I Don't Owe You a Smile
As part of a major merger, my little business unit moved its offices to a new building and new staff. The layout was open with little cubes arranged in an "H" position. Imagine that the "H" shape was comprised of four desks, two on each side of the horizontal bar. For the most part this change hasn't affected me, but today I was approached by a co-worker that I rarely see, much less speak to.
My thoughts were focused on the horrors of childbirth and I was intently reading an online discussion about postpartum effects. He meandered over to my side of the cubes and then rested his arms on the outer wall. I know that this body cue means he wants to talk and after a moment I turned my attention to him. There was an awkward exchange of greetings and then he said, "You don't smile much."
That kind of struck me as a bizarre thing to point out to an acquaintance. Maybe if it was brought up during an ongoing conversation about behavior or general observations, it wouldn't have offended me. But, when he said to me, I felt like he was judging me for my lack of outward friendliness.
I fully acknowledge that I don't care to socialize much at work. The most I join in are during breakfast meetings or when someone else engages me. Hell, when he mentioned that lack of smiling I smiled. I recognized that he wanted some friendliness. It's a compartmentalization thing. I trained myself to do it, but definitely there.
My response to him was that I had "resting bitch face" which visibly caught him off guard. And I feel like his reaction validated my original interpretation. He didn't laugh or acknowledge that maybe that's who I am. He had a "yeah well, maybe that's not a good thing" motion. What does that look like? It's usually a slight ducking of the head, eyes to one side, and mouthing a half-hearted affirmation.
We continued talking for a bit, but some hours later I'm still offended. For the most part, I don't know many people in the office, this man included, who smile while idle. Heck, even when he's talking to others he doesn't smile much either! So why did he feel he could comment on my behavior?
Now for some positive things to say about this guy! He's an intelligent person, and nice (albeit awkward like me). I love his aesthetic and bonzai trees.
My thoughts were focused on the horrors of childbirth and I was intently reading an online discussion about postpartum effects. He meandered over to my side of the cubes and then rested his arms on the outer wall. I know that this body cue means he wants to talk and after a moment I turned my attention to him. There was an awkward exchange of greetings and then he said, "You don't smile much."
That kind of struck me as a bizarre thing to point out to an acquaintance. Maybe if it was brought up during an ongoing conversation about behavior or general observations, it wouldn't have offended me. But, when he said to me, I felt like he was judging me for my lack of outward friendliness.
I fully acknowledge that I don't care to socialize much at work. The most I join in are during breakfast meetings or when someone else engages me. Hell, when he mentioned that lack of smiling I smiled. I recognized that he wanted some friendliness. It's a compartmentalization thing. I trained myself to do it, but definitely there.
My response to him was that I had "resting bitch face" which visibly caught him off guard. And I feel like his reaction validated my original interpretation. He didn't laugh or acknowledge that maybe that's who I am. He had a "yeah well, maybe that's not a good thing" motion. What does that look like? It's usually a slight ducking of the head, eyes to one side, and mouthing a half-hearted affirmation.
We continued talking for a bit, but some hours later I'm still offended. For the most part, I don't know many people in the office, this man included, who smile while idle. Heck, even when he's talking to others he doesn't smile much either! So why did he feel he could comment on my behavior?
Now for some positive things to say about this guy! He's an intelligent person, and nice (albeit awkward like me). I love his aesthetic and bonzai trees.