Ughh
I can't stand life at all lately. I'm like on the verge of death lol. I hate making decisions and I hate liking/loving people and I hate everything lately. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Sorry I had to get it out. Ugh and I really dont care if you all think im depressed or emo or anything cuz people already think that and I can't help how I feel so yeah. I'm supposed to be getting my nose pierced today but my mom said no because "things change" thats her excuse for everything lately! She'll say I can do something and then it will get down to it and she'll be like "no. things change" and it annoys the hell out of me cuz if you tell someone something then you should keep your word. Devin came back from camp last night and I'm happy hes back but for some reason I cried. I think I just feel more depressed when I see his screen name and know that things arent how they used to be and that I dont have him back. Then I see Rob's screen name and yeah I dont even care about putting his name anymore cuz its not like he doesnt know. But anyways, I just need to talk to him really bad about how I feel even though he kind of knows but only cuz Ashlee has told him but its not comming from me so I wanna tell him how I feel and show him that its really comming from me. If that makes sense. But then theres Tim and I feel really bad cuz he said he thinks he loves me and that he would take a bullet for me and that if I didnt believe him he would go get his friends gun right now and shoot himself in the arm and I've never really had anyone say that to me before so I didnt know how to respond. Like, I've had Devin say he would die for me but he didnt say he would go get a gun and shoot his arm right then and there if I didnt believe him. It's really nice of him to say/do that but I feel bad that im not like feeling the same way as him cuz I know how it feels to really like someone and you used to go out with them but now you cant get them back. Ugh I dont know what to do anymore. Well I've told some people about my new love. My new love is Superman cuz he never fails you. I just have to find my superman I guess...if you get that. I'm sorry this is such a long and depressive entry but I need to get things out and I dont think people really read this cuz I used to get so many comments but I dont anymore so I really dont mind writing this cuz I know most people wont see anyways. Ugh what should I do? I havent felt like cutting in a while but lately I've felt like it and I'm not gonna do it but it sucks cuz I thought maybe I was over even the thought of it but I guess not. This house just makes me go insane and get really depressed too so thats why I'm always at Shannen's house everyday. I feel bad for being there everyday but like I just go crazy at my house. My family is just like ugh I dont know how to explain it. I guess if your close to me you'll kind of know what im talking about but for the most part no one really completely knows until they live here and become apart of the family for real. I guess I'm gonna go and stop writing so much and I'll just keep the other stuff in or write poems about it or something. I'll write later.
I love you so much still. Please dont think I'll ever stop...<3
Sorry I had to get it out. Ugh and I really dont care if you all think im depressed or emo or anything cuz people already think that and I can't help how I feel so yeah. I'm supposed to be getting my nose pierced today but my mom said no because "things change" thats her excuse for everything lately! She'll say I can do something and then it will get down to it and she'll be like "no. things change" and it annoys the hell out of me cuz if you tell someone something then you should keep your word. Devin came back from camp last night and I'm happy hes back but for some reason I cried. I think I just feel more depressed when I see his screen name and know that things arent how they used to be and that I dont have him back. Then I see Rob's screen name and yeah I dont even care about putting his name anymore cuz its not like he doesnt know. But anyways, I just need to talk to him really bad about how I feel even though he kind of knows but only cuz Ashlee has told him but its not comming from me so I wanna tell him how I feel and show him that its really comming from me. If that makes sense. But then theres Tim and I feel really bad cuz he said he thinks he loves me and that he would take a bullet for me and that if I didnt believe him he would go get his friends gun right now and shoot himself in the arm and I've never really had anyone say that to me before so I didnt know how to respond. Like, I've had Devin say he would die for me but he didnt say he would go get a gun and shoot his arm right then and there if I didnt believe him. It's really nice of him to say/do that but I feel bad that im not like feeling the same way as him cuz I know how it feels to really like someone and you used to go out with them but now you cant get them back. Ugh I dont know what to do anymore. Well I've told some people about my new love. My new love is Superman cuz he never fails you. I just have to find my superman I guess...if you get that. I'm sorry this is such a long and depressive entry but I need to get things out and I dont think people really read this cuz I used to get so many comments but I dont anymore so I really dont mind writing this cuz I know most people wont see anyways. Ugh what should I do? I havent felt like cutting in a while but lately I've felt like it and I'm not gonna do it but it sucks cuz I thought maybe I was over even the thought of it but I guess not. This house just makes me go insane and get really depressed too so thats why I'm always at Shannen's house everyday. I feel bad for being there everyday but like I just go crazy at my house. My family is just like ugh I dont know how to explain it. I guess if your close to me you'll kind of know what im talking about but for the most part no one really completely knows until they live here and become apart of the family for real. I guess I'm gonna go and stop writing so much and I'll just keep the other stuff in or write poems about it or something. I'll write later.
I love you so much still. Please dont think I'll ever stop...<3