[Football] Collection of Zlatan/Nesta crack

[teinte]

Only the last two are new. :D

The first two are responses to the MAKE UP FIC SUMMARIES meme that went around a while back. The rest are drabbles written in response to comments.

I wrote Like Drowning in Religions class while trying to hide away my textured paper from the prying eyes of my silly classmates. Methods of Counting during statistics

Comments

[rondaview]

HAPPY INDEED, YOU HO.

Zlatan spitting the ring out onto the bed before pulling Nesta to him.
laksfjla BRILLIANT. so much love for this sentence and all the insinuations-- about marriage, about Zlatan, about power dynamics and who pulling whom -- that it manages to jam into the space of a dozen words. plus like. hot. ajsfjaf. and down his back in gentle lines implying the exact, violent opposite. although I'm not sure what, exactly, is happening in the paragraph that begins with It stilled? eg Nesta staggered away once and so on.

(1: Making his advances known, 2: Suddenly pinching his nipples during a make-out session, 4: airport bathroom incident.)
LOL. I CAN'T. :D:D:D

also, i could not bring myself to read the roman one. JUST SO YOU KNOW.

[teinte]

:D :D :D

gdha;ghd;a EXACTLY. It's like everything Zlatan does must appear so simple and easy, but somewhere in that rotting, sexed, malicious brain of his he's thought these things out and probably so often that he's unwilling to change his ways. And with Nesta being how he is, he has to settle with getting his own way in the small things. And um, to be honest. I'm not really all that sure since I kind of wrote and rewrote and tried to make sense of that little scene, but mostly it was about Nesta thinking they were just going to lulz fool around like teenagers and instead he got surprise buttsex! and was hit pretty hard with like confusion and guilt and freaked out because ohshitZlatanisbottomandwhyishesovulnerable and how can he really take that kind of real emotion into account when he's used to having him respond by throwing spoons at him while wearing tshirts with nonsensical Italian phrases?

(1: Making his advances known, 2: Suddenly pinching his nipples during a make-out session, 4: airport bathroom incident.)Pinching nipples

[koba_sama]

“You’re going to name him Zlatan. It is a healthy and extremely beautiful name.” “Gabriel.” “Unimaginative.” “Extremely beautiful.” “Dull.” “Have your own.” “Only if you promise me you’ll breast feed them.”

[teinte]

The things he says, are ridiculous and yet, what would you not expect him to say after he refers to himself in the third person and threatens to resign from the national team at his age?

I would expect nothing less from them, baby. Nothing less. He's so ridiculous and as I write him, the more it scares me that I'm kind of like him. DO YOU THINK ZLATAN WOULD BE ENOUGH OF AN ASSHOLE, TO HAVE THE GALL TO TELL ALESSANDRO NESTA, KING OF CLASSIC AESTHETICS THAT HE SMELLS BAD? I THINK HE WOULD.

I thought they'd be, you know, calm and happy and all Ikea-ish, but they get into team fights, brawls and produced Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

FUNNY STORY ABOUT THAT. So during religions class today...

"Listen to me, Nesta. You might have your Italian designers and impracticable furniture, but IKEA is the brand of the world. Understand? Just as I am the consummate player of the world." "Get out of my house."

LULZZZZZZ. I'll type of the rest of that ridiculous thing later for you.

hgdhag;dha;ghda And our slaveboy AU is going to catch on, regardless of

[rondaview]

Do you see how your entire demeanor has changed and increased in happiness, achy tooth aside?

ORLY. you don't say. (what's she like most of the time? LAWLS EMOCHILD Y/N?)

[koba_sama]

Like this: lawls with me . . . . emochild . . . . lawls with me . . . . emochild over fandom. But now she is 100% lawls with me. And I hope she doesn't hurt me upon reading this. Haha.

