Sweet Valley High #90: Don't Go Home With John
I am ridiculously excited. I ordered a bunch of SVH novels on eBay. They finally came today! I anticipate hours and hours of entertainment. I'm starting with Don't Go Home With John because I promised I would do it. And also because, of all the SVH novels, it is the one that stands out most in my mind from my childhood. I think it's one of the most honestly emotional books of the series.
Oh, and because Lila is awesome.
Sweet Valley High #90: Don't Go Home With John
Lila's having a party. It's a costume party, not like those run-of the mill parties we see every book. Lila is either going to go as Princess Diana (pre-tragic car accident) or Marie Antoinette (presumably pre-tragic dismemberment), which I think is hilarious for some reason. There is one thing that is bugging Lila about her party though. She, Jessica and Amy used to be a trio of boy-crazy gals. But now Jessica is dating dirt-bike Sam and Amy is serious about Barry, whom I'd forgotten about entirely until this minute. Lila wishes she had a serious boyfriend.
John Pfeifer (hiss!), the sports editor of the Oracle, has been paying a lot of attention to Lila lately. She thinks she might go out with him. John (boo!) has recently broken up with Jennifer Mitchell, for undisclosed reasons. (Though I bet it's because he's a butt-head, jerk-off rapist.) Jessica, in an uncharacteristic moment of brilliance, doesn't think Lila should date him because he's not her type.
Lila goes shopping for party things and thinks about John (snarl!). It makes me sad when she thinks, She was used to being told how pretty she was, but not how smart. She thinks he doesn't just like her for her money and looks. So upsetting.
John (jeer!) shows up while Lila is lost in thought. He takes her to a cafe to tell her "big" news. He got an internship in the sports department of the L.A. Sun. This is how much I hate him: if that were a real paper I would never purchase it.
Elizabeth overhears John (razz!) saying some not nice things about girls one day in the Oracle office but she decides she misheard and then goes on to encourage him to ask Lila out. He does. They make plans for the next night. I hate you right now, Elizabeth Wakefield. I really do.
Lila frets about just the right thing to wear and when John (heckle!) compliments her on how beautiful she is, she thinks he really means it. I feel like you do when watching a horror movie and the blonde is about to go down the alley. Don't do it, Lila!
John (taunt!) drives her to Millers Point and the make out, until Lila tries to pull away. When things start to get heated, Lila asks him to take her home and he keeps asking for “one more kiss.” Then he kisses her so hard he knocks her head against the car window, hurting her and she gets freaked out. She shouts for him to stop. He doesn't. He, like any good date rapist, tells her she wants it and laughs at her, calling her a tease.
Lila sees the keys in the ignition over his shoulder. I remember this part very vividly from oh-so many years ago, because it's my favorite. She grabs them and jabs the keys into his neck! Muah! And she escapes from the car. He tries to tell her he'll drive her home, but she is too awesome to believe that! She tosses the keys over the Point, and runs.
The next day, Lila wakes up with bruises and scratches over her body. She can't believe something like that happened to her. Upsettingly, she remembers him telling her that she “wanted it to happen” and feels ashamed. She knows she's flirtatious so she begins to think she did something to lead John (hate!) on, something “nice” girls wouldn't do. When Jessica calls to find out how the date went, Lila doesn't tell her anything. She thinks Jessica won't believe her, which is sad. Worse, she considers calling a helpline but thinks they wouldn't even believe her. Poor Lila.
Except, even though Lila said nothing to Jessica about it, Jessica can tell something is wrong. She tells Sam as much when they are together later. He thinks everything is ok, but she is insistent that something is really upsetting Lila. I could almost kiss Jessica Wakefield at this very moment. Sometimes she's a really self-centered bitch, but she and Lila have a truly awesome friendship. I mean, they're rivals half the time and not a lot of people would stick that out.
Monday morning, Lila considers not going to school but decides avoiding it will only make it worse. When she arrives there is a sort of heartbreaking passage I will type up in its entirety (copyright be damned): Lila couldn't remember a time when she didn't know that she was special. And knowing that you're special gives you certain advantages over other people. You never feel insecure. You never feel nervous. You never feel unsure of yourself. Normal for Lila Fowler was being as confident as a queen visiting neighboring peasants. But as she approached the entrance of Sweet Valley High on that Monday morning, Lila began to realize that she might never feel normal again. Sniffle.
She sees Aaron Dallas talking with John (loathe!). He has the nerve to look at her contemptuously, like she's the evil one. And then he laughs at her. Someone needs to kick him in the nuts. For reals!
