Last year, I wrote:

"I keep reminding myself, and Miriam and I keep reminding each other, that life will not always be like this. These things will pass. It won't always be like this.

As I said earlier this year, that's really all I want out of this new year. To find myself in a position, at the end of it, where my partner and I can stop telling ( Read more... )

I've come to feel like humans' job is basically to wander around Earth collecting traumas until we die.

Last night, on my way to the bathroom, my phone made a strange electrical noise and I had a crying panic attack over fears that the battery was going to overheat and start a fire.

This morning, Miriam slept through me waking up and getting out of ( Read more... )

I'm trying to learn a new thing and the experience I'm having is not one I'm used to, though it's been more common over the past years, especially since the fire. New understandings won't stay in my head. I read a thing and turn it around in my head until it makes sense, and then ten seconds later it's gone. It's making it impossible for me to ( Read more... )

Shit's been rough, lately.

I had to be away from social media for most of a week. Back then, I had spent a couple of days reading about the current research on Covid, trying to understand how dangerous it is in general, and how dangerous it is specifically for Miriam. I concluded that the answer is potentially very dangerous, if what Miriam has is ( Read more... )

I just got an email asking to confirm that Seregil's information for his microchip is up to date. I managed to enter a sort of emotionally numb state while I figured out how to log in and update his information to indicate that he is dead, so I hopefully won't get further reminders. After he died, we got several text message saying that he had been ( Read more... )

How's the trauma recovery going? I just had a serious crying spell because I was sad that our TV might be sad or confused because it doesn't have an internet connection.

I've always kind of unthinkingly projected feelings into inanimate objects, but they aren't usually that strong and they usually yield to self-reminders that they are just objects ( Read more... )

More fun with trauma last night.

Going to bed last night, we noticed that there were lights on in the space between the top of the kitchen cabinets and the ceiling. We hadn't known those lights existed, and we couldn't find the switch to turn them off.

I was scared they were going to cause a fire if we left them on overnight.

After unsuccessfully ( Read more... )