SM Monthly: "What a Piece of Work is Man"
I don't know WTF I was thinking. Rated M for male nudity and sexual situations.
Title: Ten Hands, Sweet and Hot
Author: VO1
Medium: Fanfic
Theme: "What a piece of work is man!" Yeah, that's the only part of the quote I used.
Genre: Humor
Version: (Anime, Manga, PGSM) AR, I guess? Fairy Tale-ish
Rating: (G - NC-17)NC-17
The silver-haired nymph brushed her fingertips across the sleeping man’s face. The fine black stubble on his jawline felt like the pads of Luna’s feet. “They sleep so soundly.”
“Because we drugged them,” the raven-haired maiden nodded towards the empty wine glasses on the table, a trace of clear liquid in each one. Her nimble fingers plucked through the unconscious blonde’s pockets, pulling out coins and curious bits of metal. They were cylindrical, but came to a rounded point at one end, and were yellow instead of silver. She held one up to catch the shimmering, pale moonlight leaking through the open window. “Will these work?”
A slight girl with midnight blue locks curling around her delicate ears paused in pulling a watch chain from the hip pocket of the sleeping, curly-haired blond man whose snores practically vibrated the window panes. During a previous visit, she had tried to peer up his nose with a looking glass and scope to see what kind of blockage might be causing such a condition, and he had rewarded this scientific inquiry by sneezing a blast of clear snot over her face. It had taken weeks for the teasing to die down to only daily instead of hourly. “Brass. They’ll do.”
The black-haired girl nodded, and continued rifling through the blonde’s pockets.
“What about these?” the golden goddess bent over the man sprawled on the couch, pale-haired and fully dressed, and pried at the silver fastenings on his cape. He turned over suddenly in his sleep, his back to her, pinning his cape underneath his recumbent body. “Oh, Goddess.” She tried to roll him over to no avail; he was as solid and heavy as a boulder.
“Leave it.” The tallest maiden pulled her tumbling curls up to the crown of her head and fastened them with a pin, not noticing that the neckline of her diaphanous gown dipped down to expose both of her breasts.
The golden blonde pouted as if the natural movements of a sleeping man was a personal affront to her, and settled for plucking the glittering earring from his ear.
“That’s barely enough metal to be worthwhile,” the black-haired nymph chided her.
The blonde shrugged and pushed the hook of the earring through the papery fabric of her dress strap.
“Look!” The brunette giggled hysterically as she tugged the belt buckle from the dark-haired man on the couch. The front of his pants had pulled up to form a tent.
The girls abandoned their unwitting quarry and rushed to the couch. “Oh,” the silver-haired one gasped.
“It happened when I was trying to get his belt buckle off,” the brunette explained. She reached out and poked at the swelling. “It’s hard!”
The blue-haired girl gulped before explaining. “Luna told me that on this planet, the men use their...well, they’re used for mating.”
“What?” The raven-haired girl furrowed her brow. “I don’t believe you.”
“Why would anyone want to mate with a man?” the youngest one mused, her blue eyes wide as saucers.
“How strange,” the golden beauty mused. “Open his pants. I want to see.”
“What?”
“I would also like to observe this,” the blue-haired girl shifted, and the bits of metal in her satchel clinked together. “Take it off.”
“Why me?”
“Because you made it that way.”
The brunette turned back to the sleeping man, carefully undid the buttons of his pants, and reached inside.
“Oh,” the silver nymph breathed again.
“It feels smooth.” A curl fell across her forehead. “And hard.”
“He’s moving!” the silver girl cried as the man twisted in his sleep. “Stop it! I think you’re hurting him!”
The blue-haired maiden stroked her chin, as she was apt to do when deep in thought. “I wonder what caused it.”
“I tried to take his belt buckle.”
The raven-haired girl crossed the room and stopped in front of the blonde she had been looting. “Maybe there is some power in those.” She knelt in front of him and started tugging. “It’s happening here, too.”
The girls scattered to the sleeping bodies and began tugging at their belts.
“He won’t turn over,” the golden beauty complained. “The skin on his face is turning red.”
“I’m making him move!” the silver princess giggled as her hand worked beneath the trousers of the black-haired prince. “Are you sure these things are used for mating? Why are they on the outside?”
The blue-haired girl barely heard her; the snorer’s breathing had changed and become erratic. “Perhaps we should stop. I don’t want to get sneezed on again.”
“All right.” The maidens quickly packed up the rest of the coins, chains, and other bits of metal on the sleeping bodies, and floated out of the window on a moonbeam.
************************************************
An hour before midnight on the night of the next full moon, a bottle of clear liquid appeared in the Prince’s chambers. He took it immediately to his Guardian’s drawing room. “Men.”
The blonde with long, strawberry-blonde hair tossed his book over his shoulder and ran to get glasses. “Do we have the--?”
“Yes,” the tallest produced a box from a cabinet and began handing out chainmail belts with buckles as big as tea saucers.
“Got the cartridges,” the short-haired blonde shoved an opened box on the table and stuffed handfuls of the brass casings in his pockets.
“I’m sick of getting new watches,” their leader groused. The Prince merely stared at him. The pale-haired Guardian flushed slightly.
“I’m fond of this cape. Besides, we don’t know what they’re planning on doing with all the metal they’ve been pilfering.”
“They’d have to pilfer a million of them to make anything resembling a decent weapon,” the strawberry blonde poured five glasses of the clear liquid. Each man, now laden with coins and chains in every pocket and fold of their clothing, took a glass, clinked in a toast, and poured the contents down the drain.
“I’m on the couch!” the brunette giant positioned himself with his legs apart.
“Pathetic.”
“Not as pathetic as your fake snoring. Try not to peek this time.”
