Weaving 2/8?
Story: Weaving
Author: wmr
wendymr
Sequel to: Broken Threads (Series: Tapestry)
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Jack Harkness, Rose Tyler; Team Torchwood and other characters in minor roles
Rated: PG13
Disclaimer: None of them are mine, and that's a good thing ;)
Spoilers: DW: S3 and VotD; TW: pretty much all of S2, though this is completely AU.
Summary: She's back, and it should be just as it was before, the three of them... but can you ever really go back?
As before, my thanks to
dark_aegis and
kae_ninefor BRing and reassurance. This is a sequel to Broken Threads, as noted, and might not make a lot of sense without it.
Chapter 1: Transmission Complete
Chapter 2: Minefields
In years to come, when she looks back on today, she’ll be proud of one thing. She didn’t cry. She didn’t let him see how much walking away from him, after three long years of missing him and feeling out of place, wrong, in the parallel universe, hurts.
She should have known better. Should have thought before just blindly doing what she wanted and just assuming that it’d be what he wants too. After all, she knows him. How many companions has he had, after all? He’s travelled with lots of people, as he told her once. And, as she found out from Sarah Jane, when he’s ready he just leaves them behind and moves on.
He told her, though, didn’t he? He wouldn’t just leave her behind. “No, not to you,” he said. But, even though that’s not how it happened, they got separated anyway. Of course he moved on, and if it hadn’t been Jack it would’ve been someone else.
He needs someone with him, to remind him that he’s not alone. Someone who loves him, to remind him that he deserves to be loved. A friend, to remind him that he’s valued.
One tear leaks out from behind her tightly-squeezed eyes as she turns her back on him and starts to walk away.
A hand descends hard on her shoulder. “Now just hold on a minute. You can’t walk back into my life, Rose Tyler, and then just disappear again! I dunno, you humans...”
She can’t speak because of the lump in her throat. But if she could she’d be telling him, begging him to let her go.
He doesn’t. Instead, he tugs, and she spins and lands hard against his solid body. Strong arms wrap around her and hold her tightly to him, and familiar fingers comb through her hair. “Don’t be so silly. Course you won’t be in the way. Told you, I missed you. And the only way I’m leaving here without you is if you don’t want to come.”
He’s moving, pulling her along with him, and when he releases her they’re inside the TARDIS. The low humming of the timeship’s so familiar and, as she stands there just staring at the control-room, it’s hard not to believe that she’s come home.
“I don’t know,” the Doctor continues, now sounding faintly exasperated as he stands a few feet away, hands buried in his pockets. “First Jack’s offering to stay behind cause you’re here, and then you say you won’t come cause he’s here. And I thought you two liked each other!”
“Course I like him!” she protests instantly. “It’s just... well, things are different now, that’s all.”
“Everything changes, Rose, all the time. You’ve lived through that before with me and you got used to it.”
There’s a message in his dark eyes as he gazes at her, and she nods, understanding. Once, he laid it out bluntly: get used to it or go home. Now, it’s clear that he wants her to stay but that the status quo won’t change. She can make her place within this new arrangement, or she can leave.
A few years ago, maybe she would have left. After the Doctor changed, after Jack died - or so she thought - she got selfish. She was so afraid of losing him again that she clung to him and resented anyone she saw as getting in the way. Mickey, Sarah-Jane, people they met on their travels who intrigued the Doctor... she froze them out, made clear that the Doctor was hers.
He never said anything, but he knew, she knows.
She made up for it with Sarah-Jane, and she’s long since apologised to Mickey. Now, this is her chance for a fresh start with the Doctor.
Running her hand over the familiar railing leading up to the console, she smiles up at the Doctor. “It’s great to be back. Even better that Jack’s back too. So-” She deliberately gives him that old familiar grin, with her tongue curving around her lip. “Once he gets back, where we goin’ first?”
***
The whole team’s gathered by the time he makes it below, even Gwen, but then she told him last night she wouldn’t miss the opportunity to say goodbye. Rhys would understand in the circumstances, she said.
“You found the person you were looking for, then?” Ianto asks as he appears.
“Yeah. Old friend,” he explains. “We hadn’t seen her for... well, let’s just say it’s been a long time.”
Ianto nods. “She going with you, then?”
“Oh, yeah.” That he’s got no doubt about. He can still hear the pain in the Doctor’s voice as his friend told him Rose was trapped. Yes, Rose will be going. What he’s not sure about is what their three-person dynamic is going to be like this time.
“And you?” Gwen asks. “You’re not coming back this time, are you?”
Oh, he is. As he and the Doctor agreed, he isn’t leaving the team completely without support. What he doesn’t know right now, though, is whether he might be coming back sooner than he anticipated - and maybe for longer than he planned, too.
He’s seen the two of them together before. And, too, he’s heard from Martha about the Doctor’s singlemindedness after he lost Rose; how he talked about her all the time, made clear how much he missed her and - once - how Martha herself didn’t match up to the brilliant Rose. Oh, he suspects the Doctor regrets letting Martha think she wasn’t good enough, and he wouldn’t even be surprised if there’s been an apology since. Last time he spoke to Martha, there was no trace of lingering resentment.
Despite what the Doctor’s said, he isn’t at all sure that this won’t turn into the Doctor and Rose show again, and that he won’t be surplus to requirements. Well, it wouldn’t be the first time something like that’s happened, and he’s survived it before. He’ll shrug, smile, kiss them goodbye, tell them it’s been fun while it lasted and move on.
But that’s between him and the Doctor and Rose, and none of Gwen’s business. “Yeah, I’ll be back,” he says casually. “I know you can’t live without seeing this handsome face every once in a while.”
Four hugs later, there’s a spring in his step as he hurries towards the TARDIS. Yes, this might not last, but right now they’ve got Rose back and it’ll be just like old times.
