a few days is too long
who ; Shockwave & Skyfire
what ; Shockwave and Skyfire have a long needed talk.
where ; Garden Zone 08.
when ; Earlier in the day.
warning(s) ; Awkward?
( come on internet work )
what ; Shockwave and Skyfire have a long needed talk.
where ; Garden Zone 08.
when ; Earlier in the day.
warning(s) ; Awkward?
( come on internet work )
"Save for the flying ones," He adds, preparing another cup and sneaking up on a large wasp, "But you can fly too, so..."
So he doesn't know. He feels like he's not really here to catch bugs, relaxing as it is.
"What did you need them for, anyways?"
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"It does not matter if they are difficult or not, having a second person increases efficiency. It is just logical, I will get more insects this way."
He bottles the bug, before turning his attention to the shuttle. Sure he didn't need Skyfire around to do this, but what he said wasn't a lie. More people more bugs. More distractions for him, although he's not about to admit that.
"Flying hardly matters, and simply because my flight has improved does not mean I was created for it."
He's a bit more jet-like in flight. That's all. Good enough to catch bugs, not what he really uses it for.
"It is simply for an experiment. It is not important."
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He hops into the air to net a colorful moth.
"Look at this one," He says, watching it flutter frantically in the container, "He's quite beautiful."
He hovers over to his companion and offers the moth to him which has since calmed itself and is flexing it's wings against the side of the jar.
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And that's really as much as Skyfire needs to know. Despite what happened to the shuttle he doubts he would approve of any ideas to murder an entire group of humans. That and he still isn't sure if that's what he'll do.
All he's decided on his continuing his Insecticon project for now. Further planning will, as always, take time.
Carefully he takes the jar, looking over the moth.
"I suppose it is beautiful. It is certainly unlike any I have seen before."
Hm.
He holds the jar back out towards Skyfire.
"Why don't you keep this one."
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"Why? I thought you needed these."
Not that he isn't pleased. He holds the jar up and admires the moth's wing-patterns, all too enchanted by it.
"Is there something you're not telling me? You've been acting strange."
As if he has any room to talk. He pretty much intentionally alienated himself from the both of them. Better to cut himself off than be left in the dust, he figured.
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"No." He says all too quickly. Nothing wrong. Nothing at all.
Shockwave dips his head downward, "I apologize, I do not mean to be acting strange."
He turns his attention to another bug, keeping silent for a few moments.
"You have not been by to visit for a while. I suppose it was rude of me to not ask how you have been."
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"Thank you," He says sincerely before tucking it away.
Well, ask an awkward question, expect to receive one in turn. He does his best not to wince.
"No, not rude," He says quietly, "I'm sorry. I've just been busy. Besides I figured you had some catching up to do with Soundwave. Didn't want to intrude."
He tries to state that as gracefully as he can manage. He does not feel like being a third wheel in any way shape or form. It's a rather horrid feeling considering the circumstances on all fronts.
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It wasn't anything major, not needed for any kind of thanks. Although it did seem like a far preferable subject than the one going on.
"Busy," right, "It would not have been intruding. He and I... We are okay. It hardly means that you cannot visit."
He still needed to talk to Soundwave about. Everything. But that was a bit harder than he liked, what with everything that had happened.
"Neither of us are going to be upset if you visit. Perhaps come spend the night sometime. It has been a while since you have done that."
He bottles another bug, sighing.
"I am sorry I told him. I should have asked you first."
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Or perhaps the fact that seeing them together reminds him of certain things aside from feeling lonely. Maybe it is the loneliness that makes him think pf Starscream, really. It's a very bitter memory now.
Sometimes he feels like he got stiffed, even if it was his choice. He had to end up with the guy bent on ruling the universe. He examines a beetle creeping over a branch, distracting himself.
Sometimes he hated even the sound of his own voice in his own head. He can't remember when he started hating himself so much.
"It's fine. I never told you otherwise. What is done is done, there is no use going and regretting it now."
Something he tells himself often.
"Doesn't it worry you, though?"
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"I do not understand."
