Sweet Valley High #40: On the Edge

Jun 23, 2007 00:06

I believe this one was requested.

Sweet Valley High #40: On the Edge


We open with Jessica recapping for us. Regina Morrow is tragically, tragically deaf. Bruce Patman is an arrogant tool. Somehow they fell in love, and he seemed to mellow. Then she went to Switzerland, and it helped regain her hearing. She's back now and everything seemed rosy until Bruce was assigned to work on some oral health class project (doesn't that sound dirty?) with Amy Sutton.

Amy was Liz's friend in middle school. But she left, got a personality transplant, and came back as a boy-crazy ho. She wants Bruce, so she's trying to get him to revert to his playboy days. Why anyone would want to bring this guy back, no one knows. That Amy! She crazy!

Their project is about drugs. That doesn't sound very specific to me. I'm guessing, “drugs are bad”? Anyway, part of Amy's evil plot is to schedule their meetings on Friday nights and when there are dances and things so Regina has to sit home alone. It's not just that she has the hots for Bruce. She is actively trying to fuck with the deaf girl. She's stone cold.

Anyway, Bruce must really love Regina a lot because by page 17 he's kissing Amy. He says: ”Until a couple weeks ago I thought everything with Regina was perfect. But the more time I spend with you, the more time I spend thinking about you [....] I'd kind of forgotten how much fun it is to spread the wealth-to share the old Bruce magic with more than one girl.”. Charming! He says he can convince Regina to “let me do what I want.” In other words, he wants to still see Regina but have some sex with slutty Amy on the side.

Amy thinks the two of them are in love. She tells Jess as much at school the next day, while the two of them stare at Regina. She is eating with a boy named Justin Belson, who is on academic probation. He hangs out with two girls, Molly Hecht and Jan Brown that are rumored to do the drugs. Oh no! Not the drugs!

Regina doesn't actually know Justin at all. Bruce was supposed to eat lunch with her but he didn't show. Justin just plopped himself down all unasked. He says he's her biggest fan and has three copies of that magazine she was on. Three seems excessive. I mean, what did he do to the first two that he needed a third? Shudder. He asks her out but she says no because she thinks Bruce would be mad.

Elizabeth and Jessica are having a barbecue at their house. Jessica is psyched because Amy, Bruce and Regina are all coming and she wants a front row seat for the drama. Liz wants to tell Regina that Amy is trying to snag Bruce. Jessica doesn't want her to, because she thinks Amy will be pissed. Jessica has no conscience. Liz asks Jeffrey French (no TBT in this book) what she should do. He thinks Bruce ought to be the one to tell Regina something is up, and everybody else should mind their own damn business. Jeffrey really doesn't fit in at Sweet Valley High, does he?

Justin calls Regina and asks her out again. She has bbq plans so she says no. Nicholas overhears the phone call and freaks. He's heard about Justin's reputation and is worried that he's interested in Regina.

Regina tries to get Bruce to explain why he's been blowing her off in 1bruce1. He blows her off. Then when they're at the barbecue, Regina sees Bruce staring at Amy when she arrives. She realizes something is going on and is sad. She mentions that she's not really “close” to that many people there since she always went to special school for the deaf and just recently got back from Switzerland. She feels isolated and sad. Poor tragically deaf Regina.

Later, Regina is sitting alone at the party and Bruce has disappeared. Liz and Jeffrey see that Bruce is off with Amy “in the trees.” (Yikes. And he's the classy one?) Jeffrey goes to hose them off and Liz goes to talk to Regina. But Regina sees Bruce emerging with Amy and realizes Liz wasn't going to tell her. She freaks out when she realizes that everyone knew what was going on except her. She tells Bruce she's taking the keys to 1bruce1 and going home, and that she never wants to see him again. Then she tells everyone present that she hates them (all!) and speeds away angrily.

(There's some inconsistencies here. Regina refers to the Porsche as Bruce 1 not 1bruce1. This upsets me more than anything.)

Regina looks back on her relationship with Bruce. She thinks that since she's not all deaf and being held hostage anymore that the novelty of their romance has worn off. At first he was totally faithful and in love, then he just got bored of her. Thinking she needs to take her mind off of Bruce and Amy, she calls Justin and says she'll go out with him. Ruh roh, Scooby!

