Deserving Chapter 53
I'd almost given up checking for updates, then on I go to the Uber-Pit and what do I find? Ladies and gentlemen, this is it.
Harry and Severus entered the fishing hut to find the children in bed with Charlie.
... wait, is this still Hogwarts Exposed?
Charlie had a storybook in his hands which made Severus think that he had read till exhaustion; no doubt a demand from the children.
And they all lived happily ever zzzzzzzz.
Harry looked at Severus trying to hide his smile. So he wasn’t the only one the children could sucker into reading more than one bedtime story. Severus lifted an eyebrow,
This sentence brought to you by Jaiden,
“Now where is Creevey with his blasted camera when you need him?” he asked rhetorically.
Uh, dead for however the hell long this has been since Deathly Hallows. We've seen all of once in this 53-chapter fic that Dennis has taken up photography like his elder brother.
But Harry’s eyes lit up and looking at Severus in total amazement said: “You’re brilliant.”
“Yes, well, you do have a way of stating the obvious, but what may I ask has prompted this observation?”
The "I know I'm great, tee-hee" routine is not only OOC for Snape, but for Deserving!Snape as well. And yes, this fic does have a way of stating the obvious.
“Given the fact that you are now a married man I find it very easy to understand why you have erased Mr. Creevey from your thoughts,” said Severus with a menacing glare.
Remember that Deserving!Dennis is, for reasons that remain unexplored, a bishounen.
“But don’t you see? Dennis is the perfect solution to all this mess. You’re brilliant, absolutely brilliant,” Harry said staring into his own thoughts gathering information from one side of his mind to the other. Severus could see him forming a plan; a plan that was not being shared with him.
Unlike the POV, which is being as freely shared as ever.
“Forgive me Sir, but I have no idea what you are talking about. How exactly can Mr. Creevey be of service in this situation?”
Chapter 48 established that Snape no longer has to refer to people formally, nor even call Harry Sir. Or, as Harry himself would put it, "There's no need to call me "sir", Professor." XD
“Don’t you see? We’ll beat Single at his own game. He has all those screens put up around Diagon Ally and in a couple of hours tons of wizards will be there to vote for the next Minister of Magic.
They've legged it because they considered it a foregone conclusion that Single would be elected as the next Minister for Magic because he's shown the crowd videos of Serena being a Sue.
We will not have a better opportunity than this one. We can show the Wizarding World what Single is all about.
"Down with unnecessary capitalisation!"
“Harry, you can’t be serious. You can’t endanger his life. He’s a kid,” said Neville trying to talk some sense into the Chosen One.
We don't actually know how old Dennis is: he was twenty in Chapter 35, we have no idea how much time has passed since and even his age there might have been an author's saving throw to stop Harry from being too much of an ephebophile.
“Neville, I am not going to do such a thing. All I want is the camera,” but then thinking that he would have no idea how to project the images onto the screens added “and some instructions on how to do this.”
Harry intends to take a super-speed photography class.
Harry knew Neville was right. He looked around the cave walls as if looking for the solutions. “Maybe we can take it from him without him knowing?” said Harry hesitantly.
Yes, let's steal our friend's dead brother's camera. For the greater good.
Neville shook his head “Not happening, he keeps that contraption in his pocket.”
“Always?”
“Always”
“Can we what? Harry. Hit me over the head and take it away from me,” said Dennis coming into Harry and Neville’s vision.
This is the strangest application of Chandler's law I've ever seen.
“Are you going to stupefy me?” asked Dennis drawing his wand.
Well, he did a good job of stupefying him back when they weren't together.
Harry looked at Neville and Neville looked at Harry. They had been caught.
It's handy that Dennis just happened to emerge from the offstage waiting room after six chapters when Harry and Neville were discussing their plans to swipe his camera.
“Dennis, be reasonable, all I need are the photos and a way to project them. This is what you have been working for all this time; isn’t it? You’ve documented all of Singles atrocities and this is the time to make use of your labor.”
Not that we've seen any of this happen.
Dennis looked at them with disbelief. “When are you two going to understand that I am not the little boy that fell into the lake on his ride to Hogwarts? I have been taking all these pictures and NO ONE but me will show them; is that clear?”
Character development is great. It's just that Dennis hasn't changed much in the entire fic, already being hardened by his experiences when we first met him in Chapter 5, so it's all off-screen and makes no sense.
“Dennis be reasonable
In this fic? Fat chance.
Single is looking for you. If he sees you he will have you arrested before you can get your pictures up.”
Dennis is apparently more wanted than Harry. The last we saw him he was running around rescuing children from Single's men, but no word of him collecting any incriminating photo evidence to kill Single's political career that I thought Harry had ended before anyway.
Neville saw that Harry was failing miserably at keeping Dennis away from harm’s way and decided to intervene.
By hijacking the POV.
“What? No! Look they have to show the Wizarding World that they have no intention of harming anyone like Single will have them belief. Don’t you see? They have had magic and wands for some time now and not one of them has gone seeking revenge on the citizens of our community.
Way to tempt fate there.
For the first time Harry’s plan was making sense to someone other than himself.
But we're not told who this is.
But to his surprise Neville was the one who responded. “No, Harry, the children must also go. Pictures are no comparison to the real thing.”
Dennis looked at Neville and knew at once that he was right. If this was going to work everyone was going to have to make some sacrifices. He approached Neville and tenderly caressed his cheek.
More like gently caressed, as we have a spare pairing out of absolutely nowhere.
He knew how hard that decision had been for Neville and he wanted to make sure that he gave him all his support. But Harry saw more in that action than support; he saw love and wondered if they knew.
The POV shift here is more obvious without the interruption, but the first "he" still refers to Dennis.
