30 / Unexpected "Bonus" / Ryan's Endgame / Endoscopy
I thought I'd have more to say about becoming thirty once I had actually become thirty, but that last entry of mine captured completely the emotions and feelings I have. I don't think there's more to say than here I am, I'm thirty, I'm confident my best years are ahead of me, so let's do this thing!
A few weeks ago we had our yearly reviews at work. This is the meeting where they pull you out of the fab, sit you down with the boss man and talk about performance before being offered a raise (If you're getting one). My review went great since I'm in such esteem with the shift management being the IT wonder boy I've proven myself to be. Unfortunately, they only gave me a twenty-five cent per hour raise. They claimed it was because I was hired in at the max potential pay-rate thanks to my credentials, so there wasn't much they could offer me until I am allowed to be promoted in another twelve months. The big shock came when my paycheck arrived and had a $2,000 "lump sum" award. I looked back at the review paperwork and I had totally missed it the first time. It was a bonus; I'm guessing for my IT work. Not bad but not nearly the value I bring. Coupled with the lackluster raise, it's kinda disappointing.
Ryan also works there in another area and I see him off and on during our shifts. His review went fine, but his thirty cent raise infuriated him. For months he's been talking about straight-up quitting but I think he may actually follow through fairly soon because of this nonsense. It's not an optimal place to work and the conditions are getting tougher every day. They announced even more layoffs (The fourth round in only two months) and to cover vacant areas, they're double-training people and having people cover two major areas at once. I'm caught up in it too, watching over twenty machines while the other people from my area are helping others elsewhere. It's haywire. What's worse is their fiscal year revenue results announced a month ago was at a record high. In fact, every year now for four years, they've had record revenue. Now they're laying people off by the thousands worldwide? Sounds like just another evil corporation to me. No wonder Ryan wants out so badly. Hopefully I won't be too far behind him when he finally does exit. He's going on an interview later today and if they offer him a job on the spot, he's taking it and not looking back.
So the big news of the moment was my colonoscopy/endoscopy double procedure I had yesterday, Monday, morning. You're reading this, so it must mean I survived! I was hoping for some answers finally about this pain I've had in my abdomen since February. Worst case scenario for me would have been to have them say everything is fine. I wanted them to find something, so then at least there'd be something to treat and we'd finally have answers and I'd finally be close to being rid of this annoying pain. Anyway, for a day beforehand, I wasn't allowed to eat anything and had to purge my system with a concoction made from powder laxatives and Gatorade (Which, by the way, I'm never touching again). The event itself wasn't too bad: The staff was fun, I got a spooky IV, they got me drugged up, and I fell off to sleep…
… I came to in a different room, in a different bed. First thing I did was check a clock. Only an hour had gone by. No cuts on my stomach… They didn't do any surgery. The doctor noticed me and I don't remember much of what he told me but I caught him saying that there's no cancer and there's no Crohn's Disease amongst other "good news". Immediately I felt horribly disappointed and depressed. This means they don't know what's wrong with me. They have no idea. I just blew all this money on a diagnostic test and we're no closer to figuring this out. Months I've been waiting for each successive test and I'm simply getting nowhere; stuck at square one constantly. People told me, "You're healthy! Wow! Don't you feel better knowing?" and all I could think was, "No, I'm not healthy, something's wrong and I'm wasting time not getting to the bottom of it. What's the next test?"
I'm sure there's more to the results than that. They said it'll take at least a week to pour over the data and samples and rule anything out. In two weeks from now, I have another appointment with the same doctor who performed the procedure yesterday and I'm sure we'll discuss results and plan the next move. All that seems left is an X-ray or exploratory surgery. Now I'm beginning to wonder if this pain is even in my digestive tract at all. What if it's a muscle tear? What if it's a tumor on my lung and what I'm feeling is the pressure? What if, what if, what if. Ugh. The worst part, however, is the waiting. Waiting for doctor appointments or waiting for procedures and tests. And all the while my gut is laughing and pinching my nerves.
I need ice cream and answers.
A few weeks ago we had our yearly reviews at work. This is the meeting where they pull you out of the fab, sit you down with the boss man and talk about performance before being offered a raise (If you're getting one). My review went great since I'm in such esteem with the shift management being the IT wonder boy I've proven myself to be. Unfortunately, they only gave me a twenty-five cent per hour raise. They claimed it was because I was hired in at the max potential pay-rate thanks to my credentials, so there wasn't much they could offer me until I am allowed to be promoted in another twelve months. The big shock came when my paycheck arrived and had a $2,000 "lump sum" award. I looked back at the review paperwork and I had totally missed it the first time. It was a bonus; I'm guessing for my IT work. Not bad but not nearly the value I bring. Coupled with the lackluster raise, it's kinda disappointing.
Ryan also works there in another area and I see him off and on during our shifts. His review went fine, but his thirty cent raise infuriated him. For months he's been talking about straight-up quitting but I think he may actually follow through fairly soon because of this nonsense. It's not an optimal place to work and the conditions are getting tougher every day. They announced even more layoffs (The fourth round in only two months) and to cover vacant areas, they're double-training people and having people cover two major areas at once. I'm caught up in it too, watching over twenty machines while the other people from my area are helping others elsewhere. It's haywire. What's worse is their fiscal year revenue results announced a month ago was at a record high. In fact, every year now for four years, they've had record revenue. Now they're laying people off by the thousands worldwide? Sounds like just another evil corporation to me. No wonder Ryan wants out so badly. Hopefully I won't be too far behind him when he finally does exit. He's going on an interview later today and if they offer him a job on the spot, he's taking it and not looking back.
So the big news of the moment was my colonoscopy/endoscopy double procedure I had yesterday, Monday, morning. You're reading this, so it must mean I survived! I was hoping for some answers finally about this pain I've had in my abdomen since February. Worst case scenario for me would have been to have them say everything is fine. I wanted them to find something, so then at least there'd be something to treat and we'd finally have answers and I'd finally be close to being rid of this annoying pain. Anyway, for a day beforehand, I wasn't allowed to eat anything and had to purge my system with a concoction made from powder laxatives and Gatorade (Which, by the way, I'm never touching again). The event itself wasn't too bad: The staff was fun, I got a spooky IV, they got me drugged up, and I fell off to sleep…
… I came to in a different room, in a different bed. First thing I did was check a clock. Only an hour had gone by. No cuts on my stomach… They didn't do any surgery. The doctor noticed me and I don't remember much of what he told me but I caught him saying that there's no cancer and there's no Crohn's Disease amongst other "good news". Immediately I felt horribly disappointed and depressed. This means they don't know what's wrong with me. They have no idea. I just blew all this money on a diagnostic test and we're no closer to figuring this out. Months I've been waiting for each successive test and I'm simply getting nowhere; stuck at square one constantly. People told me, "You're healthy! Wow! Don't you feel better knowing?" and all I could think was, "No, I'm not healthy, something's wrong and I'm wasting time not getting to the bottom of it. What's the next test?"
I'm sure there's more to the results than that. They said it'll take at least a week to pour over the data and samples and rule anything out. In two weeks from now, I have another appointment with the same doctor who performed the procedure yesterday and I'm sure we'll discuss results and plan the next move. All that seems left is an X-ray or exploratory surgery. Now I'm beginning to wonder if this pain is even in my digestive tract at all. What if it's a muscle tear? What if it's a tumor on my lung and what I'm feeling is the pressure? What if, what if, what if. Ugh. The worst part, however, is the waiting. Waiting for doctor appointments or waiting for procedures and tests. And all the while my gut is laughing and pinching my nerves.
I need ice cream and answers.