Our Connection
I was always proud of this connection I have with my boyfriend. It's weird but I'm proud of it. The way we're able to understand each other even when the other isn't making sense. The way we know when the other is upset or happy. Even though we're an ocean away from each other, this connection brought us together, I guess it's what people call fate. So I believe, fate brought us together. I guess, it's like an invisible red string connected the two of us, it tied us together so we can meet, fall in love, and be together. This connection made us complete each other.
Strange thing about our connection is, we also know when the other gets sick. We smile together, cry together, frown together, laugh together, giggle together, and get sick together. I have been having ongoing stomach problems since last year. It comes and goes, just like his immune disease. He's been getting worst, and I can feel it. I somehow know no matter how much I beg, how much I pray, how much I scream at the sky, he's going to leave. But I'll keep begging and praying and screaming, because that's all I can do.
Since the day he dropped the bomb on me, I stopped holding down food. Not because I'm purposely gagging myself to throw up all the food I eat though. I wished that was the case. So for four days, not a single piece of solid food or drop of liquid has stayed down in my stomach. I just thought it was my stomach acting up again. I haven't really been able to sleep because of the stomach pain though, but I'd pass out out of nowhere for some reason. This gassy weird throbbing feeling. It's painful. Every time I cough, even if I don't eat, it'll bring up stuff. So I went to the doctor today.
They apparently "didn't have any doctors" so I saw a nurse. I told her about my symptoms, the fever that comes and goes, the cough I've been having, the headache, the stuffy nose, and the vomiting. She decided to bring me to the doctor and get me checked. So much for not having any doctors. I was examined by the doctor, and it took me repeating myself at least 3 times until she got everything straight. According to the doctor, I had a stomach and respiratory viral infection. Truthfully, I don't think it's that serious, but whatever she says. She was going to give me a pregnancy test too to see if I was pregnant, I was going to punch her I swear.
When I rejected the offer for that, she kept pushing it, so I said no one last time and said "I don't have sexual intercourse with anyone for over a year" and with that she put the case to rest. She gave me four medicines, a coughing one to stop my cough from getting worst, although I barely cough, a stomach one to control the stomach acid that comes up and burns my chest, tylenol for the fever and cough drops. I don't understand why she didn't give me any antibiotics if I have an infection though so I think she's just crazy.
But right now, I'm in pain, my body's weak, I can't eat anything nor drink anything without it coming up, and this includes the medicine. Apparently if I think it gets worst I should go to the emergency room. One of my close guy friends used to joke, you smile together, you frown together, you laugh together, you cry together, you get sick together, does that mean you'll die together like you live together? A part of me wishes that last part is true, it hurts, my heart and my body and I wanna give up. But I know he's probably in a thousand more times of pain than I am in and he's still trying to fight and hold on for me.
So I can't give up, right? Even if it hurts, we'll get through this together, whether we live or die. We once said to each other, we're not strong because we're individually strong, but strong because we're together. With each other, we'll hold hands through it and get through it all, even if it means the impossible. I'll be here fighting with him, and here comforting him. We'll get through this... And if not... We'll hold each other wherever we are... Till then we'll keep fighting...
Getting heavy breathing and chest pains from crying again and stomach acting up, so going to stop for now. I know who reads this, and to you guys, don't worry about me. It'll be ok... It'll be ok....