always winter and never christmas
Mixed feelings:
#2's flight on Saturday was cancelled, so an extra two days and...I was both pleased and a little let down. The single mom gig is hard, and I was sort of looking forward to just caring for myself for a week or so. Still contradictory feelings are par for the course these days and I imagine there will be some hard moments. Don't mind at all the half day off work that I'm getting today in order to get him to the airport. :)
R is trying to set up the final move of my stuff for me, getting estimates and so on. While it is pleasant that he is taking the time and making the effort, it also feels like a hard shove in the back. Cause I didn't ask him to do it, and didn't expect him to. Plus I have to either rent a garage at the complex or rent a storage unit somewhere before it happens. Don't think I can cram what's left into this 2 BR apartment. Which means there is still too much stuff of course. And the Christmas stuff yet to go through after this last big blow-out he has planned with the boys.
With somewhat reluctant teen input, we have picked out a bed and mattress and linens for #2's room at the new IKEA. Debating whether to try and get it ordered, delivered, and set up before he gets back or have him an active participant. This led to some wondering whether it might be better to just demand #1's BR furniture as was originally planned and nixed, twice now, or just buy new. I suppose R will need a second BR set for boys' visits wherever he ends up. Of course all is moot if his life expectancy is less rather than more. I have no idea what is best but I need to move on. I can sell or jettison IKEA furniture, right? So just get #2 set up like he really lives here and do it myself cause I can depend on me.
The Doctor Who Christmas Party was a success although all that social interaction left me so tired I could have slept for a week if my brain would let me. There was hugging. Am I a huggable person? Apparently so. We watched The Christmas Invasion and The Husbands of River Song. I later privately watched The Doctor, The Widow, and the Wardrobe cause it makes me cry. Since #2's flight was cancelled he was there for the party, but mostly in his room playing Rocket League. He was disappoint about the postponement of his trip. He did emerge to drown his sorrows in mince pies and make pleasantries at the beginning and during the pulling of the Christmas crackers-- which is enough sociality for a depressed teenager.
Christmas is going pretty well. I have issues with stuff at work, but I just try to ignore it. At home I have decorations, some gourmet meals in the freezer so I don't have to cook, and minor but thoughtful gifts mostly bought to hand-deliver over New Year's. I have a 3 day weekend, then a 5 day weekend where I will see my parents and maybe my elder boy, as well as pick up my younger to bring back with me. I do not miss a lot of the preparation and I think a scaled down holiday will work for me in the future. Dreading the holiday calls though and tempted to accidentally turn off my phone...
Update done. I have many thoughts about life and the future, but I need to answer a few e-mails before leaving for the airport. It is wicked cold today which I don't mind. Wish it would snow, though. But winter sun is good. This entry was originally posted at http://vjs2259.dreamwidth.org/406658.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
#2's flight on Saturday was cancelled, so an extra two days and...I was both pleased and a little let down. The single mom gig is hard, and I was sort of looking forward to just caring for myself for a week or so. Still contradictory feelings are par for the course these days and I imagine there will be some hard moments. Don't mind at all the half day off work that I'm getting today in order to get him to the airport. :)
R is trying to set up the final move of my stuff for me, getting estimates and so on. While it is pleasant that he is taking the time and making the effort, it also feels like a hard shove in the back. Cause I didn't ask him to do it, and didn't expect him to. Plus I have to either rent a garage at the complex or rent a storage unit somewhere before it happens. Don't think I can cram what's left into this 2 BR apartment. Which means there is still too much stuff of course. And the Christmas stuff yet to go through after this last big blow-out he has planned with the boys.
With somewhat reluctant teen input, we have picked out a bed and mattress and linens for #2's room at the new IKEA. Debating whether to try and get it ordered, delivered, and set up before he gets back or have him an active participant. This led to some wondering whether it might be better to just demand #1's BR furniture as was originally planned and nixed, twice now, or just buy new. I suppose R will need a second BR set for boys' visits wherever he ends up. Of course all is moot if his life expectancy is less rather than more. I have no idea what is best but I need to move on. I can sell or jettison IKEA furniture, right? So just get #2 set up like he really lives here and do it myself cause I can depend on me.
The Doctor Who Christmas Party was a success although all that social interaction left me so tired I could have slept for a week if my brain would let me. There was hugging. Am I a huggable person? Apparently so. We watched The Christmas Invasion and The Husbands of River Song. I later privately watched The Doctor, The Widow, and the Wardrobe cause it makes me cry. Since #2's flight was cancelled he was there for the party, but mostly in his room playing Rocket League. He was disappoint about the postponement of his trip. He did emerge to drown his sorrows in mince pies and make pleasantries at the beginning and during the pulling of the Christmas crackers-- which is enough sociality for a depressed teenager.
Christmas is going pretty well. I have issues with stuff at work, but I just try to ignore it. At home I have decorations, some gourmet meals in the freezer so I don't have to cook, and minor but thoughtful gifts mostly bought to hand-deliver over New Year's. I have a 3 day weekend, then a 5 day weekend where I will see my parents and maybe my elder boy, as well as pick up my younger to bring back with me. I do not miss a lot of the preparation and I think a scaled down holiday will work for me in the future. Dreading the holiday calls though and tempted to accidentally turn off my phone...
Update done. I have many thoughts about life and the future, but I need to answer a few e-mails before leaving for the airport. It is wicked cold today which I don't mind. Wish it would snow, though. But winter sun is good. This entry was originally posted at http://vjs2259.dreamwidth.org/406658.html. Please comment there using OpenID.