a few days is too long
who ; Shockwave & Skyfire
what ; Shockwave and Skyfire have a long needed talk.
where ; Garden Zone 08.
when ; Earlier in the day.
warning(s) ; Awkward?
( come on internet work )
what ; Shockwave and Skyfire have a long needed talk.
where ; Garden Zone 08.
when ; Earlier in the day.
warning(s) ; Awkward?
( come on internet work )
"I do not understand."
What was the issue stopping him from just stopping by to say hello, or perhaps to come sit on the couch with them and watch a movie. As far as he could tell, neither of them had told him he needed to leave and never speak to them again.
It was odd to say the least.
"I should still have asked." He pauses to go through his bag looking for another container. "You stopped visiting after I brought it up."
This was something he did, right? He's not good at relationship things and he's not good at friendship things either. To be expected really. He just wasn't programed for it, nor did logic ever dictate that either were okay.
Further study was likely in order. At a later date.
"What? That you love him? That you would be the logical selection as far as relationships go? Not me. That you are better at affection than I am?"
Ah, there's that container.
"I do not think you would try anything, and if he were to decide he prefers you to me, I doubt I could change his mind. Besides, I gave him the option to select you over myself a year ago. He has not left me yet. It would be illogical if I allow it to bother me again."
Reply
"I appreciate that you have faith in me, but I don't trust myself not to screw something up for you two," His voice carries a hint of bitterness hidden behind the frustration of chasing his quarry.
"After all, past choices have proved so responsible," Okay, that was a little too snide, but thinking about Starscream brings out the worst in him, "Sorry."
The firefly escapes him and he sighs, sinking slowly down onto a rock to sit.
"As for being the logical choice? I do not think you are taking everything into account. Logic rarely plays a part in one's feelings."
His shoulders drop and he hangs his head, looking tired. Had he still had his wings, they'd be hanging down his back.
Reply
"Why? Planning something?" He doubts it. Well as long as the shuttle keeps from getting drunk around Soundwave, or around him again.
Quietly he takes a seat next to Skyfire, petting his head. That will help him feel better right?
"Does not stop it from being true. And I am aware of logic's general place in emotions.
"What is bothering you?" Perhaps he shouldn't ask.
Reply
He can't help but lean into the small amount of affection.
"I believe the proper question would be what isn't bothering me. I am not good at this. I no longer know what to do with myself."
So he'll settle for doing nothing.
"I used to be so satisfied with not knowing. Because that is what science is about- the exploration of the unknown. Now I only fear it because the unknown is... myself."
He's not sure if it makes sense. It hardly makes sense to him.
"Sometimes I wish I had never come to The City. I wish I had not been thawed from my sleep."
Reply
He doesn't stop running his fingers through Skyfire's hair, as the shuttle speaks, listening as intently as possible. So. Everything was bothering him? Skyfire didn't know what to do, was apparently bothered by everything, and was now disliking the fact that he'd ever been found woken up.
Shockwave frowns, pulling his hand away for a moment to think of a proper response. He's not good at making motivational speeches. Talking for a prolonged period of time perhaps, but saying something to make the shuttle feel better? Not his strong suit. The last time he did a big feel better speech he'd been under a spell and acting like he was from some kind of happy movie.
He'll have to settle for something a little more Decepticon.
Less gentle than he could be, Shockwave smacks the back of Skyfire's head, "And what about everyone else? Everyone you met because you ended up in the City. Do they not matter anymore? Do you think you are the only one who wishes they never ended up there, or here. You would rather have been alone and oblivious for the rest of your life?"
Reply
"I do not regret the friends I have made, but I can't help but feel as if things would have turned out better for everyone if I had not been here- or there. I love my friends, but I cannot go a day without feeling guilty for everything. I feel wrong. I am not used to this. Living in peace on cybertron was fine, but I had answers then."
His shoulders wilt a bit more.
"I love you and Soundwave and Michael. I would like nothing more than to stay with everyone, but I make so many mistakes. Back in the city, Starscream was hurting Soundwave, and I did nothing to help him. I just ran away. What if I disappear again? There are so many possible outcomes, the bad outweighs the good. I am usually optimistic, but I cannot justify it anymore."
Reply
"Turned out better how exactly? You cannot just say everything would have been better had you not been around, as there is no way to know for certain what would have happened."
He isn't sure if that will help Skyfire in any way to hear, but best to say it anyway. Just in case it does assist in even the most miniscule way.
"What are you guilty for? As far as I am aware you have not done anything. And had you not been around whom would I have slept with when Michael was otherwise occupied? How would I have ever become friends with Alejandro if you were not around?"
Skyfire was the reason he'd gotten to know Alejandro better, and he was one of the few Shockwave was okay sleeping next to. Or on top of. His choices were limited, especially when it came to wanting someone organic to curl up next to.