“It is settled then,” said Dennis looking into Neville’s eyes “There is no way that the children are going and I am not. Besides it would take hours for any of you to learn the incantation that will project the pictures and even longer to figure out my filing system.
Apparently it's not just a magical camera, it's a magical digital camera with its own projector and an arcane (in all senses of the word) filing system.
It will be daylight soon and we should all be in place before they get there.”
Harry figured out that it was no longer his call. He looked at Neville. “Fancy being Minister of Magic?”
Because people can just stand for election on the day of the election.
Neville drew his head back as if whipped by a strong gust of wind. “Mate, you’re barking mad if you think I would take that job. Besides you’re the Chosen One. People are sure to vote for you especially after they see what we have to show them.”
Apparently evidence of Single being a prick = forced mpreg, slavery and awkward infodumps for all! Vote Potter in 20XX!
“I find myself yet again turning down the position. I might be dense but I had a really good teacher, Dumbledore. The most brilliant mind of our times did not want that job and my guess is that he was on to something but the fact is that we need someone; someone that will be on our side.”
Dumbledore didn't trust himself with power after his own ill-advised brush with Dark magic in his youth, and Harry knows this.
“If you ask me I think Mona has done a great job and she would do more if she had the power to do so,” offered Neville.
No, I don't think Neville will refer to Professor Sprout as "Mona". Even if he's offering it rather than just saying it. And she's not that long been head of the Justice Department and there's been no indication that she was aiming for the top job.
Single had everything ready. He would finally get the job he deserved.
We have a title drop!
The job he had been working towards for such a long time. With Harry Potter on the run he was a shoe in for the job of Minister of Magic. He had given the order to continuously play the scenes that he had so carefully selected. Over and over again people could see how the children of the Death Eaters were menacing with power beyond their age. Power that seemed ten times more menacing on the big screens.
He twirled his moustache and cackled.
His thoughts were interrupted by someone wanted access to his office. He turned slightly to see that it was Kent.
Who? Why are we getting a new character in the final chapter?
“Yes, Sir, should I have them bring it in?”Said Kent savoring the ramifications of his act.
“What is it?” asked Single intrigued.
“Do you not wish to be surprised, my Lord,” said Kent thinking that would earn him many, many favors.
"It's a copy of How Not To Write a Novel with the section on POV bookmarked!"
Single’s face drew cold and menacing. “Do you think it wise to call me by that title the day of my election? Do you have NO common sense? Am I surrounded by idiots?”
Okay, now he actually is a cartoon villain.
Kent went to the door and said “Bring him in.” There before him Single saw the fair and young Malfoy. His smile grew wide. “Where are the rest?”
“We killed Kingsley, but were unable to find the child,” informed Kent.
You did not just kill Kingsley off-screen. I call bullshit.
Single’s eyebrow shot up, “Kingsley, dead? Where is the body?”
Kent was obviously startled by the question. “The body, My… Sir?”
You know, that thing people leave behind when they're killed!
“Yes! You idiot! The body. You claim that Kingsley is dead, that you or one of your men has killed him; something that I find hard to believe.
You're not the only one.
Single looked at him with doubt but this was not the time to question those who seem intent in pleasing him. He turned his attention to the young and still very beautiful Malfoy. It was easy to see how the death eater had entangles his head of Aurors to the point of desertion.
Single has the hots for Draco, apparently. Speaking of eleventh-hour plot twists.
“So, young Malfoy, it seems you’re up for grabs yet again. What with your so call husband dead you are once again in need of a Guide. I think I will select this Guide myself. Yes, I know of many who would love the attentions of such a well cared for Marked One as you,” Single said looking closely for Draco’s reaction. Reaction that did not come, Draco was as lifeless as Kent claimed that Shacklebolt was. There was no life in those gray eyes. So it was true, his mate was dead. Young Malfoy knew that he had no hope left.
I can't tell whether Draco's POV is intruding or we're just getting Single's impressions.
“Take him away. I will deal with him after my election,” he ordered.
Or at least something that sounds like "election".
“Yes, the polls will open in fifteen minutes. Soon, very soon,” he said savoring his sure victory, victory that engulfed his every thought and did not let him hear the commotion outside his window. It wasn’t until he saw Kent move towards the window that he came back down to earth and followed Kent’s line of vision. There on his biggest screen was a picture of two emaciated young men. He had to scrunch up his vision to remember their names, Crabbe and Goyle. Yes, that was their names, but what were they doing on screen. But before he could come up with a reasonable explanation the scene changed to a dead Goyle with a half dead newborn by his side. Then Single heard as the crowd made sounds of despair when the body of that same baby was pictured in the little tiny coffin. The body of the baby shriveled by lack of nutrients. Single saw in horror as people covered their eyes in pain.
How did Dennis get all these photos, considering that when we saw Goyle junior's funeral way back in Chapter 6 there was no sign of him running around taking photos?
“Will we stand by and allow innocent children to dye for the sins of their kin?
Though ending child labour in the textile industry is a worthy goal, I'm not sure it's relevant to this fic.
Harry had the crowd hanging on his every word. Meanwhile Dennis had pictures sliding behind Harry on the big screen: Pictures of children dying of hunger, picture of children with no decent clothing, picture of children being kept in dog kennels, pictures that shocked and repulsed the audience. Single felt the circulation being cut off from his hands.
If this is still Single's POV, why's he suddenly on first-name terms with Harry and Dennis?
His fists were so tight he was drawing blood. He turned on his heals and headed towards Harry. When he got down to the platform he yelled: “Arrest that man. He is a traitor! An outlaw!”
Harry looked at him and enjoyed the face of despair that Single displayed.
“A traitor? An outlaw? Is that what the Wizarding World is calling me these days? Has the Wizarding World forgotten who defeated Tom Riddle?” and looking down at the crowd: “Have you?”
