QAF Fic: Sod's Law
Sod's Law
Sydney Alexis
Fandom/Pairings: QAF, Gen. Gus centered
Word Count: 996 words
A/N: Not part of the Healing universe. I'm just borrowing Charlie.
His friend Charlie's bachelor party, based on the unquestionably pornographic in nature invite, was purported to be one that he wouldn't forget, and, knowing Charlie, it would live up to such a boasting claim.
But oh how Gus wasn't expected something like this to happen.
Oh, yes. He would remember the date with perfect clarity but not for the party.
Gus had been running late that day. His final rounds at the hospital were nearly over when an overeager intern had hunted him down in the men's locker room to ask several long and complex questions. Thankfully, Conard, the head neurosurgeon, had seen Gus' pleading expression and had distracted the kid long enough for him to slip away.
A long taxi-ride across town and Gus found himself gratefully ensconced on Charlie's sofa with a beer. It was Charlie's comment of 'Whoa! Look at the tits on her!' that made Gus look at the screen.
The porn -- complete with cheesy soundtrack -- filled the plasma, widescreen television. The camera panned up from the guy eating the girl out, past the too-large-to-be-real breasts to the girl's face. Gus squinted at the screen not believing what he was seeing until Charlie crowed, 'Dude! She looks just like JR!'
Gus watched in horror, beer slipping from numbed fingertips, as he watched the screen.
There was no question about it. He'd recognize that scar on her arm anywhere; she'd gotten it when she was four and the neighbor's dog bit her.
Snatching the box from the coffee table, he zeroed in on the stars' names -- Holden Hard and Heidi Cross.
Her sister's favorite moive was Heidi, and the last part of the street they grew up on -- Landing Cross.
Oh. God.
His little sister was a porn star!
"Jesus Christ, Jenny!" he mumbled, pawing through his pockets for his cell phone. With barely a thought, he pressed the first number on speed dial.
The phone rang several times before it was answered with a, "This had better be fucking good, asshole."
"Good evening to you, too, JR...or should I say Heidi?"
The line was filled with silence for a long, long moment.
"You found out," she said, voice flat.
"Yes. At Charlie's bachelor party. In full technocolor. A man shouldn't know what his sister's fake tits look like, Heidi."
A snort sounded from the guys gathered on the sofa avidly listening but pretending not to.
"Point," she said. "Then again, I could have gone without seeing you dangling around my roommate and I's apartment back in college."
"You weren't supposed to be back early!" he said, defending himself. And it was true; JR was supposed to be out of town for some sort of convention. "And that's beside the point; I wasn't dangling myself where the whole world could see my bits in forward and rewind!"
"Don't even get started with me Gus! Mom was in a porn magazine, Emmett was on a porn website, and Ted ran the damned thing. Not to mention your fathers were man-hoes back in the day!"
"That was them, this is you! You're my little sister!"
"I'm not in pigtails anymore, Gussy Gus. If I want to fuck and get money for it, then you can't stop me!" JR said, angrily slamming the phone down.
Gus stood, stupidly staring at the phone, mouth gaping.
Silence filled the room for a long moment only to be filled by Charlie's raucous laughter. Gus glared at his long time friend.
"Sorry, man," he said, holding his hands up in surrender. "I was just picturing the drama that's gonna come when you tell your moms."
Gus turned sheet-white, sinking down onto the sofa with a groan of pain.
"You think that's bad! Wait until Michael and Deb find out."
More guffaws filled the room. Debbie's temper was downright legendary among Gus' circle of friends.
Gus sat for a long, long moment, hands buried in his hair in silent thought.
And then, a most brilliant realization came to him.
"We just won't mention it. We won't tell anyone. It's straight porn! No one in my family's going to find it!" He said, standing and grabbing the box in his hand, a desperate expression on his face.
"Right, man. Right," Charlie said, trying to keep a straight face.
The other men gathered, upon seeing Gus' panicked expression, agreed.
The DVD was ejected from the machine, reboxed, and set aside out of everyone's line of sight.
Gus considered the matter closed.
Of course, he forget Sod's Law.
Two Days Later, Gus was sitting in the booth at the diner when he noticed Deb opening a package that had been left at the diner for her.
She took one look at the enclosed item and her eyes grew as large as saucers.
"Gus Abraham Peterson-Marcus! What the fuck did I tell you about looking after you little sister?!"
Gus saw the box in her hands and paled, recognizing the DVD packaging and the handwriting on the attached note that said 'thought you ought to know.'
Gus' eyes narrowed at the post-it note, easily recognized the chicken-scratched penmanship! He was going to kill Charlie!
"I...uh...that is. I didn't know about it until yesterday!"
"And you didn't tell me?"
"She's a grown woman and..."
"Don't you 'grown woman' me! My brother, Vic, God rest his soul, looked out for me every day..."
What followed was the longest, most horrifying lecture Gus had ever gotten. It was expanded to include his hysterical mothers, a queening out Michael, and a placating Ben who all 'magically' appeared and were filled in during his dressing down. Damn those gossipy queens and their cell phones! He knew KiKi had a hand in it!
As Gus edged towards the exit of the diner, three thoughts came to his mind: the first, was that JR was getting coal for Christmas; the second, Charlie would die a slow, painful death when Gus finally got his hands on the little shit; and the last was that sometimes being an older brother really, truly sucked!
fanfic100: [.96 Writer's Choice] 76/100 finished
The Great Big Box of Fic
Masterlist of Fic
Sydney Alexis
Fandom/Pairings: QAF, Gen. Gus centered
Word Count: 996 words
A/N: Not part of the Healing universe. I'm just borrowing Charlie.
