's mind, but doing whatever she was doing didn't feel like she was flexing the same metaphysical muscle. It was a different energy.
"Try to control it, mon colibri," Asher advised. "Don't let it look for what it wants. Find what you want."
"How?"
"How did you do it with notre aube?" he asked. "And with me, last night? You wanted to know what I was feeling in that... time we shared. You were nervous and you wanted assurances, strength."
Willow nodded again as she remembered. "My heart was open. Not my mind," she whispered.
"Then, do that."
With one more nod, Willow reached inward. She imagined her aura and chakras, as the coven had once told her to do, and she imagined reaching into the light over her heart. She used her own powers to open that 'door,' and the subsequent crash of energy nearly knocked her over.
Micah was able to catch her. He was able to bring them to their knees without falling. Willow's fear of the moment was overridden by the overall sense of security and contentment Micah was feeling since he came to St. Louis. He chuckled quietly in her ear and he sighed as she accepted his feelings and made them her own.
She knew, in that moment, that she was feeding and that she was afraid of what she had become.
When they finally pulled away from each other, Micah was breathing heavily and his cheeks were flushed. Willow crawled onto her stomach and buried her face in her arms and the carpet. She was both scared and embarrassed and she didn't want to look at anyone until she had regrouped.
"It's like yours, but... no sex," she heard Micah telling Anita. "And once she gets to the good emotions... it's just warmth and blind safety."
"What do you mean, mon minet, by 'blind safety?'"
"Even though I knew she didn't know what she was doing, most of me just trusted her," Micah said to try to explain what he had experienced. "Because I know her and where we are, it wasn't as scary as it could have been." He sighed and groaned. Willow sensed movement; she guessed he was stretching his arms or legs. "The sad stuff wasn't my favourite part of the experience, but it ended well."
Jean-Claude was silent. Anita was the one who spoke. "It seems like she needs to decide which way she wants to go. Good or bad... memories, I mean."
"That is what I am thinking, too, ma petite."
Willow startled when she felt a hand touch the middle of her back. "Mon colibri, are you well?"
She nodded.
"If you are attempting to hide, you are aware that we can still see you, oui?"
"If I can't see you, then you can't see me," she mumbled.
She could almost feel Asher's smile. She wished he wouldn't be so amused so close to her, and she was about to open her mouth to say so, but Asher's fingers brushed the nape of her neck. When they touched bare skin, Willow felt a moment's peace.
His fingers moved back to her spine, which was covered by a t-shirt. The energy resumed humming through her, so she continued to feel embarrassed about what she had done. As if he understood what he had done, he brought his hand back up to her neck and stroked the skin he found there.
"Please sit, mon colibri," Asher insisted. "We wish to discuss this with you."
"Maybe Richard should try to feed off of a leopard, first," Willow suggested, her mouth directly above the carpet.
"No," Richard protested.
Asher sighed. "Mon ami, if we do not control the circumstances through which you both feed, then it will be difficult to know for sure what this will mean for you."
"I... I don't want to do this! I mean, if Jean-Claude's the opposite of Anita, and we think I'm the opposite of Willow... can't we just let her test and then you guys tell me---"
"Why are you so afraid, Richard?" Micah asked quietly.
Richard snarled. "I am not afraid!" he exclaimed angrily.
"Then, you're pissed," the Nimir-Raj said.
"And you're strung out!" Richard snapped.
Micah chuckled. "No, I'm recovering. I was food. Why don't you feed from Cherry or Merle?"
"Not gonna offer me your precious boy?" Richard asked, growling.
"No, I'm not," Micah said, "because you'd likely drown him in your rage. I'd do it myself, but I don't think I'm up to another round so quickly."
Asher spoke next. "Mon colibri, would you be willing to feed from someone else? Another leopard?"
She shook her head.
A moment later, she felt Asher's body as it stretched out next to hers. He enveloped her in a loose hug---something she could escape from if she really wanted to do so---and he kissed the back of her neck. "Do not be shy," he whispered into her mind, through their bond. "No one is judging... and no one is afraid of you. No one is repulsed by what you did. Richard is uncomfortable but he has never been at ease with symbiosis." He kissed her neck again. "Sit with me, please?"
Willow relented. She felt better when he was so close to her. He cradled her close and kissed her temple, while whispering sweetly in French to calm her.
"Thanks," she whispered hoarsely. "It was just... I knew I was feeding off of him and... I... it scared me."
"It will become a balance of hungers," he murmured. "Jean-Claude and Anita feed more regularly. If we share the energy, it may be that you will not need to feed as much."
"When it was touches... something casual, I didn't mind it so much," she told him. "But, I can't tell... I mean, with you last night, I didn't know I was feeding. How... how do you tell?"
Jean-Claude stood and walked around so he could crouch in front of Willow. "You will get used to it," he promised. "With experience, you will not be a slave to this new... desire for contact and emotion. You will be able to protect yourself from its thrall."
"You sure?"
He nodded. "I have done this dance for many years. Since grasping control, I have not loved anyone to death, ma chérie. I have learned how to feed without contact. Ma petite is doing this dance as well. We will both help you."
Willow nodded, albeit reluctantly. "Okay."
"Now, ma belle, might I suggest that you make your next meal from me?" he offered. "I would like to understand what this feels like."
"What if I draw on your ardeur?"
"I have seen you handle it in awkward situations. I, too, have experience in restraining it."
The witch craned her neck and looked at Asher. He nodded. Willow never suspected any resistance from him. She looked at Anita, who had slipped to the floor to take Micah's hand.
The necromancer hesitated, but she eventually nodded. The Master of the City turned and looked at Willow again. He smiled a little and offered her his hand. She kept her metaphysical defenses in place until she was crawling out of Asher's embrace. Once they were alone, touching only each other, she lowered her shields a little and tried to flex that new magical muscle again.
It was sluggish; it had fed and it wasn't used to so much bounty all at once. It had been slowly feeding from everyone she touched for a few weeks and the banquet was almost overwhelming.
But, as she looked into Jean-Claude's face, she thought the power would probably be drawn to him, since she may possess one of the counterparts to his power.
"We should make more contact, if I understand correctly," he said. "We have never been incredibly intimate with each other and I do not know if a touch of hands will be enough while we are determining the learning curve for this extension of power."
Willow agreed, so when he tugged on her hand, she fumbled towards him. He caught her and drew her against the front of his body. His shirt was already open; Willow didn't remember him unbuttoning the garment but it didn't bother her. If anything, it felt better to feel his cool skin against hers---not just because it forged a better relationship between them.
She flexed that muscle and used it to enter Jean-Claude's heart. She was assaulted with memories and feelings, everything tied up in love and hate for so long until the hate seemed to disappear. Love was what Jean-Claude clung to, because it was all he understood, and Willow understood the Master of the City more than she ever did before. Some would think he was a fool. Belle-Morte would think she taught him everything he knew. Willow knew differently. He taught himself to look for the silver lining in any situation and when he met Asher, then Juliana, he learned how love could restore him if he would let it in. That was the turning point and Willow could almost see it in her own mind as if it were his own memory.
Underneath love in its many strengths and shades, Willow could sense other emotions. She did not know what they were, though. Her powers were curious. They had tasted the vampire who had so many delicious feelings and they wanted to know what he was hiding from the world.
She envisioned the new power to be a hand, first skimming the cool surface he allowed her to explore. She dipped a couple of the fingers deeper, and she tasted fear and sorrow, disappointment and jealousy. He was a vampire but he was still a man; he experienced the world as a man did, except he had centuries to practice patience and control.
