Sweet Valley High #71: Starring Jessica!
Sweet Valley High #71: Starring Jessica!
I would like you all to know that when I was looking for a picture of the cover of this book I found a five-star Amazon review that say, and I quote, “This book was really good. It was about Jessica and how she was a star.” Wow! Who would've thought that's what a book called Starring Jessica! would be about!?
...Yeah.
Winston Egbert hands out applications to be on The Eric Parker Show, a talk show. Lila and Jessica just about trample him to get their applications. We're told that Eric Parker is very handsome. He's doing a segment called “Growing Up in America” and one of the Sweet Valley kids is going to be interviewed. Someone ought to tell Mr. Parker that Sweet Valley is nothing like America. Jessica, Lila and Winston are are all vying for the spot.
Jessica rushes home to fill out the application. (Interests: “Tennis, dancing, the beach, boys” which I accidentally read as “The Beach Boys”) She tells Liz she needs to be a shoo-in for the interview, because this show is going to jump start her “career” of being famous. Jess thinks she needs to be more like Liz to win the spot. So Liz suggest Jessica write a column for The Oracle. It's called “The Worst Dates of My Life.”
Liz and Penny think Jessica's column is hysterical. (Naturally, the funniest parts are about Daniella Fromage and Magenta Galaxy! Someone please recap that one!) But Liz is worried because Jessica mentions some Sweet Valley boys, Winston and Bruce Patman to be precise, by name and isn't very flattering. Jessica says that Bruce kisses like a jellyfish. Liz makes her change their names to avoid libeling them. At least the ghostwriter knows the difference between libel and slander?
Penny's high praise for Jessica's article makes Liz bristle. She can't just be happy for her sister, oh no. She has to start thinking how Penny never said such good stuff about her work and maybe she's lost her touch. She decides she won't be a writer and needs a new career path. Enid is like, “Oh no you're not going to go surfing again are you?” Hee. Enid was planning on becoming a nature guide at Secca Lake, and she suggests Liz come with her to a meeting. It sounds really dull to me, but I think Enid is like "Okay, I'll do this stupid thing with you just so you don't do something stupider on your own."
The kids watch Eric Parker on TV, while Lila and Jessica bicker about whose application had more lies on it. Eric Parker is apparently from Sweet Valley originally which explains why he's there in the first place, something I was wondering about. I thought he might've thrown a dart a map of the U.S. to find a town.
Enid and Liz go to Secca Lake where they, and some other kids, meet with a park ranger named Don. Don says if they want to be “junior rangers” then they have to take a quiz on the park rules and safety procedures. Only the kids who get 100% can be rangers. Liz thinks it'll be an exciting new way to grow. Wow, taking quizzes! How exciting!
Lila and Jessica talk about how much they love Jamie Peters (it's nice to see them being friendly for a little while since they're so competitive this book). Then Chrome Dome Cooper interrupts them with an announcement. Eric Parker has picked six students to go on to the interview phase of the interview-getting process. Jesus, this is harder than getting into college. Anyway the six are: Jessica, Winston, Lila, Olivia Davidson, Patty Gilbert and Jim Roberts. Jessica doesn't know who Jim Roberts is, but she and Lila quickly decide they are the only two with a shot! They go from friendly banter to out-right suspicion and jealousy.
On Friday, the kids go for their pre-interviews. Lila is first and Jessica is last. When Lila gets to the office the interviews are supposed to be held, she discovers they've been moved. She sneakily makes it so only Jessica does not find out about the schedule change. After cheerleading practice, Jessica arrives at the office and sits there waiting. She is rescued by a guileless Olivia Davidson, who tells her the interviews were moved. As revenge, Jessica sneakily mentions that the hospital where she was a candy-striper is Fowler Memorial and suggests that Lila is not a “typical teen” since she's so rich.
Enid and Liz both got 100s on the quiz. But Liz had to give up an assignment for The Oracle to make time to go to Secca Lake. Now she's all wibbly about it. They go on a hike with Don and he tells them about the trails and whatnot. I cannot express how dull it all is. At the end, Don chooses Liz as the “informal chief of operations” because she knew some useless Secca Lake trivia. Liz worries if she accepts the position she'll have to spend a lot of time working there. It must be rough being Elizabeth Wakefield and being so wonderful that everyone wants a piece of your time.
Eric Parker holds an assembly at SVH to tell everyone he's picked Jessica. That seems like an unnecessary abuse of assembly privileges. Then he tells everyone Lila will be Jessica's “alternate,” like it's Miss America or something. What the hell? It's going to be like a fifteen second interview, right? It's not like she had duties she has to perform.
The next day, Jessica's article appears in The Oracle. Guess who's pissed? Bruce Patman. You saw that coming, right? Bruce is also angry at his friend John Pfeifer. Bruce thinks John, as an Oracle editor, should've kept the article from running. I think Bruce just might be onto the fact that all evil in Sweet Valley stems from John Pfeifer.
As Lila has naturally vowed to sabotage Jessica's talk show appearance, when she hears Bruce is upset with Jess too, she hatches a scheme. The two of them are going to keep Jessica from being on the show! Bruce and Lila! Tag team of manipulation and awesomeness!
