Weaving 7/11?
After a break for meme-fic, normal service resumes... I hope!
Story: Weaving
Author: wmr wendymr
Sequel to: Broken Threads (Series: Tapestry)
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Jack Harkness, Rose Tyler; Team Torchwood and other characters in minor roles
Rated: PG13
Disclaimer: None of them are mine, and that's a good thing ;)
Spoilers: DW: S3 and VotD; TW: pretty much all of S2, though this is completely AU.
Summary: She's back, and it should be just as it was before, the three of them... but can you ever really go back?
As before, my thanks to dark_aegis and kae_nine for BRing and reassurance. This is a sequel to Broken Threads, as noted, and might not make a lot of sense without it.
Chapter 1: Transmission Complete l Chapter 2: Minefields l Chapter 3: Papering Over Cracks l Chapter 4: Secrets and Lies l Chapter 5: Mystery l Chapter 6: Plans and Schemes
Chapter 7: Home Truths
Hormones.
As soon as the two of them come into the room, it’s obvious. Do they even realise how obvious the scent is? That he can tell exactly what they’ve been doing - that they wanted to have sex with each other, even if they didn’t actually do it?
They’re both behaving absolutely normally, making conversation, asking where they’re all going today. And, really, it doesn’t bother him. Not one bit. If they want to get up close and personal with each other, that’s their business. Their choice.
So that’s got nothing to do with why he takes them to an ice planet for the day. The fact that it might cool their libido’s entirely irrelevant. Yes, it’s cold, but it’s beautiful! All those snow-covered peaks, and icy valleys, and walkways and mountain paths with stalactites hanging low above them, and them the only sign of life as far as the eye can see. The planet’s inhabited but, as he explains to his companions, the natives live underground. Far too cold for life out on the surface.
“Yeah, sorta... workin’... that out,” Rose comments, teeth chattering as she stands next to him, taking in the view.
He wraps his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to share what body heat he has to offer. “But isn’t it beautiful? Oh, you humans - what’s a little bit of cold next to all this?”
Jack joins them, standing in front to press his body against both of them, hugging them to him. “Gotta go with Rose here, Doctor. Just a bit on the cold side.”
“Complete wimps, the pair of you.” He shakes his head in mock dismay. “You’ve got huge great coats on, and hats and scarves, and didn’t I hear you say something about thermal underwear? You’ve got to be wearing it. I mean, you both do seem a little... hmm... weightier than usual? Don’t you?”
“You saying we’re fat, Doctor?” Jack demands, his face the picture of offence.
“Ooh, now, that’s a complete calumny! The word fat never crossed my lips. Did it? Nah, you said that, Jack, not me. Though I will say you definitely look rounder than usual.” He turns his gaze to Rose. “Less visible curves, too.”
“Oi!” That’s surprised her. Good. “Since when did you even notice my curves, Doctor?”
“Oh, you’d be surprised.” He raises his eyebrows in what, even if he says it himself, is definitely the perfect expression of mysteriousness, then lets go of them and recommences striding onwards. “Come on, then! Things to see! Places to go!”
He finally relents an hour or so later and lets them return to the TARDIS, to hot chocolate and marshmallows and a roaring fire. Not that they were in any danger of hypothermia or anything even close to it. He was keeping a very close eye on their body temperatures - hand-holding does have other advantages - breathing and other reactions, and while they were cold they weren’t in any danger of physical harm as a result. And anyway, they enjoyed the visit too.
“That planet was just so beautiful,” Rose says as she sips her chocolate. “Wish we could show Mum. She’d love it.” She ducks her head, chewing her lip as, he guesses, the renewed realisation that she can’t ever see her mum again hits her.
“Rose.” He reaches for her, pulling her into the crook of his shoulder. “You know if I could I’d take you back. Or let you talk to her, at least.”
She smiles up at him despite her evident sadness. “I know. Can’t have everything, though. An’ I’m glad I’m here.”
“Us too.” On her other side, Jack moves closer, sliding a hand into her hair and finger-combing it.
“Yeah,” he echoes. “Though, Rose, there’s still something you haven’t told us, isn’t there? About why you came back.”
“Oh.” The way she says that single syllable tells him that she was hoping he’d forget about that.
“Yeah.” He gives her a little shake. “So come on. Out with it. Spill the beans.”
“What’s this?” Jack asks, but he waves him to be quiet. Let Rose talk.
“It’s hard to explain, really,” Rose begins. “But the whole time I was there it was sort of like everything was... well, out of synch. You know, like a film where the soundtrack’s not quite aligned? Or an old movie that’s a bit jumpy? Not exactly like that,” she adds quickly. “Just that things... felt wrong. Some of the time I felt sort of like I was behind glass or somethin’, like I had to fight through a haze to be part of the rest of the world.” She sighs. “An’ I’m not making any sense, am I?”
Oh, she’s making perfect sense. And he should have thought of it before. Should have seen it. It was all right when they were just visitors, but once she was sent there to live... She didn’t belong. There was no Rose Tyler in that universe. There was a Jackie Tyler, and a Ricky Smith, but no Rose Tyler. That’s what was wrong.
“You are.” His turn to sigh, and he reaches for her hand with his free one. “You were struggling to find your place in a universe that had no place for you. You were pushing in, and it was pushing back against you. Resistance. That’s why you felt as if you were apart from everything else. Because you were.” His lips tighten. “Oh, Rose. And I thought it was such an easy solution, didn’t I? Oh, I’ll just send you there to be safe. Easy-peasy. Instant family. Didn’t take the proper balance of that universe into account, did I?”