Amy, Caroline and Jessica accost Lila in the hall, wanting to know how the date went. Amy and Caroline ask all kinds of insensitive questions and Jessica is the only one who seems to have any inkling that Lila is seriously upset. She's even more freaked out when she notices Lila isn't wearing makeup and her dress is ugly. (And for Lila that is like rising the terror alert to orange.) Jessica calls her later, begging to know what happened. But Lila is too afraid to talk. She's just remember that everyone believed Elizabeth was easy when Kris Lynch lied about her (SVH #84) and she can't imagine people trusting her when they didn't trust Liz.
Lila tells Jessica that she wants to cancel the costume party (terror alert: RED!) Jessica becomes so worried about Lila that she stops eating. She even goes to Liz for advice on what to do.
What Lila is really afraid of is that John (bastard!) would have the nerve to show up to her party. So she gathers her courage to go see him in the Oracle office to tell him he's not invited anymore. He sort of smirks at her like the jerk he is and says that she's “the boss.” Argh. Condescending prick.
Since Lila waited so long to select a costume, she is forced to go as Peter Pan, but she seems ok with it as it's not a sexy costumes by a long shot.
When the party gets going, Lila feels better. She's actually having a little bit of fun. That is, until a man dressed as a pirate shows up with a woman dressed as a bunny. It's John (argh!) with a new girl to rape. Lila can't believe he came. I can't either and I read it before. Just go away you annoying man. We hates you!
Happily, however, this makes Lila angry. Lila had not been angry all week. And Lila is awesome when she is angry. When he makes like he's going to take rabbit girl home, Lila shouts for her not to go home with him. She announces to the whole party that he tried to rape her. He scoffs and says it wasn't rape. Realizing what she's done, Lila flees the scene and refuses to come out of her room.
Jessica tries to coax her out, but she won't budge. The next day, Jessica is determined to be there for Lila. Liz says she should leave Lila alone and Jessica is like “the hell I”m going to leave her alone. She's been alone for a week.” Another awesome Jessica moment. She goes to Fowler Crest and pushes her way past poor housekeeper Eva and into Lila's room. They talk. Lila tells Jess everything. When she's done, Jessica announces that John (grr!) will not be able to show his face in Sweet Valley after she's done with him.
Alice and Liz remind Jessica that people aren't just going to believe Lila like she does. I guess after 2.2 fake attempted rapes per book that's to be expected. Some of the other kids whisper about Lila when she arrives at school. And John is still there, laughing away with his friends. And he has the nerve to approach Jessica in the hallway. Todd and Ken even sort of support John when the discussion is raised by Elizabeth and Enid.
Lila hates how everyone looks at her differently. She thinks she's going to have to transfer to a private school. Jessica is horrified by the very notion. What would Sweet Valley High be like without Lila!?! Determined to help her friend, Jessica goes to talk to Jennifer Mitchell, who you'll recall recently broke up with jerky John. But Jennifer sort of blows her off and says she doesn't know anything.
At lunch, Lila feels overwhelmed by all the people in the cafeteria. She thinks they're all talking about her. She intends to sit with Amy and Robin (with Robin encouraging her from across the cafeteria), but as she's walking over, John (growl!) intercepts her. He is about to say something undoubtedly rude, when Elizabeth and Enid jump up to Lila's defense. They pretend to being thanking her for the party, but steer her past John while doing so:
"There was only one thing wrong with your party as far as I could tell,” said Elizabeth in a clear, loud voice. “And that was the gatecrasher.”
That evening, Lila is trying to watch TV when the doorbell rings. It's a girl named Susan Wyler who is a sophomore at SVH. It seems John (sneer!) also tried to rape her. Susan feels guilty because she was too afraid to speak about the incident, but she thinks if she did she could have saved Lila. Now, Susan says she's ready to confront him because she can't stand how people are treating Lila. She thinks people will believe them if they both come forward. Susan says she wants John to get help. Lila says she wants to hang John from the flagpole, but she'll settle for counseling.
I love you, Lila!
Lila and Susan plan to confront John (scoff!) at the Dairi Burger that night. When Jessica hears about it she wants to be there too (to support Lila). Liz wants to go as well. (I guess she just likes being up in everyone's business?) They bring Todd and Sam, to make it look like they're just there casually so it's like a whole rapist, lynch party or something.
John (mock!) shows up with the volleyball team. Lila says she wants to talk to him in private but he says anything she can say to him, she can say in front of his friends. Your funeral, bucko. That's when Susan shows up and tells them all John tried to rape her too. And it turns out one of the volleyball players is friends with her, and is positive she's not lying. So... not so smart with public airing of laundry, eh? All the guys abandon John. Only one thing to say to that.
