I would love for someone to just...listen. To take me aside and say "Hey, I would like to know what is up with you. How are you doing? How have you been feeling lately? For real." I never feel anyone is genuine when they ask how I am doing. It seems a basic inquiry than anything else. Right now I am writing this while listening to a friend ramble ( Read more... )

Dealing with matters of the heart (and most annoyingly, people) and it is doing my head in. Really it is so much of a distraction that I want to treat it as static, ignore it, and move on ( Read more... )

I am practicing Buddhism and it is the best decision I have ever made. I am so happy. It is odd...to feel this good for this long. I almost feel the need to sabotage it but then I think "what good is that going to do? Who does that benefit?". It helps. It helps a shit-tonne. It knocks out that voice that use to instantly psych me out of doing what ( Read more... )

Too much to for real write down and in truth I do not even want to revisit much of it. I know what was done and what I had to do. It helped to learn a lot of things. I am learning more and growing more through societal changes. Through relationship changes. This has been a rough year, since last August. I have been through so much change and ( Read more... )

Having a hard time dealing. Taking it bit by bit. I want to be done with it all right now. I think I would feel better if it were all over. Ok. Dilemma. Internal dilemma: if I so badly want to die, why not do it and be over with it? Because you want to be saved? Do you want to survive your suicide? Nothing is guaranteed except death. Do you accept ( Read more... )

There is a pain in my neck and shoulders that hurt so much that it seems as if it is a physical representation of the mental pain I am having. The struggle of living like this is really taking its toll. Really thinking that it is not worth dragging it out for another six months. I physically do not think I can handle it. I think of times my mother ( Read more... )

"...and miss all this. Now something beautiful happens ( Read more... )

Obligatory call to family member still giving me the disappointments. No love from a side I thought was behind me. Oh well. Shit changes. Deal with it. Def gonna keep spacing out the frequency in which we chat ( Read more... )

I'll have that cat.
I'll have that girlfriend/partner in crime.
I'll see my hero again.
I'll enjoy life.

Cheerie-bye

I fucking hate that question so much the answer is obvious.