3
sleep is an interesting thing
when I don't want to sleep I do
and when I do I can't
pattern and repeat
wondering if when people are children they are truly aware
I don't think that I was for most of it
the memories are few and fleeting
generaly it seems that I was watching myself from
somewhere else....Is that strange...from what I know that
is generaly a response to extreme stress, and yet I don't
remember any kind of constant extremeness
But the mind can be a funny thing
I generally remember things happening to me, but not as if I
was in controll, even if I was the one creating the situation
It seems to me now that It wasn't really a choice
an autopilot function of my human form
I think other people confused me but now I can't think why?
Was I really so diferent? Or did they simply not interest me
and so I ignored them?
or was I simply not there at all?
I know when I became truly aware of myself, and It wasn't
pretty. Suddenly I had to live in the world and be a part of
it. I remember wanting nothing more than to change locations.
I had to look around and recognize all the sorrow,stupidity,
hatred,hypocrisy,greed and fear that this world seemed to be
so overwhelmed with. It s enough to make anyone draw out an
exit plan. It seemed as If I had to bear all of this
maddness on my shoulders all by myself. Escape was now a
welcome choice but I was suddenly no longer so good at it.
And the thing is...I don't know what happend to wake me up
so suddenly. I would think it was something big to break me
out of the lovely coccon I had created for myself.
Yet I don't recall anything so profound.
And I blamed myself somehow for these terrible things,one
little girl dictating it all? Was it because I thought I was
that important!? Trying to make sense of it all now proves
very difficult. Perhaps it was a preperation of sorts?
Id like to turn it into something constructive like that
when I don't want to sleep I do
and when I do I can't
pattern and repeat
wondering if when people are children they are truly aware
I don't think that I was for most of it
the memories are few and fleeting
generaly it seems that I was watching myself from
somewhere else....Is that strange...from what I know that
is generaly a response to extreme stress, and yet I don't
remember any kind of constant extremeness
But the mind can be a funny thing
I generally remember things happening to me, but not as if I
was in controll, even if I was the one creating the situation
It seems to me now that It wasn't really a choice
an autopilot function of my human form
I think other people confused me but now I can't think why?
Was I really so diferent? Or did they simply not interest me
and so I ignored them?
or was I simply not there at all?
I know when I became truly aware of myself, and It wasn't
pretty. Suddenly I had to live in the world and be a part of
it. I remember wanting nothing more than to change locations.
I had to look around and recognize all the sorrow,stupidity,
hatred,hypocrisy,greed and fear that this world seemed to be
so overwhelmed with. It s enough to make anyone draw out an
exit plan. It seemed as If I had to bear all of this
maddness on my shoulders all by myself. Escape was now a
welcome choice but I was suddenly no longer so good at it.
And the thing is...I don't know what happend to wake me up
so suddenly. I would think it was something big to break me
out of the lovely coccon I had created for myself.
Yet I don't recall anything so profound.
And I blamed myself somehow for these terrible things,one
little girl dictating it all? Was it because I thought I was
that important!? Trying to make sense of it all now proves
very difficult. Perhaps it was a preperation of sorts?
Id like to turn it into something constructive like that