Hogwarts Exposed Chapter 20 part 1
So Hermione is back and everything is peachy. Or not, because this is Hogwarts Exposed. Chapter 20 comes in censored and uncensored versions. Of course I'm sporking the uncensored. The title is "Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust", so I might be going out on a limb but I think someone dies.
As soon as Harry opened the door he realized something was terribly wrong. Jamie was sitting in the corner crawled up in a ball, crying her eyes out. Harry ran immediately toward the emergency treatment room just as Madam Pomfrey was opening the door. Her eyes were red and when she saw Harry they filled with tears. “I’m sorry Harry. Please believe me, I did everything I could. Hermione was just too weak from all the injuries and the pneumonia.
This is where the previous chapter leaves off, without even a close quote. Now we see the rest:
She lost the baby.”
Harry turned as white as the new fallen snow that covered the Hogwarts grounds. “Hermione was pregnant? She never told me.”
Again there's a consistency error here: they have explicitly revealed failsafe magical contraception, yet this seems to come as a total surprise. Either they're trying for a baby, which would surely have been mentioned, or practising unsafe sex, which would be OOC for Hermione.
“It is possible she didn’t even know herself for sure. In general, a miscarriage this early occurs because the pregnancy is not developing normally. I have no way to tell assertively whether her treatment while imprisoned was a factor or not.”
Harry looked at Madam Pomfrey almost afraid to ask, “How is she now?”
“She is still in a coma. It’s almost as if her body is frightened to awaken for fear she’s still a captive.”
Enervate, anyone? It can restore people who are asleep, magically stunned and concussed. It can probably even bring someone out of a coma, but whether this is a good idea depends how good healing magic is at fixing brain damage. This being a psychosomatic coma, with no actual brain trauma nor any magical effects in play, the only reason she can't be Enervated back to life is because the author hasn't milked this subplot for every last drop of angst yet. Also, even Hermione's subconscious is OOC here: if it sensed she might still be a captive then it'd wake her up and get her to escape.
Suddenly Harry remembered that Caitlin had been incurring Hermione’s injuries and sharing her pain.
Because something like that could so easily slip his mind.
“What about Caitlin? Did this effect her in any way?”
“Yes, but in a different way then previously. Caitlin clearly couldn’t have a miscarriage, but did experience her first menstrual flow and with much more pain than would normally be the case.”
Hope she had a male classmate to hand, because in this author's universe the best people at dealing with periods are eleven-year-old boys.
Pomfrey had a dismal expression on her face as she said, “I don’t know Harry. I just don’t know. They could come out of their comas in a few hours, a few days or it could be weeks.” She then looked at Harry dejectedly. “Or they may never come out. We can just pray and wait.”
It'll be whenever someone thinks of casting Enervate.
“Harry.” Madam Pomfrey nodded in the direction of the still crying Jamie. “She could use you right now. Hermione and her were quite close and she is very fond of Caitlin. You both could probably use a shoulder to cry on.”
Without saying a word, Harry walked over and sat on the floor next to Jamie. He gently placed his arm around her shoulder as she buried her head in his chest. Harry leaned his chin on her head. Tears once again came to his eyes as he ever so tenderly caressed Jamie’s back.
At least he didn't gently caress her. You know your characters are crying too much when you feel the need to lampshade it with "once again".
Severus Snape returned to the infirmary with Jamie’s cleaned robes.
Because the Headmaster of Hogwarts has nothing better to do than fetch and carry people's laundry.
“It doesn’t look good. A body is only so strong. Hers is trying to heal injuries while fighting pneumonia and now the miscarriage just added more pain and blood loss. She is extremely weak Were it not for the link to the young girl she would be dead.”
Earlier on, her coma was psychosomatic. Make your mind up.
“What of Caitlin?”
“If Hermione dies, so will she.”
Yes, I think we'd established that.
“Have you ever seen anything like this before? Unquestionably many of our kind have Hyperempath powers, but to find them in one so young and to such a degree. I was always amazed at Hermione’s abilities, but even she has to touch the person she is healing. Not only was Caitlin able to link without touching, but also she did it with Hermione’s location not even known; possibly many miles away.”
“Medical history talks of such healers, but I’ve not heard of any in our time. It will be a pity for such a gift to be lost.”
