Keep Me Close- chapter XVIII
Team: San Jose Sharks
Pairing: Joe Thornton/Evgeni Nabokov
Rating: R
Summary: Not all in San Jose is sunny as the path to the Stanley Cup proves to be as difficult as ever; falling in love might be the simplest task on this year’s agenda.
Editor: Sherlockelly
Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV | Chapter V | Chapter VI | Chapter VII | Chapter VIII | Chapter IX | Chapter X | Chapter XI | Chapter XII | Chapter XIII | Chapter XIV | Chapter XV | Chapter XVI Part one | Chapter XVI Part two | Chapter XVII part one | Chapter XVII part two
-Chapter XVIII-
Tears were streaming down Evgeni’s face by the time he jolted himself awake. He sobbed loudly, the suppressed memories invading his thoughts and creeping into the edges of his vision.
Something shifted behind him, and Evgeni did not stop himself from tensing at the movement. An arm tightened around his naked waist and Joe’s soft voice cut through his nightmares. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
Evgeni clenched his jaw and screwed his eyes shut, nodding purposefully at the quiet words. He twisted in Joe’s reassuring embrace, wrapping his left arm around the sturdy shoulders and tangling his right hand into the soft curls at the base of his skull. The warm body heat of another traveled up the length of Evgeni’s body as he buried his face into the crook of Joe’s neck, slightly reassured when the arms around his waist hugged them closer together.
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Shivering flesh rippled under Joe’s light fingertips, the muscles convulsing with each sob that wracked Evgeni’s body. He held fast, moving his right hand to cup the head tucked under his chin and tangling it in with the wild locks.
His heart broke for his friend.
But then again… was that what they could be defined as now? Friends. It tasted so foreign when it settled heavily on Joe’s tongue, as though it wanted to be voiced and show how strange the concept really was. Many different thoughts swirled in the forefront of Joe’s mind, but friendship was not one of them.
He just fucked Evgeni. Joe was confused, but he was not ignorant. People do not fuck their best friends and remain actual friends.
His eyes glazed over as he stared down at the man in his arms, the wheezing gasps of breath heating his bare chest and tickling the patch of copper hair. All he wanted to do was curl up and sleep, never wanting to wake up.
But he would not leave Evgeni. Bad things happened when he left him. And Joe never wanted the not so much a friend, but maybe something more man to be hurt ever again if he could help it. And Joe was very much willing to help.
So he stayed awake.
Evgeni was whispering into his collar by the time Joe realized he had said something. “-think I’m rheady to tell you… Iya think I have to tell you.”
Joe nodded and rubbed slow circles into the small of Evgeni’s back, chasing away the goosebumps that transpired there ever since the man turned around in his arms. “I’m listening,” he croaked out, the short words nearly forcing themselves from his throat.
“I-Iya can’t keep this up much l-longer,” Evgeni continued, as though he had not heard the other; his hands clinging desperately into the matted hair behind Joe’s ears. The dull nails’ scratch resonated throughout Joe’s entire weary body at Evgeni’s pawing.
“You don’t have too. Evgeni, tell me what’s wrong.” His pleads were quiet, though sure; he wanted to help bear the burden of his not quite a friend’s pain.
“But h-how?” The man tilted his head up from the crook of Joe’s neck, his eyes big and watery. The greys swirled there like a storm, the clouds overtaking all light, and a downpour could be seen in the distance. But he blinked away the rain-like tears before they could fall.
Pursing his lips, Joe set his scruffy chin on the other man’s brow, while renewing his gentle touches all over the cold body. “Just… start talking. I’ll listen.”
“I-Iya…” Evgeni shifted back, lifting his head from Joe’s chest and reconnecting their link through their sad eyes. His fingers stilled their constant twittering, his hands coming to a rest around Joe’s jaw. He gulped; the odd sound was seemingly out of place with their somber attitudes. “Iya suppose…”
Both paused, the silent hanging over them, threatening to overcome the fragile shield that they had inadvertently created for this moment. They were wrapped around one another; their limbs were not their own, their sweat mixed and stuck to the other’s skin. And Joe waited.
