Clock Ticking : TMI Warning in effect
I had one of the worst periods on record this cycle. Not even by level of pain, not that it wasn’t horrible in that regard as well, but this was the first time I’ve been so fully depressed by the physical fact. I felt so empty, so truly and completely empty in the physically female sense. My body, mind and being mourned the fact that I wasn’t pregnant.
Everything was setting me off: car commercials, passing the baby clothes, even my pumpkin plants having been ravished by wildlife. The only thing that came close before was a dream I once had about a dead child, when I was late, the night before I finally got my period. But even that dream, when I shed tears in the morning, didn’t leave me feeling so empty and depressed. I was in such a depression by my period it’s still unsettling. As I get older (funny how 28 is old when it comes to child bearing) I’m starting to get aware and concerned by the limited number of eggs versus the fertile years, and all of the other female insanity. It’s a fact that I’m on a biological schedule. I have only a fixed number of eggs - assuming any of them are fertile to begin with - and therefore a natural time limit. And I’m fearing, and feeling, that limit.
And I suppose I’m scared that this sever feeling of being empty is a sign that I’m running out of time for this.
Everything was setting me off: car commercials, passing the baby clothes, even my pumpkin plants having been ravished by wildlife. The only thing that came close before was a dream I once had about a dead child, when I was late, the night before I finally got my period. But even that dream, when I shed tears in the morning, didn’t leave me feeling so empty and depressed. I was in such a depression by my period it’s still unsettling. As I get older (funny how 28 is old when it comes to child bearing) I’m starting to get aware and concerned by the limited number of eggs versus the fertile years, and all of the other female insanity. It’s a fact that I’m on a biological schedule. I have only a fixed number of eggs - assuming any of them are fertile to begin with - and therefore a natural time limit. And I’m fearing, and feeling, that limit.
And I suppose I’m scared that this sever feeling of being empty is a sign that I’m running out of time for this.