Later, Lila is feeling better enough to go shopping with Jessica. She's going to start counseling soon. And, she tells her that the girl who came to the party dressed like a bunny has thanked her for what she did. ”She said that every girl in Sweet Valley owed me a debt of gratitude.. No, Lila, the world owes you gratitude for your awesomeness!
Jessica wants her and Sam to dress up like Romeo and Juliet for Lila's party. Sam doesn't want to die or wear tights, which I think is reasonable of him. Jessica thinks, If we'd lived first, they'd [Romeo and Juliet] have been going to the masquerade as Sam and Jessica.. Someone ought to explain “fictional” to Jess.
There's this odd sort of passage which you know the publishers made them put in about how sex is bad. Jessica is afraid she loves Sam so much she'll “loose control” and they'll “go too far.” Sam is like, whatever it's hard for us to have sex if both of us don't want to yet, drama queen. He says he's a boy, not a wild beast (anvil!).
Jessica goes to Liz and asks her how Liz and Todd do it (and by “do it” she means “don't do it”). I personally don't want to think about Liz and Todd doing anything. During their discussions on the topic of not-sex, Jessica actually asks Liz, When have I gone overboard?. Oh, I don't know. Just about every book, especially this one.
Jessica tries staying away from Sam (she actually sits in the backseat of his car instead of the passenger seat) to avoid unwanted temptation. Sam doesn't like it. He thinks she's treating him like a criminal. They decide they're going to “just be friends.” As they had already decided to be Han Solo and Princess Leia at the party, Sam suggest they be from the first movie when everyone thinks she'll end up with Luke. Hee.
It's only after Jessica hears the whole story from Lila that she realizes Sam is a good guy. He would never try to force her to do something and she's been acting like an ass. They get back together. (Even though they were broken up for all of five seconds.)
Foreshadowing: Meanwhile, Liz wants her and Todd to go as Antony and Cleopatra. Todd wants them, and I'm not kidding, to as a horse. You know, like in those screwball comedies where someone is the head and someone is the ass. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard from Todd, and that is saying something, okay? (Dana Larson, and this is only really note-worthy for the retro-kitsch of it, suggest her and Aaron Dallas might go as Sean Penn and Madonna, because they're having problems.)
With Liz and Todd fighting about what their costume will be, things are awkward between her and TBT. Also, Elizabeth is pen pals with Prince Arthur of Fake Country. Jessica wonders if Todd gets jealous and Liz is all “why would he be jealous?” Just wait until the next book, dear!
Oh, and because Lila is awesome.
Sweet Valley High #90: Don't Go Home With John
Lila's having a party. It's a costume party, not like those run-of the mill parties we see every book. Lila is either going to go as Princess Diana (pre-tragic car accident) or Marie Antoinette (presumably pre-tragic dismemberment), which I think is hilarious for some reason. There is one thing that is bugging Lila about her party though. She, Jessica and Amy used to be a trio of boy-crazy gals. But now Jessica is dating dirt-bike Sam and Amy is serious about Barry, whom I'd forgotten about entirely until this minute. Lila wishes she had a serious boyfriend.
John Pfeifer (hiss!), the sports editor of the Oracle, has been paying a lot of attention to Lila lately. She thinks she might go out with him. John (boo!) has recently broken up with Jennifer Mitchell, for undisclosed reasons. (Though I bet it's because he's a butt-head, jerk-off rapist.) Jessica, in an uncharacteristic moment of brilliance, doesn't think Lila should date him because he's not her type.
Lila goes shopping for party things and thinks about John (snarl!). It makes me sad when she thinks, She was used to being told how pretty she was, but not how smart. She thinks he doesn't just like her for her money and looks. So upsetting.
John (jeer!) shows up while Lila is lost in thought. He takes her to a cafe to tell her "big" news. He got an internship in the sports department of the L.A. Sun. This is how much I hate him: if that were a real paper I would never purchase it.
Elizabeth overhears John (razz!) saying some not nice things about girls one day in the Oracle office but she decides she misheard and then goes on to encourage him to ask Lila out. He does. They make plans for the next night. I hate you right now, Elizabeth Wakefield. I really do.
Lila frets about just the right thing to wear and when John (heckle!) compliments her on how beautiful she is, she thinks he really means it. I feel like you do when watching a horror movie and the blonde is about to go down the alley. Don't do it, Lila!
John (taunt!) drives her to Millers Point and the make out, until Lila tries to pull away. When things start to get heated, Lila asks him to take her home and he keeps asking for “one more kiss.” Then he kisses her so hard he knocks her head against the car window, hurting her and she gets freaked out. She shouts for him to stop. He doesn't. He, like any good date rapist, tells her she wants it and laughs at her, calling her a tease.