He unlocks the door just in time to hear Rose say, “So, you didn’t say. How come Jack’s alive? You told me he died.”
The Doctor’s gaze meets his briefly. He hopes the message he’s sending is clear.
“He did die,” the Doctor answers. “Remember I told you what you did? Bad Wolf, the Time Vortex, turning the Dalek emperor into vapour?”
“Yeah.” Rose is looking between the two of them now, a little uneasy.
“You resurrected Jack too.” The Doctor’s poking at the console, a definite giveaway that this isn’t a conversation he’s happy to be having.
“I did?” She turns to him, eyes wide. “You’re kidding me. I did? Jack?”
He summons a wide smile - really, it’s not that difficult. As he told the Doctor on Malcassiro, he does feel different about it now. He’s not so desperate to die, not so tired of living. “That’s what he says. All I knew was one minute I was facing down three Daleks ready to exterminate me, and the next I was waking up on an empty satellite.”
“Oh, god.” Her breath catches. “I didn’t know I did it, and we left you behind.”
He hesitates. It wasn’t Rose’s fault, and he doesn’t blame her for the immortality thing anyway. As the Doctor said, she didn’t know what she was doing. But he’s made his peace with the Doctor over being abandoned. He’s not going to bring all that up again. What the Doctor tells Rose is up to him.
The Doctor glances up briefly. “It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know what you’d done, and anyway you were unconscious when we left. I’m the one who left Jack behind. Anyway-” His gaze flits to Jack; Jack gives him a discreet, deliberate nod. Permission to spin the story any way he likes. “-all over now. Jack’s back, you’re back, everyone’s back. And I think it’s time to leave, yes?”
Without waiting for an answer, he slams down the lever. Dematerialisation begins.
***
There’s something they’re not telling her. Actually, at a guess, there’s a lot they’re not telling her. It’s not just the Doctor; it’s Jack too. The two of them are conspiring to keep information from her - if they think she missed those glances they were exchanging, they’re sorely mistaken - and the only thing she doesn’t know is why.
But she’ll find out. Not through pushing it now; one thing she’s learned in the last three years is the value of patience. Sooner or later, one of them’s going to let something slip, and that’ll be it.
Softly, softly, and all that. She gives the Doctor a brilliant smile. “So, where’re we going?”
The Doctor smiles back. “Oh, thought we’d aim for somewhere new. Somewhere none of us has been before.”
“That’s possible?” Jack’s grinning, amused. “Thought you’d been everywhere. Or so you say.”
“Not everywhere. Plenty of places I haven’t been. Times, too. So, what d’you think, Rose? Past? Future? Alien planet?”
“Anywhere,” she says, and means it. “Could be Bognor in 1970 and it’d still be brilliant, cause I’m with you again. Both of you.” Sobering, she moves to the console, resting her elbows there the way she used to. “There’s something I promised Mum I’d do, though. Doesn’t have to be today. Any time’s fine - just take me there an’ leave me for a couple of hours.”
“What’s that?”
The Doctor’s not going to like the reminder, of course, but she promised her mum that she’d lay some flowers from the two of them.
“Mum wanted... A lot of people died that day in the battle. Not just at Canary Wharf. All over the place. Mum said there’s bound to be a memorial of some sort. Even if we didn’t know anyone else who died, an’ I bet we did, there were the people at Torchwood Tower - the scientist the Daleks killed, an’ Mum saw people Cyberised.”
A hand slides into hers. Jack’s. “I’ll go with you.”
The Doctor glances up again. “We’ll all go.”
Not that she’s complaining, but that’s so not like the Doctor. If there’s one thing he’s always hated, it’s staying around to see the aftermath of events he’s been part of. He sorts out the immediate problem, then leaves; it’s what he does.
Not now, it seems.
So how else has he changed while she’s been away? And how long has it been for him, anyway?
***
The TARDIS door opens onto a landscape full of deep oranges, reds, browns and rusts, all rocks and crevasses and winding paths as far as the eye can see. Even the horizon’s fiery streaks of red and gold as the setting sun casts fingers of flame over distant mountains.
Once, during his long sojourn in twentieth-century Earth, he visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona. That feels monochrome in comparison to this.
“Where are we?” he asks as the Doctor and Rose step outside to join him.
“Coatuliqua!” the Doctor announces, and he’s practically bouncing as he rocks back and forth on his heels.
“Sounds kind of... Aztec,” Jack comments, and he crouches down, reaching out to touch the planet’s surface. It feels a bit like the Canyon too, all soft, sun-warmed rock.
“That’s cause it is!” The Doctor’s grinning, looking proud. “Explorers! Course they had to name the planet after one of their gods. Well, sort of.”
“Aztec explorers?” Rose is disbelieving. “Doctor, their civilisation was thousands of years ago! No way they could’ve travelled in space.”
“You should know by now there’s very little that’s impossible in the universe,” the Doctor says. “A fifty-first century bloke living in 2008 Cardiff? An ordinary human finding her own way back from a parallel universe?”
“Oi, less of the ordinary, thanks.” Rose pokes him. The Doctor just grins.
They start walking, and that’s when there’s a sudden awkward moment. As if it’s the most natural thing in the world, the Doctor reaches for Rose’s hand and she slides it into his. Jack, noticing it, finds himself smiling fondly.
And then Rose drops the Doctor’s hand, looking embarrassed. “Sorry,” she mutters, with a quick glance at Jack. The Doctor’s looking a bit sheepish and uncomfortable as well.
Jack could shake them. Why either of them would think he’d have a problem with them holding hands is beyond him. “Jeez,” he mutters. Sighing, he steps over to stand between them, wrapping his arms around both their shoulders. “He does have two hands, Rose. And anyway,” he adds, hoping it’s a hint the two of them will think about, “what’s a bit of sharing among friends?”