“You didn’t know,” she points out.
“Should have, though. Should have thought about it. But, no, I just thought you were safe there, building a life, busy being brilliant, so I never even tried...” Better there, he thought, than with him facing danger every day, and without her mum, without Mickey, to go home to. Better there, separated, than risking the integrity of two universes to bring her back. “I never tried to get to you,” he finishes quietly, a confession he suspects she may already have guessed at.
“You couldn’t risk opening the walls again. I understand that.”
No. He couldn’t. Or Jack might say wouldn’t. Still, at least one thing’s clear now. She can’t go back. He can stop looking for reasons why he might have to send her back, because she can’t. She doesn’t belong there. She has to stay here, in this universe. With him and Jack, because they’re all she has here now.
She’s stuck here, without the family she loves - her mum, her little brother, the dad she always wanted - because despite his stupid cleverness she can’t stay there. And Jackie’s stuck in the parallel universe without the daughter she loves. All because he thought it was a clever idea, in the space of about two seconds, to push the other Pete and Rose’s mum together, create one Tyler family out of two separate fragments, and arrive at a unit he could just send to another universe, safe, away from the Daleks and the Cybermen and everything else a life with him could do to Rose.
“What would have happened, Doctor?” Jack asks. “If Rose and Mickey hadn’t found a way back, what would have happened to her?”
“Oh, hard to know, really.” His tone is light, but his hearts aren’t. “Immovable object, irresistible force... who knows?”
“Just as well Jake found that transmitter, then.” Rose’s tone is jokey, but he knows very well she’s faking it. “Shame I’ll never be able to thank him.”
“Just as well,” he agrees, then changes the subject. Definitely time for a distraction. “Jack! You called your old team today. How are they all?”
The topic of conversation changes, but in his head he’s still thinking about it. Brooding. She could have been pushed out of existence entirely. Or forced into the Void despite Pete’s last-minute rescue. And he just left her, told himself that she’d be fine and moved on. Because it was too dangerous.
No, because you were a coward.
She’s here now, though, even if she has lost her family for ever. And he, idiot that he is, spent all that time telling himself he was going to have to send her back, and because of that not letting himself be happy that she is here.
So, when she goes to bed, he hugs her longer, tighter than he has since she came back, and then, because he’s already done it twice and it seems silly to worry about setting a precedent now, he kisses her again. Not a proper kiss. Just brotherly, really, a brush of his lips against hers and an extra hug as he releases her, and that’s enough to tell her that he’s really glad she’s here and that he’s sorry for abandoning her and for everything else he did to her.
Jack’s kiss isn’t brotherly, of course. And he’s not jealous, not at all, not in the slightest. It’s got nothing to do with why he throws himself back on the couch and says, “You could have gone with her, you know. Nothing stopping you.”
Jack spins to look at him. “What?”
“Oh, come on! You think I didn’t know what the two of you were up to this morning? It’s fine with me. Really. I’d just prefer it if you didn’t go sneaking around, that’s all.”
“Fine with you? Really?” Jack comes closer, looming over him. “That’ll be why you’re looking at me like you want to wring my neck, then.”
He looks away. “I said fine and I meant it. Besides, this is you, Jack. Probably the most promiscuous bloke in the galaxy. Why should I expect to be the only-”
“Hold it right there.” Now there’s a very dangerous note in Jack’s voice. He’s taken back, right in that moment, to the day he went to find Jack in Torchwood and they clashed over Beth, the sleeper alien. “What the hell gives you the right to make insinuations about my sexual morals, Doctor? I like sex. I’ve never made a secret of that. If I’m not in a relationship and I want it, I’ll find it. If I am with someone, the only way I’d sleep with someone else is if it’s something we’ve agreed on.”
Jack’s breathing heavily, and there’s hurt as well as anger in his voice as he continues. “Don’t pretend this is about me being unfaithful to you, Doctor. We both know what it’s really about. Rose. You want her, but for some reason you’re too damn cowardly to do anything about it, but you don’t want me to be with her either.”
He surges out of the chair, almost pushing his face into Jack’s. “It’s not like that!”
“No? Could’ve fooled me!”
“It isn’t!”
Jack steps back, then grips him by the shoulders. “Doctor. At least be honest with yourself. That’s exactly how it is.”
He’s about to deny it again, but the look in Jack’s eyes makes him hesitate, makes him look inside himself and examine his motives. He sighs. “Yes. But only partly. No,” he insists as Jack tries to interrupt again. “You think I want her more than I want you? You think the only thing that’d bother me about you and her sleeping together is that I don’t want anyone but me to be with her?”
It’s hard to say, all of this. Talking about feelings, wants, needs, desires... it’s just what he never, ever does. Jack knows that, and yet he’s forcing the conversation, but even as he resents Jack for doing it he knows it has to be done. Jack can’t be allowed to jump to the wrong conclusions.
“You telling me different?” Jack asks, his voice level.
“Yes, I’m telling you different.” He slants his mouth into a crooked smile. “Could get all possessive and jealous and tell you you’re mine, you know. Wouldn’t be too far from the truth.”
Jack looks disbelieving. “You’d never say that.”