It was like the visions they shared when they married the marks between them, but the visions in this case were more emotional than visual. She felt his rage when he was young, used as a whipping boy. She felt the fear and pain, too, but the anger overrode it all. When he was a new vampire, he felt fear and lust intertwined so strongly he could not tell if he was feeling one or the other. Willow knew it took years for him to learn the difference. She felt the grief he endured when his mother died, the panic when he realised what had happened to Asher and Juliana, and when he saw the damage done to---
"Enough!" Jean-Claude pleaded.
"No, wait," Willow whispered. She rubbed his back and remembered how each lash felt against his skin---Jean-Claude was remembering it, too, and that was why he was pulling away. It was like the change Micah instigated, but she was resisting this time. She knew something could change and she knew that something could be her. "Jean-Claude," she whispered as a lump lodged in her throat, "please wait."
"If you demand it," he whispered, his voice trembling. "I will try."
Willow wasn't one-hundred-percent sure of what she was doing but she had an idea. She knew that Jean-Claude was probably the best person to explore because he understood how shielding and the ardeur worked better than anyone else in their pentumvirate. She wanted to pick and choose what to feel; she wanted to decide instead of being crashed into different ranges of emotion. When she had been with the Nimir-Raj, he had decided which emotions to feel. As she had realised as she sifted her hand through the vampire's emotions, she could go deeper and select a range of emotions. Anita could turn her lust to blood, flesh, or sex, depending on her mood and strength---so Willow wanted to believe that she, too, could decide which emotions she wished to experience.
She reached back for the experienced emotions when seeing Asher for the first time since the Inquisition's torture upon his flesh. Jean-Claude's cry in her ear was full of desperation and she wanted to take his pain away. It broke her heart; how he felt for Asher was too complex for one word, but it would still be love. It would always be love between them, no matter what else was there. In that memory, there was panic and fear and so much anguish, but there was still love.
The witch fed on the emotion and experience she had selected. She fed on it because she didn't want to give it back to Jean-Claude---it had been an impulse that she hadn't labeled until she felt the intense anxiety clutched in her metaphysical grip. She drank it down because she wanted to, because she had experienced pain and had come back from the brink of it---she could handle someone else's pain, so she did it to save him some of that injury.
Jean-Claude had been making quiet noises---desperate whimpers so unusual to hear coming from the Master of the City---but he quieted as Willow pushed the feeling back underneath the love he kept so well-stocked in his heart and mind. It was safe, back in the darkness, underneath the ardeur and every other range of emotions Jean-Claude had ever felt.
He was shaking against her body. The vampire was shaking and when he looked up into Willow's face, she saw pale tracks of tears on his pale, flawless face. She knew that she, too, had been crying because she could feel the moisture on her cheeks.
"Jean-Claude?" Anita asked. "Did she hurt you?"
"Non," he assured her, although his gaze remained locked in Willow's while he spoke. "I am remarkably well. Maintenant." He steadied himself by gripping Willow's forearms. "You are a quick learner, ma chérie," he told the witch. "Bravo."
"What the hell did she do?" Anita asked.
"What did it look or feel like?" Willow asked.
"Near the end... fear and sadness. But, then, it disappeared."
Jean-Claude laughed a little, maybe giddy with relief, and he rested his head against Willow's shoulder. "Oui," he said. "She found something I had been hiding for a long time. She fed off of it, but instead of leaving it out... in my mind... she put it back." He sighed unnecessarily and rolled his head so it was his brow resting against her bare skin.
"What do you mean, she put it back?"
"I mean, ma petite, that she... fed from a container and then she put it back upon the shelf."
"Can I do that?"
He nodded. "You do that already," he assured her. "For we cannot hang onto others' lusts. They remain inside their owners."
"Why can't I do what she does?"
"We do not know you cannot," he replied.
Asher kneeled beside them. "Mon corbeau, what emotion did she draw upon?"
Jean-Claude inhaled a long, deep breath before speaking. He turned his neck enough so he could see the blond vampire. "She drew out the panic and anguish I felt when I discovered you... and what had become of Juliana." He shivered. "I buried that so deeply since you returned to me because I know too well how l'ardeur and memories can make a fool of me, mon chardonneret."
Asher moved slowly but surely. He cupped Jean-Claude's face in his hands and he pulled him up for a kiss. It was not a gentle kiss, nor was it ferocious. It was simply a kiss to share feelings that were better left unsaid.
"Je t'aime," Asher whispered into Jean-Claude's hair when their kiss ceased.
The Master of the City seemed to be piecing himself back together; he leaned away from Asher after another, but quicker, kiss, and then he guided Willow into Asher's embrace. "Hold her and offer her comfort, mon chardonneret, for she needs it more than I do."
"Did I take too much energy away or---"
He interrupted Willow's question. "Non, it was not too taxing. I would not like you feed upon every mood and emotion in my repetoire, but this was acceptable. How do you feel?"
"Stronger."
"Bon, so we know it works."
"How did you do this?" Anita asked, confusion written plainly across her face. "I... why can't I pick and choose?"
Willow tried to shrug but the movement was lost in Asher's body as he hugged her from behind. "I did it when I thought about how you can pick and choose. You channel your hungers... and you feed the ardeur in different ways. That's how I... decided to try to do what I ended up doing."
"So, I already pick and choose?"
Willow nodded. "Yes... it's like... physical versus emotional needs, maybe?"
"Okay, but I love the men I---"
"If you didn't feed it, the ardeur would choose for you," Richard reminded Anita. "And it could choose someone you didn't care about."
Anita pouted. "Yeah, okay. But, still, the bonding thing doesn't explain why you two have the emotional needs and why we have the physical needs."
"You're both very practical," Micah said from his position sitting next to Anita on the floor. "Maybe that's why?"
"I doubt it. I feel things---"
"But you don't entertain them when you can't indulge in them," Micah reminded her. "How often do you tell us not to hold you so you won't fall apart?"
Anita huffed but she didn't say anything. "Jean-Claude isn't as frigid as---"
"I didn't say you were frigid. I said you don't give into your emotions when you can help it," Micah interjected. "Neither does Jean-Claude. Around you, he does, but when have you seen his facade crack in public?"
"Rarely, if ever," Anita conceded. She motioned towards Richard and Willow. "But, they're not crazy or anything, swooning and having fits everywhere!"
"No, but they both give into their emotions more than you and Jean-Claude do. If the ardeur is a sexual hunger, maybe skin-on-skin is its main meal, but maybe it wants dessert, too."
"Like it's diversifying, taking in a range of other kinds of passion," Jason said from his spot at Richard's feet. "All emotions, when experienced in concentrate, are forms of passion. And since ardeur means 'ardor' in English, and that means 'powerful, intense emotion,' then maybe it's all related."
Willow looked at Jason and she smiled. She was glad for his logic in that moment.
"Jean-Claude loves a lot," Willow said as she reached for Jean-Claude's hand. She threaded her fingers through his and squeezed gently. "He has so many different forms of love in there... that would be intense emotion all on its own."
"If it's looking for different food..."
Anita frowned. "What's different food? Hate? Fear? I don't want either of you two feeding on those things."
Jean-Claude turned and looked at Anita. "Ma petite, she has been feeding on touches between loved ones since the holiday season. She simply selected a rarer emotion from within my heart and fed from that as an experiment." The necromancer hesitated. Then, she nodded and leaned against Micah. The Ulfric opened his mouth to speak, but Jean-Claude interrupted him. "Mon loup, it is time for you to test your blade."
He sighed and his head hung forward. "Do I have to?"
"Oui, maintenant."
Richard slipped free of his pack's hold on him and he shuffled towards the middle of the sitting room. "Fine."
