2
Just start writting I think, don't pause don't think
just type
It doesn't work like that though does it?
What is it that makes people able to come up with entire
other worlds when I can't even think of what to do with the
real one. there were vampires and faries I try to start with,
and yet once the preliminary is done...character names and
attributes, antagonists and protagonists, beggining, middle
end, conflict, climax and resolution. Always in threes it
seems.
Once that is all done I suddenlly realize that my tale
will not actually say anything of consiquence, at the very
most it could only serve as a way to forget the real world
that threatens to break my revire. And so I stop, never to
touch the peice again. But what is it in me that wants so
badly to turn the world I see into something a bit more
magical, a bit unreal? I know I know, just like every
other girl. Something happens that is so terrible that the
girl turns into herself and forgets reality. But I'm not
that girl..I don't think. And while I relish the thought of
being able to forget the world around and live somewhere of
my own creation, I realise the diffrence between lieing to
yourself and really letting yourself feel. Thats what I seem
to be missing. Not so much feeling something, anything, but
to feel so deeply and purely that you want to jump for joy,
and all that, that such a gift could be bestowed on you.
You see I feelt that once, and to have it taken away so
quickly seems to be some kind of cruel joke. I never imagined
that life would be fair, but this is something else alltogether
Why can't I look to the future with much hope of true joy?
I feel a never ending blandness that wants to sweep me away.
I can't seem to stop it, no matter how hard I try to keep
control of the helm, the waves keep knocking into me.
But I suppose I have not lost hope yet or I would not be
writting this.
I just always thought that things would always end up the way
they were ment to. I had such faith in that...that everything
would be all right in the end eventually. Things were up for
a time...but now everything just feels so very wrong, and I
cant see a clear path to take. Blind, I am just walking
forward with no sense if I'm about to walk off a cliff.