V's VD!! Choose Your Own Adventure!
Hey all!
Sorry this is so late!!! Fluffy February will probably be more like, "Merry March," since I'm late to the game and only have time for a Choose Your Own Adventure!
You voted; I listened. DARIEN is the lucky victimbastard who gets to play this year! Unlike last year, I have no idea where this is going, so your guess is as good as mine.
Parts will be rated from PG-13 to M, so please stop here if you don't want to read on. Will contain male nudity. Lots.
FEBRUARY 13TH. 12:45PM
“Um, excuse me.” The sharp tone of her voice cut into Darien’s concentration, and his thumb slipped over the “X” on the box in his Ipad almost involuntarily. His ire rose as the window disappeared.
He snapped his head up to see two female faces scowling at him with equal contempt. Raye jabbed her fork-- with a ripe grape tomato stabbed completely through on the tines--at his face. “Um, if you hadn’t noticed, we’re having lunch right now, so please put your little toy away before I stomp it to death.”
Darien scowled and bent his head over the pad again. “Shut up, Raye. I’m paying for lunch.”
“So what?” Mina scooped up a forkful of ricotta salata, chickpeas, fennel, and beets. “If we knew you were going to work the entire time, we’d stay downtown and get acai smoothies.”
“I’m busy.”
Raye made a face like her baby arugula had turned to used cat litter. “Yes, that’s why we’re at lunch. Together. Because you’re always busy. So we scheduled this time with you--way in advance--so that we can spend some time together and catch up. You know. Without anyone else. The three of us.” Her eyes were starting to flare up like gaslights; Darien had mere seconds to calm her before detonation. “So, can you please put your Ipad away and act like a human being, for once?”
He read the text of the message and scowled. “Shit!”
“Put the fucking thing away!” Several heads swiveled at Raye’s shout.
“I have to do something...”
“Can’t it wait?” Mina begged plaintively.
“Not really.”
“It can wait,” Raye snarled.
“No, it really can’t. Can’t you two discuss your menstrual cycles or something for a few minutes while I make a call?”
“You goddamned insufferable prick!”
“Another iced tea, ma’am?” the waiter hovered nervously at the corner of the table. If Darien hadn’t been a regular, they would probably have a check on the table and their asses out the door.
In one smooth motion, Raye swiped the Ipad from Darien’s grasp and pushed her glass over for the waiter to fill. Darien barely resisted the urge to dump her salad on her cashmere blend pencil skirt. “Give it back.”
“No.”
“Raye, you know I will kill you.”
She snorted. “I’d drop you before you have a chance to blink. You don’t have a mother to miss you.”
“Neither do you.”
“OK, guys?” Mina broke in. “Can we stop? I’d like to come back here sometime.” She reached over and took the Ipad from Raye, and handed it back to Darien. “What’s going on, Darien?”
He raked a hand through midnight black locks and numbly reached for his vodka tonic. “I fucked up.”
“Again?”
He ignored that needle. “I was going to take Serena to Belize for Valentine’s Day, but look.” He swiveled the Ipad towards her. “Complete airport shutdown due to shitty weather conditions, all flights are grounded, including private aircrafts.”
Raye rolled her eyes, and even soft-hearted romantic Mina was unmoved. “First world problems, Darien.”
“First world, obscenely rich yuppie problems, Darien,” Raye amended, and tucked back into her salad. “So order flowers and Chinese takeout and have sex. Duh.”
“Is that what you’re doing?”
“Raw oysters, candles, and a corset from Agent Provocateur.” Raye smiled. “Black. With a tearaway thong.”
“Wow,” Mina said, before realizing who Raye was going to be wearing it for. “Ew.”
“What’s Kevin got planned?” If he was one-upped by that pale-haired bastard this year, he would make a point to flagrantly foul him during their next pickup game.
Mina lifted a shoulder and chomped down on her breadstick. “Takeout Chinese, maybe sex, and he’s going to fake the flu for Easter and we’re going to Antigua.”
“Shit!” The waiter jumped behind Darien’s chair and nearly dropped a tray. “You guys are flaking out on the annual Chaston pretentious Easter brunch and yacht-a-thon? You jerks!”
“Do you have a backup plan?”
“Why do you think I’m freaking out?” Darien whimpered. “I have a day to figure something out, it’s too late to make any arrangements, I have no idea what to buy her, and it’s going to fucking snow tonight. I have like, hours, to do this.”
Raye scowled again. “You have unlimited funds and you can’t think of anything?”
“I love her,” he said, and dropped his elbows to the table.
The sheer patheticness of the situation seemed to thaw the hearts of both ladies. “I have an idea,” they said in tandem.
Darien checked the time; he was running late to his next appointment, so whoever he listened to would have to make it fast. “I can hear out one of you, then I’ve got to run.”
“Mine is sweet,” Mina said.
“Mine is sexy,” Raye said.
He stopped to consider. Mina was the emotional, creative type, and his wife dearly loved being adored, but he also knew firsthand what a freak Raye could be, and Serena did look edible in thigh-high stockings.
...Who does he choose? Please put your choice in comments! Winner will be by popular vote!
