Well then
We had a really good day yesterday. That included a really long and really good talk. I have so many pent up emotions about her that, I don't know if I'll ever gt through them all. *sighs* I hope she fully gets a grasp on what I feel for her someday. I know she's beginning to understand how deep my love for her goes. But I don't know how else to say it or how else to show what she means to me. I'll just keep trying until she fully understands. *nods*
Only a couple of bad things came from Saturday. And this morning. So, found out that guys name is Austin M. Found that out because it was a strange name I noticed when she opened her phone. She had talked to him that morning. She told me it was a nothing conversation. But, that came after she told me she had seen him again. And she acted like she wasn't going to tell me anyways. She had apparently made plans to go with him to a park so his kid and Daisy could play. But she didn't tell me. Which of course makes me feel like she was hiding it. Either because she knew I'd be upset or she's hiding something else that's going on with this guy. I'm pretty paranoid, I know. But, everything that's been going on the past couple of weeks started because she was hiding stuff from me. I wouldn't figure she would keep hiding stuff. Even something as simple as going to a park. v.v Really bothers me and I've been dwelling on it ever since she told me. Which I know isn't good. I'll either be able to let go of the fear this guy represents or it'll tear me apart. One good thing about it, knowing how she is about sharing her life with people through social media and the like, he's not on her facebook. Which does make me feel a little better. But, on to the next thing.
She told me this morning that she felt like her sex drive was coming back. Which it hasn't been the same ever since she had Daisy. Which I thought was a good thing. I do want her to feel like her old self again and feel better in general. v.v But that basically means that she's going to be having sex with Chris probably a lot more often. They spend every night together. And if it's like it was before she's gonna be having sex with him every night. Which does hurt. I know that I'm ok and getting better with being ok with their marriage and how that's just part of this whole thing. But it does hurt. A woman that I've literally had to stop myself from asking to marry me definitely hurts to have this thought. >.< Making it very detrimental to my mental state or at least where I would prefer to be.
I miss her so much...I wish she was here with me right now. I just want her with me all the time. Every moment of every day. I want to spend the rest of my life with her by my side. I hope one day I might be able to get a glance of what the might look like. Right now it's the brightest but, furthest fantasy I have. :/ Yesterday definitely helped. I definitely feel better. But I still feel like there is this hole in my chest. Maybe I'm just wanting too much right now and I've been used to wanting an appropriate amount for this type of relationship. Maybe it'll get better as times passes.