“No? Could probably just about manage it. If you really needed to hear it.” He reaches out, laying his hands on Jack’s shoulders; they’re holding each other loosely now. “Jack. It’s not just about Rose. It’s about you, too.”
“You want her, though.” He’s not accusing now; he’s just stating a fact.
He nods. “Told you why I won’t. That’s not changed.”
“Right.” Jack nods too, then half-laughs. “We’re a mess, all three of us.”
“What d’you mean?”
“You know why Rose and I decided we wouldn’t make love?”
So they discussed it? Well, all right, fair enough. Better that than just... well. “Why not?”
“She said she wouldn’t hurt you by sleeping with me, because I’m with you. And I told her I couldn’t hurt you by sleeping with her, because I know you want her.”
He stares, then shakes his head. They were both right, so very right. Yet each of them only saw half the picture.
“But you know what, Doctor?” Jack continues. “I think you’re making the wrong decision, and for the wrong reasons. I know you’re scared of losing her again. Hell, you think I’m not? And, all right, I’ve used that as an excuse not to get closer to people sometimes, but I told you once before: that wasn’t the real reason. I love Rose, and I know we could lose her any day. I love you, and part of me’s still thinking you’re gonna dump me again some day. But you know what? I don’t want to waste a second of whatever time we’ve got.”
Jack loves him. Well, he knew that. But Jack’s actually said those words they’ve not spoken and he just assumed they never would, and yet he still thinks-? But he doesn’t get a chance to set him straight, because Jack leans in and kisses him, deeply and persuasively, and instead he allows himself to be led to their bedroom. He’s taking the easy way out, but really there’s only so much of this kind of conversation he can take.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow, he’ll make sure that Jack understands that he does learn from his mistakes. And just to prove it, he’ll try to think about what Jack said. About not running away from Rose, either.
Maybe, just maybe, his last incarnation was right, after all.
All that matters is here and now.
***
Jack’s working out again - he’s really just showing off, she thinks, because it’s not as if they didn’t get plenty of exercise yesterday climbing all over that ice planet - so it’s the perfect time to sneak into his room and borrow his phone. Well, his and the Doctor’s room, which makes it a little more awkward since the last thing she wants is for the Doctor to catch her in the act. But he’s busy updating some records that only he understands and only he will ever read, so she should be okay.
She finally discovers the phone in the pocket of Jack’s dark blue trousers, so different from the tight, faded jeans he used to wear. He’s changed, in so many ways, even more so than the Doctor has - and this is why she’s doing this, because she needs to find out why, to understand. She condemned Jack to almost a hundred and forty years of living and dying and working for an organisation that, he admits, he distrusted and resented for a very long time. What else has he had to do? What is it that causes his nightmares?
In her room, she scrolls through the contact list. Lots of names, almost all meaning nothing to her. And there it is, finally. Martha. Just Martha, no surname. One deep breath, and she hits the green key.
The dial-tone fills her ear, and then, abruptly, it’s answered.
“Hi! ‘Bout time you called me back! I’ve been leaving messages for you for weeks!”
Oops. Jack’s phone. Of course she’d assume it’s Jack.
“Is this Martha Jones?”
“Who’s this?”
“My name’s Rose. I’m a friend of the Doctor-”
“Rose Tyler?” Martha’s voice seems to lose a couple of degrees of warmth. “You’re supposed to be in another universe. Trapped.”
Now, what Jack said’s making sense. She was amazing. He thought so too. But things were... awkward. She did the right thing by leaving. And, too, the Doctor said he didn’t treat Martha as well as he should have. That he talked about her too much.
“Should know better than to believe him when he says something’s impossible.”
“Yeah, got that right.” There’s faint sarcasm in Martha’s voice, but clearer than that is another message. Get to the point. What’s this all about?
It’s her and Sarah-Jane all over again, isn’t it? Well, she’s not going to make that mistake again. There isn’t a competition, not over the Doctor. And anyway, even if there was, it’s already been won by Jack.
The truth is that they all love him. And he loves all of them. And, too, he needs all the friends he can get. Anyone who tried to make him choose - well, they wouldn’t deserve to be his friend.
“Look, I know this is awkward, but... Well, I know something happened. Something bad. An’ you were there, so you know what it is. I’m not asking just to be nosy,” she continues as Martha’s silence becomes marked. “It’s just... the way they are sometimes... I know there was something, but neither of them’ll talk about it. An’ I can’t help them if I don’t know.”
“Them?” Oh, she’s curious now. “Jack’s with you too? Oh, right, you have his phone.”
“Yeah. He was already travelling with the Doctor again when I came back. Look, he doesn’t know I’m phoning you. Nor does the Doctor.”
“Are they all right?” Suddenly, the faint hostility’s gone and all she can hear is concern.
“Mostly, yeah. But Jack has these nightmares - I saw him having one an’ from something the Doctor said it was obvious it wasn’t the first. And the Doctor... he’s changed since I was with him before. Sadder. ‘S not the first time I’ve seen him like that - when I first met him he was... oh, Martha, he was grieving. But he got better, yet now...”
“All the time I was with him, he was grieving,” Martha says, the concern still in her voice. “Missing you, mostly, but there was this one time he told me about his planet.”
He actually talked about his planet? She’s about to ask how that happened when Martha continues. “You’re right, though. Something did happen. But, look, I can’t talk about this on the phone.”
“Me neither.” She glances towards her door. Either of them could come looking for her at any minute. “Look, I’m gonna ask him to take me to London. Can I meet you? Talk face to face?”