Lila sees the keys in the ignition over his shoulder. I remember this part very vividly from oh-so many years ago, because it's my favorite. She grabs them and jabs the keys into his neck! Muah! And she escapes from the car. He tries to tell her he'll drive her home, but she is too awesome to believe that! She tosses the keys over the Point, and runs.
The next day, Lila wakes up with bruises and scratches over her body. She can't believe something like that happened to her. Upsettingly, she remembers him telling her that she “wanted it to happen” and feels ashamed. She knows she's flirtatious so she begins to think she did something to lead John (hate!) on, something “nice” girls wouldn't do. When Jessica calls to find out how the date went, Lila doesn't tell her anything. She thinks Jessica won't believe her, which is sad. Worse, she considers calling a helpline but thinks they wouldn't even believe her. Poor Lila.
Except, even though Lila said nothing to Jessica about it, Jessica can tell something is wrong. She tells Sam as much when they are together later. He thinks everything is ok, but she is insistent that something is really upsetting Lila. I could almost kiss Jessica Wakefield at this very moment. Sometimes she's a really self-centered bitch, but she and Lila have a truly awesome friendship. I mean, they're rivals half the time and not a lot of people would stick that out.
Monday morning, Lila considers not going to school but decides avoiding it will only make it worse. When she arrives there is a sort of heartbreaking passage I will type up in its entirety (copyright be damned): Lila couldn't remember a time when she didn't know that she was special. And knowing that you're special gives you certain advantages over other people. You never feel insecure. You never feel nervous. You never feel unsure of yourself. Normal for Lila Fowler was being as confident as a queen visiting neighboring peasants. But as she approached the entrance of Sweet Valley High on that Monday morning, Lila began to realize that she might never feel normal again. Sniffle.
She sees Aaron Dallas talking with John (loathe!). He has the nerve to look at her contemptuously, like she's the evil one. And then he laughs at her. Someone needs to kick him in the nuts. For reals!
Amy, Caroline and Jessica accost Lila in the hall, wanting to know how the date went. Amy and Caroline ask all kinds of insensitive questions and Jessica is the only one who seems to have any inkling that Lila is seriously upset. She's even more freaked out when she notices Lila isn't wearing makeup and her dress is ugly. (And for Lila that is like rising the terror alert to orange.) Jessica calls her later, begging to know what happened. But Lila is too afraid to talk. She's just remember that everyone believed Elizabeth was easy when Kris Lynch lied about her (SVH #84) and she can't imagine people trusting her when they didn't trust Liz.
Lila tells Jessica that she wants to cancel the costume party (terror alert: RED!) Jessica becomes so worried about Lila that she stops eating. She even goes to Liz for advice on what to do.
What Lila is really afraid of is that John (bastard!) would have the nerve to show up to her party. So she gathers her courage to go see him in the Oracle office to tell him he's not invited anymore. He sort of smirks at her like the jerk he is and says that she's “the boss.” Argh. Condescending prick.
Since Lila waited so long to select a costume, she is forced to go as Peter Pan, but she seems ok with it as it's not a sexy costumes by a long shot.
When the party gets going, Lila feels better. She's actually having a little bit of fun. That is, until a man dressed as a pirate shows up with a woman dressed as a bunny. It's John (argh!) with a new girl to rape. Lila can't believe he came. I can't either and I read it before. Just go away you annoying man. We hates you!
Happily, however, this makes Lila angry. Lila had not been angry all week. And Lila is awesome when she is angry. When he makes like he's going to take rabbit girl home, Lila shouts for her not to go home with him. She announces to the whole party that he tried to rape her. He scoffs and says it wasn't rape. Realizing what she's done, Lila flees the scene and refuses to come out of her room.
Jessica tries to coax her out, but she won't budge. The next day, Jessica is determined to be there for Lila. Liz says she should leave Lila alone and Jessica is like “the hell I”m going to leave her alone. She's been alone for a week.” Another awesome Jessica moment. She goes to Fowler Crest and pushes her way past poor housekeeper Eva and into Lila's room. They talk. Lila tells Jess everything. When she's done, Jessica announces that John (grr!) will not be able to show his face in Sweet Valley after she's done with him.
Alice and Liz remind Jessica that people aren't just going to believe Lila like she does. I guess after 2.2 fake attempted rapes per book that's to be expected. Some of the other kids whisper about Lila when she arrives at school. And John is still there, laughing away with his friends. And he has the nerve to approach Jessica in the hallway. Todd and Ken even sort of support John when the discussion is raised by Elizabeth and Enid.