Willow wriggled towards him, out of Asher's hug. She was more curious than upset, in that moment. She knew there would be time, afterwards, to muddle through everything she had felt. She crawled to Richard and touched his knees when he stopped and stood.
"It's okay, Richard," Willow said quietly. She smiled a little through her tear-stained face. "I promise it'll be okay. It's not so bad... and you don't need to let it ride you. You can ride it."
"How does this work?" he asked.
"You're going to try it with me, first," Willow murmured. At Asher's protest, she turned and said, "No, I can help him. I can help him figure it out. I fed plenty today, and we're going to be exploring some more... so shouldn't it be good to see this side of it, too, as if I'm the food?"
"D'accord," he mumbled.
The witch guided Richard back to the floor. She put her hands on his face when he was close enough and she made sure most of her body was pressed against his. Again, she was in an unfamiliar situation and she wasn't sure what she should do. She allowed her instincts to guide her and, through her, him.
She massaged her fingers into Richard's hairline, rubbing slow and small circles until the werewolf king closed his eyes and sighed. He was relaxing. "What are you feeling right now, Richard?"
"Comfort," he admitted without hesitation. "Safety... peace."
"Good. Okay. Now, you're going to remember how that feels. And you're going to let it wash over me. You're going to feed on my reaction to it."
"Like when I had you and Anita---"
"Yes," she said, cutting him off. "But, this is voluntary, and we both know about it. You're going to take what you feel here, when I'm touching you, and you can let it wash over me or someone else in the room, if there's another person you want to feed from, but you're going to do it only with the comfort and safety I'm helping you feel right now."
"If you choose someone else, mon ami," Asher said, "it should be a leopard. A wolf would feel safety with you because you are Ulfric."
Richard nodded. He leaned into Willow's arm and he kissed it. She shivered and asked him, "Who are you going to feed from?"
His eyes opened a little and he turned to look at Anita. "Could I borrow one of your leopards, Anita?"
The black-haired woman smiled a little. "Since you asked so nicely," she murmured. "Who do you want?"
"Whichever you choose. You're Nimir-Ra," he mumbled as he flushed, as if the admission cost him something.
"Okay," she replied. "How about... Merle or Cherry, if that's okay with you guys?"
Willow wasn't surprised when Richard chose Cherry, and she was impressed when he asked the wereleopard if she'd mind being his test subject. Cherry didn't mind at all; Willow wasn't sure how she'd feel so close to the wereleopard, but she didn't raise any objections. She wanted Richard to be as comfortable as possible, and if his pick would help, she wouldn't ruin it. They both needed to practice and try to figure out what their new abilities would mean for the group.
The witch kissed Richard's forehead and brought his attention back to her. "Do you want to try on me first?" she asked.
He nodded. Then, he asked, "How do I do it?"
"Want me to tell you how I figured it out?"
He nodded again.
She kissed his brow one more time before speaking. "Okay, so when I was with Micah, he was strong enough to give me better emotions and memories... but with Jean-Claude... I figured I could pick and choose," she told him quietly. "I pictured a hand, kind of like how we can see our beasts inside us sometimes, y'know? And with Jean-Claude, it was water, but with me or Cherry it could be strings or books or anything you have an easy time picturing, okay?"
He sighed and gave a little nod.
"So, you open up your heart to me, okay, Richard?" she continued, still very quietly. "You're going to wash your feelings over me... and... feed from the reaction."
"I don't get it."
Anita cleared her throat. "Richard, when I feed the ardeur off of you, I can stir things up, but it isn't until climax that I can really feed. That's the reaction of all the pleasure."
"Oh... okay. That makes sense." He paused and then added: "Did you find this out before... or is this something you've just thought about on the fly?"
"You should know me well enough to know I don't think too much about the ardeur except when it fucks with my life," Anita reminded him.
Her comment elicited a chuckle from Richard. Willow smiled and glanced at Cherry, who was also smiling.
"All set, Richard?"
He nodded. "Yep. A hand... and stirring feelings. Got it."
"Okay, so just take your time," Willow murmured.
She kept her eyes open and focused on Richard's face. She wanted to see if there were any tells for her to pick up on, so she could notice his powers if he used them unknowingly in the future. She wasn't sure how it would feel to be food and she was trying to memorise any changes in her body temperature or emotional range.
It felt like it had on New Year's Eve. That was Willow's first thought. She remembered how beyond good it felt to be comforting Richard and to be with him. But, in that moment, she wasn't being drawn to him to comfort him or to be his partner in all things. She was warm, at first, and that sensation was familiar. What wasn't familiar, though, was the wash of relaxation that flowed over her.
She gave into it. She wanted to know if she could fight it---because it may tell her if she could fight the ardeur's powers as directed by Jean-Claude or Anita---but she didn't want to struggle during Richard's first try with his incubus-like powers. She yielded and she felt herself sag against the Ulfric's body as he calmed her with his will.
"Feed, Richard," Willow croaked.
"How?"
"You have the emotions in your magical hand or whatever," Cherry said in her quiet alto voice. "Pull them out... imagine them... oh, I don't know," she mumbled. "Eating them or putting them in your heart."
Willow saw Richard's eyes flutter open. They were glowing---they weren't amber, like his wolfish eyes. It was as if he were a vampire, and it was that unnatural light shining through his chocolatey gaze. She briefly wondered if her eyes and appeared that way---or if they had simply gone black---but then Richard's magical grip tightened on something inside of her and she whimpered in reaction. Her thoughts fled.
"Easy, mon ami," Asher said quietly.
"I'm not sure what I'm doing," Richard confessed. Willow's eyes opened more when he hissed: "Are you crazy? Don't touch me!"
"You are trying to make her calm, mon ami," Asher said teasingly. The witch watched him put his hands on Richard's shoulders; he blinked a few times, shivered, and then shrugged. "She said I could be a catalyst or focus for l'ardeur and if that is true, then I should be able to help you control this."
Jean-Claude spoke next. "How did you come to such a conclusion?"
"I have been known to skim some of the books in mon colibri's collection," he told the Master of the City. "They have been rather informative."
"Apparently," Jean-Claude teased with a smile.
"Are you picturing a hand, mon ami?" Asher asked the Ulfric. When the werewolf nodded, Asher nodded. "D'accord. If you could pretend it is a glove, I will put my own 'magical hand' into it, and allow you to focus more precisely on what you are trying to do."
Richard's eyes were still glowing. When they met Willow's, she could see he was less calm than he had been a few minutes ago. She reached up and resumed rubbing her fingers into his hairline. If she could keep him calm, then Asher could help him, and Richard would learn how it can feel to feed upon one's emotions. If he could learn, without it being a bad experience, then there would be a chance that their new discovery wouldn't disgust or depress him.
She knew exactly when Richard had stopped leaking over her and started feeding from her. It wasn't a very satisfying meal---the wolf in him would prefer fear or rage---but she could feel him drawing energy out of her. Some of it was the power she had taken from Jean-Claude and Micah and some of it was her own; he drowned in the calm he had created and he drank that quiet ocean until he had had enough.
Willow collapsed and Cherry caught her.
"Thanks," Willow whispered.
"How does it feel?" she asked.
"It was like... I don't know. Like... my energy's lower than it was a little while ago, but... good."
She nodded. "You don't feel or smell sick," she commented. "As a bystander, it felt like it does when Anita feed the ardeur, but without the sex."
Willow looked at Asher. "Did he feed from you?"
"I was able to keep him out," Asher admitted. He looked a little astonished. "I could feel the hunger... I know what l'ardeur feels like when someone feeds it upon me, so I knew what would happen. But, I wanted to assist him, instead. It was as if wishing for it made it so."
"Hmm."