Evgeni’s grip tightened and he looked away when his bruised lips finally parted. “It was lhast May. After… after the playoff ghame…” he trailed off, his eyes focusing on anything but the other’s eyes. Joe nudged him encouragingly with the hand resting at the base of his spine as he tilted his head back, trying to recapture Evgeni’s grey orbs. But Evgeni merely looked away.
“Iya was so tired… no, ehveryone was… ugh, that’s no excuse…” Evgeni began, but his words became quieter, as though he was arguing with himself. He groaned at the conflicted emotions that seemed to be crashing into his broken walls, flooding him with the emotions he had guarded himself from for so long.
Joe furrowed his brow at the turmoil that the man appeared to be struggling with, but he kept his mouth shut, his promise to listen still weighing heavily in his mind.
The strained features lining Evgeni’s face calmed, and he shook his head at the berating he had given himself, as though it was foolish. “Whell that’s just it; Iya was tired and I couldn’t do anything.”
The vague comments were getting the two of them nowhere.
“What couldn’t you do, Yevi?” The familiar nickname glided off Joe’s tongue with ease.
“Iya don’t know… anything! Nothing! I-Iya couldn’t even fight back, I only ran ahway… and what does that make me?” He scoffed into the mattress “… so pathetic.”
“Evgeni!” Joe interjected shortly, a scowl knitting his eyebrows together. He had a vague idea of what the man was talking about, but he strengthened his mental resolve, forcing himself to stay in the present and not assume anything.
It was easy to tell himself this, but he had already come up with millions of horrible possibilities ever since he heard Avery and the appalling words that he hissed out:
You won’t run away this time. You can't.
‘This time?’ He shivered involuntarily at the memory. He wanted to overlook the vulgar comment, but he could not. Joe bit his lip, knowing that if there was a ‘this time,’ then it had to have happened before.
“S-stop it!” He had tried to sound scolding and bold, but he just could not find the strength within himself to pull the words out and make them sound the way he needed them to. “Just… tell me what happened.”
A slight frown passed over the Russian’s shining eyes before he began again. “I whas.”
Scoffing quietly, Joe nodded to keep Evgeni talking, to finally pull the truth from him after so many long months of waiting. “Alright,” he murmured into the dirty-blond hair tickling at his chin.
“… Alright,” Evgeni repeated, the word almost delicate off of his tongue. “A-after the ghame… whell, after you left… remember?” he asked suddenly, his large, round eyes looking up pleaded for Joe to remember the moment as vibrantly as he had.
“Of course,” Joe whispered. And he did. It was with Evgeni when he had let his passive front crack, allowing his sadness of falling from the playoff race once again to shine through. It was in the showers; Joe was standing by the door and Evgeni was enshrouded behind the clouds of hot steam, if recalled correctly. They both were washed clean of the stale sweat that had crusted on their bodies after four extra periods. But he had known then, as well as any, that the disgust festering in both of their stomachs would not wash away so easily.
“Oh… good. Bhut, I guess it was after that…” he paused and nodded to urge himself on. “It whas after that and the, ah, exhaustion jhust hit me… Iya couldn’t even think right. E-everything in me jhust shut down, bhut I still had to ghet to on the plane… so I left… m-mhaybe ten minutes after you.”
It was no secret to the Shark’s that their jet home from Dallas was postponed because Evgeni was a few hours late, not soon after Joe. But the coach had told them that they should get their rest and not to worry about it. Joe was desperately wishing now that he did. Worry, that is.
What if he went out to look for Evgeni? He had seen how miserable the goaltender was, and he knew the same feeling as well. He was not alone, and Evgeni should not have been either. If only he had not believed Ron’s words… but there he went, jumping to conclusions again. Even though he knew that his thoughts were true, Joe bit his tongue.
“There weren’t any cabs… there whasn’t anybody. And… and I was so fucking tired, Joe… Iya wish that there whas something else holding me bhack, bhut there wasn’t. It-it was only me, and… and…” he choked on the suddenly stuffy air, his short gasps tightening in Joe’s own chest at the panic so potent, he could almost taste it. “And… t-then there whas Avery.”
Joe’s blood fizzled at the mere mention at the name. He swallowed down his growing anger, and rubbed a harder than necessary circle into the flat of Evgeni’s milky back. As much as he hated the confirmation to his thoughts, Joe knew that he had to listen to more. “And?” he tried to speak softly, but the syllable was barely distinguishable from a growl.