This is a legitimately awesome moment. I'll admit that my reaction to Harry in this fic is that, although his actions clearly make him a despicable monster, the writing is so bad that the despicable monstrosity isn't really conveyed and I default to "Harry Potter pwns his opponents yay". Closer to a My Immortal reaction than a Hogwarts Exposed reaction.
Harry looked up at Single and bathed in the satisfaction of seeing Single’s world crumble around him. He saw the wizard turn around and run, unaware of Single’s intentions. Harry turned is attention back to the crowd before him, but Dennis kept his eyes on Single. He saw as the wizard entered the Ministry building
"The wizard" is probably the most unhelpful epithet yet.
and thought to ask Kings to keep an eye on Single. Where was Kingsley? Dennis looked up to see if Draco and Nicky were among the Marked Ones on the platform, but they were not there.
We have another POV shift in there, of course.
“Thank you, I am happy to see that the Wizarding World has not forgotten. But I need you to remember why we went to war in the first place. I don’t know about you, but I went to war seeking peace and have yet to find it. Six years have passed and there is still great sadness among our people.
This is the first real indication we've had of an actual timeline in this fic. In Harry's closing speech.
There is slavery! When did we consider slavery and option? When did we start believing that it was all right to make decisions for another human been?
I guess that's the past tense of a human being. I really wish the author's autocorrect had put "human bean" here.
When did we become DARK WIZARDS and WITCHES?” Harry looked around and found that not one of them were able to look him in the eyes. “I am the first one guilty of this crime and the first one to feel deeply ashamed of my actions. But I am going to make sure this insanity ends now by
... finishing the fic.
Harry stopped to allow his words to sink in. “My husband, Severus Snape, has worked non-stop to help the children of the Death Eaters…” he stopped and decided to clarify his words. “I repeat, children of the Death Eaters, not Death Eaters, to find their rightful place in our society. My husband believes…”
His words were interrupted by the ooos and aaas of the crowd.
He turned to see what they were reacting to and found himself face to face with Severus and his children.
Who were evidently psychic, having shown up out of nowhere at exactly the right moment to seize the crowd's attention at the climax of Harry's speech.
Single sat in the dark office staring at the big screens that had been his doomed. The streets down below were empty, dark and quiet. The votes had been counted and the insurable Pomona Sprout had been elected Minister of Magic. She would ride on Harry Bloody Potter’s platform and give the Marked Ones their freedom. His son’s death would never be avenged. He felt his blood boil with rage.
Even now there were people uploading Downfall parodies to the wizard net.
He had to strike, but how? And who? Then he remembered that in a cell not far from his office was the defenseless and defeated Mr. Draco Malfoy. Yes, Draco Malfoy, his pain was sure to hurt those who had defeated him.
So his last desperate act as a defeated villain (his Morgan Clark moment, if you will) is to... bugger Draco. It makes as much sense as anything else in Deserving.
With Kingsley gone Potter and the others will feel compel to protect Kingsley’s spouse. He walked slowly towards the cell thinking of the best way to hurt the trapped animal in the cage. When he got to the door he saw Malfoy looking up into the dark sky. Malfoy, with his platinum hair and his grey eyes, with his skins as white as snow. It took but a second to realize how he would get his vengeance.
It took even less time for the reader to realise. I mean really, what else could it be in this fic?
Yes, the Malfoy kid was beautiful. It was easy to see how he had captured the head of the Auror Department. But tonight he would be his own personal boy toy. He stepped threw the door without opening it
Because... this is possible, apparently?
and was shocked to see the Draco did not move. He kept his eyes on the stars.
The holding cells in the Department of Buggery have a lovely view of the night sky for some reason.
Single took a step to insure that the Marked One knew of his presence. But again he got no reaction from the son of the prominent Death Eater. He cleared his throat, which finally annoyed Draco to the point where he did not move but did address Single.
“It took you long enough. I heard Harry from up here. I thought for sure you were headed my way when you stormed into the building,” said Draco barely moving his jar.
I don't even know what word the author meant to put here. His jar?
“And why would I come to you?” asked Single.
“To rape me, of course. Isn’t that why you are here?”
"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum rape me or what." I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo.
How could he know?
Because everyone in the fic has a one-track mind.
“YES! That is exactly why I am here, so now…” Single was struck by the fact that he had no idea what to say next. He had orchestrated so many rapes but he himself had never been a participant.
“Not the same; is it? When you are the one committing the crime,” said Draco still not moving.
Burn! Exquisite burn, in fact.
“CRIME! You think it is a crime to punish the likes of you? Please, don’t make me laugh. You and your kind deserve no compaction.”
"So I'm not going to throw you in the waste disposal today."
“So you must feel very satisfy to know that I am broken. That not even the kiss of a Dementor would take me any lower than I am now. That nothing you can do to me can come close to the pain of losing my family.”
“Offer!” came the demand.
Draco did not move.
Single took out his wand and again gave the order: “Offer!”
Those stars were looking mighty interesting to Draco.
“Mr. Malfoy, don’t you doubt for a second that I would use this wand.”
Isn't that the entire reason he's here?
The Marked One did not move or show any kind of reaction.
“Imperio!”
Draco didn’t stand a chance before he knew it he was before Single awaiting orders.
“Offer,” came the order.
Draco pulled down his jeans to reveal a naked bottom.
Well, I'd be a bit concerned if pulling down his jeans revealed his ears.
He bend over showing Single his nakedness.
Two mentions of nakedness in two sentences. I'm getting Hogwarts Exposed flashbacks.
“NO! I said offer. Don’t you know the proper way to offer?
By mooning.
On your hands and knees like the filth that you are.”
Notice how he doesn't even make the slightest attempt to resist the Imperius curse? At the moment there's the possible justification that he believes he's got nothing left to live for, but remember this for later.
