Deserving Chapter 52

Jul 09, 2011 22:54

Whoever added Deserving to Worse Than It Sounds is made of win:

Deserving: an unflinching exploration of non-traditional relationship dynamics and families and the psychological cost of revenge. Famous for its many quotable lines.

Without further ado, the long-awaited Chapter 52.

Two more spells flew right by Harry’s left ear. Harry could not risk it. The next one might hit Severus. He turned his broom a hundred and eighty degrees to face Single and his men. Single approached him with a broad smile of triumph that turned into horror as he looked beyond Harry.

I'm not entirely sure how Single thought he'd be able to defeat Harry in combat even with backup, considering he's a glorified secretary and Harry is not only an Auror but the defeater of Voldemort.

Harry couldn’t understand the sudden change until he looked over his shoulder and saw the familiar face of the half giant on Black’s motorcycle and four redheads on brooms. Aid had arrived in the form of Hagrid, George, Bill, Charley and Ron Weasley.

Okay, now this is quite nicely done. That Harry was going to call his friends to help him get his family to safety was set up, so their appearance here is the payoff. Had they just appeared out of nowhere we'd have had a deus ex machina on our hands. I guess the motorbike had been fixed in the completely indeterminate period between Deathly Hallows and the fic.

It seems Single’s men were not about to stay and find out who had the better wand skills. They fled leaving Single hovering on his broom facing Harry. It wasn’t until Harry’s surprised face turned to a broad smile that Single realized he had been abandoned and fled also. Harry turned to his friends.
“Kreacher and Serena, where are they?” he yelled.
“They are fine,” Ron yelled back, “When we saw them, we figured you might need our help.”
“Severus,” yelled Harry hoping he didn’t get a response. And sure enough Severus had used the distraction to get their child to safety. “He must be there already,” he informed the others who decided it easier to nod then to yell.

There's not really anything to say about this scene. By the standards of the earlier chapters it's well done and even manages to stay more or less in Harry's POV.

When they arrived by Hagrid’s hut they found Severus on the floor with Richard in his arms. Harry couldn’t believe it. He feared the worst and ran to kneel by his spouse. “What happen?” he asked still not believing what he was seeing.

Somebody set up us the badfic.

“I had to Stupefy him. He wanted to help you. He wanted to call out your name; to turn the broom. I had to do it. I had to. You do understand, Harry? Do you not?” said Severus sounding a bit irrational.

Someone being irrational in this fic? Surely not.

Harry and the Weasleys exhale an air of relief. Bill pointed his wand at Richard and soon the little dark eye boy was awake and on overdrive.

We're not exactly sure how little, because the progress of time in this fic is unclear.

“Papa! Dada! Richard!” yelled Serena running to join her family.

Where did she suddenly appear from? I guess she can Apparate by now, Sue that she is.

“Yeah, well, don’t thank me yet. I haven’t entered the Forbidden Forest with you yet,” said Ron knowing very well that he would.
“Good news, Ron, you don’t get to go in this time,” said Harry knowing that he was about to meet resistance from his best friend.

It wouldn't be Deserving without a random POV shift. I'm thinking of doing an article on narrative viewpoint because it's something I talk about a lot: a great many fanfic writers just don't seem to get it.

Ron arched an eyebrow, “you always have a plan, but no offense, mate, they usually stink.”

Ron's eyebrows are strangely eloquent.

“Yeah, mate, I have. I’ll tell you what. Give me twenty-four hours and if I can’t right this whole mess then you can throw your life away and come protect me and my family; deal?” said Harry hoping this would buy him the much needed time he needed to actually iron out his plan.
Ron looked at him and decided to make Harry believe that he was playing his game. “Alright, mate, I go to my family but Charlie stays with you.”
Harry understood that that was as much as he was going to get from the redhead and agreed.

From which redhead? All the Weasleys are there, except Ginny even though she's as good in a fight as any of them. (Yay sexism!)

After convincing Hagrid that he needed to stay put in his hut so he could send message of anyone trying to enter the Forbidden Forest, Harry, his family, and Charlie marched into the woodland. Soon they were intercepted by a group of Centaurs. Shan was leading the group and acting as if he had never seen Harry or Severus.

We don't get any indication of why Shan is acting this way. He was perfectly civil when Harry met him last time, if a little quiet.

“Horsy,” declared Serena pointing at the Centaurs who were not amused by the child and took a step forward; step that was met by Charlie and Harry stepping in front of Severus and the children.
“Don’t be daft,” said Richard “they are not horses they are Centaurs. And you got them all mad by calling them horsies. We should have left you home with Kreacher.”

