Recovery
My recovery is remaining turbulent at the moment. I got another urinary tract infection, or just maybe an infection period. After the previous one, I started feeling better only to feel a bit worse, get more tired and then start a general decline. I was a bit quicker in going to the doctor's for antibiotics, although in hindsight, I really got tired and depressed and should have gone sooner. However, both my mum and my boyfriend made me a feel a bit stupid for complaining that I might be coming down with an infection and then I got a bit stupid because of the tiredness and depression thing. What is it with masculine people and their bloody "show no weakness" thing? Aaargh...
The depression was actually quite bad. I haven't felt suicidal in a while, and I pretty much got there. Not the active form, but more the "I want to die, so just leave me here, stop bothering me, and I'll do that". I've too much experience not to take that as a definite warning sign and that, with the definite smell of infected urine, led me to the doctors. Also, once I decided I had a problem, both my mother and my boyfriend became insufferable in making sure I went and finding out what had to be done next. I hate it when they gang up on me like that...
So, since then, I'm now on another week-long course of antibiotics. This time, I'm being seen by the doctor at all stages and they're a weaker form than the previous stuff I was on. The improvement in energy has been pretty drastic, although mood's been taking a bit longer. I just feel sorry for myself, as opposed to actively wishing I was dead. On Saturday, I went for a walk and managed to climb Highgate Hill and sit in Waterlow Park, before coming back through Dartmouth Park Hill. Not, perhaps, the best starting walk, but one that I felt I could do and which I felt OK doing at all stages, except it might have tired me out through Sunday as well. I also managed to do a whole host of chores such as washing some clothes and renewing my domain, which had lapsed.
The general depression from the infections also did a number on my sleeping pattern, but I think it's under control. I had to push my sleeping pattern forwards, which probably hasn't helped my well-being or my general sense of energy, but it's nice to awake during the day.
The depression was actually quite bad. I haven't felt suicidal in a while, and I pretty much got there. Not the active form, but more the "I want to die, so just leave me here, stop bothering me, and I'll do that". I've too much experience not to take that as a definite warning sign and that, with the definite smell of infected urine, led me to the doctors. Also, once I decided I had a problem, both my mother and my boyfriend became insufferable in making sure I went and finding out what had to be done next. I hate it when they gang up on me like that...
So, since then, I'm now on another week-long course of antibiotics. This time, I'm being seen by the doctor at all stages and they're a weaker form than the previous stuff I was on. The improvement in energy has been pretty drastic, although mood's been taking a bit longer. I just feel sorry for myself, as opposed to actively wishing I was dead. On Saturday, I went for a walk and managed to climb Highgate Hill and sit in Waterlow Park, before coming back through Dartmouth Park Hill. Not, perhaps, the best starting walk, but one that I felt I could do and which I felt OK doing at all stages, except it might have tired me out through Sunday as well. I also managed to do a whole host of chores such as washing some clothes and renewing my domain, which had lapsed.
The general depression from the infections also did a number on my sleeping pattern, but I think it's under control. I had to push my sleeping pattern forwards, which probably hasn't helped my well-being or my general sense of energy, but it's nice to awake during the day.