“Yeah. Yeah, better that way. You’ve got my number, right. Call me when you’re in London.”
“I will. Thanks.”
She end the call, scribbles down Martha’s number, deletes the call from the phone’s history, then hurries to put it back where she found it.
Ten minutes later, she’s heading to the console room carrying tea for the Doctor and coffee for Jack, with the Doctor’s favourite biscuits under her arm. That’s something her mum taught her years ago: distract blokes with treats and they’ll never ask what she’s been up to.
***
The Doctor seems a bit distracted today. Something on his mind, by the look of it, and in an effort to persuade him out of it Jack had just started into a tale of one of his Time Agent exploits when Rose joins them.
“Tea!” The Doctor practically runs to her to grab his mug and the biscuits. “And Jaffa cakes! You’re brilliant, you are. Actually, whoever invented Jaffa cakes is brilliant. I mean, who’d have thought of putting an orangey bit on top of sponge and covering it with chocolate? It’s ingenious, isn’t it? The way the tastes mingle on your tongue when you lick the chocolate off the top-”
“Can’t you just bite into it like any normal person?” Jack asks, barely restraining the urge to burst out laughing.
“Normal person?” The Doctor’s eyes widen. “You tell him, Rose. How’s a Jaffa cake supposed to be eaten?”
Rose grins, then holds the biscuit up to her mouth and... damn, she’s doing it on purpose. Her tongue glides out, rasps over the chocolate and then slowly withdraws.
He shakes his head. “Children! So what are we doing today?”
The Doctor practically dances back to the console. “Should go to the McVitie’s factory to see Jaffa cakes being made. What d’you think?”
“No, please, no,” Rose protests. “You’d be into everything and we’d get thrown out.”
“Oi,” the Doctor protests, though it’s mild. “All right, any better ideas from the crew, then?”
“Actually...” Rose comes up to the console. “I need to do some shopping, Doctor. An’ before you say anything, remember I didn’t have a lot with me when I came back. I don’t just mean clothes, I mean personal stuff.”
“Oh. Well, if you must... So, what? Shopping planet?”
“Can we just go to London? I know where everything is so it’d be easier. Been a long time since I had to work out sizes an’ stuff on another planet.” She leans back, hands flat against the edge of the control panel. “I know I’m s’posed to be dead back there, but if you drop me off somewhere like Bluewater for a few hours it’ll be safe enough. ‘S long as it’s a weekday, it’s far enough from the Powell Estates not to run into anyone I know.”
She’s acting very casual about this request, but there’s something about her eyes... He’d just bet there’s more to this than she’s pretending. But the Doctor doesn’t seem to think so, or else he hasn’t noticed. Oh well. He can’t say they don’t all have their secrets, each one of them. If Rose wants some time alone in her own city and time, who are they to stop her?
The Doctor’s fingers glide over the controls. “If that’s what you want, I think we can manage that.” He glances up, smiling briefly. “A shopping trip it is. Knew you couldn’t’ve changed that much.”
She smiles brightly. “Thanks.” Abruptly, her smile fades. “Damn. I forgot.”
“What?” He steps forward, leaning against the railing.
“My bank account’s probably frozen. Can’t get any cash. Damn, I’m gonna have to find a way-”
He’s about to remind her that they’re going to work on it, but of course the Doctor’s not supposed to know about that yet. Still, this one’s easily sorted. “Here.” Digging into his pocket, he finds his wallet. “Debit card. PIN’s my birth year. Just take whatever you need.”
“Jack...” She’s uncomfortable, clearly, but it’s the best solution for the moment.
“It’s either that or I sonic a cashpoint,” the Doctor comments.
She pulls a face. “Hate it when you do that. Just doesn’t feel right.”
The Doctor grins. “Could always get you a winning lottery ticket, like we did for that teacher. D’you remember?”
“You said that was only to be used in emergencies!”
The Doctor shrugs. “Have to be Jack’s card, then.” He smiles sympathetically. “Sorry. Not something I think about much - usually tend to get by without needing money on your planet.”
“That’s because you’re always borrowing from your companions!” Jack teases. “We’ll sort something for Rose another time.”
The TARDIS is materialising. “Here we are!” the Doctor announces. “Bluewater shopping centre, Kent. Tuesday 20 May, eleven o’clock in the morning. So when do you want to be picked up?”
“Around five’ll be fine.” Rose is already heading to the door.
“Five? You need six hours to do a little bit of shopping?” The Doctor’s practically squeaking.
Not remotely abashed, despite the Doctor’s best efforts, Rose just shrugs. “Did you know there’s no Boots in the parallel universe? I’ve just spent three years without Boots. If you think I’m gonna be one minute less than six hours, Doctor, forget it. I’ll see you at five o’clock an’ not a minute before.”
“Hey, Rose.” Jack digs into his pocket and finds his phone. “Take this. That way we can call each other if we need to - number’s stored under TARDIS. Oh, and buy yourself a phone, okay?” If she gets a simple pay as you go, she won’t need to register an address, bank account or anything like that.
“All right.” With a wave, Rose lets herself out, closing the door behind her.
Jack turns to the Doctor. “So, what? We going forward six hours to pick her up?”
“Nah. That’s cheating.”
Jack snorts. “Never stopped you before!”
“Still. Not doing it this time. You and I have something else to do, anyway.”
“Oh? What’s that?”