Again, I don't know how old Richard is even meant to be, but this dialogue does work for an older child.

Severus gave his son a look that clearly stated that he should be quiet and Richard got the message loud and clear and hid behind his Papa’s long legs.

Which one's his Papa?

When Severus looked up he saw a familiar face approaching him; it was Amador.

With or without the cork up his arse? We never find out, which is probably just as well.

Shan stepped forward and filled his chest with air, “Amador, go back to the camp and to your chores NOW!”
“Come Severus we will find a safe place for you and yours. We are very close to Shan’s fishing hut. I believe that will do just fine,” Amador said leading Severus and his family.
“AMADOR!”

Yay ALLCAPS!

When they arrived at the fishing hut Severus observed that it was completely empty. It was a mere shelter. This was no place for his children; for his family. He closed his eyes and heard the voice of his good friend Amador.
“I see your mate has given you your wand.”

It gets a little confusing in that we get both senses of "mate" being used in fairly close succession. Which leads to an interesting question: why isn't there more Harry/Ron slash? You'd think they'd be like the Kirk and Spock of the fandom, the two male leads with plenty of canon interaction to build on. But Harry/Ron fics are outnumbered at the Uber-Pit not only by the usual suspects of Harry/Draco, Harry/Snape and Remus/Sirius, but by Harry/Voldemort and Harry/Lucius!

“Yes, my mate has found me worthy of my wand.”

And of his wand as well.

Then Severus looked into his beaded purse and began to take out the children’s toys. He also pulled two little beds and one big one.

Presumably this was based on Hermione's handbag from Deathly Hallows?

That night after dinner Charlie played with the children. He had them giggling, clapping, and hooting at his antics. Harry was standing at the threshold looking out into the moon bathed forest. He looked back in when he heard Serena laughing so loud it seemed she was running out of breath. But it was Severus who caught his eyes. Severus was preparing the two little beds for the children. Then he went to Kreacher’s nest of old rags and fluffed them up for his beloved elf. He must have felt Harry’s eyes on him because he turned to look at his husband and gave him a slight smile. Harry understood that Severus was going to make the best out of this situation. He knew that he would never hear a complaint from Severus even when he was in his right to do so. Harry had failed. He had not kept his end of the deal. Severus’ job was to take care of their family. His job was to provide for them and here they were living in a hut.

It's not his fault they had to go into hiding, though I do wonder how Single came to regain so much of the power and influence he lost when Harry and his friends pwned him last time.

Harry walked out towards the lake and crouched down near its bank. He instinctively picked up a rock but as he was going to toss it he looked to make sure that no one was fishing. He smiled at his own action.

Nice callback.

“I used to be quite adequate at skipping rocks,” said the beautiful voice from behind Harry.

It's stuff like the emphasis on his beautiful voice which makes me think the author is describing Alan Rickman rather than book!Snape.

“Well, you see, the future is unknown. We have no idea what it will look like. The past on the other hand is known. We can visualize it. Therefore it is in front of our eyes.”
“Wow! That does make a lot of sense.”
“It is not encouraging that you seem so surprise I have spoken rationally,” said Severus with a smirk.

Because anyone acting rationally in this fic is a first.

He soon found out that is attempt at making light of the situation had fail because Harry was not amused.



When I Googled "Harry Potter is not amused" to search for an image to put here, auto-complete suggested "Harry Potter is not American". XD

He had no idea where that kiss had come from but it did feel comforting. Severus’ kisses had that ability. He did not want it to end. Severus ended it with their foreheads together and in a whisper said, “I love you.”
Harry bolted up and walked two steps away from Severus with his head hung low. Severus regretted voicing his feeling immediately.
“I am sorry,” he said still sitting on the ground and looking away from Harry. Now they were both facing away from each other one standing and one sitting with only the reflection of the moon on the calm water between them.

If they're facing away from each other and the reflection of the moon is between them, how can either of them see it?

“I’m the one that is sorry,” Harry said in a whisper. “I’m the one that can never, ever love you.”
“I have never expected you to love the likes of me,” Severus said in a murmur.
Harry turned in a snap. “You don’t get it; do you? I thought if anyone could understand it would be you. Don’t you see? I can’t lose you. I need you. I can’t risk not having you by my side. And it’s not only me. It’s them. How could I look them in the eye if they were to be orphans because of me?” ranted Harry not stopping to see the puzzled look on Severus’ face. “Everyone! Everyone I have ever loved has gone. Everyone!” he said approaching Severus. “And that can’t happen. You’re the only one strong enough to stay by my side. And the crazy thing is that you want to stay by my side. You could have left time after time. You had all the right reasons to do so. After all I did to you; you’re still here by my side. Severus if something ever happened to you… you might as well put a bed in Lockhart room at St. Mongos for me and throw away the key.”
Severus was looking at Harry in awe. No, Harry would never tell him those words, but he wouldn’t have change Harry’s words for all the “I love you” in the world.