[magic_beans]

I'm having a lot of trouble finding the right words to try and say how much I like these. I keep re-reading and they keep getting better. I keep spotting little things that I missed the first time and thinking yesyesyes. The last few paragraphs of the first one keep doing things to me. Seeing Zlatan so un-together and needy and then to have Nesta use his last name and pull away. Gah. You feel the rawness. And then the wiping away of the evidence and the slam of the door. It's so good. I love the removal of the ring, the way Z spits it out, but how Gabriella is still very much a presence throughout. And "You’re becoming questionable, Alessandro" obviously, cos HAH. I love the overall effect of that one. I get this sense of almost, I don't know, futility? Like they're hammering away at each other as only they can and it's painful, and painful to read, in a way, but good (hit me if I'm not making sense, which is probably quite likely

[magic_beans]

You've added more! (I've had this window open quite awhile and the version of the post was with only Like Drowning and Methods of Counting so if bits of my comment don't make sense, that's why.)

Also: OMG EBAY. ZLATAN ON EBAY. FUCK FUCK. THAT ONE IS HILARIOUS! and Zlatan the slave as well! Hahaha. You are a genius.

[teinte]

I get this sense of almost, I don't know, futility? Like they're hammering away at each other as only they can and it's painful, and painful to read, in a way, but good (hit me if I'm not making sense, which is probably quite likely).ILU AND YOUR COMMENTS. ♥ (Which I'm going to finish replying to SOMEDAY BECAUSE ALIEN FIC IS MY FAVOURITE OMFG GDHA;GHD;AH;GDA) But um, yeah. I don't know. That one was rly easy for me to write, actually, all of these were really easy to write and flowed out like immediately, but it was difficult subject matter and it came out all warbled and messy in my head. So by consequence it's muddy and probably confusing/makes no sense? I dunno. I tried re-writing but nothing was working for me so I decided to use artistic license and leave it up for conjecture. BUT YES YES YES TO WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT IT. Like, I don't know what my thing is about the more constantly brash person being the bottom sexually. Zlatan is far from submissive, but it's like -- if he tried to be super top with Nesta, he'd get slapped and it

[canarycreams]

I want to quote that entire thing back at you. I will restrict myself to Counting how many times Sandro lets his phone ring before he picks up. 1-3 (Stop calling me.) 4-8 (You're being annoying.) 9-15 (I don't want any of you now.) not picking up (I have my fiancée, never contact me.)
and As he walks back to his car, Zlatan berates himself. You're an asshole. An egotistical, mortifying cad. If there is a god you will cease to exist in an automobile accident before that woman ever discovers what you are. It ends the minute his keys enter the ignition.
just, jkafsdjlksdjbrilliant. The density of the prose, the rapidity and razors of the their dialogue. I liked that I had to think to understand this, that I couldn't just run my eyes over the paragraphs and see a paint-by-numbers relationship; I liked that Zlatan is actually a bastard, that Nesta says no again and again and again and even means it but it doesn't change anything, because Zlatan is too aggressive, pushy, demanding to even understand that the word (the feeling) exists.

[teinte]

I want to quote that entire thing back at you. I will restrict myself to;_; That's such a big compliment and ILU for it

[niche]

niche to Danica show details 15:05 (39 minutes ago)

for some reason quite unknown to me, "bad credit" has just SLAIN ME INTO ABOUT 12 DOZEN PIECES.
:((((((((

to which d said, "WELL TELL HER YOU HO."

and so. ♥ the line especially, "And Zlatan prays quickly for a safe drive back to his house as Nesta closes the front door in his face."? JUST. LKAJSHDLKJASHD. I DONT KNOW WHY, it just guts me so hard. :((( gosh. i need some zlatan icons so bad.

[teinte]

♥ It started off so innocently and then Nesta, with all of his resistance goes from supplying endless amusement to slicing away layers of myself. I don't know either.

I ALSO NEED SOME ZLATAN ICONS. And ty for your comment. It's really nice to know that there's other people aside from myself that enjoyed these short little things. :)