Draco got on his hands and knees and placed his forehead on the stone floor then parting his cheeks offered his new master the entrance to his body.
His body only has the one entrance, apparently. I bet that's a nasty shock for his dinner guests.
Single looked down at the offering with satisfaction. It was little satisfaction but it would have to do for now. He was about to kneel down behind Draco when the door to the cell exploded.
Deus ex machina!
“Step away from my husband,” came the booming voice.
Draco lifted his head in disbelief. Kings? But… how? Kings was dead? He had seen it with his own eyes.
Who's surprised that Kingsley is alive? Anyone?
“I said step away from my husband,” said Kingsley stepping closer to Single with his wand pointed directly at Single’s chest.
“Mr. Kingsley, you have no idea how happy it makes me to see you in such good health. I am sure your h u s b a n d will stop pestering me now that he knows that you are well.”
“Are you barking mad, Single?”
Yes. Next question?
“Why Mr. Kingsley your spouse has been begging me to take him.
"I keep telling him the all-Ministry coach tour is fully booked, but will he listen?"
As you can see he has not gotten up to welcome you. It must be such a drag to have a slut for a partner.” Single was determined to get any bit of satisfaction as he could get his hands on.
Kingsley didn’t understand why Draco was still on the ground in an offering position.
Because there's no way an Auror can recognise the effects of the Imperius curse.
“Draco, come here, everything is going to be all right,” said Kingsley with the softest voice he could muster.
But try as he might, Draco was unable to stand.
You see Mr. Kingsley. Your spouse had accepted a new master. Will you can’t blame him, you see it’s in their nature to follow. This is why the Dark Lord had no problems recruiting the likes of him.”
“LIES!” boomed Kingsley.
POTTERRR!
“Draco, my love, please get up.”
Draco scrunched up his eyes and tried to gather all the strength within him but to no avail. He was not able to get up from his position.
Kings’ shoulders slumped in defeat. He could not believe what his eyes were witnessing. When all of a sudden a curse passed right by his left ear hitting Single straight in the chest making him fall to the ground. Kingsley turned to see Mark Sly with his wand still aiming at the corps.
Now this really is a deus ex machina because Sly has been in the offstage waiting room and his return to save the day wasn't set up in any way.
Mark did not answer Kingsley unvoiced questions instead he walked towards Draco and gave him a hands up. When Draco was standing he decided to answer Kings most pressing question: “Imperio.”
So he responds to having the Imperius Curse cast on him by... casting the Imperius Curse on his husband when he rescues him. Whatever.
A Year later at Richard’s sixth birthday:
Or should I say:
A year later on Harry and Richard’s Birthday…
If Richard's sixth birthday is seven years after the beginning of the story, there are three months unaccounted for. Kind of fitting the story should end on a birthday party considering how they became almost a running gag.
“Content?” ask Harry now standing side by side with Severus and also looking at their guest.
“How can I not be? My little snakes are finally free.
That's what she said.
Mona has gone as far as giving them back whatever property she could find that rightfully belonged to them. She has enacted a law that will prevent anything remotely resembling slavery to ever exist in our world. Yes, my husband, content.”
“Content enough to give me our third child?” asked Harry still not looking at Severus.
Severus turned to look at Harry in disbelief. “You know that you have just to give the word and I will prepare the potion.”
It feels like Deserving's characters look at each other in disbelief a lot more than they actually do.
Harry also kept his eyes ahead. “No pain?” he asked for reassurance.
“Look around us my husband. There is peace. I believe we have earned it. Do you not agree?”
Harry approached his husband and wrapped his arms around him. “I agree.”
Behold, the esoteric happy ending. There's a similar thing as I saw in this fandomsecret, which at first glance I thought might actually be about Deserving itself (!) but on closer inspection doesn't quite fit, where characters being soulbonded or whatever justifies all the abuse.
Their moment was interrupted by the cries of their youngest child.
“Richard! Richard!” Serena cried.
Richard was off running with the boys and Serena was doing her best to keep up with them. But the six-year-old boys were no match for her so before anyone could guess how she would solve her problem she scrunched up her eyes and turned into a fawn.
Just in case we'd forgotten she's a Sue. It's a shame we never see her grow up and take over the world.
Doe and Buck appeared and circled the fawn keeping it in a tight circle. The fawn tried and tried to ditch the buck and the doe but grew frustrated when she saw they were not budging. She turned into her little girl form and with a pout cried “Not fair!”
Harry, Severus, and their guest all laughed out loud.
Because an Everybody Laughs ending is just what every darkfic needs. Wait, what?
What struck me, finishing Deserving barely more than a week after Hogwarts Exposed, is how similar but at the same time different the two fics are. A lot of the writing problems, like the hyperactive POV and redundancy, are well known, described in many writing guides and endemic to fanfic in general. Even the way the ending is squeezed into a single chapter is similar. Deserving has a little more characterisation, even if that's limited to giving Snape an enforced formal register and making Kingsley YELL ALL THE TIME, but it's enough to make its dialogue intensely quotable ("I HATE THAT YOU HAVE A COCK!" anyone?) rather than just banal. Its greater number of outright mistakes actually lift it out of the uncanny valley of writing that Hogwarts Exposed inhabits, making it an easier read: this update is a lot longer than my later HE updates for a reason. Last but not least, although it's problematic that Harry never really faces the consequences he (well) deserves for his actions, I never get the impression that the author is trying to convince me he's doing the right thing. He acknowledges that he's done wrong (and that the world isn't divided into good people and Death Eaters, as sith_droideka pointed out in the comments here) and although that's not good enough, it's a far cry from actually presenting his actions as right and proper.
So, in conclusion: Deserving is bad. In fact, it's so bad it's good. It isn't as bad as Hogwarts Exposed, and for that we can all be grateful.