Everyone turned to look at Jean-Claude. The black-haired vampire had one finger to his lips and his head was bowed in concentration. He was in deep thought, processing everything that had unfolded in front of the group. When he lifted his head to look at his surroundings again, he smoothed his hand down the front of his shirt; he toyed with a few of the shirt's buttons as he spoke again.
"This is very interesting," he said quietly. "Ma petite, it may benefit you, especially, if they can feed from a distance---"
"I can't feed at school," Richard protested. "I will not feed off of children!"
"Non, of course not, mon loup," the vampire said, "but would you pass up on a scene of laughter or frustration in the teachers' lounge? You could draw their emotions inwards and feed from them. Feeding from a distance is not the same as feeding through touch. You will take in less... energy, but you may do it more often, with little if any effect upon the group in front of you." He tapped his finger against the buckle of his belt. "But, if you were willing to feed from any group... there are possibilities. You could take the emotion from a fight. You could calm the rowdy students into behaving."
"That's vampire trickery."
"Vampire trickery originating from within a werewolf?" Jean-Claude inquired, a smile on his lips. "But, of course, that would be impossible. Would the police believe it?"
Richard growled and clenched his fists. Willow looked from him, to Asher, to Jean-Claude and then she arched an eyebrow in silent question.
"It is not difficult to do from a distance, ma chérie," Jean-Claude told her mentally. "It is like sipping air through a straw in your heart."
"Okay, gross imagery, but I'll give It a try," Willow replied just as silently.
She removed herself from Cherry's arms as she magically reached out for Richard's rage. She tried picturing it the way Jean-Claude had described it, but 'sipping the air' wasn't an image that worked for her. She went back to her metaphysical hand and found it to be much more effective; she was able to reach out into the air around her and feel all of the emotions and feelings in the room.
There was Richard's frustrated rage in front of her, Cherry's calm behind her, Asher's pride, Jean-Claude's curiosity, Anita's jealousy, the wolves' collective concern, the leopard's collective interest... she could pick out emotions from the group and from individuals and she wondered if Jean-Claude and Anita ever felt so intoxicated simply by the possibility of feeding their hungers.
She went back to Richard's rage and she put that invisible, metaphysical hand against it. She knew she was not going to draw an emotion out of him as she did with Jean-Claude. She was simply going to take the rage he was offering the room and try to draw it away---instead of drawing from it. The Master of the City had proposed the test, while speaking with Richard, and she was curious to know if it could be done.
The Ulfric's eyes grew wide when he felt Willow luring his energy into her trap. His shields were down and he was not reacting so quickly because of his anger, so she was able to pull the hot, prickling energy towards her. She pulled it inside her body, inside that magical cavern she envisioned inside herself. She felt as if she were feasting and replenishing the stores he had taken from her moments ago.
When she finished, she felt the rage bubbling inside of her before it melted into pure energy. It was the ardeur's main meal---passion in any form, turned into energy, absorbed and used until its batteries needed recharging.
She shivered as the power vibrated through her. Her eyes had closed. She opened them and looked at the Master of the City after sharing a look with Asher.
"Les yeux," Asher breathed.
"Like Richard's," Cherry commented as she studied Willow's face.
Willow knew when her eyes had reverted back to themselves because she could feel the energy of her feeding sink into her flesh and aura. It had strengthened her, somehow.
Asher relaxed. Willow smiled and forced down a chuckle.
"Why aren't I still angry?" Richard asked as he figured out what had happened. "You didn't steal feelings from the others."
Willow shrugged. "I fed from it. It'll probably come back in a little while... but... I wanted to see if it could be done. What did it feel like?"
"Like...I was standing with my anger, and then all of a sudden, it was getting further and further away."
Asher nodded and gently touched Richard's shoulder. "I have seen Belle Morte use her powers to inflame people... she's taken their desire for her own... she's used every weapon in her arsenal, but only to further her own cause." He paused and then added, "If Willow can help you, mon ami, you should let her. If you can help others, you should do it."
"Have you been reading up on the 'rule of three?'" Willow asked the blond vampire.
He snorted. "I have heard tell of this rule... but it is common sense stretched over centuries, as well."
Richard sighed. "What good will come of this?" he asked. "I mean---" he gestured to Anita and Jean-Claude "---they feed off of lust and bodies, we feed off of emotion and hearts. What good will come of this?"
There was no anger in his voice. Simply curiosity. He wanted to know what they would say---how they could put positive spin on their present situation.
Jean-Claude and Anita both opened their mouths to speak, beating Jason by seconds.
However, their words were lost in a rumble, as the ground around them shook.
AUTHOR: 38gnihsurc
RATING: en.sea.xvii overall
PAIRINGS: All the pairings from the previous two stories---and some new ones, too
SPOILERS: Up until Micah for AB; the whole TV series for the Buffyverse; Alive at Last and Living Underground.
WARNINGS: A little bit of fur... bdsm... the usuals for Anita's crazy, crazy world.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone---except for any original characters that I whip up to do my bidding ;)
NOTE: This story is a sequel to Living Underground.
Also, this chapter may change. Right now, I'm okay with it... but I've been looking at my notes for the rest of the story, and I'm not sure how I'm going to get from Point A to Point B. So, I'm going to post it... let it simmer... take a break... and see what my brain comes up with in the next few days while at home :P
Previous chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9-11, 12
PART THIRTEEN
"I don't want to roll anyone. Even if they're willing."
Jean-Claude looked into Willow's eyes, but not before casting a quick look to Anita. The black-haired woman sighed and shrugged.
"Some days, it sounds as if she is channeling you, ma petite," the Master of the City said with an amused, but small, smile. "How will we cope, mon chardonneret, if we cannot seduce or push boundaries?"
"We will still try to seduce and push boundaries," Asher assured him, a teasing tone in his voice.
Willow looked from one vampire to the other. "You are listening to me, right?" she asked them.
Jean-Claude nodded. "Oui, bien sûr, ma chérie," he told her. "You do not wish to roll anyone. You do not wish to have anyone emotionally bound to you, whatever that may mean in your case. We understand and agree."
"You do?"
Asher smiled at her. "We are testing a blade. We do not want to bloody anyone too badly."
"Good... okay."
Willow looked from Asher, to Richard, and to the group of werewolves and wereleopards that were on the other side of the sitting room. The group had decided that with Buffy's visit a a few days away, they would have time to test Willow's and Richard's effect upon two of the wereanimal groups in St. Louis. Jean-Claude was also going to provide a few vampires and some humans---some new 'employees' or meals---at a later time, but the 'normals' were not to be brought into the room until the Master of the City approved it. No one thought it was safe to unleash an unknown power in a room of predators and prey.
Richard looked very unsure, but the presence of pack was helping him. He was between Sylvie and Jamil---the former was food while the latter was guard---and Jason was sitting at his feet on the plush carpet. Two of Richard's former lupa candidates were there, as were Stephen and Seeley---for Anita as well as the others---and Graham. Anita was sitting next to Micah. Nathaniel mirrored Jason's position; he was at the feet of his Nimir-Ra and -Raj. Cherry, Zane, Gregory, and Caleb were around them. Merle and Noah were there, too; Noah was Jamil's counterpart and Merle was acting as the others were. They had decided on minimal guards. With Anita in the room, they had three, should anything go awry, and there were wererats in the corridor should anything get too out of hand.
No one had volunteered, but everyone had been asked first. If they consented without reservation, they were permitted into the experiment. Neither Willow nor Anita wanted to drag anyone into the ardeur without their permission.
"How do we start?" Micah asked, interrupting the silence.
"Who goes first?" Willow asked as she felt the blood in her body seem to sink somewhere down to her toes. Asher reached out and touched her hand; she felt better, but his touch didn't soothe all of her anxiety. "I mean... this is so weird."