What was the issue stopping him from just stopping by to say hello, or perhaps to come sit on the couch with them and watch a movie. As far as he could tell, neither of them had told him he needed to leave and never speak to them again.
It was odd to say the least.
"I should still have asked." He pauses to go through his bag looking for another container. "You stopped visiting after I brought it up."
This was something he did, right? He's not good at relationship things and he's not good at friendship things either. To be expected really. He just wasn't programed for it, nor did logic ever dictate that either were okay.
Further study was likely in order. At a later date.
"What? That you love him? That you would be the logical selection as far as relationships go? Not me. That you are better at affection than I am?"
Ah, there's that container.
"I do not think you would try anything, and if he were to ( ... )
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"I appreciate that you have faith in me, but I don't trust myself not to screw something up for you two," His voice carries a hint of bitterness hidden behind the frustration of chasing his quarry.
"After all, past choices have proved so responsible," Okay, that was a little too snide, but thinking about Starscream brings out the worst in him, "Sorry."
The firefly escapes him and he sighs, sinking slowly down onto a rock to sit.
"As for being the logical choice? I do not think you are taking everything into account. Logic rarely plays a part in one's feelings."
His shoulders drop and he hangs his head, looking tired. Had he still had his wings, they'd be hanging down his back.
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"Why? Planning something?" He doubts it. Well as long as the shuttle keeps from getting drunk around Soundwave, or around him again.
Quietly he takes a seat next to Skyfire, petting his head. That will help him feel better right?
"Does not stop it from being true. And I am aware of logic's general place in emotions.
"What is bothering you?" Perhaps he shouldn't ask.
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He can't help but lean into the small amount of affection.
"I believe the proper question would be what isn't bothering me. I am not good at this. I no longer know what to do with myself."
So he'll settle for doing nothing.
"I used to be so satisfied with not knowing. Because that is what science is about- the exploration of the unknown. Now I only fear it because the unknown is... myself."
He's not sure if it makes sense. It hardly makes sense to him.
"Sometimes I wish I had never come to The City. I wish I had not been thawed from my sleep."
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He doesn't stop running his fingers through Skyfire's hair, as the shuttle speaks, listening as intently as possible. So. Everything was bothering him? Skyfire didn't know what to do, was apparently bothered by everything, and was now disliking the fact that he'd ever been found woken up.
Shockwave frowns, pulling his hand away for a moment to think of a proper response. He's not good at making motivational speeches. Talking for a prolonged period of time perhaps, but saying something to make the shuttle feel better? Not his strong suit. The last time he did a big feel better speech he'd been under a spell and acting like he was from some kind of happy movie.
He'll have to settle for something a little more Decepticon.
Less gentle than he could be, Shockwave smacks the back of Skyfire's head, "And what about everyone else? Everyone you met because you ended up in the ( ... )
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"I do not regret the friends I have made, but I can't help but feel as if things would have turned out better for everyone if I had not been here- or there. I love my friends, but I cannot go a day without feeling guilty for everything. I feel wrong. I am not used to this. Living in peace on cybertron was fine, but I had answers then."
His shoulders wilt a bit more.
"I love you and Soundwave and Michael. I would like nothing more than to stay with everyone, but I make so many mistakes. Back in the city, Starscream was hurting Soundwave, and I did nothing to help him. I just ran away. What if I disappear again? There are so many possible outcomes, the bad outweighs the good. I am usually optimistic, but I cannot justify it anymore."
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"Turned out better how exactly? You cannot just say everything would have been better had you not been around, as there is no way to know for certain what would have happened."
He isn't sure if that will help Skyfire in any way to hear, but best to say it anyway. Just in case it does assist in even the most miniscule way.
"What are you guilty for? As far as I am aware you have not done anything. And had you not been around whom would I have slept with when Michael was otherwise occupied? How would I have ever become friends with Alejandro if you were not around?"
Skyfire was the reason he'd gotten to know Alejandro better, and he was one of the few Shockwave was okay sleeping next to. Or on top of. His choices were limited, especially when it came to wanting someone organic to curl up next to.
"And everyone makes mistakes, no on is asking you to be perfect." Frag ( ... )
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