[Private to Itachi]windsawakeningSeptember 23 2009, 18:56:01 UTC
[He thinks: that’s not a war, that’s just a massacre.
He thinks: this is how you make monsters.
Too young. Too young and no one is perfect and that man asked the impossible of his son and it was not fair and it was not right and it does not matter to Naruto that the shinobi system may make people like this, or life may make people like this, there is always the choice-
The choice not to turn your son into a tool to be wielded and bloodied. (The choice to not-kill your clan and to try and save them against all orders that demand otherwise, instead.And he wonders if days like this, moments like this, made it easier for Itachi to take his father’s life, to take that choice
( ... )
[Private to Naruto]seeing_only_redSeptember 23 2009, 19:30:45 UTC
[Itachi is surprised when he sees the message on his Hitomi, but then thinks of the content of the dream, and what it must have looked like to Naruto
( ... )
[Private to Itachi]windsawakeningSeptember 23 2009, 20:09:13 UTC
[It’s not an easy question to ask. In fact, even as he thinks about it, he fully believes he will receive no answer at all because Itachi does not owe him this answer. It’s an answer he owes only to the dead, and perhaps, perhaps, to his brother.
But Naruto wants to understand. He is tired of not understanding and he cannot understand unless he knows and he cannot know with Itachi unless he asks because Itachi rarely if ever volunteers such information on his own impulse.
...and he understands that asking may not be enough to get an answer. But he will ask and if he receives no answer here, then he will ask elsewhere, but Itachi deserves to be asked first.
Still. It’s not an easy thing to ask. And he knows it will not be an easy thing to be asked.]
Why did you kill them?
Your clan.
[Your family. Just words. Just a series of words and all he has to do is push them out, not disconnected, but gentle
( ... )
[Private to Naruto]seeing_only_redSeptember 23 2009, 20:48:22 UTC
[Itachi has expected this question to come from Naruto sooner or later. The blond can be so innocent and naive that these kind of decisions must not make sense to him for a person to make. It seems to be the question so many people have when they look at him, but so few are willing to broach
( ... )
[Akira draws his hand away, feeling his face go pale. His stomach's done a backflip. It's funny, isn't it? He's seen violence, died in the violence, he had a grim upbringing, and this still... this still gets to him. He wishes, somehow, his heart were harder than this, that he'd grown strong, as impossibly strong as he'd always wished to be.
It brings to mind rooms with sliding doors and tatami mats, it brings to mind the post and his arms that barely make their way around it, how they'd ache and his wrists burned with the rope when he was tied there. Left there.
Kids like them learned they were alone all along. Even when called to duty, even when given ordered, they were alone. Given orders for the sake of orders, following them out of fear or duty and rarely love.
For what kind of love was it, in places you could not escape from?
I wasn't born just to fool around. That's how he explained to Gojyo-san
( ... )
Itachi almost hates himself for now being able to respond immediately. He wonders if Akira expects him to agree, or if he is merely stating his own opinion.
Because Itachi can't say his family was bad, can't condemn them for their flaws more than he already has by taking their lives and erasing the truth of their history from the world. What could he say to Akira when he cannot simply say "yes?"
My mother was a woman trapped by her name and her duty. She did what she could and more than anyone may have expected. She loved us, and died with a smile on her face.
No, Akira may still not yet understand more than the black-and-white of his family. So he says the only thing he knows and thinks will suffice.]
All families have flaws...but you, Naruto, and I were a happy one, weren't we?
[Akira's not sure what he expects. He was trying to show some empathy, but maybe add some levity to the situation as well. Because it's not that simple. Akira doesn't think of it in such simple terms either. He loves the Okuzaki Clan. Even if he thinks they never loved him back.
But there was something free about the three of them, and so simple and easy to understand, somehow.]
Yeah.
I don't think that was all lies, you know?
You're still...
You're still that person to me.
[And if Akira thought things through at all, had a lick of sense or a clue how to use technology, he's lock this. But. This is Akira.]
[Itachi has a soft smile on his face, and is holding the Hitomi gentler now. He's afraid to say too much, because he isn't sure if the message is private, and these are things they should discuss with each other, no one else.]
Even if things have changed now, I guess some good things did come of it all.
[Sasori watches quietly, and suppresses the resulting mixed emotions quickly. It's an easy, ingrained habit to detach and bury any stirrings of horror or compassion after decades of violence and blood and death, and thousands killed by his own hands. Normally, he'd mock the dreamer for being soft; however, he knows Itachi well enough that soft is not a word Sasori would ever use to describe him when it comes to these matters
( ... )
[Someone understands, Itachi realizes. Of course, it would be Sasori. Sasori who had no one, but had seen horrors far worse than what Itachi had witnessed, experienced, and such a young age. Only those who have experience something similar can relate to how it feels.