Harry and Severus entered the fishing hut to find the children in bed with Charlie.
... wait, is this still Hogwarts Exposed?
Charlie had a storybook in his hands which made Severus think that he had read till exhaustion; no doubt a demand from the children.
And they all lived happily ever zzzzzzzz.
Harry looked at Severus trying to hide his smile. So he wasn’t the only one the children could sucker into reading more than one bedtime story. Severus lifted an eyebrow,
This sentence brought to you by Jaiden,
“Now where is Creevey with his blasted camera when you need him?” he asked rhetorically.
Uh, dead for however the hell long this has been since Deathly Hallows. We've seen all of once in this 53-chapter fic that Dennis has taken up photography like his elder brother.
But Harry’s eyes lit up and looking at Severus in total amazement said: “You’re brilliant.”
“Yes, well, you do have a way of stating the obvious, but what may I ask has prompted this observation?”
The "I know I'm great, tee-hee" routine is not only OOC for Snape, but for Deserving!Snape as well. And yes, this fic does have a way of stating the obvious.
“Given the fact that you are now a married man I find it very easy to understand why you have erased Mr. Creevey from your thoughts,” said Severus with a menacing glare.
Remember that Deserving!Dennis is, for reasons that remain unexplored, a bishounen.
“But don’t you see? Dennis is the perfect solution to all this mess. You’re brilliant, absolutely brilliant,” Harry said staring into his own thoughts gathering information from one side of his mind to the other. Severus could see him forming a plan; a plan that was not being shared with him.
Unlike the POV, which is being as freely shared as ever.
“Forgive me Sir, but I have no idea what you are talking about. How exactly can Mr. Creevey be of service in this situation?”
Chapter 48 established that Snape no longer has to refer to people formally, nor even call Harry Sir. Or, as Harry himself would put it, "There's no need to call me "sir", Professor." XD
“Don’t you see? We’ll beat Single at his own game. He has all those screens put up around Diagon Ally and in a couple of hours tons of wizards will be there to vote for the next Minister of Magic.
They've legged it because they considered it a foregone conclusion that Single would be elected as the next Minister for Magic because he's shown the crowd videos of Serena being a Sue.
We will not have a better opportunity than this one. We can show the Wizarding World what Single is all about.
"Down with unnecessary capitalisation!"
“Harry, you can’t be serious. You can’t endanger his life. He’s a kid,” said Neville trying to talk some sense into the Chosen One.
We don't actually know how old Dennis is: he was twenty in Chapter 35, we have no idea how much time has passed since and even his age there might have been an author's saving throw to stop Harry from being too much of an ephebophile.
“Neville, I am not going to do such a thing. All I want is the camera,” but then thinking that he would have no idea how to project the images onto the screens added “and some instructions on how to do this.”
Harry intends to take a super-speed photography class.
Harry knew Neville was right. He looked around the cave walls as if looking for the solutions. “Maybe we can take it from him without him knowing?” said Harry hesitantly.
Yes, let's steal our friend's dead brother's camera. For the greater good.
Neville shook his head “Not happening, he keeps that contraption in his pocket.”
“Always?”
“Always”
Click to view“Can we what? Harry. Hit me over the head and take it away from me,” said Dennis coming into Harry and Neville’s vision.
This is the strangest application of Chandler's law I've ever seen.
“Are you going to stupefy me?” asked Dennis drawing his wand.
Well, he did a good job of stupefying him back when they weren't together.
Harry looked at Neville and Neville looked at Harry. They had been caught.
It's handy that Dennis just happened to emerge from the offstage waiting room after six chapters when Harry and Neville were discussing their plans to swipe his camera.
“Dennis, be reasonable, all I need are the photos and a way to project them. This is what you have been working for all this time; isn’t it? You’ve documented all of Singles atrocities and this is the time to make use of your labor.”
Not that we've seen any of this happen.
Dennis looked at them with disbelief. “When are you two going to understand that I am not the little boy that fell into the lake on his ride to Hogwarts? I have been taking all these pictures and NO ONE but me will show them; is that clear?”
Character development is great. It's just that Dennis hasn't changed much in the entire fic, already being hardened by his experiences when we first met him in Chapter 5, so it's all off-screen and makes no sense.
“Dennis be reasonable
In this fic? Fat chance.
Single is looking for you. If he sees you he will have you arrested before you can get your pictures up.”
Dennis is apparently more wanted than Harry. The last we saw him he was running around rescuing children from Single's men, but no word of him collecting any incriminating photo evidence to kill Single's political career that I thought Harry had ended before anyway.
Neville saw that Harry was failing miserably at keeping Dennis away from harm’s way and decided to intervene.
By hijacking the POV.
“What? No! Look they have to show the Wizarding World that they have no intention of harming anyone like Single will have them belief. Don’t you see? They have had magic and wands for some time now and not one of them has gone seeking revenge on the citizens of our community.
Way to tempt fate there.
For the first time Harry’s plan was making sense to someone other than himself.
But we're not told who this is.
But to his surprise Neville was the one who responded. “No, Harry, the children must also go. Pictures are no comparison to the real thing.”
Dennis looked at Neville and knew at once that he was right. If this was going to work everyone was going to have to make some sacrifices. He approached Neville and tenderly caressed his cheek.
More like gently caressed, as we have a spare pairing out of absolutely nowhere.
He knew how hard that decision had been for Neville and he wanted to make sure that he gave him all his support. But Harry saw more in that action than support; he saw love and wondered if they knew.
The POV shift here is more obvious without the interruption, but the first "he" still refers to Dennis.
“It is settled then,” said Dennis looking into Neville’s eyes “There is no way that the children are going and I am not. Besides it would take hours for any of you to learn the incantation that will project the pictures and even longer to figure out my filing system.