"And everyone makes mistakes, no on is asking you to be perfect." Frag even he wasn't perfect. He'd made plenty of mistakes throughout his life so far.
"Back in the City, Starscream was hurting Soundwave and I was not even aware of it. And I lived with the both of them. I was close to Soundwave. He is fine, and I am positive he does not blame you for that."
He sighs, leaning up against the shuttle. "If you disappear again it is not something within your control. You cannot be blamed and we will get you back. If you disappear again because you choose to run, then we have every right to be upset with you. I hardly see what the problem is."
Reply
"I just dwell on the worst possible things lately. I did not used to be so unpleasant," He says, squeezing the Decepticon that's now occupying his person.
"At least I have my friends now."
He pauses. Thinking now about the city and how much happened.
"What do you think became of Starscream?"
Reply
"I do not know about that. I found you quite unpleasant before." His tone is light, he's just teasing him even if it was true; back when they were constantly arguing and hating each other.
"I shall always be here, and I am certain it is the same with the rest of your friends."
Carefully he wraps his arms around Skyfire, cringing slightly at the next question.
"Likely his spark is floating around in space, just as he had been before. Possibly his spark has ended up somewhere it shouldn't and he's gotten himself in trouble again. It would not be surprising."
Reply
"I appreciate the sentiment, Shockwave," He leaves his doubt unspoken. He'll take what comfort he can get from wherever he can get it.
"You are probably correct," He scowls, and briefly he entertains the thought that Starscream deserves it before thinking better. Then again- maybe he does.
"I wish I could say I miss him," But he doesn't.
Reply
"... What happened between you two? If you do not mind my asking."
Details. Details on what happened was something he was lacking in. However, given he really did not care when it happened that isn't surprising.
Reply
He rests his cheek against the top of Shockwave's head and heaves a sigh.
"Many things. For one, he had relations with some woman without telling me. We'd never even- even done anything. He was always so skittish about it- so I left well enough alone. To have him run off and do that- it was. Frustrating. To say the least," That really isn't even the half of it, "More so, he refused to set aside any ambition in the interest of safety. He cared little for human beings- for other people in general. No matter the species, even our own he didn't care."
He loosens his grip on Shockwave, growing quiet.
"I know it shouldn't come as a surprise... but what really bothers me-"
His frown draws tired lines on his face.
"What really bothers me is that he lied to my face about almost everything. I cannot abide it. He lied about loving me. That is... what he may have believed, but he never loved anyone but himself. His ambitions."
He goes quiet before pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Sorry. That is... a great deal of baggage."
Reply
"She was rather... demanding." Amongst other things. He was almost certain now, that the day she arrived she had been hitting on him. Although he's not certain if he should be saying sorry to Skyfire or not. He was the reason Starscream had met her. She had data on how to return their bodies, using her was necessary. He did not see the point in dating her, but then again he wasn't the one that chose to get involved with her in that way.
"Not that, such excuses him. It would be poor of me to say you have no right to be upset with him for that, seeing how I reacted when I found out Soundwave had been involved with someone else." It was something that still bothered him from time to time. That feeling that he wasn't first choice.
"But I would not be too displeased that you two never did anything intimate. I doubt he would have been very good at it."
Gently he runs his fingers through Skyfire's hair, attempting to comfort him. This obviously is not the best of subjects for the shuttle.
"He changed, perhaps not as dramatically as you would have liked, but he did ever so slightly. And he has attempted to be someone great since the beginning, why get involved with that if you knew?
"Decepticons lie. And you are far better than that. Better than him. You deserved better. And I do not mind listening. It is nice to hear your side of things."
Reply
"I do not know. It was foolish. I will be the first to admit I have been too trusting. Too naive. Perhaps I still am, believing I can transcend the binds of our species stupid war."
The former shuttle sighs, squeezing Shockwave a little tighter.
"Thank you, Shockwave. Thank you for... listening."
Reply
And perhaps Skyfire is still being too naive, even after everything that's happened the shuttle isn't perfect. And to be honest, it is likely for the best. Yes, the less naive Skyfire is the better off he would be when something bad happened. However, from what Shockwave can tell, Skyfire functions best when he's at least a little naive.
"Although if it helps any, I am a Cybertronian first, Decepticon second. Even with Starscream's memories cluttering my own, I am not quite the type to go off and hurt everyone. So I would think you are safe trusting me as a friend."
Reply
"I am glad that things changed between us, Shockwave."
He'd be content to sit here forever and hug him. There are many things he'd never expected to hear from Shockwave, and many of them happened today.
"If you have some of Starscream's memories..." He pauses, unsure if he wants to ask what he's about to ask.
"Did he ever actually love me?"
Reply
Leave a comment