He's as good as said it anyway.

He stood and took Harry’s face in his hands. He captured Harry’s lips with his own. Now it was Harry turn to end the beloved kiss.
“Can I ask a favor of you?” Harry whispered.
“You know you have just to ask.”
“Promise me you will do what I ask of you.”
Severus’ eyebrow shot up, “What is it that you believe I will deny you?”
“Promise me,” insisted Harry holding Severus tighter in his arms.
“Ask”

image Click to view


“Make love to me,” whispered Harry.
Severus smiled with a sigh of relief. “You are in luck my husband. I happened to pack our lube.

That's lucky. I wonder if it's the same lube they've had for the past forty chapters, because they never seem to run out.

Harry smiled and lifted his wand up into the sky. “Expecto Patronum” Severus watched as the stag came galloping into their view. “He will keep us safe and warn us if anyone is lurking.”
To Harry’s surprise Severus also lifted his wand, “Expecto Patronum” he said and both watch the doe gallop up to where Severus was standing. Severus caressed her forehead.

It's lucky their Patronuses are the same species, because they get in on the action themselves. I think I cursed this scene into existence:

It's been so long that we're probably due an especially lulzy round of buggery in Chapter 52.

Harry smiled and decided to help Severus remove his jeans by first kicking of his trainers and then pulling the garment down and off. Severus thought about commenting on the lack of undergarment but decided against it and simply kissed the expose penis in a show of appreciation. He then began to suck on the delicious appendage.

Googling this hilarious phrase "delicious appendage" gives the pit of voles and Literotica within the first ten results, which says it all.

Harry opened his eyes to see a beautiful moon staring down at him.

It's honestly hard to tell whether this is a euphemism for his " alabaster bottom" or not.

He closed his eyes when he felt Severus’ ministration deepen.

What, exactly, does this mean? How did his ministration deepen?

Again he felt his control abandon him when Severus seemed to find the perfect combination between sucking and nibbling.

Find the perfect combination with all-new Subble™ today!

Request that Severus ignore as he continue to lavish Harry’s penis.

This already looks like something from Recursive Translation Theatre, and damn right I'm going to put this scene through that. It comes out as "Severus continued to ignore his claims and the prestigious Harry penis" which actually isn't any less grammatical than it started as.

Harry turned onto his stomach and laid his head on one side. From that angle he could see the doe had stood up and was rubbing her nose against the stag’s neck. The night was cool and Harry appreciated it. Soon one of Severus’ finger had found its destination and like other times in their relationship the digit gave Harry great pleasure. He moaned. A second finger joined the first increasing Harry’s pleasure.

image Click to view


Harry heard to ruffle of leaves and turned to see the stag clambering on top of the doe. She looked pleased although the stag had all his weight on her. He squeezed his buttocks and Severus moaned with pleasure. He could not believe that from this position he could give Severus please. He continue to squeeze and rock making Severus begin the in and out movement of love. The doe stretched her head out and Harry knew it was in pleasure.

The Patronuses shagging symbolise the humans shagging or something like that.

“Severus, I am going to cum. ”

It's nice to see that Hogwarts Exposed doesn't have a monopoly on dialogue that looks like it was spoken by a robot.

Severus continued rocking back and forth. He continued is ministration on Harry’s organ

And was interrupted by a herd of angry centaurs demanding to know why he's playing loud music in the middle of the night.

Severus kissed Harry’s hair and spoke into it. “A Patronum with never leave before his job is completed. They are here to protect us.”
“They seem to have been enjoying their job,” Harry said with a grin.
“Yes, well, they had another job; did they not?”
“Another job?”
Severus kissed Harry’s head again as if that would soften the weight of his words. “To bond our magic. ”

So apparently Patronuses shag and that bonds their magic, whatever that actually means in practice.
Concluded...

centaur buggery, rutting deer symbolism, all your base are belong to us, bad sex, alabaster bottom, badfic:deserving, the anvil symbolises heavy-handedness, pov!fail, sexism, hogwarts roboticised, centaur of gor, mary sue and gary stu, recursive translation theatre, ministrations, delicious appendage, credit where it's due, single is a douche, you fail paediatrics forever, epithet overload, harry potter, sweet relief, said bookism, dada, lube, continuity isn't optional

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