To reinforce the message, he kisses the Doctor’s cheek, then Rose’s, before moving to the Doctor’s other side and playfully grabbing his hand.
It’s just like old times as they wander around, exploring, admiring the scenery and chatting. They seem to have the place to themselves, which surprises the Doctor; he admits that he expected to see plenty of Coatuliqualians around. Maybe they just landed in an inaccessible part of the planet, though.
Later, after they’ve watched the sun set and they’re sprawled on the still-warm ground, bathed in moonlight and shadow, Jack says, “So you haven’t told us how you did it. Unless you told him when I wasn’t there.”
“No, she didn’t,” the Doctor says, sitting bolt upright. “Time you did, Rose Tyler. Just what did you and Mickey Smith do?”
“We found this... thing. Worked out it was some kind of transmitter.”
“What sort of transmitter?” the Doctor demands.
“Well, I don’t know, do I? Didn’t exactly pick it off the shelf in Radio Shack, did I?” she retorts.
“How did you know it was a transmitter? What did it look like?”
She explains, interrupted every few seconds by the Doctor with questions, clarifications and even downright contradictions, until finally she shoves him, hard, and tells him to be quiet and let her tell the story.
When she mentions the transmitter opening a window into this universe, the Doctor looks forbidding. “Oh, no. No, no, no... Have you any idea how dangerous that is? What you could have done to the fabric of the universe? Both universes? And you did it over and over?”
“We were monitoring it the entire time,” Rose replies, her voice even - she’s obviously refusing to rise to his anger. She did spend almost a year with this Doctor before getting trapped on the other side of the Void, true; but that’s not all it is. She’s changed. Grown up. A little less inclined to hero-worship the Doctor and believe that he knows everything, it seems. That’s a good thing, for both of them.
“Did you even know what to monitor for?” There’s a dangerous note in the Doctor’s voice now; he’s not at all happy. Typical Time Lord. He’s all delighted to have Rose back, but now that bloom’s worn off he’s getting on his high horse about the very idea of someone else messing around with the fabric of the universe. So much for telling her that he didn’t care if there was a problem, he’d just fix it.
“Mickey’s a lot cleverer than you ever gave him credit for,” Rose points out, and there’s an edge to her voice now. “He learned a lot from you too, even while you were treatin’ him like some sort of half-wit. He an’ Jake built this machine that monitors disturbances in space - he said he could detect Rift activity in it, too. An’ he said the readings stayed at a safe level the whole time we were testing the transmitter.”
“I’d like a word with Mr Mickey, all the same,” the Doctor says grimly.
“Rose is right,” Jack interjects; time to calm things down before this becomes a full-on argument. “We - well, Torchwood - monitor the Rift continuously. Any signs of activity, Tosh investigates. The kind of thing Rose is talking about, if it was dangerous, would’ve caused massive disturbances, and the guys would’ve told me about that when we were there yesterday. I think she’s right - it is safe.”
The Doctor jumps to his feet, hands stuffed deep into his pockets. “Your people might be good, Jack, but they’re not that good. Wouldn’t be the first time Torchwood’s assumed something’s safe when it’s not. You should know, Rose,” he says, swinging round, eyes glittering. “The ghost shifts?”
“Doctor, I don’t think you’re supposed to be making her think you’re not glad she’s back,” Jack says, deliberately keeping his tone even and with a faint hint of sardonic humour.
“It’s all right, Jack.” Rose covers his hand briefly. “I can handle this.” She stands too, and faces the Doctor, rigidly straight so that she’s at her full height, still several inches shorter than him.
“I haven’t forgotten what you said on the beach that day.” Her voice is strong, confident and unapologetic. “If you tried to come through properly, two universes would collapse. I was joking when I said So? - I never would’ve done anything to damage either universe. If I hadn’t been sure the transmitter was safe, I would’ve stayed put over there for the rest of my life.”
Quietly, as if he can barely stand to ask the question for fear of what the answer might be, the Doctor says, “What was it like? Your life there, I mean.”
She shrugs, and it’s very noticeable to him - does the Doctor see it? - that she’s avoiding looking directly at the Doctor. “It was fine. Good. Thing is...” She relaxes then, her posture softening. “If I’d never met you, it could’ve been the life I always dreamed of - not just for me, but for Mum too. Dad alive an’ with us, an’ I know he’s not my real dad, but it didn’t take long to feel like he was. A little brother. A decent place to live, with no noisy neighbours, or drug-dealers in the stairwells. A decent job an’ a chance to continue my education, ‘stead of workin’ in a shop for the rest of my life. So, yeah, should’ve been brilliant.”
“But...?” The Doctor’s looking near-terrified, and Jack wants to go to him, to offer him comfort, but this isn’t his business. It’s between the two of them.
“But, like I said, I met you. An’ an ordinary life, no matter how good it was, wasn’t enough any more, even if I’d felt I belonged over there.”
She loves the Doctor that much? This is going to be a huge mess, unless the Doctor can see the obvious solution - and Rose would be open to it, which he’s not at all sure of.
The Doctor loves Rose too, of that Jack has no doubt, but he recognises that look in his lover’s eyes. It’s the same panicky look he had when he talked about Martha’s crush on him. Shit. Is he going to have to find Rose a safe haven somewhere on Earth?
“Rose...” the Doctor begins. “I never meant...”
“You showed me a better life, Doctor! You do that to all of us, everyone you take with you. It was the same with Sarah-Jane - how can we settle down to an ordinary life after we’ve travelled the universe? Travelled in time?”
“Oh.” The Doctor swallows visibly. It really isn’t something he likes to think about, is it? Or deliberately avoids thinking about. What do his companions do after he leaves them? Are they okay? Do they manage to fit back into their normal lives? Do they survive?
