Ironic
i keep old love letters. i have a whole drawer of them from various beautiful memories i've held in my arms. when i go through a break up -- and this happens every time -- i go through a serious internal debate about whether or not to get rid of my most recent collection. but i never do. i keep 'em all. i don't look in that drawer for a good while... so i never really bump into the letters. but then yesterday i was looking for a CD. and i found a letter from percilla in the CD rack. it was in a CD case, from a CD she made me for some anniversary or birthday or special occassion of some sort. i made a mental note to read it later...
so today i had a fight with megan. it went for a few hours and we both hung up drained with nothing solved. i pulled out the CD case and read it. seriously, it was probably the best love letter i've ever been given. the thing is, with all the garbage that happened at the end of that relationship, i lost some of the best of it. i mean, i KNOW that when it was good, it was great, but still... i kinda forgot what it felt like to fly. i forgot what it felt like to believe in the bliss of a "forever". the first track on the CD listing was "forever". i was just thinking, "hmm... that's kinda ironic," when megan called back. i thought that kinda added to the irony of the situation. i made a mental note to listen to the CD later...
we had a great conversation. got a lot of stuff figured out. felt great about ourselves. i threw on the CD... i guess i lost the original, cuz the first track that played was "ironic." i thought that was kinda funny.
megan called me back a couple of hours later. she thinks about me a lot. that girl really loves me. i realized that a couple of nights back in the middle of an exstacy rush, sitting in a dark room with tom and chris. we talked about nothing. i made her laugh a bit and let myself believe in us for a change. and, honestly, it felt good. and, suddenly, she was really beautiful. there's that line from "mr. jones" -- "i just wanna be someone who believes". i get that. cuz it's beautiful to believe.
the thing is, i've been holding back. and i know it. i'm actually trying not to be with this girl. i'm reluctantly falling anyway. it's hard not to when you get exactly what you want. and that's, i guess, what i'm most afraid of. it's that perfect, it's that powerful... so i'm that afraid.
from about a year ago:
"our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."
so what do you do when you have everything you want?
"you enjoy it, you appreciate it, you grow with it and create even more." that's from my girl. she's a smart one =P
so today i had a fight with megan. it went for a few hours and we both hung up drained with nothing solved. i pulled out the CD case and read it. seriously, it was probably the best love letter i've ever been given. the thing is, with all the garbage that happened at the end of that relationship, i lost some of the best of it. i mean, i KNOW that when it was good, it was great, but still... i kinda forgot what it felt like to fly. i forgot what it felt like to believe in the bliss of a "forever". the first track on the CD listing was "forever". i was just thinking, "hmm... that's kinda ironic," when megan called back. i thought that kinda added to the irony of the situation. i made a mental note to listen to the CD later...
we had a great conversation. got a lot of stuff figured out. felt great about ourselves. i threw on the CD... i guess i lost the original, cuz the first track that played was "ironic." i thought that was kinda funny.
megan called me back a couple of hours later. she thinks about me a lot. that girl really loves me. i realized that a couple of nights back in the middle of an exstacy rush, sitting in a dark room with tom and chris. we talked about nothing. i made her laugh a bit and let myself believe in us for a change. and, honestly, it felt good. and, suddenly, she was really beautiful. there's that line from "mr. jones" -- "i just wanna be someone who believes". i get that. cuz it's beautiful to believe.
the thing is, i've been holding back. and i know it. i'm actually trying not to be with this girl. i'm reluctantly falling anyway. it's hard not to when you get exactly what you want. and that's, i guess, what i'm most afraid of. it's that perfect, it's that powerful... so i'm that afraid.
from about a year ago:
"our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."
so what do you do when you have everything you want?
"you enjoy it, you appreciate it, you grow with it and create even more." that's from my girl. she's a smart one =P