“We’re going back to Satellite Five.”
***
tbc
Story: Weaving
Author: wmr wendymr
Sequel to: Broken Threads (Series: Tapestry)
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Jack Harkness, Rose Tyler; Team Torchwood and other characters in minor roles
Rated: PG13
Disclaimer: None of them are mine, and that's a good thing ;)
Spoilers: DW: S3 and VotD; TW: pretty much all of S2, though this is completely AU.
Summary: She's back, and it should be just as it was before, the three of them... but can you ever really go back?
As before, my thanks to dark_aegis and kae_nine for BRing and reassurance. This is a sequel to Broken Threads, as noted, and might not make a lot of sense without it.
Chapter 1: Transmission Complete l Chapter 2: Minefields l Chapter 3: Papering Over Cracks l Chapter 4: Secrets and Lies l Chapter 5: Mystery l Chapter 6: Plans and Schemes
Chapter 7: Home Truths
Hormones.
As soon as the two of them come into the room, it’s obvious. Do they even realise how obvious the scent is? That he can tell exactly what they’ve been doing - that they wanted to have sex with each other, even if they didn’t actually do it?
They’re both behaving absolutely normally, making conversation, asking where they’re all going today. And, really, it doesn’t bother him. Not one bit. If they want to get up close and personal with each other, that’s their business. Their choice.
So that’s got nothing to do with why he takes them to an ice planet for the day. The fact that it might cool their libido’s entirely irrelevant. Yes, it’s cold, but it’s beautiful! All those snow-covered peaks, and icy valleys, and walkways and mountain paths with stalactites hanging low above them, and them the only sign of life as far as the eye can see. The planet’s inhabited but, as he explains to his companions, the natives live underground. Far too cold for life out on the surface.
“Yeah, sorta... workin’... that out,” Rose comments, teeth chattering as she stands next to him, taking in the view.
He wraps his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to share what body heat he has to offer. “But isn’t it beautiful? Oh, you humans - what’s a little bit of cold next to all this?”
Jack joins them, standing in front to press his body against both of them, hugging them to him. “Gotta go with Rose here, Doctor. Just a bit on the cold side.”
“Complete wimps, the pair of you.” He shakes his head in mock dismay. “You’ve got huge great coats on, and hats and scarves, and didn’t I hear you say something about thermal underwear? You’ve got to be wearing it. I mean, you both do seem a little... hmm... weightier than usual? Don’t you?”
“You saying we’re fat, Doctor?” Jack demands, his face the picture of offence.
“Ooh, now, that’s a complete calumny! The word fat never crossed my lips. Did it? Nah, you said that, Jack, not me. Though I will say you definitely look rounder than usual.” He turns his gaze to Rose. “Less visible curves, too.”
“Oi!” That’s surprised her. Good. “Since when did you even notice my curves, Doctor?”
“Oh, you’d be surprised.” He raises his eyebrows in what, even if he says it himself, is definitely the perfect expression of mysteriousness, then lets go of them and recommences striding onwards. “Come on, then! Things to see! Places to go!”
He finally relents an hour or so later and lets them return to the TARDIS, to hot chocolate and marshmallows and a roaring fire. Not that they were in any danger of hypothermia or anything even close to it. He was keeping a very close eye on their body temperatures - hand-holding does have other advantages - breathing and other reactions, and while they were cold they weren’t in any danger of physical harm as a result. And anyway, they enjoyed the visit too.
“That planet was just so beautiful,” Rose says as she sips her chocolate. “Wish we could show Mum. She’d love it.” She ducks her head, chewing her lip as, he guesses, the renewed realisation that she can’t ever see her mum again hits her.
“Rose.” He reaches for her, pulling her into the crook of his shoulder. “You know if I could I’d take you back. Or let you talk to her, at least.”
She smiles up at him despite her evident sadness. “I know. Can’t have everything, though. An’ I’m glad I’m here.”
“Us too.” On her other side, Jack moves closer, sliding a hand into her hair and finger-combing it.
“Yeah,” he echoes. “Though, Rose, there’s still something you haven’t told us, isn’t there? About why you came back.”
“Oh.” The way she says that single syllable tells him that she was hoping he’d forget about that.
“Yeah.” He gives her a little shake. “So come on. Out with it. Spill the beans.”
“What’s this?” Jack asks, but he waves him to be quiet. Let Rose talk.
“It’s hard to explain, really,” Rose begins. “But the whole time I was there it was sort of like everything was... well, out of synch. You know, like a film where the soundtrack’s not quite aligned? Or an old movie that’s a bit jumpy? Not exactly like that,” she adds quickly. “Just that things... felt wrong. Some of the time I felt sort of like I was behind glass or somethin’, like I had to fight through a haze to be part of the rest of the world.” She sighs. “An’ I’m not making any sense, am I?”
Oh, she’s making perfect sense. And he should have thought of it before. Should have seen it. It was all right when they were just visitors, but once she was sent there to live... She didn’t belong. There was no Rose Tyler in that universe. There was a Jackie Tyler, and a Ricky Smith, but no Rose Tyler. That’s what was wrong.
“You are.” His turn to sigh, and he reaches for her hand with his free one. “You were struggling to find your place in a universe that had no place for you. You were pushing in, and it was pushing back against you. Resistance. That’s why you felt as if you were apart from everything else. Because you were.” His lips tighten. “Oh, Rose. And I thought it was such an easy solution, didn’t I? Oh, I’ll just send you there to be safe. Easy-peasy. Instant family. Didn’t take the proper balance of that universe into account, did I?”