Micah shrugged. "It's only weird if we make it that way," he said. He stood up and walked towards her. Anita made a quiet noise of protest; he turned back and looked at her. "I'm strong. I can keep her out if I want. And we're not tied in any way. Maybe it's a good idea to start with me." He looked at Willow. "You want to go first?"
"You're so calm, though," Willow said, not directly responding to his question. "How will I be able to find... I mean, with some of the others, it's been 'wow'---like, way out there."
He gave her a small, sad smile. "How I act and how I feel are two different things, Willow," he reminded her. "Besides, I'm alpha enough to protect myself."
She smiled a bit, too, and nodded. "Okay... so... how do we do this?"
"Take my hand," he suggested. "It's through touch, right?" When she nodded, he grinned playfully. "I promise not to bite."
The witch chuckled nervously and slowly put her hand into his.
She knew he was warm, but she had no idea how warm he was until she used her other hand on his other arm. She cupped his upper arm in her hand and threaded her fingers through his; it was like completing a circuit of some kind, and once those gates were sealed, a flood of warmth passed through her body.
"Warm," he mused quietly as he took one step and pressed his body against hers---making her wonder if she wasn't giving him some warmth in response.
Willow closed her eyes; she was afraid they had turned black in reaction to the power onto which she was holding. When she inhaled deeply, Micah leaned in and rubbed his cheek against hers. However good it felt, she could not reach his heart. She didn't know how to do it on purpose, but she knew she wasn't doing it in that moment.
"Let down your shields, mon minet," Jean-Claude suggested. "She will not decide to force them, even if her own are down."
Micah nodded. Some of his curly hair tickled her neck and shoulder. She shivered. He sighed and put his hand around her waist and held her to him as he did as the Master of the City suggested. Willow had been thinking about her own nerves, generated from being on display and having an audience and from being so close to someone she knew only as a friend---but certainly not one of her best friends. She had wanted to get to know him better---but only platonically---and she had silently hoped that the experiment wouldn't ruin her chance at building upon their friendship.
She had been thinking about all of that when Micah let down his internal defenses and submitted to the warmth threading them together; when he let her in, she cried out as an onslaught of feelings and images rushed through her.
Not through her mind, not through her heart. Through her was the only way to explain it.
Everything was jumbled, and since everything had been seen through Micah's eyes, it was as if they were experiencing everything again. She caught sight of Merle teaching them how to embrace the change and the nature of the beast. She saw someone very official leaning over him asking questions about an attack. She saw a man change from lion to bear before slamming his fist into their face. She could feel the fear and the anger and the desperation as it had eroded every other feeling in the man's heart.
She cried out again, the feelings too potent for her to express any other way, and then she tried to pull free of Micah's grip. She was done. She felt warm---although scared and confused---and she wanted to be free of Micah and his earlier memories.
The Nimir-Raj gripped her hip in his hand. "No, you won't only feel those things," he growled. "Do better."
"Why?"
"Your first deliberate experiment shouldn't be those feelings," he replied.
Willow nodded and she tried to concentrate on the flow of images and emotions. She wasn't sure what she was doing. She had used magic before to gather knowledge from Richard's mind, but doing whatever she was doing didn't feel like she was flexing the same metaphysical muscle. It was a different energy.
"Try to control it, mon colibri," Asher advised. "Don't let it look for what it wants. Find what you want."
"How?"
"How did you do it with notre aube?" he asked. "And with me, last night? You wanted to know what I was feeling in that... time we shared. You were nervous and you wanted assurances, strength."
Willow nodded again as she remembered. "My heart was open. Not my mind," she whispered.
"Then, do that."
With one more nod, Willow reached inward. She imagined her aura and chakras, as the coven had once told her to do, and she imagined reaching into the light over her heart. She used her own powers to open that 'door,' and the subsequent crash of energy nearly knocked her over.
Micah was able to catch her. He was able to bring them to their knees without falling. Willow's fear of the moment was overridden by the overall sense of security and contentment Micah was feeling since he came to St. Louis. He chuckled quietly in her ear and he sighed as she accepted his feelings and made them her own.
She knew, in that moment, that she was feeding and that she was afraid of what she had become.
When they finally pulled away from each other, Micah was breathing heavily and his cheeks were flushed. Willow crawled onto her stomach and buried her face in her arms and the carpet. She was both scared and embarrassed and she didn't want to look at anyone until she had regrouped.
"It's like yours, but... no sex," she heard Micah telling Anita. "And once she gets to the good emotions... it's just warmth and blind safety."
"What do you mean, mon minet, by 'blind safety?'"
"Even though I knew she didn't know what she was doing, most of me just trusted her," Micah said to try to explain what he had experienced. "Because I know her and where we are, it wasn't as scary as it could have been." He sighed and groaned. Willow sensed movement; she guessed he was stretching his arms or legs. "The sad stuff wasn't my favourite part of the experience, but it ended well."
Jean-Claude was silent. Anita was the one who spoke. "It seems like she needs to decide which way she wants to go. Good or bad... memories, I mean."
"That is what I am thinking, too, ma petite."
Willow startled when she felt a hand touch the middle of her back. "Mon colibri, are you well?"
She nodded.
"If you are attempting to hide, you are aware that we can still see you, oui?"
"If I can't see you, then you can't see me," she mumbled.
She could almost feel Asher's smile. She wished he wouldn't be so amused so close to her, and she was about to open her mouth to say so, but Asher's fingers brushed the nape of her neck. When they touched bare skin, Willow felt a moment's peace.
His fingers moved back to her spine, which was covered by a t-shirt. The energy resumed humming through her, so she continued to feel embarrassed about what she had done. As if he understood what he had done, he brought his hand back up to her neck and stroked the skin he found there.
"Please sit, mon colibri," Asher insisted. "We wish to discuss this with you."
"Maybe Richard should try to feed off of a leopard, first," Willow suggested, her mouth directly above the carpet.
"No," Richard protested.
Asher sighed. "Mon ami, if we do not control the circumstances through which you both feed, then it will be difficult to know for sure what this will mean for you."
"I... I don't want to do this! I mean, if Jean-Claude's the opposite of Anita, and we think I'm the opposite of Willow... can't we just let her test and then you guys tell me---"
"Why are you so afraid, Richard?" Micah asked quietly.
Richard snarled. "I am not afraid!" he exclaimed angrily.
"Then, you're pissed," the Nimir-Raj said.
"And you're strung out!" Richard snapped.
Micah chuckled. "No, I'm recovering. I was food. Why don't you feed from Cherry or Merle?"
"Not gonna offer me your precious boy?" Richard asked, growling.
"No, I'm not," Micah said, "because you'd likely drown him in your rage. I'd do it myself, but I don't think I'm up to another round so quickly."
Asher spoke next. "Mon colibri, would you be willing to feed from someone else? Another leopard?"
She shook her head.
A moment later, she felt Asher's body as it stretched out next to hers. He enveloped her in a loose hug---something she could escape from if she really wanted to do so---and he kissed the back of her neck. "Do not be shy," he whispered into her mind, through their bond. "No one is judging... and no one is afraid of you. No one is repulsed by what you did. Richard is uncomfortable but he has never been at ease with symbiosis." He kissed her neck again. "Sit with me, please?"
Willow relented. She felt better when he was so close to her. He cradled her close and kissed her temple, while whispering sweetly in French to calm her.
"Thanks," she whispered hoarsely. "It was just... I knew I was feeding off of him and... I... it scared me."
"It will become a balance of hungers," he murmured. "Jean-Claude and Anita feed more regularly. If we share the energy, it may be that you will not need to feed as much."