Apparently it's not just a magical camera, it's a magical digital camera with its own projector and an arcane (in all senses of the word) filing system.
It will be daylight soon and we should all be in place before they get there.”
Harry figured out that it was no longer his call. He looked at Neville. “Fancy being Minister of Magic?”
Because people can just stand for election on the day of the election.
Neville drew his head back as if whipped by a strong gust of wind. “Mate, you’re barking mad if you think I would take that job. Besides you’re the Chosen One. People are sure to vote for you especially after they see what we have to show them.”
Apparently evidence of Single being a prick = forced mpreg, slavery and awkward infodumps for all! Vote Potter in 20XX!
“I find myself yet again turning down the position. I might be dense but I had a really good teacher, Dumbledore. The most brilliant mind of our times did not want that job and my guess is that he was on to something but the fact is that we need someone; someone that will be on our side.”
Dumbledore didn't trust himself with power after his own ill-advised brush with Dark magic in his youth, and Harry knows this.
“If you ask me I think Mona has done a great job and she would do more if she had the power to do so,” offered Neville.
No, I don't think Neville will refer to Professor Sprout as "Mona". Even if he's offering it rather than just saying it. And she's not that long been head of the Justice Department and there's been no indication that she was aiming for the top job.
Single had everything ready. He would finally get the job he deserved.
We have a title drop!
The job he had been working towards for such a long time. With Harry Potter on the run he was a shoe in for the job of Minister of Magic. He had given the order to continuously play the scenes that he had so carefully selected. Over and over again people could see how the children of the Death Eaters were menacing with power beyond their age. Power that seemed ten times more menacing on the big screens.
He twirled his moustache and cackled.
His thoughts were interrupted by someone wanted access to his office. He turned slightly to see that it was Kent.
Who? Why are we getting a new character in the final chapter?
“Yes, Sir, should I have them bring it in?”Said Kent savoring the ramifications of his act.
“What is it?” asked Single intrigued.
“Do you not wish to be surprised, my Lord,” said Kent thinking that would earn him many, many favors.
"It's a copy of How Not To Write a Novel with the section on POV bookmarked!"
Single’s face drew cold and menacing. “Do you think it wise to call me by that title the day of my election? Do you have NO common sense? Am I surrounded by idiots?”
Okay, now he actually is a cartoon villain.
Kent went to the door and said “Bring him in.” There before him Single saw the fair and young Malfoy. His smile grew wide. “Where are the rest?”
“We killed Kingsley, but were unable to find the child,” informed Kent.
You did not just kill Kingsley off-screen. I call bullshit.
Single’s eyebrow shot up, “Kingsley, dead? Where is the body?”
Kent was obviously startled by the question. “The body, My… Sir?”
You know, that thing people leave behind when they're killed!
“Yes! You idiot! The body. You claim that Kingsley is dead, that you or one of your men has killed him; something that I find hard to believe.
You're not the only one.
Single looked at him with doubt but this was not the time to question those who seem intent in pleasing him. He turned his attention to the young and still very beautiful Malfoy. It was easy to see how the death eater had entangles his head of Aurors to the point of desertion.
Single has the hots for Draco, apparently. Speaking of eleventh-hour plot twists.
“So, young Malfoy, it seems you’re up for grabs yet again. What with your so call husband dead you are once again in need of a Guide. I think I will select this Guide myself. Yes, I know of many who would love the attentions of such a well cared for Marked One as you,” Single said looking closely for Draco’s reaction. Reaction that did not come, Draco was as lifeless as Kent claimed that Shacklebolt was. There was no life in those gray eyes. So it was true, his mate was dead. Young Malfoy knew that he had no hope left.
I can't tell whether Draco's POV is intruding or we're just getting Single's impressions.
“Take him away. I will deal with him after my election,” he ordered.
Or at least something that sounds like "election".
“Yes, the polls will open in fifteen minutes. Soon, very soon,” he said savoring his sure victory, victory that engulfed his every thought and did not let him hear the commotion outside his window. It wasn’t until he saw Kent move towards the window that he came back down to earth and followed Kent’s line of vision. There on his biggest screen was a picture of two emaciated young men. He had to scrunch up his vision to remember their names, Crabbe and Goyle. Yes, that was their names, but what were they doing on screen. But before he could come up with a reasonable explanation the scene changed to a dead Goyle with a half dead newborn by his side. Then Single heard as the crowd made sounds of despair when the body of that same baby was pictured in the little tiny coffin. The body of the baby shriveled by lack of nutrients. Single saw in horror as people covered their eyes in pain.
How did Dennis get all these photos, considering that when we saw Goyle junior's funeral way back in Chapter 6 there was no sign of him running around taking photos?
“Will we stand by and allow innocent children to dye for the sins of their kin?
Though ending child labour in the textile industry is a worthy goal, I'm not sure it's relevant to this fic.
Harry had the crowd hanging on his every word. Meanwhile Dennis had pictures sliding behind Harry on the big screen: Pictures of children dying of hunger, picture of children with no decent clothing, picture of children being kept in dog kennels, pictures that shocked and repulsed the audience. Single felt the circulation being cut off from his hands.
If this is still Single's POV, why's he suddenly on first-name terms with Harry and Dennis?
His fists were so tight he was drawing blood. He turned on his heals and headed towards Harry. When he got down to the platform he yelled: “Arrest that man. He is a traitor! An outlaw!”
Harry looked at him and enjoyed the face of despair that Single displayed.
“A traitor? An outlaw? Is that what the Wizarding World is calling me these days? Has the Wizarding World forgotten who defeated Tom Riddle?” and looking down at the crowd: “Have you?”