He could tell the Doctor a lot about that, and not just from his own experiences. He’s spoken to a lot of people who travelled in the TARDIS - as the Doctor already knows. Most of them are fine, and later, when they’re alone, he’ll make sure that the Doctor understands that.
But a few aren’t. One in particular, whom he met a week or so after she left the Doctor for good, was so traumatised that, after he heard tales of alien possession, witnessing wars and standing, horrified, as she watched the death of another companion, he offered her the chance to forget. One sip of Retcon and it would never have happened. He’ll always admire Tegan Jovanka for not only saying no to him, but ordering him out of her house.
“But your mum, Rose,” the Doctor says. “Jackie. I promised her I’d always bring you home.”
“I know.” As if that was the cue she needed, Rose closes the distance between herself and the Doctor and reaches for his hand. “She told me to go. When I told her what Mickey’d found and what we thought it did... It’s not like I just decided I was coming back an’ I didn’t care what anyone else thought. I was torn. Like you said, my mum. And my dad, an’ Martin, and Mickey. I didn’t want to leave them, but I never felt right there. Maybe I would’ve felt the same if Mum an’ I were here when you and I got separated, I dunno. Anyway -” Rose combs stray hairs back from her face with her free hand; to Jack, it looks like a distracting manoeuvre. “-Mum told me to take the chance. Said she could see I wasn’t myself - not the way I was when I was travellin’ with you. Told me she wanted me to go.”
“Martin?” The Doctor’s obviously clutched at the part of Rose’s speech least likely to lead him into a minefield.
“My baby brother.” Rose’s smile has a hint of sadness. “His middle name’s John. For you. Mum an’ Dad wanted it cause you brought them together.”
The Doctor nods, swallowing again. “And you’ll never see any of them again, Rose. I can’t bring you back.”
“I know that.” Now she’s standing up straight again, meeting his gaze with determination. “I’m not nineteen any more, Doctor. I knew exactly what I was doing when I told Mickey to press the button.”
Like lightning, the Doctor’s expression changes again. “And we still don’t know that it was safe.”
It’s time for him to interfere. “It’s safe, Doctor. You were there when Rose came through. You’d have noticed. And I told you what Tosh saw on the Rift monitor. Everything’s fine.”
“So far,” the Doctor says, and his tone’s ominous.
***
Maybe Jack’s right. Maybe Rose and Mickey really did do everything safely, and he does believe Rose when she says she’d never have taken the risk if she hadn’t believed it wouldn’t do any damage.
Still, he can’t let himself believe it. He was far too glib earlier, wasn’t he? Far too willing to ignore all the many ways in which this could be very, very bad. Because things never do work out that straightforwardly. Not for him. There are always repercussions, things that rear up and bite him when he’s least expecting it. Satellite Five. Torchwood. Deposing Harriet Jones. Maybe, maybe his failure to follow orders back on Skaro all those centuries ago, though he’s not so sure about that. There’s rarely a good excuse for genocide.
Back on the TARDIS finally, Rose doesn’t come over to the console with them. With a yawn that seems feigned, she says, “My room still around somewhere?”
It is. He hasn’t touched it since she left, and the TARDIS has left it alone. “Yep. Should be just as you left it. Messy, clothes thrown everywhere, bed not made...” He summons a teasing grin, but that’s as fake as her yawn.
“That’s cause you were always yelling at me to hurry up!” she protests, but turns away before he or Jack can reply. “ ‘M off to bed, then. Night.”
In times gone by, there’d have been a hug or two before she went to bed. Now... well, it seems not. Has she changed that much? Has he? Or is she really that bothered by him and Jack?
Jack’s frowning at him as the door closes behind Rose. “What?” he demands.
“You could’ve at least hugged her.” Oh, yes, definitely disapproving.
“She could’ve hugged me!”
“What, after that little Time Lord Knows Best display out there?” Jack shakes his head. “Way to make her feel welcome, Doctor. She’s already feeling like the outsider because of us, and there you were as good as telling her she shouldn’t have come back.”
“I’m thinking about the universe! Both universes,” he practically spits, hands flat against the console, leaning forward into Jack’s personal space. Of course he’s glad she’s here. Of course it’s brilliant to have her back. But she shouldn’t have taken the risk, and he’s finding it hard now not to be angry with her for doing it. And yet... yet he missed her and she’s back and... Well.
“And she didn’t? She told you. They did everything possible to make sure it was safe.”
He feels himself slumping as he acknowledges that truth. “I know. Still doesn’t mean it’s all right,” he adds, an edge to his voice. “Punching holes in the walls of the universes over and over again? How many times? And without knowing what they were doing? It was one thing when I thought it was just once, but this! Just to get back to me?”
Yes, when he first saw her, he was happy. Brilliant to have her back. Now, it feels selfish. There was a reason he never did try to get her back, after all, and it was as much to do with the integrity of time and space as with wanting to let her get on with her life without him turning it upside down again. Now she’s come back and, even though it’s true that neither of them wanted to be separated in the first place, it’s the first time that she’s put herself, her own wants, above the greater good.
“Yeah, I know.” Jack takes the couple of steps that are all that’s needed to close the distance between them, and lays a hand on his shoulder. “But isn’t it great to have her back? And if there’s a problem, we’ll fix it. The three of us were pretty good at being invincible before, remember?”
“We weren’t invincible in the end,” he points out, but allows his head to rest against Jack’s for a moment or two, accepting the offered support.
“What’s really bothering you?” Jack asks, and he really shouldn’t be surprised that Jack’s seen through him.
He sighs and rubs a hand agitatedly over his face.
“I thought it was bad when she was trapped in the other universe. That it was my fault. Now... Jack, now I’m very afraid she’s trapped here instead, and that’s far, far worse. And that’s my fault too.”