Justin takes her to a bar called Kelly's where they server liquor to underage kids. Justin drinks a beer and tells Regina his sob-story. His father worked in a liquor store and was stabbed to death during a robbery. His mother fell apart and started taking pills. So he's got no parents to care what he does. His lifeline is Molly Hecht, his former girlfriend. But he says she hangs out a lot with Jan Brown now and they do the drugs. Regina thinks they are both lonely people and she should be friends with him.

Monday at school, Amy tells Jessica that the barbecue was the “best night of her life.” Wow. That's an incredible level of self-absorption right there because not a single person but her (including her beloved Bruce) left that party feeling good about themselves. Furthermore, I don't see how getting snogged in the bushes by a guy whose girlfriend was not 10 feet away can be considered a high point in anyone's career. Jesus, she's crazy.

She also tells Jessica she doesn't understand why Bruce keeps bringing up Regina's name since she's “history.” Two whole days! Golly, I can't understand why a boy who was dating a girl for months might actually think about her two days after they broke up. What is wrong with him? Why is he not overwhelmed by all of Amy's, er, charms?

Regina is becoming fascinated by Justin. She thinks that his life is so different from hers. She was always sheltered, but he's had to do everything for himself. She is interested in the fact that he has “suffered” whereas she thinks Bruce always had things handed to him. And she's not totally wrong about that.

Molly comes over and tells them she's having a party on Saturday. There's a guy named “Buzz” that is supposed to show up. I can't imagine what kind of person would earn a nickname like Buzz can you? It's totally subtle. Anyway, Justin doesn't like Buzz and doesn't want Buzz around Molly. But Molly tells him not to mother her. She invites Regina to the party, being oddly familiar to a girl she just met.

Elizabeth tries to talk to Regina and say she's sorry for what happened but Regina doesn't want to talk about it. Liz tries to warn her about Justin and his crowd, but Regina doesn't want to hear about that either. She's going on Justin's motorcycle! And in Sweet Valley, bad things happen when you ride a motorcycle.

Amy and Bruce are supposed to meet her cousin Mimi about the drug paper. Mimi goes to Sweet Valley College (it's never “University” in the early books, I've noticed) but she volunteers at a drug rehabilitation clinic. It just so happens that Mimi has heard that Molly is going to have a dealer at her party and it's no surprise that it's “Buzz.” She says they're trying to get Buzz arrested and to warn any of their friends that are going to the party. Bruce immediately worried about Regina and Amy is jealous.

Bruce calls Regina and apologizes for what he did. He says he wants them to make up and be friends but Regina is like “Um, no thanks, pal.” Then he gets into warning her about Justin, which only makes her mad. Liz then calls Regina to warn her about this Buzz guy (whom she heard about from Jessica who heard from Amy). Regina hangs up on her too. But this is the third and fourth time someone has tried to warn her about Justin, you'd think she'd maybe consider it. Maybe not from Bruce, because he's an ass, but from her brother and Liz? I'm not sure I understand the purpose of making the tragically dead girl appear so unreasonable? Don't they want to make it like anyone could drop dead from cocaine use and any moment?

Regina decides she'll go to the party but she'll talk to Justin about her fears. She doesn't like the sound of this Buzz character. And she feels badly for being rude to Liz on the phone. So she sits down and writes a letter, and mails it before she leaves. I roll my eyes at the contrivance. Why not just call her back?

Justin and Regina talk. It becomes clear that Justin still loves Molly, and Regina encourages him to go after her. She's “in trouble” now (makes me think of Dirty Dancing) and needs him more than ever, Regina says.

Liz, ever the tattle-tale, calls Nicholas and tells him that Regina is going to be at a party with drugs. Drugs! Nicolas says he's going to go over there and bring her home. Away from the drugs! He rushes out without his wallet and gets caught speeding. The cops bring him into the station. Jesus. For once the Sweet Valley cops actually do something and it's to stop Nicolas Morrow from saving his sister's life. What a crack force they have there.

At the party: Regina takes TWO sips of beer. Two. Then the infamous Jan Brown accosts her. Jan smokes, so that's bad. I think that's about all you need to know about her to assess her character. Then Buzz shows up.

When next we cut back to Regina, she is drunk. I am hoping they mean she has drunk more than two sips of a beer since last we saw her. But considering the “Night to Remember” magic vodka, I'm not sure. She walks in on Jan and Molly doing cocaine. Jan makes fun of her and accuses her of stealing Molly's boyfriend. This is upsetting to Regina because she doesn't want to be the “Amy” of this relationship. She tries to tell Molly that Justin loves her, but, well, she's high; it's not a good time for heart-to-hearts.