This is a legitimately awesome moment. I'll admit that my reaction to Harry in this fic is that, although his actions clearly make him a despicable monster, the writing is so bad that the despicable monstrosity isn't really conveyed and I default to "Harry Potter pwns his opponents yay". Closer to a My Immortal reaction than a Hogwarts Exposed reaction.
Harry looked up at Single and bathed in the satisfaction of seeing Single’s world crumble around him. He saw the wizard turn around and run, unaware of Single’s intentions. Harry turned is attention back to the crowd before him, but Dennis kept his eyes on Single. He saw as the wizard entered the Ministry building
"The wizard" is probably the most unhelpful epithet yet.
and thought to ask Kings to keep an eye on Single. Where was Kingsley? Dennis looked up to see if Draco and Nicky were among the Marked Ones on the platform, but they were not there.
We have another POV shift in there, of course.
“Thank you, I am happy to see that the Wizarding World has not forgotten. But I need you to remember why we went to war in the first place. I don’t know about you, but I went to war seeking peace and have yet to find it. Six years have passed and there is still great sadness among our people.
This is the first real indication we've had of an actual timeline in this fic. In Harry's closing speech.
There is slavery! When did we consider slavery and option? When did we start believing that it was all right to make decisions for another human been?
I guess that's the past tense of a human being. I really wish the author's autocorrect had put "human bean" here.
When did we become DARK WIZARDS and WITCHES?” Harry looked around and found that not one of them were able to look him in the eyes. “I am the first one guilty of this crime and the first one to feel deeply ashamed of my actions. But I am going to make sure this insanity ends now by
... finishing the fic.
Harry stopped to allow his words to sink in. “My husband, Severus Snape, has worked non-stop to help the children of the Death Eaters…” he stopped and decided to clarify his words. “I repeat, children of the Death Eaters, not Death Eaters, to find their rightful place in our society. My husband believes…”
His words were interrupted by the ooos and aaas of the crowd.
He turned to see what they were reacting to and found himself face to face with Severus and his children.
Who were evidently psychic, having shown up out of nowhere at exactly the right moment to seize the crowd's attention at the climax of Harry's speech.
Single sat in the dark office staring at the big screens that had been his doomed. The streets down below were empty, dark and quiet. The votes had been counted and the insurable Pomona Sprout had been elected Minister of Magic. She would ride on Harry Bloody Potter’s platform and give the Marked Ones their freedom. His son’s death would never be avenged. He felt his blood boil with rage.
Even now there were people uploading Downfall parodies to the wizard net.
He had to strike, but how? And who? Then he remembered that in a cell not far from his office was the defenseless and defeated Mr. Draco Malfoy. Yes, Draco Malfoy, his pain was sure to hurt those who had defeated him.
So his last desperate act as a defeated villain (his Morgan Clark moment, if you will) is to... bugger Draco. It makes as much sense as anything else in Deserving.
With Kingsley gone Potter and the others will feel compel to protect Kingsley’s spouse. He walked slowly towards the cell thinking of the best way to hurt the trapped animal in the cage. When he got to the door he saw Malfoy looking up into the dark sky. Malfoy, with his platinum hair and his grey eyes, with his skins as white as snow. It took but a second to realize how he would get his vengeance.
It took even less time for the reader to realise. I mean really, what else could it be in this fic?
Yes, the Malfoy kid was beautiful. It was easy to see how he had captured the head of the Auror Department. But tonight he would be his own personal boy toy. He stepped threw the door without opening it
Because... this is possible, apparently?
and was shocked to see the Draco did not move. He kept his eyes on the stars.
The holding cells in the Department of Buggery have a lovely view of the night sky for some reason.
Single took a step to insure that the Marked One knew of his presence. But again he got no reaction from the son of the prominent Death Eater. He cleared his throat, which finally annoyed Draco to the point where he did not move but did address Single.
“It took you long enough. I heard Harry from up here. I thought for sure you were headed my way when you stormed into the building,” said Draco barely moving his jar.
I don't even know what word the author meant to put here. His jar?
“And why would I come to you?” asked Single.
“To rape me, of course. Isn’t that why you are here?”
"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum rape me or what." I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo.
How could he know?
Because everyone in the fic has a one-track mind.
“YES! That is exactly why I am here, so now…” Single was struck by the fact that he had no idea what to say next. He had orchestrated so many rapes but he himself had never been a participant.
“Not the same; is it? When you are the one committing the crime,” said Draco still not moving.
Burn! Exquisite burn, in fact.
“CRIME! You think it is a crime to punish the likes of you? Please, don’t make me laugh. You and your kind deserve no compaction.”
"So I'm not going to throw you in the waste disposal today."
“So you must feel very satisfy to know that I am broken. That not even the kiss of a Dementor would take me any lower than I am now. That nothing you can do to me can come close to the pain of losing my family.”
“Offer!” came the demand.
Draco did not move.
Single took out his wand and again gave the order: “Offer!”
Those stars were looking mighty interesting to Draco.
“Mr. Malfoy, don’t you doubt for a second that I would use this wand.”
Isn't that the entire reason he's here?
The Marked One did not move or show any kind of reaction.
“Imperio!”
Draco didn’t stand a chance before he knew it he was before Single awaiting orders.
“Offer,” came the order.
Draco pulled down his jeans to reveal a naked bottom.
Well, I'd be a bit concerned if pulling down his jeans revealed his ears.
He bend over showing Single his nakedness.
Two mentions of nakedness in two sentences. I'm getting Hogwarts Exposed flashbacks.
“NO! I said offer. Don’t you know the proper way to offer?
By mooning.
On your hands and knees like the filth that you are.”
Notice how he doesn't even make the slightest attempt to resist the Imperius curse? At the moment there's the possible justification that he believes he's got nothing left to live for, but remember this for later.