He smiled, propped his legs on the table, and waited for the little magpies to make their entrance.
Title: Ten Hands, Sweet and Hot
Author: VO1
Medium: Fanfic
Theme: "What a piece of work is man!" Yeah, that's the only part of the quote I used.
Genre: Humor
Version: (Anime, Manga, PGSM) AR, I guess? Fairy Tale-ish
Rating: (G - NC-17)NC-17
The silver-haired nymph brushed her fingertips across the sleeping man’s face. The fine black stubble on his jawline felt like the pads of Luna’s feet. “They sleep so soundly.”
“Because we drugged them,” the raven-haired maiden nodded towards the empty wine glasses on the table, a trace of clear liquid in each one. Her nimble fingers plucked through the unconscious blonde’s pockets, pulling out coins and curious bits of metal. They were cylindrical, but came to a rounded point at one end, and were yellow instead of silver. She held one up to catch the shimmering, pale moonlight leaking through the open window. “Will these work?”
A slight girl with midnight blue locks curling around her delicate ears paused in pulling a watch chain from the hip pocket of the sleeping, curly-haired blond man whose snores practically vibrated the window panes. During a previous visit, she had tried to peer up his nose with a looking glass and scope to see what kind of blockage might be causing such a condition, and he had rewarded this scientific inquiry by sneezing a blast of clear snot over her face. It had taken weeks for the teasing to die down to only daily instead of hourly. “Brass. They’ll do.”
The black-haired girl nodded, and continued rifling through the blonde’s pockets.
“What about these?” the golden goddess bent over the man sprawled on the couch, pale-haired and fully dressed, and pried at the silver fastenings on his cape. He turned over suddenly in his sleep, his back to her, pinning his cape underneath his recumbent body. “Oh, Goddess.” She tried to roll him over to no avail; he was as solid and heavy as a boulder.
“Leave it.” The tallest maiden pulled her tumbling curls up to the crown of her head and fastened them with a pin, not noticing that the neckline of her diaphanous gown dipped down to expose both of her breasts.
The golden blonde pouted as if the natural movements of a sleeping man was a personal affront to her, and settled for plucking the glittering earring from his ear.
“That’s barely enough metal to be worthwhile,” the black-haired nymph chided her.
The blonde shrugged and pushed the hook of the earring through the papery fabric of her dress strap.
“Look!” The brunette giggled hysterically as she tugged the belt buckle from the dark-haired man on the couch. The front of his pants had pulled up to form a tent.
The girls abandoned their unwitting quarry and rushed to the couch. “Oh,” the silver-haired one gasped.
“It happened when I was trying to get his belt buckle off,” the brunette explained. She reached out and poked at the swelling. “It’s hard!”
The blue-haired girl gulped before explaining. “Luna told me that on this planet, the men use their...well, they’re used for mating.”
“What?” The raven-haired girl furrowed her brow. “I don’t believe you.”
“Why would anyone want to mate with a man?” the youngest one mused, her blue eyes wide as saucers.
“How strange,” the golden beauty mused. “Open his pants. I want to see.”
“What?”
“I would also like to observe this,” the blue-haired girl shifted, and the bits of metal in her satchel clinked together. “Take it off.”
“Why me?”
“Because you made it that way.”
The brunette turned back to the sleeping man, carefully undid the buttons of his pants, and reached inside.
“Oh,” the silver nymph breathed again.
“It feels smooth.” A curl fell across her forehead. “And hard.”
“He’s moving!” the silver girl cried as the man twisted in his sleep. “Stop it! I think you’re hurting him!”
The blue-haired maiden stroked her chin, as she was apt to do when deep in thought. “I wonder what caused it.”
“I tried to take his belt buckle.”
The raven-haired girl crossed the room and stopped in front of the blonde she had been looting. “Maybe there is some power in those.” She knelt in front of him and started tugging. “It’s happening here, too.”
The girls scattered to the sleeping bodies and began tugging at their belts.
“He won’t turn over,” the golden beauty complained. “The skin on his face is turning red.”
“I’m making him move!” the silver princess giggled as her hand worked beneath the trousers of the black-haired prince. “Are you sure these things are used for mating? Why are they on the outside?”
The blue-haired girl barely heard her; the snorer’s breathing had changed and become erratic. “Perhaps we should stop. I don’t want to get sneezed on again.”
“All right.” The maidens quickly packed up the rest of the coins, chains, and other bits of metal on the sleeping bodies, and floated out of the window on a moonbeam.
************************************************
An hour before midnight on the night of the next full moon, a bottle of clear liquid appeared in the Prince’s chambers. He took it immediately to his Guardian’s drawing room. “Men.”
The blonde with long, strawberry-blonde hair tossed his book over his shoulder and ran to get glasses. “Do we have the--?”
“Yes,” the tallest produced a box from a cabinet and began handing out chainmail belts with buckles as big as tea saucers.
“Got the cartridges,” the short-haired blonde shoved an opened box on the table and stuffed handfuls of the brass casings in his pockets.
“I’m sick of getting new watches,” their leader groused. The Prince merely stared at him. The pale-haired Guardian flushed slightly.
“I’m fond of this cape. Besides, we don’t know what they’re planning on doing with all the metal they’ve been pilfering.”
“They’d have to pilfer a million of them to make anything resembling a decent weapon,” the strawberry blonde poured five glasses of the clear liquid. Each man, now laden with coins and chains in every pocket and fold of their clothing, took a glass, clinked in a toast, and poured the contents down the drain.
“I’m on the couch!” the brunette giant positioned himself with his legs apart.
“Pathetic.”
“Not as pathetic as your fake snoring. Try not to peek this time.”
He smiled, propped his legs on the table, and waited for the little magpies to make their entrance.