Lost...again!
I feel like I've got things under control. I actually fight really hard for them to be ok. It seems the reality is I'm fighting and in the end nothing is changing and I'm expanding a lot of energy/emotion for nothing.
I saw the psychiatrist on Friday and was given the choice of going to the hospital for about a week or attend outpatient treatment. As I cried I was able to get the doctor to agree to give me a few days to think things over. In the meantime he gave me anxiety medication to see if that helps things. Well, I tried to pick it up but they didn't have the prescription and I just never got back. Dave is going to get it on his way home tonight.
The doctor is saying now that my issues are being fueled by the fact that I've been living is isolation. I'm home alone all day in a dark room and play with my rats. We live in a room and I don't feel comfortable being out in the rest of the house. It isn't homey and I don't feel welcome. I've also isolated myself from any friends I may have or had. I know if you look at FB seems like I'm out and about with people often, but I'm not. If I'm not with Dave I won't go out, besides at the moment we have on usable car so I can't get go anywhere. With outpatient therapy looming over our heads he will be rushing to get the other car running so I can get where I need. With the friends issue, I've backed away and cut off almost all communication because I have nothing to add to a relationship/friendship. I feel worthless pretty much every moment of every day. This treatment is suppose to be aggressive therapy and forced interactions to bring me out of the darkroom. *sigh*
I'm sitting now and waiting for the doctor to call and let me know what is involved from here and I need to remind him that my migraines can knock me out for days and what will that impact be on my space in the program.
Lots of factors in my life are adding to all this and why I think things are worse then before, but I'm not airing that right now. I personally don't want to face those realities right now. With it all said and done, I'm seriously lonely, live out in the boondocks from anyone and oddly enough thoughts of suicide are not at the for front but the days get darker and I hope I made the right choice.
Sick of always feeling so tired and beat down.
I saw the psychiatrist on Friday and was given the choice of going to the hospital for about a week or attend outpatient treatment. As I cried I was able to get the doctor to agree to give me a few days to think things over. In the meantime he gave me anxiety medication to see if that helps things. Well, I tried to pick it up but they didn't have the prescription and I just never got back. Dave is going to get it on his way home tonight.
The doctor is saying now that my issues are being fueled by the fact that I've been living is isolation. I'm home alone all day in a dark room and play with my rats. We live in a room and I don't feel comfortable being out in the rest of the house. It isn't homey and I don't feel welcome. I've also isolated myself from any friends I may have or had. I know if you look at FB seems like I'm out and about with people often, but I'm not. If I'm not with Dave I won't go out, besides at the moment we have on usable car so I can't get go anywhere. With outpatient therapy looming over our heads he will be rushing to get the other car running so I can get where I need. With the friends issue, I've backed away and cut off almost all communication because I have nothing to add to a relationship/friendship. I feel worthless pretty much every moment of every day. This treatment is suppose to be aggressive therapy and forced interactions to bring me out of the darkroom. *sigh*
I'm sitting now and waiting for the doctor to call and let me know what is involved from here and I need to remind him that my migraines can knock me out for days and what will that impact be on my space in the program.
Lots of factors in my life are adding to all this and why I think things are worse then before, but I'm not airing that right now. I personally don't want to face those realities right now. With it all said and done, I'm seriously lonely, live out in the boondocks from anyone and oddly enough thoughts of suicide are not at the for front but the days get darker and I hope I made the right choice.
Sick of always feeling so tired and beat down.