"When it was touches... something casual, I didn't mind it so much," she told him. "But, I can't tell... I mean, with you last night, I didn't know I was feeding. How... how do you tell?"
Jean-Claude stood and walked around so he could crouch in front of Willow. "You will get used to it," he promised. "With experience, you will not be a slave to this new... desire for contact and emotion. You will be able to protect yourself from its thrall."
"You sure?"
He nodded. "I have done this dance for many years. Since grasping control, I have not loved anyone to death, ma chérie. I have learned how to feed without contact. Ma petite is doing this dance as well. We will both help you."
Willow nodded, albeit reluctantly. "Okay."
"Now, ma belle, might I suggest that you make your next meal from me?" he offered. "I would like to understand what this feels like."
"What if I draw on your ardeur?"
"I have seen you handle it in awkward situations. I, too, have experience in restraining it."
The witch craned her neck and looked at Asher. He nodded. Willow never suspected any resistance from him. She looked at Anita, who had slipped to the floor to take Micah's hand.
The necromancer hesitated, but she eventually nodded. The Master of the City turned and looked at Willow again. He smiled a little and offered her his hand. She kept her metaphysical defenses in place until she was crawling out of Asher's embrace. Once they were alone, touching only each other, she lowered her shields a little and tried to flex that new magical muscle again.
It was sluggish; it had fed and it wasn't used to so much bounty all at once. It had been slowly feeding from everyone she touched for a few weeks and the banquet was almost overwhelming.
But, as she looked into Jean-Claude's face, she thought the power would probably be drawn to him, since she may possess one of the counterparts to his power.
"We should make more contact, if I understand correctly," he said. "We have never been incredibly intimate with each other and I do not know if a touch of hands will be enough while we are determining the learning curve for this extension of power."
Willow agreed, so when he tugged on her hand, she fumbled towards him. He caught her and drew her against the front of his body. His shirt was already open; Willow didn't remember him unbuttoning the garment but it didn't bother her. If anything, it felt better to feel his cool skin against hers---not just because it forged a better relationship between them.
She flexed that muscle and used it to enter Jean-Claude's heart. She was assaulted with memories and feelings, everything tied up in love and hate for so long until the hate seemed to disappear. Love was what Jean-Claude clung to, because it was all he understood, and Willow understood the Master of the City more than she ever did before. Some would think he was a fool. Belle-Morte would think she taught him everything he knew. Willow knew differently. He taught himself to look for the silver lining in any situation and when he met Asher, then Juliana, he learned how love could restore him if he would let it in. That was the turning point and Willow could almost see it in her own mind as if it were his own memory.
Underneath love in its many strengths and shades, Willow could sense other emotions. She did not know what they were, though. Her powers were curious. They had tasted the vampire who had so many delicious feelings and they wanted to know what he was hiding from the world.
She envisioned the new power to be a hand, first skimming the cool surface he allowed her to explore. She dipped a couple of the fingers deeper, and she tasted fear and sorrow, disappointment and jealousy. He was a vampire but he was still a man; he experienced the world as a man did, except he had centuries to practice patience and control.
It was like the visions they shared when they married the marks between them, but the visions in this case were more emotional than visual. She felt his rage when he was young, used as a whipping boy. She felt the fear and pain, too, but the anger overrode it all. When he was a new vampire, he felt fear and lust intertwined so strongly he could not tell if he was feeling one or the other. Willow knew it took years for him to learn the difference. She felt the grief he endured when his mother died, the panic when he realised what had happened to Asher and Juliana, and when he saw the damage done to---
"Enough!" Jean-Claude pleaded.
"No, wait," Willow whispered. She rubbed his back and remembered how each lash felt against his skin---Jean-Claude was remembering it, too, and that was why he was pulling away. It was like the change Micah instigated, but she was resisting this time. She knew something could change and she knew that something could be her. "Jean-Claude," she whispered as a lump lodged in her throat, "please wait."
"If you demand it," he whispered, his voice trembling. "I will try."
Willow wasn't one-hundred-percent sure of what she was doing but she had an idea. She knew that Jean-Claude was probably the best person to explore because he understood how shielding and the ardeur worked better than anyone else in their pentumvirate. She wanted to pick and choose what to feel; she wanted to decide instead of being crashed into different ranges of emotion. When she had been with the Nimir-Raj, he had decided which emotions to feel. As she had realised as she sifted her hand through the vampire's emotions, she could go deeper and select a range of emotions. Anita could turn her lust to blood, flesh, or sex, depending on her mood and strength---so Willow wanted to believe that she, too, could decide which emotions she wished to experience.
She reached back for the experienced emotions when seeing Asher for the first time since the Inquisition's torture upon his flesh. Jean-Claude's cry in her ear was full of desperation and she wanted to take his pain away. It broke her heart; how he felt for Asher was too complex for one word, but it would still be love. It would always be love between them, no matter what else was there. In that memory, there was panic and fear and so much anguish, but there was still love.
The witch fed on the emotion and experience she had selected. She fed on it because she didn't want to give it back to Jean-Claude---it had been an impulse that she hadn't labeled until she felt the intense anxiety clutched in her metaphysical grip. She drank it down because she wanted to, because she had experienced pain and had come back from the brink of it---she could handle someone else's pain, so she did it to save him some of that injury.
Jean-Claude had been making quiet noises---desperate whimpers so unusual to hear coming from the Master of the City---but he quieted as Willow pushed the feeling back underneath the love he kept so well-stocked in his heart and mind. It was safe, back in the darkness, underneath the ardeur and every other range of emotions Jean-Claude had ever felt.
He was shaking against her body. The vampire was shaking and when he looked up into Willow's face, she saw pale tracks of tears on his pale, flawless face. She knew that she, too, had been crying because she could feel the moisture on her cheeks.
"Jean-Claude?" Anita asked. "Did she hurt you?"
"Non," he assured her, although his gaze remained locked in Willow's while he spoke. "I am remarkably well. Maintenant." He steadied himself by gripping Willow's forearms. "You are a quick learner, ma chérie," he told the witch. "Bravo."
"What the hell did she do?" Anita asked.
"What did it look or feel like?" Willow asked.
"Near the end... fear and sadness. But, then, it disappeared."
Jean-Claude laughed a little, maybe giddy with relief, and he rested his head against Willow's shoulder. "Oui," he said. "She found something I had been hiding for a long time. She fed off of it, but instead of leaving it out... in my mind... she put it back." He sighed unnecessarily and rolled his head so it was his brow resting against her bare skin.
"What do you mean, she put it back?"
"I mean, ma petite, that she... fed from a container and then she put it back upon the shelf."
"Can I do that?"
He nodded. "You do that already," he assured her. "For we cannot hang onto others' lusts. They remain inside their owners."
"Why can't I do what she does?"
"We do not know you cannot," he replied.
Asher kneeled beside them. "Mon corbeau, what emotion did she draw upon?"
Jean-Claude inhaled a long, deep breath before speaking. He turned his neck enough so he could see the blond vampire. "She drew out the panic and anguish I felt when I discovered you... and what had become of Juliana." He shivered. "I buried that so deeply since you returned to me because I know too well how l'ardeur and memories can make a fool of me, mon chardonneret."
Asher moved slowly but surely. He cupped Jean-Claude's face in his hands and he pulled him up for a kiss. It was not a gentle kiss, nor was it ferocious. It was simply a kiss to share feelings that were better left unsaid.
"Je t'aime," Asher whispered into Jean-Claude's hair when their kiss ceased.
The Master of the City seemed to be piecing himself back together; he leaned away from Asher after another, but quicker, kiss, and then he guided Willow into Asher's embrace. "Hold her and offer her comfort, mon chardonneret, for she needs it more than I do."
