(no subject)
im in the studio starring at a blank canvas, hoping some sot of inspiration i will come to me. but unfortunately, all i can think about is not being able to go to the school i wish to attend if i don't come up with $80,000 in some form or fashion by the end of the spring. it's some sort of depression, some sort of anxiety, not to be able to do what you want to do because you don't have the funding to do it. it brought me to tears this morning to be honest. to be 20 years old and not to have the life you dreamed you would have by now... it's a painful thought. if it comes down to it i will most likely sell everything i own just to buy a plane ticket to go and see what happens when i get there...
i'm in a weird state, i don't really know how to explain nor console it. this strange, almost purgatory state. like i'm stuck i guess you could say...
i refuse to just settle for anything, i'm going to make it. i will never settle. i will never settle for a school, a lifestyle, even a person, just because it is all i have at the moment. i would rather be here, alone in my studio with my canvas, struggling for something more... i will make it happen.
and to be honest, i don't think i'm asking for much.
but i'll become a waif if i have to, i don't care.
i'm in a weird state, i don't really know how to explain nor console it. this strange, almost purgatory state. like i'm stuck i guess you could say...
i refuse to just settle for anything, i'm going to make it. i will never settle. i will never settle for a school, a lifestyle, even a person, just because it is all i have at the moment. i would rather be here, alone in my studio with my canvas, struggling for something more... i will make it happen.
and to be honest, i don't think i'm asking for much.
but i'll become a waif if i have to, i don't care.