***
tbc
Author: wmr
wendymr
Sequel to: Broken Threads (Series: Tapestry)
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Jack Harkness, Rose Tyler; Team Torchwood and other characters in minor roles
Rated: PG13
Disclaimer: None of them are mine, and that's a good thing ;)
Spoilers: DW: S3 and VotD; TW: pretty much all of S2, though this is completely AU.
Summary: She's back, and it should be just as it was before, the three of them... but can you ever really go back?
As before, my thanks to
dark_aegis and
kae_ninefor BRing and reassurance. This is a sequel to Broken Threads, as noted, and might not make a lot of sense without it.
Chapter 1: Transmission Complete
Chapter 2: Minefields
In years to come, when she looks back on today, she’ll be proud of one thing. She didn’t cry. She didn’t let him see how much walking away from him, after three long years of missing him and feeling out of place, wrong, in the parallel universe, hurts.
She should have known better. Should have thought before just blindly doing what she wanted and just assuming that it’d be what he wants too. After all, she knows him. How many companions has he had, after all? He’s travelled with lots of people, as he told her once. And, as she found out from Sarah Jane, when he’s ready he just leaves them behind and moves on.
He told her, though, didn’t he? He wouldn’t just leave her behind. “No, not to you,” he said. But, even though that’s not how it happened, they got separated anyway. Of course he moved on, and if it hadn’t been Jack it would’ve been someone else.
He needs someone with him, to remind him that he’s not alone. Someone who loves him, to remind him that he deserves to be loved. A friend, to remind him that he’s valued.
One tear leaks out from behind her tightly-squeezed eyes as she turns her back on him and starts to walk away.
A hand descends hard on her shoulder. “Now just hold on a minute. You can’t walk back into my life, Rose Tyler, and then just disappear again! I dunno, you humans...”
She can’t speak because of the lump in her throat. But if she could she’d be telling him, begging him to let her go.
He doesn’t. Instead, he tugs, and she spins and lands hard against his solid body. Strong arms wrap around her and hold her tightly to him, and familiar fingers comb through her hair. “Don’t be so silly. Course you won’t be in the way. Told you, I missed you. And the only way I’m leaving here without you is if you don’t want to come.”
He’s moving, pulling her along with him, and when he releases her they’re inside the TARDIS. The low humming of the timeship’s so familiar and, as she stands there just staring at the control-room, it’s hard not to believe that she’s come home.
“I don’t know,” the Doctor continues, now sounding faintly exasperated as he stands a few feet away, hands buried in his pockets. “First Jack’s offering to stay behind cause you’re here, and then you say you won’t come cause he’s here. And I thought you two liked each other!”
“Course I like him!” she protests instantly. “It’s just... well, things are different now, that’s all.”
“Everything changes, Rose, all the time. You’ve lived through that before with me and you got used to it.”
There’s a message in his dark eyes as he gazes at her, and she nods, understanding. Once, he laid it out bluntly: get used to it or go home. Now, it’s clear that he wants her to stay but that the status quo won’t change. She can make her place within this new arrangement, or she can leave.
A few years ago, maybe she would have left. After the Doctor changed, after Jack died - or so she thought - she got selfish. She was so afraid of losing him again that she clung to him and resented anyone she saw as getting in the way. Mickey, Sarah-Jane, people they met on their travels who intrigued the Doctor... she froze them out, made clear that the Doctor was hers.
He never said anything, but he knew, she knows.
She made up for it with Sarah-Jane, and she’s long since apologised to Mickey. Now, this is her chance for a fresh start with the Doctor.
Running her hand over the familiar railing leading up to the console, she smiles up at the Doctor. “It’s great to be back. Even better that Jack’s back too. So-” She deliberately gives him that old familiar grin, with her tongue curving around her lip. “Once he gets back, where we goin’ first?”
***
The whole team’s gathered by the time he makes it below, even Gwen, but then she told him last night she wouldn’t miss the opportunity to say goodbye. Rhys would understand in the circumstances, she said.
“You found the person you were looking for, then?” Ianto asks as he appears.
“Yeah. Old friend,” he explains. “We hadn’t seen her for... well, let’s just say it’s been a long time.”
Ianto nods. “She going with you, then?”
“Oh, yeah.” That he’s got no doubt about. He can still hear the pain in the Doctor’s voice as his friend told him Rose was trapped. Yes, Rose will be going. What he’s not sure about is what their three-person dynamic is going to be like this time.
“And you?” Gwen asks. “You’re not coming back this time, are you?”
Oh, he is. As he and the Doctor agreed, he isn’t leaving the team completely without support. What he doesn’t know right now, though, is whether he might be coming back sooner than he anticipated - and maybe for longer than he planned, too.
He’s seen the two of them together before. And, too, he’s heard from Martha about the Doctor’s singlemindedness after he lost Rose; how he talked about her all the time, made clear how much he missed her and - once - how Martha herself didn’t match up to the brilliant Rose. Oh, he suspects the Doctor regrets letting Martha think she wasn’t good enough, and he wouldn’t even be surprised if there’s been an apology since. Last time he spoke to Martha, there was no trace of lingering resentment.
Despite what the Doctor’s said, he isn’t at all sure that this won’t turn into the Doctor and Rose show again, and that he won’t be surplus to requirements. Well, it wouldn’t be the first time something like that’s happened, and he’s survived it before. He’ll shrug, smile, kiss them goodbye, tell them it’s been fun while it lasted and move on.
But that’s between him and the Doctor and Rose, and none of Gwen’s business. “Yeah, I’ll be back,” he says casually. “I know you can’t live without seeing this handsome face every once in a while.”
Four hugs later, there’s a spring in his step as he hurries towards the TARDIS. Yes, this might not last, but right now they’ve got Rose back and it’ll be just like old times.