And again, it's lucky the girl Hermione took pity on just happened to have this exceptional power. Anyway, term starts and Jamie angsts about Hermione and Caitlin.
Sometimes Jamie felt like she was the only one in Hogwarts besides Harry that loved and missed Caitlin and Hermione. Most of the student body had returned to business as usual while she continued to feel like her life had been ripped apart.
Morning running and exercising was practically non-existent now. Winter had previously dwindled their numbers, but now with Hermione and Caitlin absent, it seemed like everyone lost interest.
Classes weren’t the same either. Harry was teaching, but DADA wasn’t the same anymore. Before the kidnapping, he had made the class fun, now he just lectured. Jamie hadn’t seen Harry smile once since the Yule Ball.
Even the other classes had changed; both Professors Longbottom and Malfoy were acting strange. Professor Longbottom seemed like he was preoccupied with other thoughts and Professor Malfoy seemed angry at the world
She angsts, and so do Neville and Draco. Neville was last seen groping Hermione for no apparent reason, and I've completely lost track of Draco.
The class Jamie detested most was Transfiguration. It had been her favorite class, or maybe it was that Professor Granger was her favorite professor. Now it was just a class. Professor McGonagall had taken over and although she was an excellent teacher, she just wasn’t Hermione.
I could accept teacher!Hermione being as good a teacher as McGonagall given experience and her canon characterisation, but here? Fuck you, Hogwarts Exposed.
Even Quidditch had lost its sparkle for Jamie. Gryffindor had played Hufflepuff last week and lost. It was Hufflepuff’s first win and Jamie knew it was her fault. She just couldn’t keep her mind on the game. Quidditch suddenly seemed so meaningless. She couldn’t get her mind off of Hermione and Caitlin.
We're told about this disastrous Quidditch match rather than shown it, of course.
Madam Pomfrey had thought it would be a good idea to continue the night watches on her two patients. Although many students had volunteered and it wouldn’t have been necessary, Jamie took a nightly shift.
So much for homework. Hermione and Caitlin finally wake up as if they'd just nodded off rather than in a coma for a month, which is par for the course for poorly-researched fiction, and the next morning she recounts what she can remember to Harry.
“Don’t you remember anything?”
“I remember feeling a little faint and nauseous at the Yule Ball. I told Sam I was going to step outside for some fresh air. Just as I was about to exit young Ronald Aldinger ran up to me with a box, saying it was a gift. He ran off before I could ask him whom it was from. I assumed you, but it wasn’t. It must have been a portkey. I barely touched it before I felt myself being pulled into space. When I landed I was in a snowdrift at the side of the road. My jaw was dislocated and my fingers had been smashed.” Hermione only then realized that her jaw felt fine. She looked at her hand, her fingers moved perfectly.
Which we already knew, of course. The mystery object was clearly an idiot ball.
“I was naked. My clothes hadn’t transported with me. I realized that I must have been someplace else in order to receive my injuries, but I had no memory. I assumed my Animagus form and started walking the road, not having any idea where I was or was headed. Even as a wolf, I was cold and then it started snowing. I couldn’t eat and I knew that if I rested I would die. Harry, I felt so sick and weak. I wanted to lie down and die, but something inside me wouldn’t let me. A voice kept saying, ‘I won’t let you die. I’ve waited too long for you. I love you too much. I won’t let you die.’
“Was that you Harry? Did you somehow reach me?”
Harry sighed as he pointed to Caitlin who was still sleeping. “She did it. Caitlin has telepathic and hyperempath powers stronger than you can imagine. She felt it every time you were hurt. She had fallen asleep in the common room and woke up screaming. Her fingers were crushed the same as yours. She received a dislocate jaw the same as you did and she had pneumonia just like you.
Given this set-up, it would actually make a lot more sense for Caitlin to have been manipulating events herself rather than a ridiculous sequence of coincidences.
“Hermione, I have never felt so helpless. She was suffering. You were suffering. I had no clue as to where you were or who was holding you prisoner. I thought I was going to lose you both.”
It was Hermione's turn to tighten her grasp on Harry’s hand. “After what seemed like days, but was probably about twelve hours I had made it to the hill overlooking the Quidditch field. I was so happy to see Hogwarts. Then everything went blank.”