"Did I take too much energy away or---"
He interrupted Willow's question. "Non, it was not too taxing. I would not like you feed upon every mood and emotion in my repetoire, but this was acceptable. How do you feel?"
"Stronger."
"Bon, so we know it works."
"How did you do this?" Anita asked, confusion written plainly across her face. "I... why can't I pick and choose?"
Willow tried to shrug but the movement was lost in Asher's body as he hugged her from behind. "I did it when I thought about how you can pick and choose. You channel your hungers... and you feed the ardeur in different ways. That's how I... decided to try to do what I ended up doing."
"So, I already pick and choose?"
Willow nodded. "Yes... it's like... physical versus emotional needs, maybe?"
"Okay, but I love the men I---"
"If you didn't feed it, the ardeur would choose for you," Richard reminded Anita. "And it could choose someone you didn't care about."
Anita pouted. "Yeah, okay. But, still, the bonding thing doesn't explain why you two have the emotional needs and why we have the physical needs."
"You're both very practical," Micah said from his position sitting next to Anita on the floor. "Maybe that's why?"
"I doubt it. I feel things---"
"But you don't entertain them when you can't indulge in them," Micah reminded her. "How often do you tell us not to hold you so you won't fall apart?"
Anita huffed but she didn't say anything. "Jean-Claude isn't as frigid as---"
"I didn't say you were frigid. I said you don't give into your emotions when you can help it," Micah interjected. "Neither does Jean-Claude. Around you, he does, but when have you seen his facade crack in public?"
"Rarely, if ever," Anita conceded. She motioned towards Richard and Willow. "But, they're not crazy or anything, swooning and having fits everywhere!"
"No, but they both give into their emotions more than you and Jean-Claude do. If the ardeur is a sexual hunger, maybe skin-on-skin is its main meal, but maybe it wants dessert, too."
"Like it's diversifying, taking in a range of other kinds of passion," Jason said from his spot at Richard's feet. "All emotions, when experienced in concentrate, are forms of passion. And since ardeur means 'ardor' in English, and that means 'powerful, intense emotion,' then maybe it's all related."
Willow looked at Jason and she smiled. She was glad for his logic in that moment.
"Jean-Claude loves a lot," Willow said as she reached for Jean-Claude's hand. She threaded her fingers through his and squeezed gently. "He has so many different forms of love in there... that would be intense emotion all on its own."
"If it's looking for different food..."
Anita frowned. "What's different food? Hate? Fear? I don't want either of you two feeding on those things."
Jean-Claude turned and looked at Anita. "Ma petite, she has been feeding on touches between loved ones since the holiday season. She simply selected a rarer emotion from within my heart and fed from that as an experiment." The necromancer hesitated. Then, she nodded and leaned against Micah. The Ulfric opened his mouth to speak, but Jean-Claude interrupted him. "Mon loup, it is time for you to test your blade."
He sighed and his head hung forward. "Do I have to?"
"Oui, maintenant."
Richard slipped free of his pack's hold on him and he shuffled towards the middle of the sitting room. "Fine."
Willow wriggled towards him, out of Asher's hug. She was more curious than upset, in that moment. She knew there would be time, afterwards, to muddle through everything she had felt. She crawled to Richard and touched his knees when he stopped and stood.
"It's okay, Richard," Willow said quietly. She smiled a little through her tear-stained face. "I promise it'll be okay. It's not so bad... and you don't need to let it ride you. You can ride it."
"How does this work?" he asked.
"You're going to try it with me, first," Willow murmured. At Asher's protest, she turned and said, "No, I can help him. I can help him figure it out. I fed plenty today, and we're going to be exploring some more... so shouldn't it be good to see this side of it, too, as if I'm the food?"
"D'accord," he mumbled.
The witch guided Richard back to the floor. She put her hands on his face when he was close enough and she made sure most of her body was pressed against his. Again, she was in an unfamiliar situation and she wasn't sure what she should do. She allowed her instincts to guide her and, through her, him.
She massaged her fingers into Richard's hairline, rubbing slow and small circles until the werewolf king closed his eyes and sighed. He was relaxing. "What are you feeling right now, Richard?"
"Comfort," he admitted without hesitation. "Safety... peace."
"Good. Okay. Now, you're going to remember how that feels. And you're going to let it wash over me. You're going to feed on my reaction to it."
"Like when I had you and Anita---"
"Yes," she said, cutting him off. "But, this is voluntary, and we both know about it. You're going to take what you feel here, when I'm touching you, and you can let it wash over me or someone else in the room, if there's another person you want to feed from, but you're going to do it only with the comfort and safety I'm helping you feel right now."
"If you choose someone else, mon ami," Asher said, "it should be a leopard. A wolf would feel safety with you because you are Ulfric."
Richard nodded. He leaned into Willow's arm and he kissed it. She shivered and asked him, "Who are you going to feed from?"
His eyes opened a little and he turned to look at Anita. "Could I borrow one of your leopards, Anita?"
The black-haired woman smiled a little. "Since you asked so nicely," she murmured. "Who do you want?"
"Whichever you choose. You're Nimir-Ra," he mumbled as he flushed, as if the admission cost him something.
"Okay," she replied. "How about... Merle or Cherry, if that's okay with you guys?"
Willow wasn't surprised when Richard chose Cherry, and she was impressed when he asked the wereleopard if she'd mind being his test subject. Cherry didn't mind at all; Willow wasn't sure how she'd feel so close to the wereleopard, but she didn't raise any objections. She wanted Richard to be as comfortable as possible, and if his pick would help, she wouldn't ruin it. They both needed to practice and try to figure out what their new abilities would mean for the group.
The witch kissed Richard's forehead and brought his attention back to her. "Do you want to try on me first?" she asked.
He nodded. Then, he asked, "How do I do it?"
"Want me to tell you how I figured it out?"
He nodded again.
She kissed his brow one more time before speaking. "Okay, so when I was with Micah, he was strong enough to give me better emotions and memories... but with Jean-Claude... I figured I could pick and choose," she told him quietly. "I pictured a hand, kind of like how we can see our beasts inside us sometimes, y'know? And with Jean-Claude, it was water, but with me or Cherry it could be strings or books or anything you have an easy time picturing, okay?"
He sighed and gave a little nod.
"So, you open up your heart to me, okay, Richard?" she continued, still very quietly. "You're going to wash your feelings over me... and... feed from the reaction."
"I don't get it."
Anita cleared her throat. "Richard, when I feed the ardeur off of you, I can stir things up, but it isn't until climax that I can really feed. That's the reaction of all the pleasure."
"Oh... okay. That makes sense." He paused and then added: "Did you find this out before... or is this something you've just thought about on the fly?"
"You should know me well enough to know I don't think too much about the ardeur except when it fucks with my life," Anita reminded him.
Her comment elicited a chuckle from Richard. Willow smiled and glanced at Cherry, who was also smiling.
"All set, Richard?"
He nodded. "Yep. A hand... and stirring feelings. Got it."
"Okay, so just take your time," Willow murmured.
She kept her eyes open and focused on Richard's face. She wanted to see if there were any tells for her to pick up on, so she could notice his powers if he used them unknowingly in the future. She wasn't sure how it would feel to be food and she was trying to memorise any changes in her body temperature or emotional range.
It felt like it had on New Year's Eve. That was Willow's first thought. She remembered how beyond good it felt to be comforting Richard and to be with him. But, in that moment, she wasn't being drawn to him to comfort him or to be his partner in all things. She was warm, at first, and that sensation was familiar. What wasn't familiar, though, was the wash of relaxation that flowed over her.