Regina tries to leave but Justin says he wants to go with her. He just needs to futilely argue with Molly about the evils of drugs for awhile, is all. Won't Regina sit down? (See, Molly's been doing cocaine for a long time. He says it's “no problem.” But Buzz wants her to try heroin and that makes Justin afraid. I love the 80's cocaine, smocaine mentality here. No one would ever say that today.)

The kids are all shocked Regina has never seen cocaine before (really? Not even in movies?) She doesn't understand how something that looks like sugar can be harmful; she expected it to be more “menacing.” What like it would wear a scary mask and jump out at you? Buzz spouts about how you can't get hooked on cocaine; it just makes you happy. It's like candy! Better than candy though! Because it won't make you fat!

Because Jan makes fun of her, Regina decides she's going to try it. That doesn't seem like a very good reason to eat a sandwich let alone snort cocaine, but ok. She snorts one line. But nothing happens and Molly says she needs to do two to feel anything. This is when Justin speaks up and says no. Really? Where were you the first time? He doesn't put up much of an argument the second time either. He's a real shitty friend.

She does another line and then she starts hearing “drums.” Justin realizes she's hearing her own heartbeat, which is irregular. Justin lies her down and tries to get Buzz to call the 911, but he won't because he's a freaking drug dealer..

At then Nicholas barges in, demanding to know what they did to Regina. He sits with her while she tragically dies. Her last words are: 1) It's no one's fault, 2) Nicolas has been a good brother, 3) She wants to see Liz and Bruce, and then she slips into unconsciousness. Damn that's a lot of final words. If I were dying I'd just say “Ow!” or “Holy shit I think I'm dying!” I wouldn't really be concerned about Liz and my jerky ex-boyfriend.

Everyone was at Lila's house when Nicholas calls for Liz (how'd he know she was there?). They're all horrified and Bruce says it's all his fault.(He hasn't heard her last words yet!) Bruce Patman, to my surprise, starts to cry even before they even leave for the hospital. He keeps saying that it's his fault but Liz thinks it's her fault. Would you two stop playing the blame game and get in the fucking car already!? Jesus.

Elizabeth and Bruce take 1bruce1 to the emergency room where they find Nicholas. They are greeted by the news that the doctors don't think Regina is going to survive. After waiting for a long time, the doctors announce she is dead and Bruce starts to cry again. He wants to know if the cocaine was “poisoned.” I picture Jan with some weird vial, twirling her mustache and cackling over the poisoned cocaine she gave that evil, boyfriend stealing Regina.

Should I be laughing right now as she's officially tragically dead?

All the “good” Sweet Valley High students, talk about how they can't believe she's dead. Bruce wants “to kill” Justin and his friends. Apparently, it's all their fault now. Lila and Winston speechify for the impressionable young readers how they will never try cocaine! Oh no! Chrome Dome Cooper calls an assembly, which makes me think of that Daria episode where the football player dies and Ms. Li wants them all to sing “One Sweet Day.”

Tuesday, Liz gets the contrived letter Regina wrote before she died. The letter tells Liz what a good friend she was and how it's not her fault, blah blah. Oddly, it also mentions how she's realized Molly and Justin are in love and no one can split up a couple in love or something. This is odd because she didn't have that conversation with Justin until after she “wrote” this letter. SHE'S BACK FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE, YA'LL.

At the memorial service, Mr. Collins and Liz both give speeches. They both talk about how wonderful she was and how lucky they were to know her. We learn that she died because she had a heart murmur at the cocaine gave her a heart attack. I don't know about you, but this makes me less scared of the cocaine and more scared of a heart murmur. Thos fuckers are deadly!

Then Nicholas gets up. He reads Dirge Without Music by Edna St. Vincent Millay. I am shocked by this because this is not a public domain poem and that means someone had to go to the Millay estate like “Hi, we want your poem in a Sweet Valley High book, k?”

After the memorial, Molly tries to talk to Justin but he blows her off. Will they find true love? Find out in the next book: #41: Outcast.

ETA: Uploaded cover image to my website so ya'll can see Regina in her pre-deadness, Bruce-pining glory.


sweet valley's finest, sweet valley high, cheating cheaters, boyfriend stealing, heroically deaf regina, bruce cries, recapper: strangerface

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