Speaking of contrived coincidences, she just happened to have been shot on the threshold of Hogwarts.
“You were shot, three times. Evidently, signs had been displayed offering a reward for the skin of an escaped and dangerous wolf.”
Scotland is not the Wild West.
“Did Caitlin suffer the wounds? Where was I shot?”
"On the Hogwarts threshold. I just said."
“How did I get here?”
“Alex talked Jamie into going for a scamper in the snow. He saw you first. Alex put you into stasis and then after putting a warming charm on her robes Jamie covered you and Alex carried you here.”
This really doesn't need to be reiterated. We'd already seen this happen, so this conversation can be summarised.
“Poor Jamie, she must have been frozen in nothing but her skirt and blouse.”
“A little less that that. She had the two till four in the morning shift watching Caitlin and hadn’t dressed.”
Hermione was horrified. “She walked here in the snow naked. What if someone from another house had seen her?”
“She felt it would be better for them to see her than you. She felt you would be humiliated, possibly never be able to face the students.”
So much for nudity being no big deal.
“Jamie knows me quite well. Was she seen by anyone?”
“No students. Just Pomfrey and the Headmaster.”
“What did they say?”
“Well, evidently Madam Pomfrey had figured out that Jamie and Caitlin were nudists. Plus seeing people naked is a part of her job. Poor Severus was more shocked that no one else was upset with Jamie being nude. He really gave Alex the third degree while he healed Caitlin.”
More reiteration - it's like watching a clip show - and more OOC!Snape.
Hermione sensed what Harry was about to say. She looked at him as tears built up ready to breach the dam when he gave the answer she knew was coming. “Harry, for a few days before the Yule Ball I was feeling nauseous; especially in the morning. I hadn’t seen Pomfrey, nor missed a period, so I wasn’t sure. Was I pregnant? Did I lose our child?”
I feel like I'm going in circles as much as the story itself. How does Harry not know she was trying for a baby? I can't help but interpret this as her having sabotaged the birth control without his knowledge. Upon which he kicks her out and canon!Hermione returns to take her place.
Caitlin had woken in time to hear that her mother had been pregnant and lost the baby. She pretended to turn in her sleep as she cried for her lost little brother or sister.
How very convenient. How very angsty. How very POV!faily.
Continued...
As soon as Harry opened the door he realized something was terribly wrong. Jamie was sitting in the corner crawled up in a ball, crying her eyes out. Harry ran immediately toward the emergency treatment room just as Madam Pomfrey was opening the door. Her eyes were red and when she saw Harry they filled with tears. “I’m sorry Harry. Please believe me, I did everything I could. Hermione was just too weak from all the injuries and the pneumonia.
This is where the previous chapter leaves off, without even a close quote. Now we see the rest:
She lost the baby.”
Harry turned as white as the new fallen snow that covered the Hogwarts grounds. “Hermione was pregnant? She never told me.”
Again there's a consistency error here: they have explicitly revealed failsafe magical contraception, yet this seems to come as a total surprise. Either they're trying for a baby, which would surely have been mentioned, or practising unsafe sex, which would be OOC for Hermione.
“It is possible she didn’t even know herself for sure. In general, a miscarriage this early occurs because the pregnancy is not developing normally. I have no way to tell assertively whether her treatment while imprisoned was a factor or not.”
Harry looked at Madam Pomfrey almost afraid to ask, “How is she now?”
“She is still in a coma. It’s almost as if her body is frightened to awaken for fear she’s still a captive.”
Enervate, anyone? It can restore people who are asleep, magically stunned and concussed. It can probably even bring someone out of a coma, but whether this is a good idea depends how good healing magic is at fixing brain damage. This being a psychosomatic coma, with no actual brain trauma nor any magical effects in play, the only reason she can't be Enervated back to life is because the author hasn't milked this subplot for every last drop of angst yet. Also, even Hermione's subconscious is OOC here: if it sensed she might still be a captive then it'd wake her up and get her to escape.
Suddenly Harry remembered that Caitlin had been incurring Hermione’s injuries and sharing her pain.
Because something like that could so easily slip his mind.
“What about Caitlin? Did this effect her in any way?”
“Yes, but in a different way then previously. Caitlin clearly couldn’t have a miscarriage, but did experience her first menstrual flow and with much more pain than would normally be the case.”
