I've heard some criticism that this is all just a distraction from the shooter and his "real movies" or something-- never mind his manifesto specifically rages against women-- and I think that actually proves the point; when women have a valid, founded concern our treatment in society, even fears about our own physical safety, there's always an immediate backlash to try to derail and silence us. Of course what led to the UC Santa Barbara shooting is more complex than misogyny in society (there's also much to discuss regarding gun laws, identifying and treating mental illness-- even the glorified violence, machismo, and treating lone "misunderstood" figures as celebrities in US culture) and of course "not all men" become murderers when rejected, by the #YesAllWomen campaign brings to light how Rodger's actions are just the extreme version of a toxic attitude of entitlement amongst men pervasive enough to affect all women to some extent, something we need to talk about that is difficult to get
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Yep, this; I've seen lots and lots of men brush aside Rodger's misogyny because they say we should look at "the real issue" or "the big picture", as though misogyny isn't part of the big picture, or a real issue. I've seen men spend several pages of discussion talking about what the problem is and how it should be fixed without a single mention of the victims, either of Rodger's attacks or more generally of misogyny; instead, they focus on men's insecurity (which basically boils down to saying that if women were nicer to men, it wouldn't have happened). And when I've pointed out that actually, if we're going to talk about this (as we should) we need to talk about the people who are victimised, and we need to focus on their needs and not just those of the attackers, I've been accused of misandry, of thinking all men are murderers (huh?), and the like
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(which basically boils down to saying that if women were nicer to men, it wouldn't have happened) I've seen this point made as well and it really raises my hackles. My entire insecure identity in high school hinged on "being nice to everyone" and if anything, it made them show their asses more. Because of course if I was nice to a young man that most people weren't friendly with, the only possible reason was that I was interested in them romantically or sexually. I was asked out and propositioned many times and of course whenever I turned them down I was accused of being a tease and ruining their life. I didn't realize that being a decent human being was actually volunteering to provide pity sex to anyone who wanted it!
And it's also made me realise that I have those stories too, of harassment and groping and "boys will be boys", and I don't think I've ever even bothered to tell them to anyone. It's actually been quite emotional for me reading some of these Tweets, realizing how much I recognize from my own experience. So much of it
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It's a movement with good intentions but I feel a lot of people are turning this into a men vs. women thing when harassment and sexual assault, regardless of gender or sexual preference, are what people need to spread awareness and educate others about.
99% of sexual assaults are carried out by men, and 90% of the victims are women; which makes it quite hard to talk about it in an ungendered way; and in fact, I don't think we _should_ talk about it "regardless of gender or sexual preference", because gender and sexual preference play a very big part in it. I agree that ideally it shouldn't be a men vs. women thing, but it's quite hard to see a way of addressing the issue face on, without soft-pedalling, which won't be seen that way.
im really sick of the "but what about the men????" comments when talking about sexual harassment and assault. the overwhelming majority of perpetrators are men. and i think pretending its 50/50 does a major disservice to women and derails the conversation.
The thing that particularly annoys me is that the same guys who say "But not all men are like that! Why are you tarring us with the same brush? Be nice to meeeee!" are never the ones which are willing to actually stand _against_ the behaviour they say they're not responsible for, and indeed quite often they will actively defend it (boys will be boys, he doesn't know he's being creepy it's just social awkwardness, he thought she wanted it, men have natural desires, etc etc ad nauseam). It's almost as if what they actually mean is "Not all men are like that, although personally I kind of am, or at the very least if we're picking sides, I pick the side of the men who are like that".
I think it's brilliant. When one woman speaks up about being harassed in the street, groped by a stranger in a bar, or hounded for sex after she's said "no", she's often told to "lighten up" or "it's a compliment" or "boys will be boys" or "you were asking for it". When hundreds of thousands of women, of all ages and all walks of life, from all over the world say it's happened to them too, it's a lot harder for society to ignore. I hope this will open people's eyes that just didn't understand because it doesn't happen to them. The fact that it's a spontaneous uprising in reaction to the shooter's misogynist remarks makes it so much more powerful than any orchestrated "awareness campaign" could ever be
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I've heard some criticism that this is all just a distraction from the shooter and his "real movies" or something-- never mind his manifesto specifically rages against women-- and I think that actually proves the point; when women have a valid, founded concern our treatment in society, even fears about our own physical safety, there's always an immediate backlash to try to derail and silence us. Of course what led to the UC Santa Barbara shooting is more complex than misogyny in society (there's also much to discuss regarding gun laws, identifying and treating mental illness-- even the glorified violence, machismo, and treating lone "misunderstood" figures as celebrities in US culture) and of course "not all men" become murderers when rejected, by the #YesAllWomen campaign brings to light how Rodger's actions are just the extreme version of a toxic attitude of entitlement amongst men pervasive enough to affect all women to some extent, something we need to talk about that is difficult to get ( ... )
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I've seen this point made as well and it really raises my hackles. My entire insecure identity in high school hinged on "being nice to everyone" and if anything, it made them show their asses more. Because of course if I was nice to a young man that most people weren't friendly with, the only possible reason was that I was interested in them romantically or sexually. I was asked out and propositioned many times and of course whenever I turned them down I was accused of being a tease and ruining their life. I didn't realize that being a decent human being was actually volunteering to provide pity sex to anyone who wanted it!
And it's also made me realise that I have those stories too, of harassment and groping and "boys will be boys", and I don't think I've ever even bothered to tell them to anyone. It's actually been quite emotional for me reading some of these Tweets, realizing how much I recognize from my own experience. So much of it ( ... )
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I agree that ideally it shouldn't be a men vs. women thing, but it's quite hard to see a way of addressing the issue face on, without soft-pedalling, which won't be seen that way.
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im really sick of the "but what about the men????" comments when talking about sexual harassment and assault. the overwhelming majority of perpetrators are men. and i think pretending its 50/50 does a major disservice to women and derails the conversation.
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