I had one of the worst periods on record this cycle. Not even by level of pain, not that it wasn’t horrible in that regard as well, but this was the first time I’ve been so fully depressed by the physical fact. I felt so empty, so truly and completely empty in the physically female sense. My body, mind and being mourned the fact that I wasn’t ( Read more... )

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It seems that A is now on his second official girlfriend, in six months. This tells me that there really is more wrong with him, than there is wrong with me. I can almost believe what he said: that it was him, not me.

I can't believe I've been officially dating D for only three months (and three weeks, if we get into specifics.) Considering everything; and how much has passed and happened and broken down and been rebuilt, it feels like longer. But longer in a good sort of way.
Consequently, it's only been six months since I was last with A - which makes it a ( Read more... )

What do you do when your “Divorced Boyfriend” really isn’t divorced at all? It’s not even a matter of divorcED versus divorcING but separated. A whole other ballpark. It’s not a lie exactly, but an omission of the truth. Apparently the marriage was just so long over that it’s considered divorced by all sides, and their families... but technically, ( Read more... )

A,

You look so happy - and I honestly am glad. I’ve always had love for you, and I haven’t stopped caring about you so it’s good to see that you can be happy. Part of me wishes that I could have made you happy like that, but I accept my failing. I just want you to be as happy as I was when I was with you.

I’m good. Better now. And happy. Not the ( Read more... )

I’m the insecure type of person who fears that her mother will stop loving her (after all, father did) so for the life of me I can’t understand why I ever assumed that A would have. But that’s neither here nor there, last night someone else said he was in love with me - and not the boyfriend, which would just make a little more sense I suppose - ( Read more... )

If I get too attached to D, he’s just going to leave. This had been clearly illustrated right back to my father. But most recently with A. I tried to keep him at arm’s length, even stopped seeing him twice in that year span so I could maintain some distance and maybe keep myself safe, but he came back. And finally, I gave in; I told him, I let ( Read more... )

Just things I never had the chance to say to A. ::

I wanted  you to know - leaving your bed was never my favourite thing. And it was never the easiest thing either (in fact I hated it!) But I couldn’t stay - especially when the boys were there. Random naked chick in the morning would not have been fair to them.

Every time I went to see you it ( Read more... )

Still mourning an idea; they take longer to properly - and politely - die.

And selfishly suffering through a case of “right emotion, wrong guy.”