Lila hates how everyone looks at her differently. She thinks she's going to have to transfer to a private school. Jessica is horrified by the very notion. What would Sweet Valley High be like without Lila!?! Determined to help her friend, Jessica goes to talk to Jennifer Mitchell, who you'll recall recently broke up with jerky John. But Jennifer sort of blows her off and says she doesn't know anything.
At lunch, Lila feels overwhelmed by all the people in the cafeteria. She thinks they're all talking about her. She intends to sit with Amy and Robin (with Robin encouraging her from across the cafeteria), but as she's walking over, John (growl!) intercepts her. He is about to say something undoubtedly rude, when Elizabeth and Enid jump up to Lila's defense. They pretend to being thanking her for the party, but steer her past John while doing so:
"There was only one thing wrong with your party as far as I could tell,” said Elizabeth in a clear, loud voice. “And that was the gatecrasher.”
That evening, Lila is trying to watch TV when the doorbell rings. It's a girl named Susan Wyler who is a sophomore at SVH. It seems John (sneer!) also tried to rape her. Susan feels guilty because she was too afraid to speak about the incident, but she thinks if she did she could have saved Lila. Now, Susan says she's ready to confront him because she can't stand how people are treating Lila. She thinks people will believe them if they both come forward. Susan says she wants John to get help. Lila says she wants to hang John from the flagpole, but she'll settle for counseling.
I love you, Lila!
Lila and Susan plan to confront John (scoff!) at the Dairi Burger that night. When Jessica hears about it she wants to be there too (to support Lila). Liz wants to go as well. (I guess she just likes being up in everyone's business?) They bring Todd and Sam, to make it look like they're just there casually so it's like a whole rapist, lynch party or something.
John (mock!) shows up with the volleyball team. Lila says she wants to talk to him in private but he says anything she can say to him, she can say in front of his friends. Your funeral, bucko. That's when Susan shows up and tells them all John tried to rape her too. And it turns out one of the volleyball players is friends with her, and is positive she's not lying. So... not so smart with public airing of laundry, eh? All the guys abandon John. Only one thing to say to that.
Later, Lila is feeling better enough to go shopping with Jessica. She's going to start counseling soon. And, she tells her that the girl who came to the party dressed like a bunny has thanked her for what she did. ”She said that every girl in Sweet Valley owed me a debt of gratitude.. No, Lila, the world owes you gratitude for your awesomeness!
Jessica wants her and Sam to dress up like Romeo and Juliet for Lila's party. Sam doesn't want to die or wear tights, which I think is reasonable of him. Jessica thinks, If we'd lived first, they'd [Romeo and Juliet] have been going to the masquerade as Sam and Jessica.. Someone ought to explain “fictional” to Jess.
There's this odd sort of passage which you know the publishers made them put in about how sex is bad. Jessica is afraid she loves Sam so much she'll “loose control” and they'll “go too far.” Sam is like, whatever it's hard for us to have sex if both of us don't want to yet, drama queen. He says he's a boy, not a wild beast (anvil!).
Jessica goes to Liz and asks her how Liz and Todd do it (and by “do it” she means “don't do it”). I personally don't want to think about Liz and Todd doing anything. During their discussions on the topic of not-sex, Jessica actually asks Liz, When have I gone overboard?. Oh, I don't know. Just about every book, especially this one.
Jessica tries staying away from Sam (she actually sits in the backseat of his car instead of the passenger seat) to avoid unwanted temptation. Sam doesn't like it. He thinks she's treating him like a criminal. They decide they're going to “just be friends.” As they had already decided to be Han Solo and Princess Leia at the party, Sam suggest they be from the first movie when everyone thinks she'll end up with Luke. Hee.
It's only after Jessica hears the whole story from Lila that she realizes Sam is a good guy. He would never try to force her to do something and she's been acting like an ass. They get back together. (Even though they were broken up for all of five seconds.)
Foreshadowing: Meanwhile, Liz wants her and Todd to go as Antony and Cleopatra. Todd wants them, and I'm not kidding, to as a horse. You know, like in those screwball comedies where someone is the head and someone is the ass. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard from Todd, and that is saying something, okay? (Dana Larson, and this is only really note-worthy for the retro-kitsch of it, suggest her and Aaron Dallas might go as Sean Penn and Madonna, because they're having problems.)
With Liz and Todd fighting about what their costume will be, things are awkward between her and TBT. Also, Elizabeth is pen pals with Prince Arthur of Fake Country. Jessica wonders if Todd gets jealous and Liz is all “why would he be jealous?” Just wait until the next book, dear!