Liz is very busy, yet somehow she ends up helping Jessica with preparing for her interview. Then Don calls and asks her to fill in for another junior ranger and Liz says yes even though she has homework. Then she comes home and just wants to nap, but Jessica is like “let's do mock interviews!” and for some reason Liz agrees. Liz, stop being such a fucking doormat. I don't feel sorry for you at all.
The next day, Lila calls and fake apologizes for fighting with Jessica. She tells Jessica she wants to take her out shopping (tomorrow, day of the interview) for a fabulous new outfit for the show! Jess agrees to go. Either Lila is a really good actress or Jessica is really dim. I vote for a combination of the two!
Lila convinces Jessica she can't wear something ordinary to be on TV talking about being an ordinary teenager! So instead of going to the mall they go to a boutique that is farther away. Jessica tries something on, and when she's in the dressing room, Lila bolts. Jessica tries to run after her, but she's still wearing the outfit and the salespeople think she's shoplifting.
We learn from Lila that Bruce had called the shop earlier pretending to be a police officer and reported a shoplifter fitting Jessica's description. They gleefully hope that Jessica got arrested. Man, I never want to get on Bruce and Lila's bad side.
Then they make out! I KNOWZ!! I had to read it twice to make sure. L/B OTP!
When the police arrive to question Jessica, they quickly get it out of the salespeople that a detective who never existed called in the tip. Naturally these detectives who actually detect are not members of the Sweet Valley police force-it's another town.
Jessica then, and you'll never see this coming, calls Liz and cries to her. Liz will save her! Except Don then calls and wants her to do some rangering stuff. Liz finally says no. I know! She only says no to people when Jessica's in trouble. How about sticking up for yourself, Liz?
Liz goes to the auditorium dressed and Jessica. She pretends to be Jessica for the whole interview, just so Lila can't “win.” Jessica is grateful, when I think she'd still be upset about not being on TV.
Lila blames Bruce for the “failure” to keep Jessica away from the show. She loudly declares he kisses like a jellyfish.
During the interview, Liz realizes that she doesn't want to be Jessica? Or something? And decides to quit the ranger thing and be a writer? I don't get it. I don't know why she felt inferior as a writer over one article. I don't know why she thought becoming a junior ranger would make it better. I don't know why she's quitting now. Liz makes no sense to me. She should be studied in a lab or something.
Amy and Cara force Jessica and Lila to make up. They're back as friends when they hear a new girl, Andrea Slade, has moved to Sweet Valley. And you know, friends who stalk together, stay together.
I would like you all to know that when I was looking for a picture of the cover of this book I found a five-star Amazon review that say, and I quote, “This book was really good. It was about Jessica and how she was a star.” Wow! Who would've thought that's what a book called Starring Jessica! would be about!?
...Yeah.
Winston Egbert hands out applications to be on The Eric Parker Show, a talk show. Lila and Jessica just about trample him to get their applications. We're told that Eric Parker is very handsome. He's doing a segment called “Growing Up in America” and one of the Sweet Valley kids is going to be interviewed. Someone ought to tell Mr. Parker that Sweet Valley is nothing like America. Jessica, Lila and Winston are are all vying for the spot.
Jessica rushes home to fill out the application. (Interests: “Tennis, dancing, the beach, boys” which I accidentally read as “The Beach Boys”) She tells Liz she needs to be a shoo-in for the interview, because this show is going to jump start her “career” of being famous. Jess thinks she needs to be more like Liz to win the spot. So Liz suggest Jessica write a column for The Oracle. It's called “The Worst Dates of My Life.”
Liz and Penny think Jessica's column is hysterical. (Naturally, the funniest parts are about Daniella Fromage and Magenta Galaxy! Someone please recap that one!) But Liz is worried because Jessica mentions some Sweet Valley boys, Winston and Bruce Patman to be precise, by name and isn't very flattering. Jessica says that Bruce kisses like a jellyfish. Liz makes her change their names to avoid libeling them. At least the ghostwriter knows the difference between libel and slander?
Penny's high praise for Jessica's article makes Liz bristle. She can't just be happy for her sister, oh no. She has to start thinking how Penny never said such good stuff about her work and maybe she's lost her touch. She decides she won't be a writer and needs a new career path. Enid is like, “Oh no you're not going to go surfing again are you?” Hee. Enid was planning on becoming a nature guide at Secca Lake, and she suggests Liz come with her to a meeting. It sounds really dull to me, but I think Enid is like "Okay, I'll do this stupid thing with you just so you don't do something stupider on your own."
The kids watch Eric Parker on TV, while Lila and Jessica bicker about whose application had more lies on it. Eric Parker is apparently from Sweet Valley originally which explains why he's there in the first place, something I was wondering about. I thought he might've thrown a dart a map of the U.S. to find a town.
Enid and Liz go to Secca Lake where they, and some other kids, meet with a park ranger named Don. Don says if they want to be “junior rangers” then they have to take a quiz on the park rules and safety procedures. Only the kids who get 100% can be rangers. Liz thinks it'll be an exciting new way to grow. Wow, taking quizzes! How exciting!