Draco got on his hands and knees and placed his forehead on the stone floor then parting his cheeks offered his new master the entrance to his body.
His body only has the one entrance, apparently. I bet that's a nasty shock for his dinner guests.
Single looked down at the offering with satisfaction. It was little satisfaction but it would have to do for now. He was about to kneel down behind Draco when the door to the cell exploded.
Deus ex machina!
“Step away from my husband,” came the booming voice.
Draco lifted his head in disbelief. Kings? But… how? Kings was dead? He had seen it with his own eyes.
Who's surprised that Kingsley is alive? Anyone?
“I said step away from my husband,” said Kingsley stepping closer to Single with his wand pointed directly at Single’s chest.
“Mr. Kingsley, you have no idea how happy it makes me to see you in such good health. I am sure your h u s b a n d will stop pestering me now that he knows that you are well.”
“Are you barking mad, Single?”
Yes. Next question?
“Why Mr. Kingsley your spouse has been begging me to take him.
"I keep telling him the all-Ministry coach tour is fully booked, but will he listen?"
As you can see he has not gotten up to welcome you. It must be such a drag to have a slut for a partner.” Single was determined to get any bit of satisfaction as he could get his hands on.
Kingsley didn’t understand why Draco was still on the ground in an offering position.
Because there's no way an Auror can recognise the effects of the Imperius curse.
“Draco, come here, everything is going to be all right,” said Kingsley with the softest voice he could muster.
But try as he might, Draco was unable to stand.
You see Mr. Kingsley. Your spouse had accepted a new master. Will you can’t blame him, you see it’s in their nature to follow. This is why the Dark Lord had no problems recruiting the likes of him.”
“LIES!” boomed Kingsley.
POTTERRR!
“Draco, my love, please get up.”
Draco scrunched up his eyes and tried to gather all the strength within him but to no avail. He was not able to get up from his position.
Kings’ shoulders slumped in defeat. He could not believe what his eyes were witnessing. When all of a sudden a curse passed right by his left ear hitting Single straight in the chest making him fall to the ground. Kingsley turned to see Mark Sly with his wand still aiming at the corps.
Now this really is a deus ex machina because Sly has been in the offstage waiting room and his return to save the day wasn't set up in any way.
Mark did not answer Kingsley unvoiced questions instead he walked towards Draco and gave him a hands up. When Draco was standing he decided to answer Kings most pressing question: “Imperio.”
So he responds to having the Imperius Curse cast on him by... casting the Imperius Curse on his husband when he rescues him. Whatever.
A Year later at Richard’s sixth birthday:
Or should I say:
A year later on Harry and Richard’s Birthday…
If Richard's sixth birthday is seven years after the beginning of the story, there are three months unaccounted for. Kind of fitting the story should end on a birthday party considering how they became almost a running gag.
“Content?” ask Harry now standing side by side with Severus and also looking at their guest.
“How can I not be? My little snakes are finally free.
That's what she said.
Mona has gone as far as giving them back whatever property she could find that rightfully belonged to them. She has enacted a law that will prevent anything remotely resembling slavery to ever exist in our world. Yes, my husband, content.”
“Content enough to give me our third child?” asked Harry still not looking at Severus.
Severus turned to look at Harry in disbelief. “You know that you have just to give the word and I will prepare the potion.”
It feels like Deserving's characters look at each other in disbelief a lot more than they actually do.
Harry also kept his eyes ahead. “No pain?” he asked for reassurance.
“Look around us my husband. There is peace. I believe we have earned it. Do you not agree?”
Harry approached his husband and wrapped his arms around him. “I agree.”
Behold, the esoteric happy ending. There's a similar thing as I saw in this fandomsecret, which at first glance I thought might actually be about Deserving itself (!) but on closer inspection doesn't quite fit, where characters being soulbonded or whatever justifies all the abuse.
Their moment was interrupted by the cries of their youngest child.
“Richard! Richard!” Serena cried.
Richard was off running with the boys and Serena was doing her best to keep up with them. But the six-year-old boys were no match for her so before anyone could guess how she would solve her problem she scrunched up her eyes and turned into a fawn.
Just in case we'd forgotten she's a Sue. It's a shame we never see her grow up and take over the world.
Doe and Buck appeared and circled the fawn keeping it in a tight circle. The fawn tried and tried to ditch the buck and the doe but grew frustrated when she saw they were not budging. She turned into her little girl form and with a pout cried “Not fair!”
Harry, Severus, and their guest all laughed out loud.
Because an Everybody Laughs ending is just what every darkfic needs. Wait, what?
What struck me, finishing Deserving barely more than a week after Hogwarts Exposed, is how similar but at the same time different the two fics are. A lot of the writing problems, like the hyperactive POV and redundancy, are well known, described in many writing guides and endemic to fanfic in general. Even the way the ending is squeezed into a single chapter is similar. Deserving has a little more characterisation, even if that's limited to giving Snape an enforced formal register and making Kingsley YELL ALL THE TIME, but it's enough to make its dialogue intensely quotable ("I HATE THAT YOU HAVE A COCK!" anyone?) rather than just banal. Its greater number of outright mistakes actually lift it out of the uncanny valley of writing that Hogwarts Exposed inhabits, making it an easier read: this update is a lot longer than my later HE updates for a reason. Last but not least, although it's problematic that Harry never really faces the consequences he (well) deserves for his actions, I never get the impression that the author is trying to convince me he's doing the right thing. He acknowledges that he's done wrong (and that the world isn't divided into good people and Death Eaters, as sith_droideka pointed out in the comments here) and although that's not good enough, it's a far cry from actually presenting his actions as right and proper.
So, in conclusion: Deserving is bad. In fact, it's so bad it's good. It isn't as bad as Hogwarts Exposed, and for that we can all be grateful.