well doesnt look like i'm going to be getting any outside help for this. i went to the eating disorder clinic today and it was the gayest thing ever. pretty much the lady was old, ugly, fat, hippy=ish and patronizing. she kept telling me all this useless stuff i already knew and making everything over dramatic. she talked in a very patronizing tone ( Read more... )

'robin can i come up ( Read more... )

Everything was going so fucking well. and now i dont know what the fuck i'm going to do. I was going to councelling, i had told me doctor i had talked to the eating dissorder clinic and at each place i was VERY ADDAMENT about NOT WANTING MY FATHER INVOVLED. I had MADE SURE THAT WAS VERY CLEAR. I HAD SAID NOT TO CALL MY HOUSE. I HAD INSISTED THEY ( Read more... )

"robin... i went up to your room... just to check the heater. i wasnt looking around. just checking the heater. [uh oh. where's this going] and your drawer was open... it was already open when i got up there. to check the heater. and there was a bowl' [OH NO....]'filled with uh... filled. a white bowl... what was the uh... substance? ' [HOLY ( Read more... )

I'm really scared... i just thought of something. i've been taking oral doses of vaccinations for my trip to peru... but i've also been eating and throwing up. i try to make sure that i purge hours and hours after i've taken the meds so that its out of my stomach but today i took my typhoid pill and it made me feel really sick. then it went away ( Read more... )

there is nothing wrong with me. the tests came back perfect: which is retarted. now i know that there really isnt anything wrong with me and that i'm just being dramatic. fucker. Called the eating disorder clinic and did the inventory thing. i kind of liked it; just answering all the questions... i love surveys. apparently i 'most definately have ( Read more... )

So i went to see the musical of the school my brother goes to, the school i almost chose. god i wish i had. I sometimes wonder if things would have been different if only i'd gone there instead. everything they do there is better. they have the money, the facilities, the teachers, everyone seems to get better grades without trying, they are ( Read more... )

I dont want to go to Peru anymore. I am not looking forward to it at all. I did not lose the weight i was planning to lose. it will be torture for me to squeeze into my clothes everyday and actually go out and have to move around without being able to constantly make sure that every inch of my body is covered. I dont know how i'm going to cope i ( Read more... )

I just want him to call while i'm in Peru ( Read more... )

I remember the feeling of comfort in knowing that no matter how much i ate, there were other people: guys , adults, who ate more- that comfort is no longer there because somehow, i eat more than anyone i know. and it kills me.