Dear www.fbi.gov (and other gov't and airline websites),

I'm not sure if you're aware that there is/was a terrorist plot to bomb several British and American Airlines. I think it's about time to update your website's main story from A Cautionary Tale: Don't Gamble On Foreign Lotteries  to something more current and CRITICAL. Especially since you've ( Read more... )

Dear Brain,

Please stop smashing me into shit.

Love,
Stephanie's left foot

Dear person living in near the Public Theatre,

Under no condition is it acceptable to throw piss unidentifiable liquids water from your appartment window so that it splashes on me. None.

Love,
Stephanie

AWW: I was out shopping for Birch Beer soda today when I noticed this adorable little 3yr old in line. He was holding a CELL PHONE. He barely could talk into it and it was pratically the size of his head. WTFBBQ! and AWWW! I think this is part of Stephanie's Parenting Guide Book. Remember always wash your child in a washing machine. It's real easy ( Read more... )

Dear F-list,

I’m not dead. Sorry to disappoint. Instead I’ve been hiding in the little spider hole called my apartment now that I have a mini vacation this week. Plus, I still haven’t gotten around to The Captain’s Hand (heh dirty), but I’ll watch it tonight when it re-airs.  Though I did catch The Thornbirds and damn Richard Chamberlain I don't ( Read more... )

Dear BSG Community Members,

What's with the backlash lately from the BSG community? I'm sick of everyone bashing Dee and Kara. I won't get into the specifics of it because there are about five bazillion "I hate [insert name here]" posts, but god, this is a TV SHOW sit back and enjoy. Cultivate your time devoted to bitching about Kara needs to get ( Read more... )

Dear Kara Janx,

Please stop channeling Fiona Apple and don't forget bras are you friends.

Stephanie

Dear Movie Goers at Pavilion,

I’d like to apologize for my friend’s and my comments at last night’s showing of Narnia.

1. For starters, I realize it is completely inappropriate for Bianca to orgasm every time she sees Peter. As for me, I probably shouldn’t have squealed “I LOVE PETER” while pumping my fists in the air.

2. *Susan and Peter ( Read more... )

Dear Laundry People,

I'm antisocial already so please do not talk to me, especially in awkward situations such as when my hair is caught in the laundry hatch.

Missing a clump of hair,
Stephanie

Dear 4PlayBK,I love my new girl skirt that was once $56, but is now $20. Now can you make the $89 harajuku lovers sweatshirt $15 ( Read more... )

Dear Sex Addicts,

Your offspring (the product of you pornography) began wailing at 4 in the morning! I'm sure you are aware of this since I heard both of your voices screaming at one another and little Jimmy.

Then, I heard the sound of pummeling.

Quaking in my bed,
Stephanie

P.S. I'm sleeping with a bat just in case you decide to pay a visit ( Read more... )