Dad: Your mother is least dangerous when she's violent.
Me: Yeah, but she's most dangerous when she's least violent.

It's a bit complicated, but I'm currently in an oncologist's office. I know it's a routine screening prompted by abnormal results that are normal for someone with Mom's other medical issues, but it's still a bit overwhelming to walk into an oncologist's office for the first time in my life.

Mom's been experiencing arm and hand pain for a few weeks. Today it got bad enough she decided to go to the ER. She's now having an MRI and has been admitted. I'm heading out to Colorado for her brother's memorial service tomorrow. If anyone would like to visit her while I'm out of town (should be back Monday night at the latest) contact me for the ( Read more... )

Dad: I've seen Morsi's name spelled three different ways.

Me: Welcome to transliteration. How do you spell "chutzpah"?

Dad: Phonetically

Me: C-H-E-N-E-Y

I've mentioned it before, but once again we've been informed that my mother's brother has "days to live." He's been dying for the past twenty years, so I can't be sure they mean it this time, but regardless my mother is affected by this and slipping into a bit of a depression ( Read more... )

Dad: [telling a story about a landowner dealing with trespassers taking pictures where they shouldn't, parking in an emergency access area and damaging the property]

Me: There's several solutions to that. One they can set up parking and charge entry.

Dad: They didn't think of that. They're not Jews.

Dad: Masters Degree in Electrical and Computer Engineering. 50 years of experience in the field.
Brother: Electrical Engineer with specialization in chip level design.
Me: English major

Who of those three do you think got Skype working when Dad and Brother wanted to talk?

It is likely that Francis I is the last Pope to be installed who will be older than my parents.

Jorge Mario Bergoglio is three months older than my father, for the record. We do not, of course, discuss my mother's age.

I am 40 years old. I am rapidly approaching 41.

It's time to make some serious decisions about my life.

Up to this point I have lived with my parents.

It is time for this to change.

So anyone who is thinking about setting me up on a date or introducing me to someone in the future, I no longer live with my parents.

My parents live with me.

Dad: It's a circle fuck

Me: No, it's either a clusterfuck or a circle jerk.