posting from work, run-up to the holidays
Turns out I will be busy at work over the holiday, mostly nasty animal colony work which is depressing but I can listen to audiobooks and detach.
I find depression often manifests as irritability when tears are being suppressed. Last night we got the grey blanket of doom, followed by sleeplessness which led to obsessively doing word search puzzles half the night to quiet my mind. *yawn* I couldn't find anything to watch and reading was boring. I can't decide about The Invisible Library series, currently on book the second. There is a bit of squick for me with the female mentor having the hots for her nubile assistant. Other way around I like (older male mentor, younger female) which is weird. Except for John/Delenn which you could argue is older female, hot young captain. Brain wiring, I don't know. I should love the IL series; it has everything I normally like. Maybe it's just my mood.
I have a meeting in 30 minutes, then after that I will head into the animal space to do what needs doing and wish I was anywhere but there. Anywhere but here? Any where else...
If still awake enough I plan to stop on the way home and buy the last of the small Xmas items for my biological family. Mostly food things. Maybe a baseball cap for my Dad and my nephew. If I can find one. I have to ship two boxes but will do it after Christmas. This morning in a burst of effort I pulled out all the paperwork for various things I need to do. Bills, tuition payments, forms of all kinds. Yuk.
I am trying to start up my journal writing (personal, not online) to get my thoughts straight about whether there is any way out of this tangle, or at least to identify some goals. My goal for the new year is to find some goals. I can't even remember what it was like to write creatively.
This entry was originally posted at http://vjs2259.dreamwidth.org/406953.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
I find depression often manifests as irritability when tears are being suppressed. Last night we got the grey blanket of doom, followed by sleeplessness which led to obsessively doing word search puzzles half the night to quiet my mind. *yawn* I couldn't find anything to watch and reading was boring. I can't decide about The Invisible Library series, currently on book the second. There is a bit of squick for me with the female mentor having the hots for her nubile assistant. Other way around I like (older male mentor, younger female) which is weird. Except for John/Delenn which you could argue is older female, hot young captain. Brain wiring, I don't know. I should love the IL series; it has everything I normally like. Maybe it's just my mood.
I have a meeting in 30 minutes, then after that I will head into the animal space to do what needs doing and wish I was anywhere but there. Anywhere but here? Any where else...
If still awake enough I plan to stop on the way home and buy the last of the small Xmas items for my biological family. Mostly food things. Maybe a baseball cap for my Dad and my nephew. If I can find one. I have to ship two boxes but will do it after Christmas. This morning in a burst of effort I pulled out all the paperwork for various things I need to do. Bills, tuition payments, forms of all kinds. Yuk.
I am trying to start up my journal writing (personal, not online) to get my thoughts straight about whether there is any way out of this tangle, or at least to identify some goals. My goal for the new year is to find some goals. I can't even remember what it was like to write creatively.
This entry was originally posted at http://vjs2259.dreamwidth.org/406953.html. Please comment there using OpenID.