Suddenly things just happened that we can't even explain

[sexydrmmrgrl]

There is a pain in my neck and shoulders that hurt so much that it seems as if it is a physical representation of the mental pain I am having. The struggle of living like this is really taking its toll. Really thinking that it is not worth dragging it out for another six months. I physically do not think I can handle it. I think of times my mother used to be like this and how hard I tried to be there for her. The fact she does not see the same thing happening to me is fucked up. But whatever. None of it matters. I kick myself a lot at times for having not done it the previous date I had planned. Should have gone to doctor's appointment yesterday but...I need to plan out how to get the prescription I want. Figure to keep swiping the ones here. It helps to sleep. The waking up part is what I hate the most. Knowing that I will probably wake up in the morning. Fuck it would be so easy. It is easy. I do not want to die here, though. I want to die someplace I love. That I can make happen but it will take time which is what I hate the most. I really love the idea of having to die there. That my last view would be there. I would be there. Going to purchase the tickets hopefully by next month. I would hate to ask to stay at a friend's place but I do not want to clue anyone in on anything. This is all in my complete control. Hm. I would make it a blowout time. Trying to think of things I would like to do in two days. Maybe see a show? Not sure. Definitely a lot of walking around. Hit up the CN Tower. Visit Trinity Bellwoods. It all makes me smile. Really smile. An enjoyable smile. Poutine. The air. The people. Everything.
Being a stranger...it makes me feel better.

Cheerie-bye.