“And… he got me when Iya didn’t expect it. It… it whas horrible… He said that I-Iya lost him money, like in a bhet, you know? Everything was so fuzzy… He whas on me, and I could feel his hands on me. I-Iya tried to fight back, bhut I don’t know what happened! My body… my body jhust stopped… I-I couldn’t move, I couldn’t scream… nothing whas working.
“F-finally… I don’t know. Bhut he jhust came back from a spleen injury, right? I-I guess he hit it somehow and rholled over in pain. Then… then I don’t know what happened! I w-whas on the plane and then… I whas back in San Jose.
“If he didn’t hurt himself… Iya don’t know what I whould have done.”
Joe nuzzled his nose into the spot just above Evgeni’s ear, inhaling the thick, musky scent of sweat and sex. He began to whisper, the skin sweet and sticky on his lips. “I’m just glad yer safe, Yevs.”
A huff blew into his chest, an air of disbelief radiating from the other, and Joe could feel the tension sinking into him as well. He did not so much as… pity the goaltender, for he knew that Evgeni would not have taken well to the thought. It was more… the sadness and frustration that Joe was aware of. And it gnawed at his insides, chewing away the moderate demeanor he had created to keep his head clear.
Joe knew that it was cracking.
The other moved his hand to the front of Joe’s hardened chest, splaying his long fingers through the curls and pushing himself away. “Yeah, bhut that’s not the point, is it? If he didn’t hurt himself, Iya wouldn’t have gotten away…” he chuckled deep in his chest, a humorless expression playing on his face. “Like I said, I didn’t do anything.”
“Why do ya care?” Joe snapped; the skewed way that Evgeni saw his situation was starting to grind at his last nerve. “Why, exactly, does it matter that you didn’t anything? The point is that yer safe now!”
“The point is that I whasn’t strong enough to help myself!” He peeled the entire expanse of the front his body from Joe’s; damp skin ripping away the only sound in the suddenly too small room. His teeth were bared and his lip curled in disgust when his stone cold eyes glared up at the equally irritated man. “Avery hit himself. Avery whas the reason Iya got away.” His body coiled back like frightened prey, but there was no mistaking the deadly intent in the hiss that scratched out from his chest.
“But you got away!”
“Because Iya ran away! Don’t you ghet it?”
By now, Evgeni had pushed himself to the edge of the mattress, the starched sheets a rumpled mess all about him. His flushed chest heaved once, before he growled through his teeth. “I had no control.”
Joe propped himself onto his elbow and glared right back, just as fiercely. “Okay! Fine! Ya couldn’t get away by yourself. What’s the big deal? You were tired and he surprised you!” Regret of his words crept into the edges of his mind, and Joe knew that he should have stopped talking right there. But he could not. “Stop blaming yourself, damn it! You wanna feel better, don’t you? This isn’t helping! Stop taking the blame, stop beating yourself over it, and stop keeping things from me!
“I told you, I want to help, but how can I when yer only looking to yourself for the cause of the problem?!”
And then it was out. Joe did not mean some of it, in fact, he did not mean most of it, but he said them. And Evgeni exploded.
“Damn it, Joe! Who said I whas blaming myself?! I’m nhot, so stop lecturing me! You have no idea what I’m thinking, and you have no rhight to tell me what to do or how I’m supposed to feel.”
The glare was so sharp that Joe could feel his heart puncture. He tried his best to return it, but he knew he was not half as furious as Evgeni was. “Then make up your mind! Jesus… ya tell me to have sex with you and-”
“FUCK YOU!”
Yup, Evgeni was furious.
“Fuck you Joe! You say you whant to help, bhut…” his angered voice dropped its icy edge and he began to whisper, “Bhut you don’t know anything. You don’t undherstand how I feel. Because you can’t.” He fingered the sheet at his knee, and finally grasped it weakly, bringing it over his shoulders as he turned away, his legs dangling off the side.
Joe opened his mouth for a sharp retort, but he bit his lip at the last second, and swallowed whatever thoughtless words he was going to spew out next. His stiff body sagged, and Joe examined the fibers of the comforter beneath his fingers carefully with his eyes downcast in shame.
