Better Late than Never
Mmkaaayyy....so.
After reading my...uh, depressed and frustrated entries...I need to clear some things up, admit stuff, and take back some of my words on the entries.
First up is, of course, the first one.
Yea, maybe I do need a guy.
Yes, I think I am emo. In one way or more. = =
No, it wouldn't be just to fuck.
Mm, I am lonely. That, I think, is an established fact already.
Unfortunately, I'm not independent at all.
But yes, I would prefer a guy who'd like me looking like trash anyway.
...but...I know that's impossible...so...*adds this to angst list*
Ah. And...it really is impossible for me to find someone...= = again, sulk.
NEEEXT.
Ah, right. I'm a hypocrite.
I do have a good friend from New Zealand who is loyal to me still.
I trust too much.
And yes, I do ask whoever is up there why can't I be like any other girl out there who's stupid enough to blindly go into relationships.
Somehow, yes, I want to lose my morals just so I can be normal.
Being too good sucks.
And yes, I do hate myself.
AND YES, I DO THINK I'M UGLY. Most of the time, at least.
= =
Thiiird.
I'm.......a wreck. Period. = =
Fooouuurrtthh...
Hmm...I love my friends too much.
So much I don't care if they hate me when I do something that'll prolly be good and make things safer for them.
Mm, and I hate reality.
Fiifth.
I'm insecure.
I don't really care what happens to my physical appearance. ...hence the cutting. = =
I compare myself to others most of the time.
It feels ten times worse because I compare myself with people I care so much about.
Care so much I can't even dare myself tell these to them.
I'm too much of a coward to do anything too drastic to myself.
...I am helpless most of the time.
I do wanna run away from everything.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.
But I really can't help that I think this way.
I can't help that I feel useless and worthless compared to others.
If I didn't know how to draw, maybe I wouldn't even be worth anything.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry that all I can do is apologize and not do anything about it.
I'm sorry if all I'm doing is bother with all of this crap.
I'm sorry I'm sorry.
But seriously, the few things that are holding me back from doing anything stupid is my mom, my family, relatives and friends. And all of the things I still want to do.
I'm just lonely, I know I am.
I suppose too much alone time is bad.
I'm sorry I keep disappointing everyone.
I'm sorry I fail as me.
I'm sorry I keep lying to myself.
It's because I'm scared if I become that me who fucking rants all of this and that. She'll ruin who I am.
I'm sorry I keep making excuses.
I'm sorry for...for being me.
I'm sorry for crying and hiding all of this from everyone for so long.
I'm sorry.
In the end, I do listen to what others think of me.
In the end, after all that, I do just want someone to hug me and protect me from all of this.
In the end, I am a girl.
Weak and fragile.
After reading my...uh, depressed and frustrated entries...I need to clear some things up, admit stuff, and take back some of my words on the entries.
First up is, of course, the first one.
Yea, maybe I do need a guy.
Yes, I think I am emo. In one way or more. = =
No, it wouldn't be just to fuck.
Mm, I am lonely. That, I think, is an established fact already.
Unfortunately, I'm not independent at all.
But yes, I would prefer a guy who'd like me looking like trash anyway.
...but...I know that's impossible...so...*adds this to angst list*
Ah. And...it really is impossible for me to find someone...= = again, sulk.
NEEEXT.
Ah, right. I'm a hypocrite.
I do have a good friend from New Zealand who is loyal to me still.
I trust too much.
And yes, I do ask whoever is up there why can't I be like any other girl out there who's stupid enough to blindly go into relationships.
Somehow, yes, I want to lose my morals just so I can be normal.
Being too good sucks.
And yes, I do hate myself.
AND YES, I DO THINK I'M UGLY. Most of the time, at least.
= =
Thiiird.
I'm.......a wreck. Period. = =
Fooouuurrtthh...
Hmm...I love my friends too much.
So much I don't care if they hate me when I do something that'll prolly be good and make things safer for them.
Mm, and I hate reality.
Fiifth.
I'm insecure.
I don't really care what happens to my physical appearance. ...hence the cutting. = =
I compare myself to others most of the time.
It feels ten times worse because I compare myself with people I care so much about.
Care so much I can't even dare myself tell these to them.
I'm too much of a coward to do anything too drastic to myself.
...I am helpless most of the time.
I do wanna run away from everything.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.
But I really can't help that I think this way.
I can't help that I feel useless and worthless compared to others.
If I didn't know how to draw, maybe I wouldn't even be worth anything.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry that all I can do is apologize and not do anything about it.
I'm sorry if all I'm doing is bother with all of this crap.
I'm sorry I'm sorry.
But seriously, the few things that are holding me back from doing anything stupid is my mom, my family, relatives and friends. And all of the things I still want to do.
I'm just lonely, I know I am.
I suppose too much alone time is bad.
I'm sorry I keep disappointing everyone.
I'm sorry I fail as me.
I'm sorry I keep lying to myself.
It's because I'm scared if I become that me who fucking rants all of this and that. She'll ruin who I am.
I'm sorry I keep making excuses.
I'm sorry for...for being me.
I'm sorry for crying and hiding all of this from everyone for so long.
I'm sorry.
In the end, I do listen to what others think of me.
In the end, after all that, I do just want someone to hug me and protect me from all of this.
In the end, I am a girl.
Weak and fragile.