She gave into it. She wanted to know if she could fight it---because it may tell her if she could fight the ardeur's powers as directed by Jean-Claude or Anita---but she didn't want to struggle during Richard's first try with his incubus-like powers. She yielded and she felt herself sag against the Ulfric's body as he calmed her with his will.
"Feed, Richard," Willow croaked.
"How?"
"You have the emotions in your magical hand or whatever," Cherry said in her quiet alto voice. "Pull them out... imagine them... oh, I don't know," she mumbled. "Eating them or putting them in your heart."
Willow saw Richard's eyes flutter open. They were glowing---they weren't amber, like his wolfish eyes. It was as if he were a vampire, and it was that unnatural light shining through his chocolatey gaze. She briefly wondered if her eyes and appeared that way---or if they had simply gone black---but then Richard's magical grip tightened on something inside of her and she whimpered in reaction. Her thoughts fled.
"Easy, mon ami," Asher said quietly.
"I'm not sure what I'm doing," Richard confessed. Willow's eyes opened more when he hissed: "Are you crazy? Don't touch me!"
"You are trying to make her calm, mon ami," Asher said teasingly. The witch watched him put his hands on Richard's shoulders; he blinked a few times, shivered, and then shrugged. "She said I could be a catalyst or focus for l'ardeur and if that is true, then I should be able to help you control this."
Jean-Claude spoke next. "How did you come to such a conclusion?"
"I have been known to skim some of the books in mon colibri's collection," he told the Master of the City. "They have been rather informative."
"Apparently," Jean-Claude teased with a smile.
"Are you picturing a hand, mon ami?" Asher asked the Ulfric. When the werewolf nodded, Asher nodded. "D'accord. If you could pretend it is a glove, I will put my own 'magical hand' into it, and allow you to focus more precisely on what you are trying to do."
Richard's eyes were still glowing. When they met Willow's, she could see he was less calm than he had been a few minutes ago. She reached up and resumed rubbing her fingers into his hairline. If she could keep him calm, then Asher could help him, and Richard would learn how it can feel to feed upon one's emotions. If he could learn, without it being a bad experience, then there would be a chance that their new discovery wouldn't disgust or depress him.
She knew exactly when Richard had stopped leaking over her and started feeding from her. It wasn't a very satisfying meal---the wolf in him would prefer fear or rage---but she could feel him drawing energy out of her. Some of it was the power she had taken from Jean-Claude and Micah and some of it was her own; he drowned in the calm he had created and he drank that quiet ocean until he had had enough.
Willow collapsed and Cherry caught her.
"Thanks," Willow whispered.
"How does it feel?" she asked.
"It was like... I don't know. Like... my energy's lower than it was a little while ago, but... good."
She nodded. "You don't feel or smell sick," she commented. "As a bystander, it felt like it does when Anita feed the ardeur, but without the sex."
Willow looked at Asher. "Did he feed from you?"
"I was able to keep him out," Asher admitted. He looked a little astonished. "I could feel the hunger... I know what l'ardeur feels like when someone feeds it upon me, so I knew what would happen. But, I wanted to assist him, instead. It was as if wishing for it made it so."
"Hmm."
Everyone turned to look at Jean-Claude. The black-haired vampire had one finger to his lips and his head was bowed in concentration. He was in deep thought, processing everything that had unfolded in front of the group. When he lifted his head to look at his surroundings again, he smoothed his hand down the front of his shirt; he toyed with a few of the shirt's buttons as he spoke again.
"This is very interesting," he said quietly. "Ma petite, it may benefit you, especially, if they can feed from a distance---"
"I can't feed at school," Richard protested. "I will not feed off of children!"
"Non, of course not, mon loup," the vampire said, "but would you pass up on a scene of laughter or frustration in the teachers' lounge? You could draw their emotions inwards and feed from them. Feeding from a distance is not the same as feeding through touch. You will take in less... energy, but you may do it more often, with little if any effect upon the group in front of you." He tapped his finger against the buckle of his belt. "But, if you were willing to feed from any group... there are possibilities. You could take the emotion from a fight. You could calm the rowdy students into behaving."
"That's vampire trickery."
"Vampire trickery originating from within a werewolf?" Jean-Claude inquired, a smile on his lips. "But, of course, that would be impossible. Would the police believe it?"
Richard growled and clenched his fists. Willow looked from him, to Asher, to Jean-Claude and then she arched an eyebrow in silent question.
"It is not difficult to do from a distance, ma chérie," Jean-Claude told her mentally. "It is like sipping air through a straw in your heart."
"Okay, gross imagery, but I'll give It a try," Willow replied just as silently.
She removed herself from Cherry's arms as she magically reached out for Richard's rage. She tried picturing it the way Jean-Claude had described it, but 'sipping the air' wasn't an image that worked for her. She went back to her metaphysical hand and found it to be much more effective; she was able to reach out into the air around her and feel all of the emotions and feelings in the room.
There was Richard's frustrated rage in front of her, Cherry's calm behind her, Asher's pride, Jean-Claude's curiosity, Anita's jealousy, the wolves' collective concern, the leopard's collective interest... she could pick out emotions from the group and from individuals and she wondered if Jean-Claude and Anita ever felt so intoxicated simply by the possibility of feeding their hungers.
She went back to Richard's rage and she put that invisible, metaphysical hand against it. She knew she was not going to draw an emotion out of him as she did with Jean-Claude. She was simply going to take the rage he was offering the room and try to draw it away---instead of drawing from it. The Master of the City had proposed the test, while speaking with Richard, and she was curious to know if it could be done.
The Ulfric's eyes grew wide when he felt Willow luring his energy into her trap. His shields were down and he was not reacting so quickly because of his anger, so she was able to pull the hot, prickling energy towards her. She pulled it inside her body, inside that magical cavern she envisioned inside herself. She felt as if she were feasting and replenishing the stores he had taken from her moments ago.
When she finished, she felt the rage bubbling inside of her before it melted into pure energy. It was the ardeur's main meal---passion in any form, turned into energy, absorbed and used until its batteries needed recharging.
She shivered as the power vibrated through her. Her eyes had closed. She opened them and looked at the Master of the City after sharing a look with Asher.
"Les yeux," Asher breathed.
"Like Richard's," Cherry commented as she studied Willow's face.
Willow knew when her eyes had reverted back to themselves because she could feel the energy of her feeding sink into her flesh and aura. It had strengthened her, somehow.
Asher relaxed. Willow smiled and forced down a chuckle.
"Why aren't I still angry?" Richard asked as he figured out what had happened. "You didn't steal feelings from the others."
Willow shrugged. "I fed from it. It'll probably come back in a little while... but... I wanted to see if it could be done. What did it feel like?"
"Like...I was standing with my anger, and then all of a sudden, it was getting further and further away."
Asher nodded and gently touched Richard's shoulder. "I have seen Belle Morte use her powers to inflame people... she's taken their desire for her own... she's used every weapon in her arsenal, but only to further her own cause." He paused and then added, "If Willow can help you, mon ami, you should let her. If you can help others, you should do it."
"Have you been reading up on the 'rule of three?'" Willow asked the blond vampire.
He snorted. "I have heard tell of this rule... but it is common sense stretched over centuries, as well."
Richard sighed. "What good will come of this?" he asked. "I mean---" he gestured to Anita and Jean-Claude "---they feed off of lust and bodies, we feed off of emotion and hearts. What good will come of this?"
There was no anger in his voice. Simply curiosity. He wanted to know what they would say---how they could put positive spin on their present situation.
Jean-Claude and Anita both opened their mouths to speak, beating Jason by seconds.
However, their words were lost in a rumble, as the ground around them shook.