It's still sad, but is the truth of living the life of a shinobi, and no matter what he felt back then--the hurt, the fear, the betrayal--Itachi knows he would not have survived then had he been sheltered from it. He never would have grown strong enough to do do what he has done, and follow his chosen path so faithfully.]
Times were different for myself than they were for you. I was young enough to only experience the last years of the war, not its entirety.
[Sasori nods. It's only to be expected that Itachi had grasped his father's clear intentions.]
Yes, it was my generation whose experience of that war was perhaps the most brutal. However, even if you only saw the last gasps of that conflict, you saw enough to open your eyes to the true nature of our profession.
Those who came after us can never fully understand, and are simply not prepared to make the sacrifices that are sometimes called for.
The harshest lessons are often the most valuable ones, and the most necessary.
[Private to Itachi]a_for_tioriSeptember 24 2009, 05:12:21 UTC
[That's not real, he thinks.
It's a nightmare. Sasuke knows his father. He was only a child, but he still lived with him. He knew what Father was like. Father was stern. He was cold, at times. And his love was entirely conditional - there had never been any doubt that if Sasuke was not strong, he would not be loved. He was not as kind as Mother. Not as understanding. And he was hard on them. Pressured them both to perform. Wanted them to grow strong. And he had been harder on Itachi. That was true.
But not like that.
He wasn't - he wasn't that. Not like that. He wouldn't do anything to hurt them. He never had. He didn't want to hurt them - he just wanted them to be stronger. That was all. It was never a thing like that. He hadn't ever made Sasuke see a thing like that. (No, it was Itachi who did that, wasn't it.) He had wanted Sasuke to be strong so that he could protect the clan, protect Mother and measure up to Itachi and make him proud. And being strong wasn't about that back then. It was only later, after Father had died.
( ... )
[Private to Sasuke]seeing_only_redSeptember 24 2009, 05:47:12 UTC
[He's seen it.
There had been some small, insignificant hope within him that Sasuke would not look at the dream, specifically because it was Itachi's, so he would not have to force himself to see what lived within the depths of his brother's mind, but Itachi also knows better than to believe it would have actually happened in this way.
Sasuke would look for the same reasons that small part of Itachi had hoped he would not.
That didn't happen.
Denial. So simple a reaction and so easy to hold onto. More so when it is shared.
Itachi wants to agree, to deny and say it's all a lie so Sasuke will not have to think of this when he thinks of their Father, because Itachi does not see it in the way that he knows many would.
Kakashi was a genin at 5. Why would how their Father trained him be so wrong when Konoha allowed children to fight in their wars? At least their father had not expected him to go at kill then--no, that had come later
( ... )
[Private to Itachi]a_for_tioriSeptember 26 2009, 04:06:49 UTC
Don't try to justify it.
[Sasuke doesn't understand what the hell is wrong with everyone. Things are wrong in the world, things which are unacceptable are allowed to occur without any particular protest and it isn't even that nobody cares, it's that they look at it and they twist and dissemble and tell themselves it's okay. But it's not. It can't be justified. Nothing can make up for that - Itachi so young he only knows war from whispers and Mother's simple explanations, younger than Sasuke had been, even, that Itachi out on the battlefield with fear and pain and blood and blood and blood. Nothing can make up for that.
And that's Father doing that. Father who is cold and cruel and selfish, not caring He thought he knew Father. He shouldn't be surprised, really. He thought he knew Itachi too, after all. He had been so sure, when he was a kid, and he hasn't fucking grown up at all, has he. He hasn't gotten even the slightest bit more perceptive, he still doesn't know anything.It's not justifiable
( ... )
[Private to Sasuke]seeing_only_redSeptember 26 2009, 12:22:52 UTC
Things were different, Sasuke. Had the war not ended shortly thereafter [it had been months later, but still it had ended sooner than anyone thought possible], I would have been like Kakashi...pushed to graduate from the Academy and enter the war because I was an Uchiha and they knew I could.
Had I been, I would have needed to know how to survive. Of what the enemy was capable of. Of what Konoha itself was capable of.
Our father only did what our clan expected of him and what anyone who wants their child to return home from a mission may do.
[No, he is not trying to say it's right, or that it had not affected him when he was younger. Because it had, because the scars of war had made him hate it so much--fear it--that he had been willing to kill his clan to prevent another one from happening, from having to watch the ruthless carnage of the battlefield again and again for the rest of his life. He had wanted to break the cycle, but Itachi knows now how arrogant his belief that his one act would be capable of such great change was.]