“You didn’t know,” she points out.
“Should have, though. Should have thought about it. But, no, I just thought you were safe there, building a life, busy being brilliant, so I never even tried...” Better there, he thought, than with him facing danger every day, and without her mum, without Mickey, to go home to. Better there, separated, than risking the integrity of two universes to bring her back. “I never tried to get to you,” he finishes quietly, a confession he suspects she may already have guessed at.
“You couldn’t risk opening the walls again. I understand that.”
No. He couldn’t. Or Jack might say wouldn’t. Still, at least one thing’s clear now. She can’t go back. He can stop looking for reasons why he might have to send her back, because she can’t. She doesn’t belong there. She has to stay here, in this universe. With him and Jack, because they’re all she has here now.
She’s stuck here, without the family she loves - her mum, her little brother, the dad she always wanted - because despite his stupid cleverness she can’t stay there. And Jackie’s stuck in the parallel universe without the daughter she loves. All because he thought it was a clever idea, in the space of about two seconds, to push the other Pete and Rose’s mum together, create one Tyler family out of two separate fragments, and arrive at a unit he could just send to another universe, safe, away from the Daleks and the Cybermen and everything else a life with him could do to Rose.
“What would have happened, Doctor?” Jack asks. “If Rose and Mickey hadn’t found a way back, what would have happened to her?”
“Oh, hard to know, really.” His tone is light, but his hearts aren’t. “Immovable object, irresistible force... who knows?”
“Just as well Jake found that transmitter, then.” Rose’s tone is jokey, but he knows very well she’s faking it. “Shame I’ll never be able to thank him.”
“Just as well,” he agrees, then changes the subject. Definitely time for a distraction. “Jack! You called your old team today. How are they all?”
The topic of conversation changes, but in his head he’s still thinking about it. Brooding. She could have been pushed out of existence entirely. Or forced into the Void despite Pete’s last-minute rescue. And he just left her, told himself that she’d be fine and moved on. Because it was too dangerous.
No, because you were a coward.
She’s here now, though, even if she has lost her family for ever. And he, idiot that he is, spent all that time telling himself he was going to have to send her back, and because of that not letting himself be happy that she is here.
So, when she goes to bed, he hugs her longer, tighter than he has since she came back, and then, because he’s already done it twice and it seems silly to worry about setting a precedent now, he kisses her again. Not a proper kiss. Just brotherly, really, a brush of his lips against hers and an extra hug as he releases her, and that’s enough to tell her that he’s really glad she’s here and that he’s sorry for abandoning her and for everything else he did to her.
Jack’s kiss isn’t brotherly, of course. And he’s not jealous, not at all, not in the slightest. It’s got nothing to do with why he throws himself back on the couch and says, “You could have gone with her, you know. Nothing stopping you.”
Jack spins to look at him. “What?”
“Oh, come on! You think I didn’t know what the two of you were up to this morning? It’s fine with me. Really. I’d just prefer it if you didn’t go sneaking around, that’s all.”
“Fine with you? Really?” Jack comes closer, looming over him. “That’ll be why you’re looking at me like you want to wring my neck, then.”
He looks away. “I said fine and I meant it. Besides, this is you, Jack. Probably the most promiscuous bloke in the galaxy. Why should I expect to be the only-”
“Hold it right there.” Now there’s a very dangerous note in Jack’s voice. He’s taken back, right in that moment, to the day he went to find Jack in Torchwood and they clashed over Beth, the sleeper alien. “What the hell gives you the right to make insinuations about my sexual morals, Doctor? I like sex. I’ve never made a secret of that. If I’m not in a relationship and I want it, I’ll find it. If I am with someone, the only way I’d sleep with someone else is if it’s something we’ve agreed on.”
Jack’s breathing heavily, and there’s hurt as well as anger in his voice as he continues. “Don’t pretend this is about me being unfaithful to you, Doctor. We both know what it’s really about. Rose. You want her, but for some reason you’re too damn cowardly to do anything about it, but you don’t want me to be with her either.”
He surges out of the chair, almost pushing his face into Jack’s. “It’s not like that!”
“No? Could’ve fooled me!”
“It isn’t!”
Jack steps back, then grips him by the shoulders. “Doctor. At least be honest with yourself. That’s exactly how it is.”
He’s about to deny it again, but the look in Jack’s eyes makes him hesitate, makes him look inside himself and examine his motives. He sighs. “Yes. But only partly. No,” he insists as Jack tries to interrupt again. “You think I want her more than I want you? You think the only thing that’d bother me about you and her sleeping together is that I don’t want anyone but me to be with her?”
It’s hard to say, all of this. Talking about feelings, wants, needs, desires... it’s just what he never, ever does. Jack knows that, and yet he’s forcing the conversation, but even as he resents Jack for doing it he knows it has to be done. Jack can’t be allowed to jump to the wrong conclusions.
“You telling me different?” Jack asks, his voice level.
“Yes, I’m telling you different.” He slants his mouth into a crooked smile. “Could get all possessive and jealous and tell you you’re mine, you know. Wouldn’t be too far from the truth.”
Jack looks disbelieving. “You’d never say that.”
“No? Could probably just about manage it. If you really needed to hear it.” He reaches out, laying his hands on Jack’s shoulders; they’re holding each other loosely now. “Jack. It’s not just about Rose. It’s about you, too.”