He unlocks the door just in time to hear Rose say, “So, you didn’t say. How come Jack’s alive? You told me he died.”
The Doctor’s gaze meets his briefly. He hopes the message he’s sending is clear.
“He did die,” the Doctor answers. “Remember I told you what you did? Bad Wolf, the Time Vortex, turning the Dalek emperor into vapour?”
“Yeah.” Rose is looking between the two of them now, a little uneasy.
“You resurrected Jack too.” The Doctor’s poking at the console, a definite giveaway that this isn’t a conversation he’s happy to be having.
“I did?” She turns to him, eyes wide. “You’re kidding me. I did? Jack?”
He summons a wide smile - really, it’s not that difficult. As he told the Doctor on Malcassiro, he does feel different about it now. He’s not so desperate to die, not so tired of living. “That’s what he says. All I knew was one minute I was facing down three Daleks ready to exterminate me, and the next I was waking up on an empty satellite.”
“Oh, god.” Her breath catches. “I didn’t know I did it, and we left you behind.”
He hesitates. It wasn’t Rose’s fault, and he doesn’t blame her for the immortality thing anyway. As the Doctor said, she didn’t know what she was doing. But he’s made his peace with the Doctor over being abandoned. He’s not going to bring all that up again. What the Doctor tells Rose is up to him.
The Doctor glances up briefly. “It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know what you’d done, and anyway you were unconscious when we left. I’m the one who left Jack behind. Anyway-” His gaze flits to Jack; Jack gives him a discreet, deliberate nod. Permission to spin the story any way he likes. “-all over now. Jack’s back, you’re back, everyone’s back. And I think it’s time to leave, yes?”
Without waiting for an answer, he slams down the lever. Dematerialisation begins.
***
There’s something they’re not telling her. Actually, at a guess, there’s a lot they’re not telling her. It’s not just the Doctor; it’s Jack too. The two of them are conspiring to keep information from her - if they think she missed those glances they were exchanging, they’re sorely mistaken - and the only thing she doesn’t know is why.
But she’ll find out. Not through pushing it now; one thing she’s learned in the last three years is the value of patience. Sooner or later, one of them’s going to let something slip, and that’ll be it.
Softly, softly, and all that. She gives the Doctor a brilliant smile. “So, where’re we going?”
The Doctor smiles back. “Oh, thought we’d aim for somewhere new. Somewhere none of us has been before.”
“That’s possible?” Jack’s grinning, amused. “Thought you’d been everywhere. Or so you say.”
“Not everywhere. Plenty of places I haven’t been. Times, too. So, what d’you think, Rose? Past? Future? Alien planet?”
“Anywhere,” she says, and means it. “Could be Bognor in 1970 and it’d still be brilliant, cause I’m with you again. Both of you.” Sobering, she moves to the console, resting her elbows there the way she used to. “There’s something I promised Mum I’d do, though. Doesn’t have to be today. Any time’s fine - just take me there an’ leave me for a couple of hours.”
“What’s that?”
The Doctor’s not going to like the reminder, of course, but she promised her mum that she’d lay some flowers from the two of them.
“Mum wanted... A lot of people died that day in the battle. Not just at Canary Wharf. All over the place. Mum said there’s bound to be a memorial of some sort. Even if we didn’t know anyone else who died, an’ I bet we did, there were the people at Torchwood Tower - the scientist the Daleks killed, an’ Mum saw people Cyberised.”
A hand slides into hers. Jack’s. “I’ll go with you.”
The Doctor glances up again. “We’ll all go.”
Not that she’s complaining, but that’s so not like the Doctor. If there’s one thing he’s always hated, it’s staying around to see the aftermath of events he’s been part of. He sorts out the immediate problem, then leaves; it’s what he does.
Not now, it seems.
So how else has he changed while she’s been away? And how long has it been for him, anyway?
***
The TARDIS door opens onto a landscape full of deep oranges, reds, browns and rusts, all rocks and crevasses and winding paths as far as the eye can see. Even the horizon’s fiery streaks of red and gold as the setting sun casts fingers of flame over distant mountains.
Once, during his long sojourn in twentieth-century Earth, he visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona. That feels monochrome in comparison to this.
“Where are we?” he asks as the Doctor and Rose step outside to join him.
“Coatuliqua!” the Doctor announces, and he’s practically bouncing as he rocks back and forth on his heels.
“Sounds kind of... Aztec,” Jack comments, and he crouches down, reaching out to touch the planet’s surface. It feels a bit like the Canyon too, all soft, sun-warmed rock.
“That’s cause it is!” The Doctor’s grinning, looking proud. “Explorers! Course they had to name the planet after one of their gods. Well, sort of.”
“Aztec explorers?” Rose is disbelieving. “Doctor, their civilisation was thousands of years ago! No way they could’ve travelled in space.”
“You should know by now there’s very little that’s impossible in the universe,” the Doctor says. “A fifty-first century bloke living in 2008 Cardiff? An ordinary human finding her own way back from a parallel universe?”
“Oi, less of the ordinary, thanks.” Rose pokes him. The Doctor just grins.
They start walking, and that’s when there’s a sudden awkward moment. As if it’s the most natural thing in the world, the Doctor reaches for Rose’s hand and she slides it into his. Jack, noticing it, finds himself smiling fondly.
And then Rose drops the Doctor’s hand, looking embarrassed. “Sorry,” she mutters, with a quick glance at Jack. The Doctor’s looking a bit sheepish and uncomfortable as well.
Jack could shake them. Why either of them would think he’d have a problem with them holding hands is beyond him. “Jeez,” he mutters. Sighing, he steps over to stand between them, wrapping his arms around both their shoulders. “He does have two hands, Rose. And anyway,” he adds, hoping it’s a hint the two of them will think about, “what’s a bit of sharing among friends?”