Hope she had a male classmate to hand, because in this author's universe the best people at dealing with periods are eleven-year-old boys.
Pomfrey had a dismal expression on her face as she said, “I don’t know Harry. I just don’t know. They could come out of their comas in a few hours, a few days or it could be weeks.” She then looked at Harry dejectedly. “Or they may never come out. We can just pray and wait.”
It'll be whenever someone thinks of casting Enervate.
“Harry.” Madam Pomfrey nodded in the direction of the still crying Jamie. “She could use you right now. Hermione and her were quite close and she is very fond of Caitlin. You both could probably use a shoulder to cry on.”
Without saying a word, Harry walked over and sat on the floor next to Jamie. He gently placed his arm around her shoulder as she buried her head in his chest. Harry leaned his chin on her head. Tears once again came to his eyes as he ever so tenderly caressed Jamie’s back.
At least he didn't gently caress her. You know your characters are crying too much when you feel the need to lampshade it with "once again".
Severus Snape returned to the infirmary with Jamie’s cleaned robes.
Because the Headmaster of Hogwarts has nothing better to do than fetch and carry people's laundry.
“It doesn’t look good. A body is only so strong. Hers is trying to heal injuries while fighting pneumonia and now the miscarriage just added more pain and blood loss. She is extremely weak Were it not for the link to the young girl she would be dead.”
Earlier on, her coma was psychosomatic. Make your mind up.
“What of Caitlin?”
“If Hermione dies, so will she.”
Yes, I think we'd established that.
“Have you ever seen anything like this before? Unquestionably many of our kind have Hyperempath powers, but to find them in one so young and to such a degree. I was always amazed at Hermione’s abilities, but even she has to touch the person she is healing. Not only was Caitlin able to link without touching, but also she did it with Hermione’s location not even known; possibly many miles away.”
“Medical history talks of such healers, but I’ve not heard of any in our time. It will be a pity for such a gift to be lost.”
And again, it's lucky the girl Hermione took pity on just happened to have this exceptional power. Anyway, term starts and Jamie angsts about Hermione and Caitlin.
Sometimes Jamie felt like she was the only one in Hogwarts besides Harry that loved and missed Caitlin and Hermione. Most of the student body had returned to business as usual while she continued to feel like her life had been ripped apart.
Morning running and exercising was practically non-existent now. Winter had previously dwindled their numbers, but now with Hermione and Caitlin absent, it seemed like everyone lost interest.
Classes weren’t the same either. Harry was teaching, but DADA wasn’t the same anymore. Before the kidnapping, he had made the class fun, now he just lectured. Jamie hadn’t seen Harry smile once since the Yule Ball.
Even the other classes had changed; both Professors Longbottom and Malfoy were acting strange. Professor Longbottom seemed like he was preoccupied with other thoughts and Professor Malfoy seemed angry at the world
She angsts, and so do Neville and Draco. Neville was last seen groping Hermione for no apparent reason, and I've completely lost track of Draco.
The class Jamie detested most was Transfiguration. It had been her favorite class, or maybe it was that Professor Granger was her favorite professor. Now it was just a class. Professor McGonagall had taken over and although she was an excellent teacher, she just wasn’t Hermione.
I could accept teacher!Hermione being as good a teacher as McGonagall given experience and her canon characterisation, but here? Fuck you, Hogwarts Exposed.
Even Quidditch had lost its sparkle for Jamie. Gryffindor had played Hufflepuff last week and lost. It was Hufflepuff’s first win and Jamie knew it was her fault. She just couldn’t keep her mind on the game. Quidditch suddenly seemed so meaningless. She couldn’t get her mind off of Hermione and Caitlin.
We're told about this disastrous Quidditch match rather than shown it, of course.
Madam Pomfrey had thought it would be a good idea to continue the night watches on her two patients. Although many students had volunteered and it wouldn’t have been necessary, Jamie took a nightly shift.
So much for homework. Hermione and Caitlin finally wake up as if they'd just nodded off rather than in a coma for a month, which is par for the course for poorly-researched fiction, and the next morning she recounts what she can remember to Harry.
“Don’t you remember anything?”