“You want her, though.” He’s not accusing now; he’s just stating a fact.
He nods. “Told you why I won’t. That’s not changed.”
“Right.” Jack nods too, then half-laughs. “We’re a mess, all three of us.”
“What d’you mean?”
“You know why Rose and I decided we wouldn’t make love?”
So they discussed it? Well, all right, fair enough. Better that than just... well. “Why not?”
“She said she wouldn’t hurt you by sleeping with me, because I’m with you. And I told her I couldn’t hurt you by sleeping with her, because I know you want her.”
He stares, then shakes his head. They were both right, so very right. Yet each of them only saw half the picture.
“But you know what, Doctor?” Jack continues. “I think you’re making the wrong decision, and for the wrong reasons. I know you’re scared of losing her again. Hell, you think I’m not? And, all right, I’ve used that as an excuse not to get closer to people sometimes, but I told you once before: that wasn’t the real reason. I love Rose, and I know we could lose her any day. I love you, and part of me’s still thinking you’re gonna dump me again some day. But you know what? I don’t want to waste a second of whatever time we’ve got.”
Jack loves him. Well, he knew that. But Jack’s actually said those words they’ve not spoken and he just assumed they never would, and yet he still thinks-? But he doesn’t get a chance to set him straight, because Jack leans in and kisses him, deeply and persuasively, and instead he allows himself to be led to their bedroom. He’s taking the easy way out, but really there’s only so much of this kind of conversation he can take.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow, he’ll make sure that Jack understands that he does learn from his mistakes. And just to prove it, he’ll try to think about what Jack said. About not running away from Rose, either.
Maybe, just maybe, his last incarnation was right, after all.
All that matters is here and now.
***
Jack’s working out again - he’s really just showing off, she thinks, because it’s not as if they didn’t get plenty of exercise yesterday climbing all over that ice planet - so it’s the perfect time to sneak into his room and borrow his phone. Well, his and the Doctor’s room, which makes it a little more awkward since the last thing she wants is for the Doctor to catch her in the act. But he’s busy updating some records that only he understands and only he will ever read, so she should be okay.
She finally discovers the phone in the pocket of Jack’s dark blue trousers, so different from the tight, faded jeans he used to wear. He’s changed, in so many ways, even more so than the Doctor has - and this is why she’s doing this, because she needs to find out why, to understand. She condemned Jack to almost a hundred and forty years of living and dying and working for an organisation that, he admits, he distrusted and resented for a very long time. What else has he had to do? What is it that causes his nightmares?
In her room, she scrolls through the contact list. Lots of names, almost all meaning nothing to her. And there it is, finally. Martha. Just Martha, no surname. One deep breath, and she hits the green key.
The dial-tone fills her ear, and then, abruptly, it’s answered.
“Hi! ‘Bout time you called me back! I’ve been leaving messages for you for weeks!”
Oops. Jack’s phone. Of course she’d assume it’s Jack.
“Is this Martha Jones?”
“Who’s this?”
“My name’s Rose. I’m a friend of the Doctor-”
“Rose Tyler?” Martha’s voice seems to lose a couple of degrees of warmth. “You’re supposed to be in another universe. Trapped.”
Now, what Jack said’s making sense. She was amazing. He thought so too. But things were... awkward. She did the right thing by leaving. And, too, the Doctor said he didn’t treat Martha as well as he should have. That he talked about her too much.
“Should know better than to believe him when he says something’s impossible.”
“Yeah, got that right.” There’s faint sarcasm in Martha’s voice, but clearer than that is another message. Get to the point. What’s this all about?
It’s her and Sarah-Jane all over again, isn’t it? Well, she’s not going to make that mistake again. There isn’t a competition, not over the Doctor. And anyway, even if there was, it’s already been won by Jack.
The truth is that they all love him. And he loves all of them. And, too, he needs all the friends he can get. Anyone who tried to make him choose - well, they wouldn’t deserve to be his friend.
“Look, I know this is awkward, but... Well, I know something happened. Something bad. An’ you were there, so you know what it is. I’m not asking just to be nosy,” she continues as Martha’s silence becomes marked. “It’s just... the way they are sometimes... I know there was something, but neither of them’ll talk about it. An’ I can’t help them if I don’t know.”
“Them?” Oh, she’s curious now. “Jack’s with you too? Oh, right, you have his phone.”
“Yeah. He was already travelling with the Doctor again when I came back. Look, he doesn’t know I’m phoning you. Nor does the Doctor.”
“Are they all right?” Suddenly, the faint hostility’s gone and all she can hear is concern.
“Mostly, yeah. But Jack has these nightmares - I saw him having one an’ from something the Doctor said it was obvious it wasn’t the first. And the Doctor... he’s changed since I was with him before. Sadder. ‘S not the first time I’ve seen him like that - when I first met him he was... oh, Martha, he was grieving. But he got better, yet now...”
“All the time I was with him, he was grieving,” Martha says, the concern still in her voice. “Missing you, mostly, but there was this one time he told me about his planet.”
He actually talked about his planet? She’s about to ask how that happened when Martha continues. “You’re right, though. Something did happen. But, look, I can’t talk about this on the phone.”
“Me neither.” She glances towards her door. Either of them could come looking for her at any minute. “Look, I’m gonna ask him to take me to London. Can I meet you? Talk face to face?”
