(no subject)
this week, though full with both manic lows and great highs, has been pretty great. great in terms of intensity considerably above the normal of course.
it happened again, i lost control of myself one night and lost someone i truly cared so much about. even after all we had been through together, he too gave up on me. i hate to play the victim, i really do. i am the only one responsible for my actions and i know that, which is why most often i choose not to drink. 1o months we were together. good and bad, and everything in between. i love him and i didn't mean to get angry the way i did. it just hurts so much to go from having a boyfriend, a best friend, and a lover to not really being able to speak to him at all.. he says he loves me, he says he always will, but we're too different to keep on going. i know i'll be alright, in the long run it's probably for the best considering maybe we could be close friends if nothing more and we can both go on to reach our goals uninhibited. .
i know i am an insecure mess. i know i am pathetic and miserable 90% of the time. but he was one of the few things that i was happy with.
...
the sidewalk film festival was really good this year; my favorite films including Blood Car, Weirdsville, The Devil Came On Horseback, and Murder Party.
before this weekend i had forgotten how al's was so popular at 4am. i had forgotten how much my stomach hurts when i can't solve a problem. i had forgotten how great it is to laugh until your cheeks hurt. i had forgotten that bryan will stand up to black girls, even when they look vicious. i had forgotten it was ok just being ok.
i'm going to pull out my polaroid camera again. looking back on the few polas i still have they really bring back good memories. i only wish i had more of them.
over thanksgiving holiday i'm going to drive up to boston to visit the Massachusetts College of Art, aka mass art. My aunt is going to let me crash on her couch and go on the tour around campus with me. i am really kind of excited, like i am accomplishing something.
this weekend was intense. and tomorrow is yet another monday for me to get back to what i need to make the most of this life.
thank you guys for this weekend.
it happened again, i lost control of myself one night and lost someone i truly cared so much about. even after all we had been through together, he too gave up on me. i hate to play the victim, i really do. i am the only one responsible for my actions and i know that, which is why most often i choose not to drink. 1o months we were together. good and bad, and everything in between. i love him and i didn't mean to get angry the way i did. it just hurts so much to go from having a boyfriend, a best friend, and a lover to not really being able to speak to him at all.. he says he loves me, he says he always will, but we're too different to keep on going. i know i'll be alright, in the long run it's probably for the best considering maybe we could be close friends if nothing more and we can both go on to reach our goals uninhibited. .
i know i am an insecure mess. i know i am pathetic and miserable 90% of the time. but he was one of the few things that i was happy with.
...
the sidewalk film festival was really good this year; my favorite films including Blood Car, Weirdsville, The Devil Came On Horseback, and Murder Party.
before this weekend i had forgotten how al's was so popular at 4am. i had forgotten how much my stomach hurts when i can't solve a problem. i had forgotten how great it is to laugh until your cheeks hurt. i had forgotten that bryan will stand up to black girls, even when they look vicious. i had forgotten it was ok just being ok.
i'm going to pull out my polaroid camera again. looking back on the few polas i still have they really bring back good memories. i only wish i had more of them.
over thanksgiving holiday i'm going to drive up to boston to visit the Massachusetts College of Art, aka mass art. My aunt is going to let me crash on her couch and go on the tour around campus with me. i am really kind of excited, like i am accomplishing something.
this weekend was intense. and tomorrow is yet another monday for me to get back to what i need to make the most of this life.
thank you guys for this weekend.