And it's been awhile since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
Ugh.
So this week has really been emotionally taxing and craptastic thus far. And its only Tuesday. SIL is in surgery today to remove the massive amounts of cancer. No word on how she is doing. But then, truth be known, I don't expect any word. The inlaws will call Peter now that he has his own cell phone again and they were forced to learn the number. (That part is kinda nice actually... not having to be bitched at for not answering the phone when they call anymore.)
I lost my meds. Somewhere between getting home and unpacking and now. My insurance is being a pain in the ass about it because they will only pay for so much per month and they wont pay for another week or so, so that's on hold.
And then there is all this 'other stuff'. Stuff that has to do with Ecamer and his craziness. Stuff that has to do with posts I made a couple years ago and cannot find. Stuff that has to do with journals past... Stuff, stuff, and more ever-so-cryptic stuff.
I am finding myself in tears a lot today. I don't know if its because of the lack of my stupid meds or all the other "stuff". All I know is I feel alone, and horribly guilty, not to mention I just want to get away from everyone around me and go some place where there are no humans for a few days.
I want to make pictures.
I cant.
I want to scream.
I cant.
I want to destroy something, hear glass shatter.
I cant.
I want a warm body so I can cry on their shoulder.
I cant have it.
I can drink myself into a stupor..
But I don't want to.
I don't want comments on this so I am disabling them..
I just needed to vent a bit.
If you want to get a hold of me.. you know how.
"And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again
Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day"
So this week has really been emotionally taxing and craptastic thus far. And its only Tuesday. SIL is in surgery today to remove the massive amounts of cancer. No word on how she is doing. But then, truth be known, I don't expect any word. The inlaws will call Peter now that he has his own cell phone again and they were forced to learn the number. (That part is kinda nice actually... not having to be bitched at for not answering the phone when they call anymore.)
I lost my meds. Somewhere between getting home and unpacking and now. My insurance is being a pain in the ass about it because they will only pay for so much per month and they wont pay for another week or so, so that's on hold.
And then there is all this 'other stuff'. Stuff that has to do with Ecamer and his craziness. Stuff that has to do with posts I made a couple years ago and cannot find. Stuff that has to do with journals past... Stuff, stuff, and more ever-so-cryptic stuff.
I am finding myself in tears a lot today. I don't know if its because of the lack of my stupid meds or all the other "stuff". All I know is I feel alone, and horribly guilty, not to mention I just want to get away from everyone around me and go some place where there are no humans for a few days.
I want to make pictures.
I cant.
I want to scream.
I cant.
I want to destroy something, hear glass shatter.
I cant.
I want a warm body so I can cry on their shoulder.
I cant have it.
I can drink myself into a stupor..
But I don't want to.
I don't want comments on this so I am disabling them..
I just needed to vent a bit.
If you want to get a hold of me.. you know how.
"And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again
Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day"