“Yeah. Yeah, better that way. You’ve got my number, right. Call me when you’re in London.”
“I will. Thanks.”
She end the call, scribbles down Martha’s number, deletes the call from the phone’s history, then hurries to put it back where she found it.
Ten minutes later, she’s heading to the console room carrying tea for the Doctor and coffee for Jack, with the Doctor’s favourite biscuits under her arm. That’s something her mum taught her years ago: distract blokes with treats and they’ll never ask what she’s been up to.
***
The Doctor seems a bit distracted today. Something on his mind, by the look of it, and in an effort to persuade him out of it Jack had just started into a tale of one of his Time Agent exploits when Rose joins them.
“Tea!” The Doctor practically runs to her to grab his mug and the biscuits. “And Jaffa cakes! You’re brilliant, you are. Actually, whoever invented Jaffa cakes is brilliant. I mean, who’d have thought of putting an orangey bit on top of sponge and covering it with chocolate? It’s ingenious, isn’t it? The way the tastes mingle on your tongue when you lick the chocolate off the top-”
“Can’t you just bite into it like any normal person?” Jack asks, barely restraining the urge to burst out laughing.
“Normal person?” The Doctor’s eyes widen. “You tell him, Rose. How’s a Jaffa cake supposed to be eaten?”
Rose grins, then holds the biscuit up to her mouth and... damn, she’s doing it on purpose. Her tongue glides out, rasps over the chocolate and then slowly withdraws.
He shakes his head. “Children! So what are we doing today?”
The Doctor practically dances back to the console. “Should go to the McVitie’s factory to see Jaffa cakes being made. What d’you think?”
“No, please, no,” Rose protests. “You’d be into everything and we’d get thrown out.”
“Oi,” the Doctor protests, though it’s mild. “All right, any better ideas from the crew, then?”
“Actually...” Rose comes up to the console. “I need to do some shopping, Doctor. An’ before you say anything, remember I didn’t have a lot with me when I came back. I don’t just mean clothes, I mean personal stuff.”
“Oh. Well, if you must... So, what? Shopping planet?”
“Can we just go to London? I know where everything is so it’d be easier. Been a long time since I had to work out sizes an’ stuff on another planet.” She leans back, hands flat against the edge of the control panel. “I know I’m s’posed to be dead back there, but if you drop me off somewhere like Bluewater for a few hours it’ll be safe enough. ‘S long as it’s a weekday, it’s far enough from the Powell Estates not to run into anyone I know.”
She’s acting very casual about this request, but there’s something about her eyes... He’d just bet there’s more to this than she’s pretending. But the Doctor doesn’t seem to think so, or else he hasn’t noticed. Oh well. He can’t say they don’t all have their secrets, each one of them. If Rose wants some time alone in her own city and time, who are they to stop her?
The Doctor’s fingers glide over the controls. “If that’s what you want, I think we can manage that.” He glances up, smiling briefly. “A shopping trip it is. Knew you couldn’t’ve changed that much.”
She smiles brightly. “Thanks.” Abruptly, her smile fades. “Damn. I forgot.”
“What?” He steps forward, leaning against the railing.
“My bank account’s probably frozen. Can’t get any cash. Damn, I’m gonna have to find a way-”
He’s about to remind her that they’re going to work on it, but of course the Doctor’s not supposed to know about that yet. Still, this one’s easily sorted. “Here.” Digging into his pocket, he finds his wallet. “Debit card. PIN’s my birth year. Just take whatever you need.”
“Jack...” She’s uncomfortable, clearly, but it’s the best solution for the moment.
“It’s either that or I sonic a cashpoint,” the Doctor comments.
She pulls a face. “Hate it when you do that. Just doesn’t feel right.”
The Doctor grins. “Could always get you a winning lottery ticket, like we did for that teacher. D’you remember?”
“You said that was only to be used in emergencies!”
The Doctor shrugs. “Have to be Jack’s card, then.” He smiles sympathetically. “Sorry. Not something I think about much - usually tend to get by without needing money on your planet.”
“That’s because you’re always borrowing from your companions!” Jack teases. “We’ll sort something for Rose another time.”
The TARDIS is materialising. “Here we are!” the Doctor announces. “Bluewater shopping centre, Kent. Tuesday 20 May, eleven o’clock in the morning. So when do you want to be picked up?”
“Around five’ll be fine.” Rose is already heading to the door.
“Five? You need six hours to do a little bit of shopping?” The Doctor’s practically squeaking.
Not remotely abashed, despite the Doctor’s best efforts, Rose just shrugs. “Did you know there’s no Boots in the parallel universe? I’ve just spent three years without Boots. If you think I’m gonna be one minute less than six hours, Doctor, forget it. I’ll see you at five o’clock an’ not a minute before.”
“Hey, Rose.” Jack digs into his pocket and finds his phone. “Take this. That way we can call each other if we need to - number’s stored under TARDIS. Oh, and buy yourself a phone, okay?” If she gets a simple pay as you go, she won’t need to register an address, bank account or anything like that.
“All right.” With a wave, Rose lets herself out, closing the door behind her.
Jack turns to the Doctor. “So, what? We going forward six hours to pick her up?”
“Nah. That’s cheating.”
Jack snorts. “Never stopped you before!”
“Still. Not doing it this time. You and I have something else to do, anyway.”
“Oh? What’s that?”
“We’re going back to Satellite Five.”
***
tbc