“I remember feeling a little faint and nauseous at the Yule Ball. I told Sam I was going to step outside for some fresh air. Just as I was about to exit young Ronald Aldinger ran up to me with a box, saying it was a gift. He ran off before I could ask him whom it was from. I assumed you, but it wasn’t. It must have been a portkey. I barely touched it before I felt myself being pulled into space. When I landed I was in a snowdrift at the side of the road. My jaw was dislocated and my fingers had been smashed.” Hermione only then realized that her jaw felt fine. She looked at her hand, her fingers moved perfectly.
Which we already knew, of course. The mystery object was clearly an idiot ball.
“I was naked. My clothes hadn’t transported with me. I realized that I must have been someplace else in order to receive my injuries, but I had no memory. I assumed my Animagus form and started walking the road, not having any idea where I was or was headed. Even as a wolf, I was cold and then it started snowing. I couldn’t eat and I knew that if I rested I would die. Harry, I felt so sick and weak. I wanted to lie down and die, but something inside me wouldn’t let me. A voice kept saying, ‘I won’t let you die. I’ve waited too long for you. I love you too much. I won’t let you die.’
“Was that you Harry? Did you somehow reach me?”
Harry sighed as he pointed to Caitlin who was still sleeping. “She did it. Caitlin has telepathic and hyperempath powers stronger than you can imagine. She felt it every time you were hurt. She had fallen asleep in the common room and woke up screaming. Her fingers were crushed the same as yours. She received a dislocate jaw the same as you did and she had pneumonia just like you.
Given this set-up, it would actually make a lot more sense for Caitlin to have been manipulating events herself rather than a ridiculous sequence of coincidences.
“Hermione, I have never felt so helpless. She was suffering. You were suffering. I had no clue as to where you were or who was holding you prisoner. I thought I was going to lose you both.”
It was Hermione's turn to tighten her grasp on Harry’s hand. “After what seemed like days, but was probably about twelve hours I had made it to the hill overlooking the Quidditch field. I was so happy to see Hogwarts. Then everything went blank.”
Speaking of contrived coincidences, she just happened to have been shot on the threshold of Hogwarts.
“You were shot, three times. Evidently, signs had been displayed offering a reward for the skin of an escaped and dangerous wolf.”
Scotland is not the Wild West.
“Did Caitlin suffer the wounds? Where was I shot?”
"On the Hogwarts threshold. I just said."
“How did I get here?”
“Alex talked Jamie into going for a scamper in the snow. He saw you first. Alex put you into stasis and then after putting a warming charm on her robes Jamie covered you and Alex carried you here.”
This really doesn't need to be reiterated. We'd already seen this happen, so this conversation can be summarised.
“Poor Jamie, she must have been frozen in nothing but her skirt and blouse.”
“A little less that that. She had the two till four in the morning shift watching Caitlin and hadn’t dressed.”
Hermione was horrified. “She walked here in the snow naked. What if someone from another house had seen her?”
“She felt it would be better for them to see her than you. She felt you would be humiliated, possibly never be able to face the students.”
So much for nudity being no big deal.
“Jamie knows me quite well. Was she seen by anyone?”
“No students. Just Pomfrey and the Headmaster.”
“What did they say?”
“Well, evidently Madam Pomfrey had figured out that Jamie and Caitlin were nudists. Plus seeing people naked is a part of her job. Poor Severus was more shocked that no one else was upset with Jamie being nude. He really gave Alex the third degree while he healed Caitlin.”
More reiteration - it's like watching a clip show - and more OOC!Snape.
Hermione sensed what Harry was about to say. She looked at him as tears built up ready to breach the dam when he gave the answer she knew was coming. “Harry, for a few days before the Yule Ball I was feeling nauseous; especially in the morning. I hadn’t seen Pomfrey, nor missed a period, so I wasn’t sure. Was I pregnant? Did I lose our child?”
I feel like I'm going in circles as much as the story itself. How does Harry not know she was trying for a baby? I can't help but interpret this as her having sabotaged the birth control without his knowledge. Upon which he kicks her out and canon!Hermione returns to take her place.
Caitlin had woken in time to hear that her mother had been pregnant and lost the baby. She pretended to turn in her sleep as she cried for her lost little brother or sister.
How very convenient. How very angsty. How very POV!faily.
Continued...