Lila and Jessica talk about how much they love Jamie Peters (it's nice to see them being friendly for a little while since they're so competitive this book). Then Chrome Dome Cooper interrupts them with an announcement. Eric Parker has picked six students to go on to the interview phase of the interview-getting process. Jesus, this is harder than getting into college. Anyway the six are: Jessica, Winston, Lila, Olivia Davidson, Patty Gilbert and Jim Roberts. Jessica doesn't know who Jim Roberts is, but she and Lila quickly decide they are the only two with a shot! They go from friendly banter to out-right suspicion and jealousy.
On Friday, the kids go for their pre-interviews. Lila is first and Jessica is last. When Lila gets to the office the interviews are supposed to be held, she discovers they've been moved. She sneakily makes it so only Jessica does not find out about the schedule change. After cheerleading practice, Jessica arrives at the office and sits there waiting. She is rescued by a guileless Olivia Davidson, who tells her the interviews were moved. As revenge, Jessica sneakily mentions that the hospital where she was a candy-striper is Fowler Memorial and suggests that Lila is not a “typical teen” since she's so rich.
Enid and Liz both got 100s on the quiz. But Liz had to give up an assignment for The Oracle to make time to go to Secca Lake. Now she's all wibbly about it. They go on a hike with Don and he tells them about the trails and whatnot. I cannot express how dull it all is. At the end, Don chooses Liz as the “informal chief of operations” because she knew some useless Secca Lake trivia. Liz worries if she accepts the position she'll have to spend a lot of time working there. It must be rough being Elizabeth Wakefield and being so wonderful that everyone wants a piece of your time.
Eric Parker holds an assembly at SVH to tell everyone he's picked Jessica. That seems like an unnecessary abuse of assembly privileges. Then he tells everyone Lila will be Jessica's “alternate,” like it's Miss America or something. What the hell? It's going to be like a fifteen second interview, right? It's not like she had duties she has to perform.
The next day, Jessica's article appears in The Oracle. Guess who's pissed? Bruce Patman. You saw that coming, right? Bruce is also angry at his friend John Pfeifer. Bruce thinks John, as an Oracle editor, should've kept the article from running. I think Bruce just might be onto the fact that all evil in Sweet Valley stems from John Pfeifer.
As Lila has naturally vowed to sabotage Jessica's talk show appearance, when she hears Bruce is upset with Jess too, she hatches a scheme. The two of them are going to keep Jessica from being on the show! Bruce and Lila! Tag team of manipulation and awesomeness!
Liz is very busy, yet somehow she ends up helping Jessica with preparing for her interview. Then Don calls and asks her to fill in for another junior ranger and Liz says yes even though she has homework. Then she comes home and just wants to nap, but Jessica is like “let's do mock interviews!” and for some reason Liz agrees. Liz, stop being such a fucking doormat. I don't feel sorry for you at all.
The next day, Lila calls and fake apologizes for fighting with Jessica. She tells Jessica she wants to take her out shopping (tomorrow, day of the interview) for a fabulous new outfit for the show! Jess agrees to go. Either Lila is a really good actress or Jessica is really dim. I vote for a combination of the two!
Lila convinces Jessica she can't wear something ordinary to be on TV talking about being an ordinary teenager! So instead of going to the mall they go to a boutique that is farther away. Jessica tries something on, and when she's in the dressing room, Lila bolts. Jessica tries to run after her, but she's still wearing the outfit and the salespeople think she's shoplifting.
We learn from Lila that Bruce had called the shop earlier pretending to be a police officer and reported a shoplifter fitting Jessica's description. They gleefully hope that Jessica got arrested. Man, I never want to get on Bruce and Lila's bad side.
Then they make out! I KNOWZ!! I had to read it twice to make sure. L/B OTP!
When the police arrive to question Jessica, they quickly get it out of the salespeople that a detective who never existed called in the tip. Naturally these detectives who actually detect are not members of the Sweet Valley police force-it's another town.
Jessica then, and you'll never see this coming, calls Liz and cries to her. Liz will save her! Except Don then calls and wants her to do some rangering stuff. Liz finally says no. I know! She only says no to people when Jessica's in trouble. How about sticking up for yourself, Liz?
Liz goes to the auditorium dressed and Jessica. She pretends to be Jessica for the whole interview, just so Lila can't “win.” Jessica is grateful, when I think she'd still be upset about not being on TV.
Lila blames Bruce for the “failure” to keep Jessica away from the show. She loudly declares he kisses like a jellyfish.
During the interview, Liz realizes that she doesn't want to be Jessica? Or something? And decides to quit the ranger thing and be a writer? I don't get it. I don't know why she felt inferior as a writer over one article. I don't know why she thought becoming a junior ranger would make it better. I don't know why she's quitting now. Liz makes no sense to me. She should be studied in a lab or something.
Amy and Cara force Jessica and Lila to make up. They're back as friends when they hear a new girl, Andrea Slade, has moved to Sweet Valley. And you know, friends who stalk together, stay together.