The Chronicles of PETER!!
Dear Movie Goers at Pavilion,
I’d like to apologize for my friend’s and my comments at last night’s showing of Narnia.
1. For starters, I realize it is completely inappropriate for Bianca to orgasm every time she sees Peter. As for me, I probably shouldn’t have squealed “I LOVE PETER” while pumping my fists in the air.
2. *Susan and Peter hold hands* “They are sooo clearly doing it.”
3. “I’ve been a very bad faun.” OMG Lucy run from the extremely hot rapist/pedophile Mr. Tumnus!!
4. Those phallic jokes were completely founded. How could you NOT see Peter stroking his sword during his talk with Aslan!?!?
5. “But that’s a girl’s coat.” “I know.” *giggling hyena howling ensues every time we see Edmund’s coat*
6. Dana: Where’s Emma Watson?
Me: This isn’t Harry Potter.
Dana: I want Emma Watson she’s hotter than Susan.
Me: Excuse me, shut up.
Dana: She’s got a butt chin.
Bianca: OMG PETER IS SOOOOO FUCKING HOT!
7. Pointing out the obvious (e.g. “Look it’s a gorilla!, “Lord of the Rings!”, “Cheetahs, I love cheetahs.”)
8. *Aslan is resurrected* “JESUS!!!” or as I pronounced it "HEYSEUSS!"
9. “Older Peter is such a gay porn star, but I’d do Edmund, and WTF is up with older Susan and her hideousness?”
10. “I LOVE PETER!” *dies*
Like I said Ma’am I’m sorry we corrupted your nine year old daughter.*
Love (like I love Peter),
Stephanie (and maybe Bianca and Dana)
P.S. I think we should probably apologize for that giant soda spill. Oops
*I swear we usually don’t do this. Actually, never mind, we do.
I’d like to apologize for my friend’s and my comments at last night’s showing of Narnia.
1. For starters, I realize it is completely inappropriate for Bianca to orgasm every time she sees Peter. As for me, I probably shouldn’t have squealed “I LOVE PETER” while pumping my fists in the air.
2. *Susan and Peter hold hands* “They are sooo clearly doing it.”
3. “I’ve been a very bad faun.” OMG Lucy run from the extremely hot rapist/pedophile Mr. Tumnus!!
4. Those phallic jokes were completely founded. How could you NOT see Peter stroking his sword during his talk with Aslan!?!?
5. “But that’s a girl’s coat.” “I know.” *giggling hyena howling ensues every time we see Edmund’s coat*
6. Dana: Where’s Emma Watson?
Me: This isn’t Harry Potter.
Dana: I want Emma Watson she’s hotter than Susan.
Me: Excuse me, shut up.
Dana: She’s got a butt chin.
Bianca: OMG PETER IS SOOOOO FUCKING HOT!
7. Pointing out the obvious (e.g. “Look it’s a gorilla!, “Lord of the Rings!”, “Cheetahs, I love cheetahs.”)
8. *Aslan is resurrected* “JESUS!!!” or as I pronounced it "HEYSEUSS!"
9. “Older Peter is such a gay porn star, but I’d do Edmund, and WTF is up with older Susan and her hideousness?”
10. “I LOVE PETER!” *dies*
Like I said Ma’am I’m sorry we corrupted your nine year old daughter.*
Love (like I love Peter),
Stephanie (and maybe Bianca and Dana)
P.S. I think we should probably apologize for that giant soda spill. Oops
*I swear we usually don’t do this. Actually, never mind, we do.