[ Black eyes snap open in the dark. Loosely curled fingers grip the sheets tightly, securely and there is no jolt, no rapid, dramatic movement that would procure anyone's attention with absolute certainty. She doesn't have to think to know it isn't time to get up yet. It isn't time to make her silent rounds through the house, to be certain that everything is calm and secure and as it should be. Something had awakened her. Something? No, someone.
Itachi...?She can hear his breathing--sounds rough and ragged and upset, not like when he's calmly sleeping--and as her eyes readjust to the darkness, she can see more clearly his face and form. The moonlight cascading through the window helps significantly when it comes to distinguishing frame and form, hues and details, and her eyes are sharp things, well-trained
( ... )
[The dampness of his shirt still bothers him, and Itachi pulls it away from his neck to relieve some of the stickiness of it clinging to his skin, but it does little good. He knows not why this dream seems to have affected him as it has
( ... )
[ Unfortunately for Itachi, Valeria is already very much awake and concerned, too, that the sounds she has heard up to this point have been all wrong. He isn't in his bed anymore; her eyes, abetted by the cold moonlight shining through the window, find his silhouette in the darkness and focus, steadily discerning details. He --
Has no shirt on.
She blinks at this and strains her eyes against the darkness, prompting her eyes to adjust more quickly to nighttime settings. True to the excess sound of shifting, sifting fabric, no shirt is right and Itachi is touching his... neck? (Is he injured?) She frowns and presses her palm flat against the bed, pushing herself up at an angle. Oh, there's something there alright. ]
Itachi?
[ Despite her concern, she speaks quietly. Her eyes flit briefly to Kisame, who--should be in a separate bed, yes, and not hers. Shoving the thought away, she looks back to Itachi, her concern cool, but evident. She wants to see what's under that hand... ]
Comments 40
He thinks: this is how you make monsters.
Too young. Too young and no one is perfect and that man asked the impossible of his son and it was not fair and it was not right and it does not matter to Naruto that the shinobi system may make people like this, or life may make people like this, there is always the choice-
The choice not to turn your son into a tool to be wielded and bloodied. (The choice to not-kill your clan and to try and save them against all orders that demand otherwise, instead.And he wonders if days like this, moments like this, made it easier for Itachi to take his father’s life, to take that choice ( ... )
Reply
Reply
But Naruto wants to understand. He is tired of not understanding and he cannot understand unless he knows and he cannot know with Itachi unless he asks because Itachi rarely if ever volunteers such information on his own impulse.
...and he understands that asking may not be enough to get an answer. But he will ask and if he receives no answer here, then he will ask elsewhere, but Itachi deserves to be asked first.
Still. It’s not an easy thing to ask. And he knows it will not be an easy thing to be asked.]
Why did you kill them?
Your clan.
[Your family. Just words. Just a series of words and all he has to do is push them out, not disconnected, but gentle ( ... )
Reply
Reply
It brings to mind rooms with sliding doors and tatami mats, it brings to mind the post and his arms that barely make their way around it, how they'd ache and his wrists burned with the rope when he was tied there. Left there.
Kids like them learned they were alone all along. Even when called to duty, even when given ordered, they were alone. Given orders for the sake of orders, following them out of fear or duty and rarely love.
For what kind of love was it, in places you could not escape from?
I wasn't born just to fool around. That's how he explained to Gojyo-san ( ... )
Reply
Itachi almost hates himself for now being able to respond immediately. He wonders if Akira expects him to agree, or if he is merely stating his own opinion.
Because Itachi can't say his family was bad, can't condemn them for their flaws more than he already has by taking their lives and erasing the truth of their history from the world. What could he say to Akira when he cannot simply say "yes?"
My mother was a woman trapped by her name and her duty. She did what she could and more than anyone may have expected. She loved us, and died with a smile on her face.
No, Akira may still not yet understand more than the black-and-white of his family. So he says the only thing he knows and thinks will suffice.]
All families have flaws...but you, Naruto, and I were a happy one, weren't we?
Reply
But there was something free about the three of them, and so simple and easy to understand, somehow.]
Yeah.
I don't think that was all lies, you know?
You're still...
You're still that person to me.
[And if Akira thought things through at all, had a lick of sense or a clue how to use technology, he's lock this. But. This is Akira.]
Reply
[Itachi has a soft smile on his face, and is holding the Hitomi gentler now. He's afraid to say too much, because he isn't sure if the message is private, and these are things they should discuss with each other, no one else.]
Even if things have changed now, I guess some good things did come of it all.
Reply
Reply
It's still sad, but is the truth of living the life of a shinobi, and no matter what he felt back then--the hurt, the fear, the betrayal--Itachi knows he would not have survived then had he been sheltered from it. He never would have grown strong enough to do do what he has done, and follow his chosen path so faithfully.]
Times were different for myself than they were for you. I was young enough to only experience the last years of the war, not its entirety.