He knew Evgeni was right. After all, he did speak for him, without checking to see if his argument had a solid foundation, or if he was purely fed up with the twisted story that the other had been telling him. He wanted to punch himself in the gut. Ironic how Evgeni finally chose to confide in him and tell him the truth, only to have Joe choose this time to snap back.
Still refusing to look up, for he was absolutely ashamed with himself, Joe opened his mouth to say that Evgeni was right. He could not understand how the other must feel, and it was not his place to assume that he was right. But his voice caught in his throat when Evgeni spoke up.
“I-Iya think… I think we should get bhack to the hotel.”
Joe did not know what to say, so he nodded dumbly and sat up, grabbing his jeans and slipping them on. Looking over his shoulder as he adjusted his pants, Joe saw that Evgeni remained stagnant, but his hard glare was back, fixed at the wall across from him, as if he was just waiting for it to burst into flames.
Joe turned back and searched for his shirt. He was upset with himself for acting out of place, yes. But Joe would admit that he would rather see Evgeni mad than see him crying. Anger he could handle, Joe was a hockey player for Christ’s sake.
Sadness had a way of making Joe feel horrible. But Evgeni’s sadness? It made him want to curl up and die.
So he pushed him arm through the sleeve of his shirt, silently thankful for the glower that adorned Evgeni’s face. Joe wanted to fix Evgeni, and Joe could fix angry.
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They shuffled into the hotel after Joe finally managed to flag down a taxi. The ride was silent and for the most part incredibly awkward. Joe had so many things to say, but he could not find the words to voice them.
Evgeni trailed after Joe, and bumped into his wide back when the taller man stopped abruptly.
Sitting in one of the lobby’s high-backed chairs, was their coach, slumbering with his head propped on his hand. Tired, ashen circles wrapped around his sunken eyes, and light snores passed from his nose. Joe stepped forward lightly, tapping Todd carefully on the shoulder, slightly hesitant to see how the man would react.
But he merely stirred, his eyes shooting open and focusing quickly on the man behind Joe. He stood, his posture straight and commanding, the grey under his eyes disappearing at the change. He clapped Joe on the shoulder with a brief glance, and then told Evgeni to come with him in the cab to the airport, no excuses.
The man glanced through his lashes at the coach, and Joe could see him scanning Todd’s eyes skeptically, but was mildly surprised when his head bobbed once in a nod. He allowed Todd to place a tentative hand on his shoulder, his fingers pressing lightly into the base of his neck, as careful as though he was made of glass. But at this time, Joe thought that the comparison was not that far off.
The coach led them back out and left Joe with a passing glance.
It was then all the words that Joe wanted to say finally wormed its way from the jumble in his brain to something coherent on his tongue.
“I’m sorry, Evgeni…”
But the front door had already shut.
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Joe fell into the ever stiff airplane seat, huffing and rubbing at his tired eyes when his body had begun to collapse into itself, exhaustion finally draining him. A quiet snicker forced Joe's eyes open, and he found himself face to face with Devin, a mischievous grin tugging at his full lips. Joe flinched under the intense gaze, inching his head back to catch a glimpse of the coach’s peppered hair just over the headrest of a seat at the front of the plane.
He had passed the coach seconds ago, to find that Evgeni was curled up on the seat next to him, a slight scowl still painted over his face.
Devin’s husky whisper shook Joe from his thoughts and he jerked his head back to the man next to him. “I wouldn’t have thought you two, of all people.” His pink lips stretched as his smile grew.
Who Devin was referencing was obvious. Air caught in Joe’s lungs and he slapped his chest to regulate his breathing. ‘He knows? How the hell does he know that? I barely even know what’s going on!’
But the sophomore merely shook his head, his laughing eyes hidden beneath his dark lashes as he chuckled deeply. “Yeah man, I mean, at first I was like, ‘no fucking way!’ but then I remembered that Dallas’ motels are the best, so I really couldn’t blame ya.” He looked back, his fingers clawing into the armrest between them.
Joe did not know what to say. Memories of last night flashed through his head, and the image of Evgeni, just seconds before he came, and the shy smile he had given Joe. One would think that he should have some emotion regarding that fact that he’d had sex with his team’s starting goaltender, but he was just too tired to put any real thought into worrying about it. He would do that later, when he was not so incredibly exhausted.