And no, he can't choose both, or neither.
Sorry this is so late!!! Fluffy February will probably be more like, "Merry March," since I'm late to the game and only have time for a Choose Your Own Adventure!
You voted; I listened. DARIEN is the lucky victimbastard who gets to play this year! Unlike last year, I have no idea where this is going, so your guess is as good as mine.
Parts will be rated from PG-13 to M, so please stop here if you don't want to read on. Will contain male nudity. Lots.
FEBRUARY 13TH. 12:45PM
“Um, excuse me.” The sharp tone of her voice cut into Darien’s concentration, and his thumb slipped over the “X” on the box in his Ipad almost involuntarily. His ire rose as the window disappeared.
He snapped his head up to see two female faces scowling at him with equal contempt. Raye jabbed her fork-- with a ripe grape tomato stabbed completely through on the tines--at his face. “Um, if you hadn’t noticed, we’re having lunch right now, so please put your little toy away before I stomp it to death.”
Darien scowled and bent his head over the pad again. “Shut up, Raye. I’m paying for lunch.”
“So what?” Mina scooped up a forkful of ricotta salata, chickpeas, fennel, and beets. “If we knew you were going to work the entire time, we’d stay downtown and get acai smoothies.”
“I’m busy.”
Raye made a face like her baby arugula had turned to used cat litter. “Yes, that’s why we’re at lunch. Together. Because you’re always busy. So we scheduled this time with you--way in advance--so that we can spend some time together and catch up. You know. Without anyone else. The three of us.” Her eyes were starting to flare up like gaslights; Darien had mere seconds to calm her before detonation. “So, can you please put your Ipad away and act like a human being, for once?”
He read the text of the message and scowled. “Shit!”
“Put the fucking thing away!” Several heads swiveled at Raye’s shout.
“I have to do something...”
“Can’t it wait?” Mina begged plaintively.
“Not really.”
“It can wait,” Raye snarled.
“No, it really can’t. Can’t you two discuss your menstrual cycles or something for a few minutes while I make a call?”
“You goddamned insufferable prick!”
“Another iced tea, ma’am?” the waiter hovered nervously at the corner of the table. If Darien hadn’t been a regular, they would probably have a check on the table and their asses out the door.
In one smooth motion, Raye swiped the Ipad from Darien’s grasp and pushed her glass over for the waiter to fill. Darien barely resisted the urge to dump her salad on her cashmere blend pencil skirt. “Give it back.”
“No.”
“Raye, you know I will kill you.”
She snorted. “I’d drop you before you have a chance to blink. You don’t have a mother to miss you.”
“Neither do you.”
“OK, guys?” Mina broke in. “Can we stop? I’d like to come back here sometime.” She reached over and took the Ipad from Raye, and handed it back to Darien. “What’s going on, Darien?”
He raked a hand through midnight black locks and numbly reached for his vodka tonic. “I fucked up.”
“Again?”
He ignored that needle. “I was going to take Serena to Belize for Valentine’s Day, but look.” He swiveled the Ipad towards her. “Complete airport shutdown due to shitty weather conditions, all flights are grounded, including private aircrafts.”
Raye rolled her eyes, and even soft-hearted romantic Mina was unmoved. “First world problems, Darien.”
“First world, obscenely rich yuppie problems, Darien,” Raye amended, and tucked back into her salad. “So order flowers and Chinese takeout and have sex. Duh.”
“Is that what you’re doing?”
“Raw oysters, candles, and a corset from Agent Provocateur.” Raye smiled. “Black. With a tearaway thong.”
“Wow,” Mina said, before realizing who Raye was going to be wearing it for. “Ew.”
“What’s Kevin got planned?” If he was one-upped by that pale-haired bastard this year, he would make a point to flagrantly foul him during their next pickup game.
Mina lifted a shoulder and chomped down on her breadstick. “Takeout Chinese, maybe sex, and he’s going to fake the flu for Easter and we’re going to Antigua.”
“Shit!” The waiter jumped behind Darien’s chair and nearly dropped a tray. “You guys are flaking out on the annual Chaston pretentious Easter brunch and yacht-a-thon? You jerks!”
“Do you have a backup plan?”
“Why do you think I’m freaking out?” Darien whimpered. “I have a day to figure something out, it’s too late to make any arrangements, I have no idea what to buy her, and it’s going to fucking snow tonight. I have like, hours, to do this.”
Raye scowled again. “You have unlimited funds and you can’t think of anything?”
“I love her,” he said, and dropped his elbows to the table.
The sheer patheticness of the situation seemed to thaw the hearts of both ladies. “I have an idea,” they said in tandem.
Darien checked the time; he was running late to his next appointment, so whoever he listened to would have to make it fast. “I can hear out one of you, then I’ve got to run.”
“Mine is sweet,” Mina said.
“Mine is sexy,” Raye said.
He stopped to consider. Mina was the emotional, creative type, and his wife dearly loved being adored, but he also knew firsthand what a freak Raye could be, and Serena did look edible in thigh-high stockings.
...Who does he choose? Please put your choice in comments! Winner will be by popular vote!
And no, he can't choose both, or neither.