I value what I learned even still.
Reply
Yes, it was my generation whose experience of that war was perhaps the most brutal. However, even if you only saw the last gasps of that conflict, you saw enough to open your eyes to the true nature of our profession.
Those who came after us can never fully understand, and are simply not prepared to make the sacrifices that are sometimes called for.
The harshest lessons are often the most valuable ones, and the most necessary.
Reply
[Itachi's lips have quirked upward, but it is not a happy, content smile by any means.]
Morality can be such a vague concept in the eyes of those who experience versus those who observe. Mutual understanding is not always possible.
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It's a nightmare. Sasuke knows his father. He was only a child, but he still lived with him. He knew what Father was like. Father was stern. He was cold, at times. And his love was entirely conditional - there had never been any doubt that if Sasuke was not strong, he would not be loved. He was not as kind as Mother. Not as understanding. And he was hard on them. Pressured them both to perform. Wanted them to grow strong. And he had been harder on Itachi. That was true.
But not like that.
He wasn't - he wasn't that. Not like that. He wouldn't do anything to hurt them. He never had. He didn't want to hurt them - he just wanted them to be stronger. That was all. It was never a thing like that. He hadn't ever made Sasuke see a thing like that. (No, it was Itachi who did that, wasn't it.) He had wanted Sasuke to be strong so that he could protect the clan, protect Mother and measure up to Itachi and make him proud. And being strong wasn't about that back then. It was only later, after Father had died. ( ... )
Reply
There had been some small, insignificant hope within him that Sasuke would not look at the dream, specifically because it was Itachi's, so he would not have to force himself to see what lived within the depths of his brother's mind, but Itachi also knows better than to believe it would have actually happened in this way.
Sasuke would look for the same reasons that small part of Itachi had hoped he would not.
That didn't happen.
Denial. So simple a reaction and so easy to hold onto. More so when it is shared.
Itachi wants to agree, to deny and say it's all a lie so Sasuke will not have to think of this when he thinks of their Father, because Itachi does not see it in the way that he knows many would.
Kakashi was a genin at 5. Why would how their Father trained him be so wrong when Konoha allowed children to fight in their wars? At least their father had not expected him to go at kill then--no, that had come later ( ... )
Reply
[Sasuke doesn't understand what the hell is wrong with everyone. Things are wrong in the world, things which are unacceptable are allowed to occur without any particular protest and it isn't even that nobody cares, it's that they look at it and they twist and dissemble and tell themselves it's okay. But it's not. It can't be justified. Nothing can make up for that - Itachi so young he only knows war from whispers and Mother's simple explanations, younger than Sasuke had been, even, that Itachi out on the battlefield with fear and pain and blood and blood and blood. Nothing can make up for that.
And that's Father doing that. Father who is cold and cruel and selfish, not caring He thought he knew Father. He shouldn't be surprised, really. He thought he knew Itachi too, after all. He had been so sure, when he was a kid, and he hasn't fucking grown up at all, has he. He hasn't gotten even the slightest bit more perceptive, he still doesn't know anything.It's not justifiable ( ... )
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Had I been, I would have needed to know how to survive. Of what the enemy was capable of. Of what Konoha itself was capable of.
Our father only did what our clan expected of him and what anyone who wants their child to return home from a mission may do.
[No, he is not trying to say it's right, or that it had not affected him when he was younger. Because it had, because the scars of war had made him hate it so much--fear it--that he had been willing to kill his clan to prevent another one from happening, from having to watch the ruthless carnage of the battlefield again and again for the rest of his life. He had wanted to break the cycle, but Itachi knows now how arrogant his belief that his one act would be capable of such great change was.]
Reply
Itachi...?She can hear his breathing--sounds rough and ragged and upset, not like when he's calmly sleeping--and as her eyes readjust to the darkness, she can see more clearly his face and form. The moonlight cascading through the window helps significantly when it comes to distinguishing frame and form, hues and details, and her eyes are sharp things, well-trained ( ... )
Reply
Reply
Has no shirt on.
She blinks at this and strains her eyes against the darkness, prompting her eyes to adjust more quickly to nighttime settings. True to the excess sound of shifting, sifting fabric, no shirt is right and Itachi is touching his... neck? (Is he injured?) She frowns and presses her palm flat against the bed, pushing herself up at an angle. Oh, there's something there alright. ]
Itachi?
[ Despite her concern, she speaks quietly. Her eyes flit briefly to Kisame, who--should be in a separate bed, yes, and not hers. Shoving the thought away, she looks back to Itachi, her concern cool, but evident. She wants to see what's under that hand... ]
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But he can't, and that knowledge hit him just as quickly.]
Valeria. I did not mean to make so much noise as to wake you.
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