To reinforce the message, he kisses the Doctor’s cheek, then Rose’s, before moving to the Doctor’s other side and playfully grabbing his hand.
It’s just like old times as they wander around, exploring, admiring the scenery and chatting. They seem to have the place to themselves, which surprises the Doctor; he admits that he expected to see plenty of Coatuliqualians around. Maybe they just landed in an inaccessible part of the planet, though.
Later, after they’ve watched the sun set and they’re sprawled on the still-warm ground, bathed in moonlight and shadow, Jack says, “So you haven’t told us how you did it. Unless you told him when I wasn’t there.”
“No, she didn’t,” the Doctor says, sitting bolt upright. “Time you did, Rose Tyler. Just what did you and Mickey Smith do?”
“We found this... thing. Worked out it was some kind of transmitter.”
“What sort of transmitter?” the Doctor demands.
“Well, I don’t know, do I? Didn’t exactly pick it off the shelf in Radio Shack, did I?” she retorts.
“How did you know it was a transmitter? What did it look like?”
She explains, interrupted every few seconds by the Doctor with questions, clarifications and even downright contradictions, until finally she shoves him, hard, and tells him to be quiet and let her tell the story.
When she mentions the transmitter opening a window into this universe, the Doctor looks forbidding. “Oh, no. No, no, no... Have you any idea how dangerous that is? What you could have done to the fabric of the universe? Both universes? And you did it over and over?”
“We were monitoring it the entire time,” Rose replies, her voice even - she’s obviously refusing to rise to his anger. She did spend almost a year with this Doctor before getting trapped on the other side of the Void, true; but that’s not all it is. She’s changed. Grown up. A little less inclined to hero-worship the Doctor and believe that he knows everything, it seems. That’s a good thing, for both of them.
“Did you even know what to monitor for?” There’s a dangerous note in the Doctor’s voice now; he’s not at all happy. Typical Time Lord. He’s all delighted to have Rose back, but now that bloom’s worn off he’s getting on his high horse about the very idea of someone else messing around with the fabric of the universe. So much for telling her that he didn’t care if there was a problem, he’d just fix it.
“Mickey’s a lot cleverer than you ever gave him credit for,” Rose points out, and there’s an edge to her voice now. “He learned a lot from you too, even while you were treatin’ him like some sort of half-wit. He an’ Jake built this machine that monitors disturbances in space - he said he could detect Rift activity in it, too. An’ he said the readings stayed at a safe level the whole time we were testing the transmitter.”
“I’d like a word with Mr Mickey, all the same,” the Doctor says grimly.
“Rose is right,” Jack interjects; time to calm things down before this becomes a full-on argument. “We - well, Torchwood - monitor the Rift continuously. Any signs of activity, Tosh investigates. The kind of thing Rose is talking about, if it was dangerous, would’ve caused massive disturbances, and the guys would’ve told me about that when we were there yesterday. I think she’s right - it is safe.”
The Doctor jumps to his feet, hands stuffed deep into his pockets. “Your people might be good, Jack, but they’re not that good. Wouldn’t be the first time Torchwood’s assumed something’s safe when it’s not. You should know, Rose,” he says, swinging round, eyes glittering. “The ghost shifts?”
“Doctor, I don’t think you’re supposed to be making her think you’re not glad she’s back,” Jack says, deliberately keeping his tone even and with a faint hint of sardonic humour.
“It’s all right, Jack.” Rose covers his hand briefly. “I can handle this.” She stands too, and faces the Doctor, rigidly straight so that she’s at her full height, still several inches shorter than him.
“I haven’t forgotten what you said on the beach that day.” Her voice is strong, confident and unapologetic. “If you tried to come through properly, two universes would collapse. I was joking when I said So? - I never would’ve done anything to damage either universe. If I hadn’t been sure the transmitter was safe, I would’ve stayed put over there for the rest of my life.”
Quietly, as if he can barely stand to ask the question for fear of what the answer might be, the Doctor says, “What was it like? Your life there, I mean.”
She shrugs, and it’s very noticeable to him - does the Doctor see it? - that she’s avoiding looking directly at the Doctor. “It was fine. Good. Thing is...” She relaxes then, her posture softening. “If I’d never met you, it could’ve been the life I always dreamed of - not just for me, but for Mum too. Dad alive an’ with us, an’ I know he’s not my real dad, but it didn’t take long to feel like he was. A little brother. A decent place to live, with no noisy neighbours, or drug-dealers in the stairwells. A decent job an’ a chance to continue my education, ‘stead of workin’ in a shop for the rest of my life. So, yeah, should’ve been brilliant.”
“But...?” The Doctor’s looking near-terrified, and Jack wants to go to him, to offer him comfort, but this isn’t his business. It’s between the two of them.
“But, like I said, I met you. An’ an ordinary life, no matter how good it was, wasn’t enough any more, even if I’d felt I belonged over there.”
She loves the Doctor that much? This is going to be a huge mess, unless the Doctor can see the obvious solution - and Rose would be open to it, which he’s not at all sure of.
The Doctor loves Rose too, of that Jack has no doubt, but he recognises that look in his lover’s eyes. It’s the same panicky look he had when he talked about Martha’s crush on him. Shit. Is he going to have to find Rose a safe haven somewhere on Earth?
“Rose...” the Doctor begins. “I never meant...”
“You showed me a better life, Doctor! You do that to all of us, everyone you take with you. It was the same with Sarah-Jane - how can we settle down to an ordinary life after we’ve travelled the universe? Travelled in time?”
“Oh.” The Doctor swallows visibly. It really isn’t something he likes to think about, is it? Or deliberately avoids thinking about. What do his companions do after he leaves them? Are they okay? Do they manage to fit back into their normal lives? Do they survive?