Instead, his cock twitched involuntarily, but he pushed his palms roughly into his thighs, the coarse denim scratching at his flushed skin capturing majority of his attention. “Ah, well, I-I can explain-”
“Naw man, I don’t need to hear it,” Devin leaned in closer, his hand cupping around his mouth as he brought it to Joe’s red-tipped ears, “not here anyway.” He sat back, winking slyly and running his tongue over his row of white teeth.
“Just wish I could’a been there, ya know?”
Joe did choke on his breath right there. He wheezed and coughed, earning him a few concerned glances in his direction from the other Sharks. Eyes watering, he finally stared back at Devin, while shaking his head in disbelief. “W-what?”
“Oh, don’t play innocent with me, Thornton! But really, dude, I don’t blame ya! That’s so damn sexy.”
Joe leaned back in his seat and gaped, open mouthed, at the back of the seat he knew Evgeni was sitting in. His head jerked between Devin and the front of the plane, his wild eyes flashing, a cold sweat breaking out all over his body. “Ya mean… you’d have sex with… with…”
“Dallas hookers? Hell yeah, Joe! This is fucking Dallas we’re talking about here. And really-” he lowered his lashes seductively and curled his arm up, balling his hand into a fist near his ear and flexing his bicep. “Who could resist this?”
An inappropriate bark of a laugh bubbled from inside Joe when he finally heard Devin’s words.
The younger man’s chest deflated and a panicked flash crossed his eyes. “I’ve been working on them! Come on, don’t laugh, Joe!”
But he just shook his head, resting his hand over his fluttering heartbeat, relief spreading through his body like a fire, warm and bright. “Seto-” he paused to snicker into his other hand, “Yev-Evgeni and I didn’t buy prostitutes. Something…” he glanced away and his smile faded. “Something bad happened, and I had to stay with Evgeni.”
Cocking his head, Devin looked to the side before straightening himself, his primped, black hair standing upright once again. “Then why do you smell like sex?”
The fiery relief was drenched with cold realization, and Joe bit his lip at the first retort that came to mind at Devin’s question. He just hoped that his assumption was correct. “Ah, it’s… you?” He cringed when his supposed statement twisted itself into a question.
But Devin did not seem to notice. He frowned, glancing between Joe and his shirt. Shrugging once, he peeled the thin cotton from his belly and brought it to his nose. He made a show of inhaling the scent, smiling when he let go of the fabric, allowing it to drift back to covering over his stomach.
“Touché, Thornton,” Devin sniggered, “You are probably right on that one.” He nodded, a self-satisfied smile plastered on his face before he turned to look out the rounded window.
Joe fell into a heap of exhaustion, glad that Devin never passed up the chance with an attractive reporter after a good game. He leaned into the aisle, hoping to catch a glance of Evgeni, but his shoulders slumped when all he could see was Todd’s elbow one seat over.
Devin looked back over his shoulder, “Do you want the window? I know you like to look out of it a lot.”
But Joe shook his head, tearing his eyes away from the man he could not see. “Naw, there aren’t any stars out now.”
Devin laughed quietly, his eyes flickering between the window and his teammate. “So that’s why you stare out the window so much? To see the stars? That’s a little cheesy, don’t ya think?”
But Joe shook his head immediately at the sophomore’s flippant words. “Actually... it’s nice, calming really. You realize how small you are when you see all of them, you know? Away from the cities; they seem to go on forever…” A small smile tugged at the corner of Joe’s lips, and it was a moment after his speech that he noticed his gaze had fallen upon the back of Evgeni’s chair once again.
A snort pulled Joe back, and when he turned around, Devin’s incredulous smirk spoke volumes. He chuckled to make sure his point was across. “Yeah, definitely cheesy.”
Rolling his eyes, Joe leaned back into the headrest, sleep forcing his eyelids closed. Before he fell asleep, Joe could not help but smile when he saw Devin searching feverously out the airplane's window.
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To be continued
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Oh Joe, what did you do now? These boys need to get their issues figured out. Furreal.
Well, it’s not as long as the last two, but it's up sooner!
Thanks to everyone for sticking with this from the very beginning, it means a lot :)