similes are such pretty death traps
So, the Bad Sex Awards are back, and this year the winner is pretty hilarious due to the similes alone. Consider:
Fingers are "mining up, like an otter through wet sand" (I totally don't get this...otters mine?) and "tender enough to hold a tiny bird."
Nipples are "upturned like the nose of the loveliest nocturnal animal, sniffing in the night." (This is actually a really frightening comparison that I wish I could strike from my brain.)
Pubic hair is a "thin line bunched darkly, like desert vegetation following an underground stream." (Twiggy vegetation with spines and thorns!)
Bellies are "like a fish flipping itself." (That's just awkward.)
The whole thing is summed up: "Like a lepidopterist mounting a tough-skinned insect with a too blunt pin he screwed himself into her."
WHY.
Fingers are "mining up, like an otter through wet sand" (I totally don't get this...otters mine?) and "tender enough to hold a tiny bird."
Nipples are "upturned like the nose of the loveliest nocturnal animal, sniffing in the night." (This is actually a really frightening comparison that I wish I could strike from my brain.)
Pubic hair is a "thin line bunched darkly, like desert vegetation following an underground stream." (Twiggy vegetation with spines and thorns!)
Bellies are "like a fish flipping itself." (That's just awkward.)
The whole thing is summed up: "Like a lepidopterist mounting a tough-skinned insect with a too blunt pin he screwed himself into her."
WHY.