He could tell the Doctor a lot about that, and not just from his own experiences. He’s spoken to a lot of people who travelled in the TARDIS - as the Doctor already knows. Most of them are fine, and later, when they’re alone, he’ll make sure that the Doctor understands that.
But a few aren’t. One in particular, whom he met a week or so after she left the Doctor for good, was so traumatised that, after he heard tales of alien possession, witnessing wars and standing, horrified, as she watched the death of another companion, he offered her the chance to forget. One sip of Retcon and it would never have happened. He’ll always admire Tegan Jovanka for not only saying no to him, but ordering him out of her house.
“But your mum, Rose,” the Doctor says. “Jackie. I promised her I’d always bring you home.”
“I know.” As if that was the cue she needed, Rose closes the distance between herself and the Doctor and reaches for his hand. “She told me to go. When I told her what Mickey’d found and what we thought it did... It’s not like I just decided I was coming back an’ I didn’t care what anyone else thought. I was torn. Like you said, my mum. And my dad, an’ Martin, and Mickey. I didn’t want to leave them, but I never felt right there. Maybe I would’ve felt the same if Mum an’ I were here when you and I got separated, I dunno. Anyway -” Rose combs stray hairs back from her face with her free hand; to Jack, it looks like a distracting manoeuvre. “-Mum told me to take the chance. Said she could see I wasn’t myself - not the way I was when I was travellin’ with you. Told me she wanted me to go.”
“Martin?” The Doctor’s obviously clutched at the part of Rose’s speech least likely to lead him into a minefield.
“My baby brother.” Rose’s smile has a hint of sadness. “His middle name’s John. For you. Mum an’ Dad wanted it cause you brought them together.”
The Doctor nods, swallowing again. “And you’ll never see any of them again, Rose. I can’t bring you back.”
“I know that.” Now she’s standing up straight again, meeting his gaze with determination. “I’m not nineteen any more, Doctor. I knew exactly what I was doing when I told Mickey to press the button.”
Like lightning, the Doctor’s expression changes again. “And we still don’t know that it was safe.”
It’s time for him to interfere. “It’s safe, Doctor. You were there when Rose came through. You’d have noticed. And I told you what Tosh saw on the Rift monitor. Everything’s fine.”
“So far,” the Doctor says, and his tone’s ominous.
***
Maybe Jack’s right. Maybe Rose and Mickey really did do everything safely, and he does believe Rose when she says she’d never have taken the risk if she hadn’t believed it wouldn’t do any damage.
Still, he can’t let himself believe it. He was far too glib earlier, wasn’t he? Far too willing to ignore all the many ways in which this could be very, very bad. Because things never do work out that straightforwardly. Not for him. There are always repercussions, things that rear up and bite him when he’s least expecting it. Satellite Five. Torchwood. Deposing Harriet Jones. Maybe, maybe his failure to follow orders back on Skaro all those centuries ago, though he’s not so sure about that. There’s rarely a good excuse for genocide.
Back on the TARDIS finally, Rose doesn’t come over to the console with them. With a yawn that seems feigned, she says, “My room still around somewhere?”
It is. He hasn’t touched it since she left, and the TARDIS has left it alone. “Yep. Should be just as you left it. Messy, clothes thrown everywhere, bed not made...” He summons a teasing grin, but that’s as fake as her yawn.
“That’s cause you were always yelling at me to hurry up!” she protests, but turns away before he or Jack can reply. “ ‘M off to bed, then. Night.”
In times gone by, there’d have been a hug or two before she went to bed. Now... well, it seems not. Has she changed that much? Has he? Or is she really that bothered by him and Jack?
Jack’s frowning at him as the door closes behind Rose. “What?” he demands.
“You could’ve at least hugged her.” Oh, yes, definitely disapproving.
“She could’ve hugged me!”
“What, after that little Time Lord Knows Best display out there?” Jack shakes his head. “Way to make her feel welcome, Doctor. She’s already feeling like the outsider because of us, and there you were as good as telling her she shouldn’t have come back.”
“I’m thinking about the universe! Both universes,” he practically spits, hands flat against the console, leaning forward into Jack’s personal space. Of course he’s glad she’s here. Of course it’s brilliant to have her back. But she shouldn’t have taken the risk, and he’s finding it hard now not to be angry with her for doing it. And yet... yet he missed her and she’s back and... Well.
“And she didn’t? She told you. They did everything possible to make sure it was safe.”
He feels himself slumping as he acknowledges that truth. “I know. Still doesn’t mean it’s all right,” he adds, an edge to his voice. “Punching holes in the walls of the universes over and over again? How many times? And without knowing what they were doing? It was one thing when I thought it was just once, but this! Just to get back to me?”
Yes, when he first saw her, he was happy. Brilliant to have her back. Now, it feels selfish. There was a reason he never did try to get her back, after all, and it was as much to do with the integrity of time and space as with wanting to let her get on with her life without him turning it upside down again. Now she’s come back and, even though it’s true that neither of them wanted to be separated in the first place, it’s the first time that she’s put herself, her own wants, above the greater good.
“Yeah, I know.” Jack takes the couple of steps that are all that’s needed to close the distance between them, and lays a hand on his shoulder. “But isn’t it great to have her back? And if there’s a problem, we’ll fix it. The three of us were pretty good at being invincible before, remember?”
“We weren’t invincible in the end,” he points out, but allows his head to rest against Jack’s for a moment or two, accepting the offered support.
“What’s really bothering you?” Jack asks, and he really shouldn’t be surprised that Jack’s seen through him.
He sighs and rubs a hand agitatedly over his face.
“I thought it was bad when she was trapped in the other universe. That it was my fault. Now... Jack, now I’m very afraid she’s trapped here instead, and that’s far, far worse. And that’s my fault too.”
***
tbc