Once again, it has been a long while since I've written here. Sometimes I wonder "how can that be?" when this place used to be a place of safety and understanding for me. I once composed entries in my head as I walked across my college campus. I used to be unable to jot all my thoughts down once I got back to my computer and this empty page. ( Read more... )

The older I get, the less I come here. I don't know if it's part of the aging process or if my thoughts/feelings have lost their importance with age. Or maybe it's simply the fact that I'm an introvert and it's difficult for me to write about "real things" instead of the "idea of things". Any time I describe real life events here, it feels awkward ( Read more... )

I saw Titanic on the big screen for the first time in fourteen years. It was as awe-inspiring and riveting as it was the first time I saw it. Of course, as I've gotten older, the movie has taken on a whole new meaning. Back then, I didn't know what it was like to love someone and lose them or what romantic love even felt like. How beautiful and ( Read more... )

I miss the fireworks ( Read more... )

I was hanging up Valentine decorations in the nursery at work today and the little hearts reminded me of how much I loved picking out little cards for my classmates in elementary school. Every year was something different and when I hit sixth grade, the loss of that yearly tradition was saddening. I think growing up is always like that...you miss ( Read more... )

I walked around the almost empty campus late Friday afternoon and memories littered my steps. I didn't have to close my eyes to see snippets of moments flash by me. They were as clear as the moments in which they occurred and I almost stumbled over their realism. It was like touching yesterday, but realizing that it had been far longer since I knew ( Read more... )

I went to the beach today which generally holds no appeal to me, but today I needed it. It's funny how people are drawn to the water when they're sad or reflective. Maybe it's the endlessness of the it, the ebb and flow of the water, evaporation, and eventual return to the ocean. It's all about life, how it cycles around, seems to end, but begins ( Read more... )

Digging through the dusty garage, memories uncovered in the mass of useless and meaningless junk. Pictures of me from my senior year and the gaudy gold of my cap and gown, unseen after shedding it from my body. I looked at a face that is no longer mine, large and bloated, sad and even morose. The one I see in the mirror now is tighter, brighter, ( Read more... )

Almost all weekend, I wore this old, ratty, ugly shirt that I've had for about ten years now. It's ripped in places and has stains in various places. I never loved this shirt, in fact I always found it rather unappealing. Despite that I've kept it all these years, even after it became too baggy to wear during the day. It transfered from daytime ( Read more... )

Last night I had a moment of clarity. A realization. An epiphany. A breakthrough. Whatever you want to call it. I was lying in bed, the white of my ceiling the only visible thing in the darkness, when my mind traveled back to another night over a decade ago. I was ten years old again, looking out the windowpane stained with running raindrops into ( Read more... )