Meh
I'm on my third infection. This one's been a bit weird because it felt like it spread from the inside out. I could feel myself deteriorating, but there wasn't much in the way of pain in my urinary tract or any of that part of me. Indeed, the whole surgery area was pretty unpainful and uneventful until about yesterday, when everything started to kick off. But even before this, I just started to feel tired and depressed and I could feel the internals of my body throbbing.
I've gotten pretty angry, because I told various people about this. I told the doctor who reviewed me that I felt increasingly tired and depressed, but she seemed to put it down to the surgery and started asking me questions that may have aimed at "are you depressed because you shouldn't have had the surgery?".
My boyfriend seems to think "I'm tired" is a euphemism for "I'm not in the mood", and seems to feel that the right way to help me with feeling tired and depressed is to push me harder and put some discipline in about things that I'm perfectly capable of doing for myself if I was well. So I'm deteriorating, but being asked to do more and he gets disappointed in me if I don't try and that makes me feel bad. I also start thinking, "well, the only other major change apart from the surgery in my life is that I have a relationship now, so that must be what's making me depressed and awful" when he's consistently dismissing that I feel bad because I'm ill.
My mother and father seem to think broadly along the same in terms of discipline as my boyfriend. What I most need when I'm deteriorating is to go for a walk, get more active and stop feeling sorry for myself. My mother also feels that antibiotics are bad for me and I shouldn't take them if I can avoid it, so when I start telling her I'm feeling bad, she starts talking me out of it and starts pushing vitamins and stuff at me, which are clearly not going to help. She also gets really upset if I start taking painkillers and has a bizarre view of hygiene, which is broadly that she doesn't have to bother with it because it doesn't really affect me. But if anything she doesn't like happens, she suddenly gets all "but that isn't hygienic" on my arse. This is when she isn't guilt tripping me about how much effort I am to look after, when she spends most of her time away.
Finally, my mother also always calls the gender specialist nurses at Charring Cross when she gets worried and this means they're not particularly well inclined towards me at the moment. not that they were from the start because of my sensitivity issue. They're response to my third infection is "well, you know, women get infections really easily and you really ought to not wipe from the anus to the bladder", like I'm some kind of moron and haven't been almost showering the area every time I pee to prevent shit like this. Not to mention, the symptoms and their order don't indicate a foreign source this time and I just wish they'd stop treating me like a complete and total fucking moron, which they do at every opportunity. It's enough that I'd rather die then take advice from them any more.
So, yes, I've just reached the stage of being very angry at everyone and yesterday that resulted in my going to the doctor's surgery for several hours in order to get the next batch of antibiotics. I now have a ten day course, which already is helping with the whole feeling depressed thing and I have a bit more energy to deal with things.
I've gotten pretty angry, because I told various people about this. I told the doctor who reviewed me that I felt increasingly tired and depressed, but she seemed to put it down to the surgery and started asking me questions that may have aimed at "are you depressed because you shouldn't have had the surgery?".
My boyfriend seems to think "I'm tired" is a euphemism for "I'm not in the mood", and seems to feel that the right way to help me with feeling tired and depressed is to push me harder and put some discipline in about things that I'm perfectly capable of doing for myself if I was well. So I'm deteriorating, but being asked to do more and he gets disappointed in me if I don't try and that makes me feel bad. I also start thinking, "well, the only other major change apart from the surgery in my life is that I have a relationship now, so that must be what's making me depressed and awful" when he's consistently dismissing that I feel bad because I'm ill.
My mother and father seem to think broadly along the same in terms of discipline as my boyfriend. What I most need when I'm deteriorating is to go for a walk, get more active and stop feeling sorry for myself. My mother also feels that antibiotics are bad for me and I shouldn't take them if I can avoid it, so when I start telling her I'm feeling bad, she starts talking me out of it and starts pushing vitamins and stuff at me, which are clearly not going to help. She also gets really upset if I start taking painkillers and has a bizarre view of hygiene, which is broadly that she doesn't have to bother with it because it doesn't really affect me. But if anything she doesn't like happens, she suddenly gets all "but that isn't hygienic" on my arse. This is when she isn't guilt tripping me about how much effort I am to look after, when she spends most of her time away.
Finally, my mother also always calls the gender specialist nurses at Charring Cross when she gets worried and this means they're not particularly well inclined towards me at the moment. not that they were from the start because of my sensitivity issue. They're response to my third infection is "well, you know, women get infections really easily and you really ought to not wipe from the anus to the bladder", like I'm some kind of moron and haven't been almost showering the area every time I pee to prevent shit like this. Not to mention, the symptoms and their order don't indicate a foreign source this time and I just wish they'd stop treating me like a complete and total fucking moron, which they do at every opportunity. It's enough that I'd rather die then take advice from them any more.
So, yes, I've just reached the stage of being very angry at everyone and yesterday that resulted in my going to the doctor's surgery for several hours in order to get the next batch of antibiotics. I now have a ten day course, which already is helping with the whole feeling depressed thing and I have a bit more energy to deal with things.