still...
since that awful night i have carried this overwhelming guilt with me. that night i broke his and my own heart by becoming drunk and being the worst of this person i am. to be perfectly honest, i don't remember much of that night at all, but it was the beginning of my downfall, mentally and emotionally. it is only now i am really beginning to recover.
it has been almost a year since then, and it still haunts me to this very day. not a single moment leaves me without the thought dwelling in the back of my head how awful i was then. i was forgiven, but even then i don't feel better. i don't know how to go about fixing it, even though it has been so long.
i hope he doesn't hurt anymore. i hope he has been able to forget about how cruel i was. i do, however, wish he remembers me. the real me. the way we could laugh a nothing, how we'd sit under blankets and be the two happiest people alive, how we loved each other. i look back at those memories and am glad they happened, but almost wish i could crawl back into them.
don't get me wrong, i am happy now. i'm clean, have been. i'm in a casual relationship with a really great guy. i'm doing well at school... but the way i treated him is my only real regret so far in this life. i hope he knows how much i cared and still care for him.
i wish you the best of everything with all i have.
maybe someday, you'll believe me.
it has been almost a year since then, and it still haunts me to this very day. not a single moment leaves me without the thought dwelling in the back of my head how awful i was then. i was forgiven, but even then i don't feel better. i don't know how to go about fixing it, even though it has been so long.
i hope he doesn't hurt anymore. i hope he has been able to forget about how cruel i was. i do, however, wish he remembers me. the real me. the way we could laugh a nothing, how we'd sit under blankets and be the two happiest people alive, how we loved each other. i look back at those memories and am glad they happened, but almost wish i could crawl back into them.
don't get me wrong, i am happy now. i'm clean, have been. i'm in a casual relationship with a really great guy. i'm doing well at school... but the way i treated him is my only real regret so far in this life. i hope he knows how much i cared and still care for him.
i wish you the best of everything with all i have.
maybe someday, you'll believe me.