Torn oh so torn...
Looking back at old pics of myself, when I had my bright red hair and it was cut all cute and what not made me kinda sad. I really miss my red hair. Hell, I would still have it, if it wasnt for the ass hole artistic director at my previous ballet company constantly freaking out on me about it. Got tired of all of the complaining, gave in and dyed it back to my normal color just to shut them up.
No longer dancing with them....I want my red hair back!! I would go out and do it next week if it werent for the fact that im starting at new ballet company in aug. (Though, its a very small local company, non-profit.) I guess when I go in for first day of classes I can ask if its ok that my hair is red and let them know I can apply cosmetic/stage natural color hair spray for performances. That shouldnt be too big of a problem.
Now my delima.
I want to dread my hair. I know i have so many different dread falls that i can just tie into my hair so nothing isnt perm. but I dont know, I really just want to dread my hair. Ill probably have my friend Amie cord wrap a few sections of my hair (which is perm like dreads, you have to cut them off to get them out) and see how I like that. Though, knowing me, I would attach little bells and such in the wraps.
Ah-its lovely to know that my very existence could annoy the shit out of someone. (Ballet + bells perm attached to a few hair wraps = constant noise. lol)
Meh, so not really a major delima or anything. Though, recently, the little things have really been getting to me. Like my little projects I want to do.I want to start making my own foam/cyber falls, start sewing a bit (because I really cant afford the fashion I adore) and getting better at doing crazy make-up. All of these things are pretty simple to get started. You know-go to the store, buy mass amounts of art supplies for the different little projects, set aside times in the week where I would work on each project...you know, simple stuff. Its the simple stuff like this that has been giving me twinges of anxiety/panic attacks. They arnt full blown, but I can tell If i sat and focused too much I would get one.
Its ALWAYS the simple things, too. Anything remotely important that I need to get done I'm hardly breaking a sweat over. I know what needs to be done, and I will do it. Simple. Go to work, make an appt with a psych, re-new drivers license. I know exactly what I need to do and how I need to go about it and when. But the simple things? No. Never. I always have to spaz out about the stupidest shit.
*sigh* I want my klonopin.
Anyway, news on the ED front. I got my period this month. This will be the 3rd one ive had since they completely stopped for a year. This-of course, infuriates me. I mean, I lost my period at a higher weight when I did lose it. Why now? Is my body adjusting to a lower weight? (Of course I know the answer to this one) And of course, right after i got it, I became so pissed off that I binged. Now-how exactly does that make sense?? Im trying to make my periods go AWAY, not continue monthly.
Dont know my weight. I wont weigh myself while on my period, thats just stupid. I'll probably do a weigh in on aug. 1st when I get back in town. See where i'm at there. Dont know my weight, but I do know that Im way too big for my liking.
No longer dancing with them....I want my red hair back!! I would go out and do it next week if it werent for the fact that im starting at new ballet company in aug. (Though, its a very small local company, non-profit.) I guess when I go in for first day of classes I can ask if its ok that my hair is red and let them know I can apply cosmetic/stage natural color hair spray for performances. That shouldnt be too big of a problem.
Now my delima.
I want to dread my hair. I know i have so many different dread falls that i can just tie into my hair so nothing isnt perm. but I dont know, I really just want to dread my hair. Ill probably have my friend Amie cord wrap a few sections of my hair (which is perm like dreads, you have to cut them off to get them out) and see how I like that. Though, knowing me, I would attach little bells and such in the wraps.
Ah-its lovely to know that my very existence could annoy the shit out of someone. (Ballet + bells perm attached to a few hair wraps = constant noise. lol)
Meh, so not really a major delima or anything. Though, recently, the little things have really been getting to me. Like my little projects I want to do.I want to start making my own foam/cyber falls, start sewing a bit (because I really cant afford the fashion I adore) and getting better at doing crazy make-up. All of these things are pretty simple to get started. You know-go to the store, buy mass amounts of art supplies for the different little projects, set aside times in the week where I would work on each project...you know, simple stuff. Its the simple stuff like this that has been giving me twinges of anxiety/panic attacks. They arnt full blown, but I can tell If i sat and focused too much I would get one.
Its ALWAYS the simple things, too. Anything remotely important that I need to get done I'm hardly breaking a sweat over. I know what needs to be done, and I will do it. Simple. Go to work, make an appt with a psych, re-new drivers license. I know exactly what I need to do and how I need to go about it and when. But the simple things? No. Never. I always have to spaz out about the stupidest shit.
*sigh* I want my klonopin.
Anyway, news on the ED front. I got my period this month. This will be the 3rd one ive had since they completely stopped for a year. This-of course, infuriates me. I mean, I lost my period at a higher weight when I did lose it. Why now? Is my body adjusting to a lower weight? (Of course I know the answer to this one) And of course, right after i got it, I became so pissed off that I binged. Now-how exactly does that make sense?? Im trying to make my periods go AWAY, not continue monthly.
Dont know my weight. I wont weigh myself while on my period, thats just stupid. I'll probably do a weigh in on aug. 1st when I get back in town. See where i'm at there. Dont know my weight, but I do know that Im way too big for my liking.