His friend Charlie's bachelor party, based on the unquestionably pornographic in nature invite, was purported to be one that he wouldn't forget, and, knowing Charlie, it would live up to such a boasting claim.
But oh how Gus wasn't expected something like this to happen.
Oh, yes. He would remember the date with perfect clarity but not for the party.
Gus had been running late that day. His final rounds at the hospital were nearly over when an overeager intern had hunted him down in the men's locker room to ask several long and complex questions. Thankfully, Conard, the head neurosurgeon, had seen Gus' pleading expression and had distracted the kid long enough for him to slip away.
A long taxi-ride across town and Gus found himself gratefully ensconced on Charlie's sofa with a beer. It was Charlie's comment of 'Whoa! Look at the tits on her!' that made Gus look at the screen.
The porn -- complete with cheesy soundtrack -- filled the plasma, widescreen television. The camera panned up from the guy eating the girl out, past the too-large-to-be-real breasts to the girl's face. Gus squinted at the screen not believing what he was seeing until Charlie crowed, 'Dude! She looks just like JR!'
Gus watched in horror, beer slipping from numbed fingertips, as he watched the screen.
There was no question about it. He'd recognize that scar on her arm anywhere; she'd gotten it when she was four and the neighbor's dog bit her.
Snatching the box from the coffee table, he zeroed in on the stars' names -- Holden Hard and Heidi Cross.
Her sister's favorite moive was Heidi, and the last part of the street they grew up on -- Landing Cross.
Oh. God.
His little sister was a porn star!
"Jesus Christ, Jenny!" he mumbled, pawing through his pockets for his cell phone. With barely a thought, he pressed the first number on speed dial.
The phone rang several times before it was answered with a, "This had better be fucking good, asshole."
"Good evening to you, too, JR...or should I say Heidi?"
The line was filled with silence for a long, long moment.
"You found out," she said, voice flat.
"Yes. At Charlie's bachelor party. In full technocolor. A man shouldn't know what his sister's fake tits look like, Heidi."
A snort sounded from the guys gathered on the sofa avidly listening but pretending not to.
"Point," she said. "Then again, I could have gone without seeing you dangling around my roommate and I's apartment back in college."
"You weren't supposed to be back early!" he said, defending himself. And it was true; JR was supposed to be out of town for some sort of convention. "And that's beside the point; I wasn't dangling myself where the whole world could see my bits in forward and rewind!"
"Don't even get started with me Gus! Mom was in a porn magazine, Emmett was on a porn website, and Ted ran the damned thing. Not to mention your fathers were man-hoes back in the day!"
"That was them, this is you! You're my little sister!"
"I'm not in pigtails anymore, Gussy Gus. If I want to fuck and get money for it, then you can't stop me!" JR said, angrily slamming the phone down.
Gus stood, stupidly staring at the phone, mouth gaping.
Silence filled the room for a long moment only to be filled by Charlie's raucous laughter. Gus glared at his long time friend.
"Sorry, man," he said, holding his hands up in surrender. "I was just picturing the drama that's gonna come when you tell your moms."
Gus turned sheet-white, sinking down onto the sofa with a groan of pain.
"You think that's bad! Wait until Michael and Deb find out."
More guffaws filled the room. Debbie's temper was downright legendary among Gus' circle of friends.
Gus sat for a long, long moment, hands buried in his hair in silent thought.
And then, a most brilliant realization came to him.
"We just won't mention it. We won't tell anyone. It's straight porn! No one in my family's going to find it!" He said, standing and grabbing the box in his hand, a desperate expression on his face.
"Right, man. Right," Charlie said, trying to keep a straight face.
The other men gathered, upon seeing Gus' panicked expression, agreed.
The DVD was ejected from the machine, reboxed, and set aside out of everyone's line of sight.
Gus considered the matter closed.
Of course, he forget Sod's Law.
Two Days Later, Gus was sitting in the booth at the diner when he noticed Deb opening a package that had been left at the diner for her.
She took one look at the enclosed item and her eyes grew as large as saucers.
"Gus Abraham Peterson-Marcus! What the fuck did I tell you about looking after you little sister?!"
Gus saw the box in her hands and paled, recognizing the DVD packaging and the handwriting on the attached note that said 'thought you ought to know.'
Gus' eyes narrowed at the post-it note, easily recognized the chicken-scratched penmanship! He was going to kill Charlie!
"I...uh...that is. I didn't know about it until yesterday!"
"And you didn't tell me?"
"She's a grown woman and..."
"Don't you 'grown woman' me! My brother, Vic, God rest his soul, looked out for me every day..."
What followed was the longest, most horrifying lecture Gus had ever gotten. It was expanded to include his hysterical mothers, a queening out Michael, and a placating Ben who all 'magically' appeared and were filled in during his dressing down. Damn those gossipy queens and their cell phones! He knew KiKi had a hand in it!
As Gus edged towards the exit of the diner, three thoughts came to his mind: the first, was that JR was getting coal for Christmas; the second, Charlie would die a slow, painful death when Gus finally got his hands on the little shit; and the last was that sometimes being an older brother really, truly sucked!
fanfic100: [.96 Writer's Choice] 76/100 finished
The Great Big Box of Fic
Masterlist of Fic